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Convinced Jokes

117 convinced jokes and hilarious convinced puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about convinced that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Convinced Short Jokes

Short convinced jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The convinced humour may include short conviction jokes also.

  1. My housemates are convinced our house is haunted I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.
  2. I can't stand my wife's ideas for our kitchen redesign And I'm not convinced by her counterarguments.
  3. Faith vs science I'm not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers.
  4. How to solve Global Warming: Convince republicans that rising temperatures are turning people gay.
  5. I'm not convinced faith can move mountains, but I know what it can do to skyscrapers. (Come on, it's been 15 years.)
  6. I was trying to convince my therapist that I don't hear voices in my head. Eventually she pointed out that I don't have a therapist.
  7. I hear that it's easier to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods but it's harder to deter gents.
  8. How do you solve climate change? Convince Republicans that rising temperatures are turning people gay.
  9. How did the Terminator convince his girlfriend to move in with him? He said, "Live with me if you want to come."
  10. It's well known that men can read map better than women. But that's because only men can convince themselves an inch is the same thing as 100 miles.

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Convinced One Liners

Which convinced one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with convinced? I can suggest the ones about impressed and confident.

  1. My friend tried to convince me "whey" is spelled "whfey" There's no f in whey
  2. Why did man invent curling? To convince women sweeping was a sport.
  3. I have often wanted to drown my sorrows... I just can't convince my wife to go swimming.
  4. I'm convinced COVID couldn't have come from China… Nothing from China lasts 2 years
  5. How do you convince America to join a war? Tell them its almost over
  6. Why is it really hard to convince Egyptians? Because they all live in de-nile...
  7. I hear it's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods
  8. It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide pods. But it's harder to deter gents.
  9. I'd like to drown my sorrows. But I can't convince my wife to go swimming.
  10. Your mom is so fat That yesterday someone tried to convince me she was flat
  11. I'm fully convinced that Stalin's grave... ...is just a Communist plot.
  12. Yesterday I insulted a fencer... He made a convincing riposte. I got the point.
  13. How do you convince your neighbor to share their water with you? Try to get a long well.
  14. Why did the blonde have an Abortion? She wasn't convinced the baby was hers.
  15. If someone tries to convince you pigs can't fly

Convinced joke, If someone tries to convince you pigs can't fly

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about convinced can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of convinced puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Fun-Filled Convinced Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about convinced you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean believing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make convinced prank.

I s**... identify as a female

I keep trying to convince my family that Im not a guy, but alas

Lance Armstrong flew to NY yesterday to fight the
allegations of doping.

... would have been more convincing if he'd taken a plane, though.

I lost both my legs below the knee in an accident...

... and for years, no matter how hard my friends and family tried to convince me, I fought on without prosthetic replacements.
In the end it became just too difficult, so I finally accepted defeat.

Middle Earth Dreamer

A man is concerned about his dreams and goes to see a doctor.
"Doctor, I've been having these dreams about Middle Earth every night and when I wake up, I'm convinced that I wrote The Lord of the Rings!"
The doctor tells the man, "Don't worry about it, you're just Tolkien in your sleep."

Still the best blonde joke to date..

A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen y**... the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen y**... the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

May I have a piece of gum?

Two gay guys are in a large passenger plane flying across the Pacific. In the middle of the flight, one turns and tells his partner: "Let's have s**.... Right here and now." His partner says: "Are you crazy? In front of all these people?" The first gay guy says: "Don't worry. They're all asleep. Here, see for yourself." He leans out into the aisle and yells: "Excuse me, can anybody let me have a piece of gum?" There's no answer or any kind of interest. His partner is convinced and they have s**... right then and there.
The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."

Two women meet in heaven...

There's these two women meeting for the first time in heaven who's names are Carol and Lydia. Carol leans over and asks Lydia what the cause of her death was. Lydia says, "Well I froze to death. How did you die?" To which Carol replies "I died of a massive heart attack." Very concerned, Lydia asks "What caused the heart attack?" Carol starts then explaining on how she thought her husband was cheating on her. And how she had come home early to catch him in the act but, to her surprise, only found her husband sitting in the den reading a book. But convinced there was another women in the house, she frantically started destroying the house looking for the other women until she was so exhausted that her heart just stopped working. Amazed at the story, Lydia looks at Carol and says, "If you would have looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

What's the greatest trick the Austrians ever pulled off?

It was to convince the world that Mozart was austrian and that h**... in fact was German.

What's the hardest thing about eating baby vegetables?

Convincing the nurse that you're from the Make-a-Wish Foundation.

Convincing someone to have s**... is a lot like getting ketchup out of a glass bottle.

It's a lot easier with a knife.

George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally....

.....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.
He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his security detail to interrogate him.
His lead security agent asks the man in complete confidence, "The beard, the cloak, the staff, the wrinkled skin... you look exactly like Moses." Moses replies, "Because I am."
Confused, the security agent asks, "Why didn't you just tell the president that then? What harm could it have caused?" As a matter of factly, Moses replies, "The last time I talked to a Bush, I was stranded in a desert for 40 years."

