Convert Jokes
113 convert jokes and hilarious convert puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about convert that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Convert Short Jokes
Short convert jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The convert humour may include short conversion jokes also.
- Why will the American people never convert to the metric system? Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.
- I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
- Mike Tyson said he was going to convert me to atheism At least I'm pretty sure that's what he meant by "I'm gonna break your faith!"
- Why did the three year old African boy buy a red convertible? He was having a midlife crisis.
- Why are Catholics so upbeat after religious services? Because they convert Mass into energy.
- Before I got divorced, I should have converted all my assets to jokes. Because my ex couldn't ever take one.
- Why do convertible owners drive with the top down in rainstorms? So they can use the car pool lane.
- Always Wanted to get Married My daughter always dreamed of getting married when she was a little girl.
So we converted to Islam. - Do you remember Buckwheat from the little rascals? He recently converted to Islam. And became Kareem of Wheat.
- Before he died, my grandfather's last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond. That's a lot of pressure.
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Convert One Liners
Which convert one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with convert? I can suggest the ones about transform and format.
- What's the most important part of the Popemobile? The catholytic converter.
- America is converting to metric units... inch by inch.
- I just found out I'm a millionaire! I converted my paycheck to rubles.
- America is converting to the metric system Inch by inch
- What do you call a Mexican girl who converts to Islam? dora the Exploder
- What's a fundamentalist Christian's favorite type of car? A convertible.
- What do Missionaries drive? Convertibles.
- What do you call a cow that's converted to Islam? A Mooslim
- Why did Waldo convert to Buddhism? He found himself.
- A woman converting to Islam is like a black person converting to slavery.
- Which car part would Mother Theresa be? A Catholitic Converter
- How do you convert Spanish programming into English? Yes++
- When Elon Musk converts to Islam He'd be Elon Mosque.
- Why did the man convert to Mormonism? Because he wanted to have his Kate, and Edith, too!
- Eminem has decided to convert to Islam. He's now known as Muslim Shady.
Fun-Filled Convert Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about convert you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean changer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make convert pranks.
An idiot moves to a very religious catholic neighborhood.
This particular idiot loved to eat chicken, so he grilled it every day. Now, on Fridays, the people of his neighborhood would get irritated that someone was eating meat when they had to abstain, so they took it up with their pastor. Their pastor then went to the idiot, and told him about the message of christ, and was able to convert him, spraying him with water saying, "you were born sick, you were raised sick, but now you are CHRISTIAN!". The idiots neighbors left him alone thinking that was that, but come Friday, and he's still grilling chicken when he should be abstaining. So they began to spy on him to see how he could justify such an act, and they saw him spritz his chicken with holy water, saying "you were born chicken, you were raised chicken, but now, you are FISH!"
idk if this is a repost, but my dad told me this joke as a kid, and I thought it was funny.
A priests a Rabbi and a Minister are in a coffee shop...
...They start comparing the powers of their religion. They decide to test themselves by agreeing that they will all go into the woods to convert a bear and meet back in a week. A week passes and the priest and minister arrive first. The priest says that he converted a bear by showing him the miracle of communion. The minister said that he converted another bear by showing him the holy Scripture and reading from it. They wait a long time for the Rabbi and just as they are about to leave he arrives in a wheelchair covered in casts and bandages. They ask him what happened and he replied saying "