Foreplay

After the first week of s**... education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."

Wife's Campaign

My wife has wasted years campaigning for t**... companies to make sanitary products suitable for the 'larger' lady.

I'm trying to convince her that it's time to just throw in the towel.

I got security cameras fitted outside my house.

Just to convince people that I have stuff worth stealing.

I tried convincing my melon-loving girlfriend to run away with me.

But she told me she Cantaloupe.

I tried to convince the grape that she had dried out...

But I just couldn't raisin with her.
I'll see myself out.

A blonde boards a plane to Miami...

A blonde boards a plane to Miami and takes a seat in first class even though she has an economy ticket. A flight attendant tells her several times to move to economy class, but the blonde doesn't listen. Exasperated, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit. Seconds later the pilot steps out and whispers something in the blonde's ear. Immediately, she gets up from her seat and goes to economy class. Intrigued, the flight attendant asks the pilot how he managed to convince her to relinquish her seat.
"Easy" says the pilot, "I told her first class doesn't go to Miami"

The god Thor is bored one day and decided to try out having s**... with a mortal woman...

He heads down to earth and finds a beautiful young woman. Pouring on the charm, he convinces her to go to bed with him. He goes back to her place and enjoys her in every possible way, absolutely plowing her with all his god-like strength and endurance. 7 hours later, he rolls off. She's laying there, gasping and panting, shaking, and exhausted from the most incredible s**... she's ever had in her life. She can't even speak. All she can do is s**... his chest with a trembling hand. He understands her point, though. He was amazing.
"I've got a confession to make," he says. "I'm actually Thor."
"You're thor!? I'm tho thor, I won't be able to thit down for a week!

Spanish Dad Joke

A mexican father and son were at the mall and the son finally convinced his dad to try Chinese food.
"But it's so dry!" said the father.
"No it's not, they put lots of stuff on their plates," replied the son.
"Like what?" the father asked.
"Soy Sauce" he answered.
The father stared for a minute and then said, "Hola Sauce... *soy Dad*"

What did Ernie say when his friend tried to convince him he was ice cream?

Are you surebert?

I've decided to get help with my drug habit.

I've managed to convince some friends to give me bulk discounts.

I don't understand Facebook.

If I wanted to convince complete strangers that my life was better than theirs I'd become a rapper.

My boyfriend cheated on me

So I convinced him to get matching tattoos... he went first and I went home

One day I will find you...

...and I will possess you.
That day, I will bring you to bed.
Then, without your permission, I will get close to you and touch your entire body.
You will be feeling tired.
You will feel chills down your body and I'll make you sweat.
As long as I stay with you, you will never be able to get out of the bed.
Then, I will leave without saying goodbye, convinced that one day I will return.
Signed… The flu.

I run a s**... hotline.

A guy called me once, told me I had 60 seconds to convince him not to jump off his balcony on the 41st floor.
He must've confused me with the *anti*-s**... hotline.

A woman threatens her boyfriend

A woman threatens her boyfriend :
"If you won't stop telling me that I'm fat, I'm going to leave you !"
- "Don't do this darling ! Think about our child !" says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay.
- "But we **don't** have any child !" eructs the woman.
- "Wait, what ? You're not 8 months pregnant ?"

I prevented a r**... today.

I convinced her.

Why are there no female s**... b**...?

Good luck convincing a girl by telling her if she do it, she will meet 70 virgins in heaven.

Why aren't there many female football teams?

Because you can't convince 11 women to wear the same clothes

I convinced a bunch of people to blow themselves up on the street. Don't believe me?

Come c4 yourself.

My daughter was trying to convince me that the dress she was going out in wasn't inappropriate,

but I saw right through it.

Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk

So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?
Roof, the dog barked.
Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
Rough.
He still wasn't convinced.
O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.
Ruth.
With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?

I heard its easy to convince women not to eat tide pods..

but it's a lot harder to **deter gents**.

My doctor gave me a prescription for daily s**...

And my wife is trying to convince me it says dyslexia.

Subway

A restaurant that managed to convince everyone that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.

My anorexic friends try to convince me they have a very serious disease...

But their arguments don't seem to carry much weight.

Dude bet me he could convince me to give him my wallet... and it worked.

I had to hand it to him.

A young m**... on his first term in Africa..

..was reading his bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him. As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush and laid down on his other side. Convinced that this was a test of his faith, he returned to reading his bible. As soon as he did, the two lions pounced on him and devoured him. Moral: Do not try to read between the lions.

Laughter is the 2nd best

Boy:- Laughter is the 2nd best method to convince a girl to have s**.....
Girl:- What's the 1st one??
Boy:- A Knife.
Girl:- HaHaHa, you're funny..
Boy:- Good choice

My friends tried to convince me that I'm adopted, but there's no way I am.

I look so much like my fathers.

A student receives a bad grade on his exam

And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'

A man and his ex-wife are negotiating child custody

The judge first asks the ex-wife to give him a reason why she should get the child.
**"Your honour, naturally, since I had to go through excruciating pain to bring this child into the world, I should get to keep the child."**
The judge is almost convinced but has to see the man's side first. The judge asks the man why he should receive custody of the child. The man thinks long and hard. Finally, he speaks up:
**"Your honour, if you went to a vending machine and put in a dollar and got a Coke, whose drink is it?"**

What's the best thing about dating 26 year olds?

Honestly I'm looking for a persuasive answer, I need to tell my wife something convincing or she's going to straight up kill me.

The Last Exam

(Sorry for terrible formatting and grammar)
A Philosophy teacher was handing out empty papers for the last exam of the year. The students had one simple task to complete,
They had to convince their teacher that the chair he had placed on the middle of the classroom didn't exist.
After 40 minutes, students returned their answer sheets. All of them had complex sentences and long paragraphs except one.
It had a single sentence.
What chair?
He was the only one to pass the exam.

They say the camera adds ten pounds

But after meeting a few girls online I'm convinced it takes away at least thirty

A man is in a mental hospital because he believes himself to be a seed.

He is treated for years by one of the world's best psychiatrists. After 6 years, he finally becomes convinced that he is not, in fact, a seed. There is a party to celebrate his release from the hospital.
A chicken shows up to the party. The man freezes and slowly starts to inch behind a nearby tree. His psychiatrist notices and sighs: "I thought you were over this. You are not a seed, remember?"
The man replies: "look, you know that I am not a seed. I know that I am not a seed. But does the chicken know?"

I'm pretty convinced that tall girls are secretly witches

Every time I try to work up the courage to talk to one, I get turned into a chicken ☠️

As I regained consciousness in the hospital from last night's car c**...

the doctors were trying to convince me I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity... But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday.

If you can convince a h**... to make eggs after....

Is she a bed and breakfast?

I thought someone stole my car keys, I looked for hours and was convince someone had grabbed them, later on I felt so s**... because I left them on top of my car

Turns out I lost them on my own accord

A man, convinced of a crime, was in court.

The judge said 'Why did the police arrest you?'
The man replied 'For shopping too early.'
The judge said 'Well that's not a crime, how early were you shopping.'
The man replied 'Before the shop opened.'

A clever way of telling if your kids asleep.

A man tells his kid,
You beep when you sleep.
The dad ends up convincing his kid that he actually beeps when he sleeps.
The next night the dad peeked into his kids room to see if he was asleep.
*beep*
*beep*
*beep*
Now his kid makes beep noises when he fake sleeps.

My girlfriend convinced me that certain aquatic mammals don't exist right before she broke up with me.

She left me in otter disbelief.

The NYPD is reporting that Antifa has painted convincing-looking tunnels on walls to trick New York's Finest into running into them at high speed

They're calling it "operation meep-meep"

The guy who wanted to change his name

A guy goes to a registry office to change his name. This is how the conversation goes with the officer:
\- You need to have a convincing reason to change your name, sir.
\- But my name is terrible!
\- Well, what's your name?
\- Johnny s**...
\- Oh, well, yes that's pretty convincing. What do you want to change it to?
\- Jimmy s**....

What is Austria's greatest achievement?

Convincing everyone h**... was German

My best friend told me he was planning on naming his son "Square Root of 2".

Luckily his wife managed to convince him that would be completely irrational.

Dave knows everyone joke

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”
“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
“Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.
“President Obama,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington,” and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
“Pope Francis,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the f**... is that on the balcony with Dave?’

A blonde man is convinced his wife is having an affair...

He buys a gun, comes home early from work, and sure enough there is his wife and another man, n**... in bed. Without a word the blonde man pulls out the gun and blows the guy away. Looking his wife in the eyes he puts the gun to his head and starts pulling the trigger. No! No! Honey don't! The wife screams. The blonde man says Shut up! You're next!

I tried to convince my six year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally pee in your pants.

But he's not believing it and still making fun of me.

How do you get a trump supporter to wear a mask?

Convince them to storm the capitol building

One day I convinced my brother to s**... a torch

It was worth it just to see his little face light up

This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.

There were two Qanon believers who were absolutely convinced that Trump won the 2020 election

They were traveling together and were killed in a traffic accident. When they got to heaven, God met them and told them that he'd reveal anything about Earthly life they'd always wanted to know. They asked him how Biden stole the 2020 election. God looked kindly upon them and said, Biden didn't steal the 2020 election. He won fairly.
The first one looked at the second and said, This goes higher than we thought!

My coworker keeps f**... and trying to convince me that it was me who did it.

I think he's asslighting me.

A preacher's wife comes home from shopping with a very expensive dress.

The preacher cringes when he sees the dress. "We're on a budget, remember?"
"I know we're on a budget," replies the wife, "but the devil himself went shopping with me. He convinced me to try on the dress."
The preacher facepalms. "When that happens, you're supposed to say, 'Get behind me, Satan!'"
"I did. He told me the dress looked even better from the back."

Convinced joke, A preacher's wife comes home from shopping with a very expensive dress.

jokes about convinced

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these convinced jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.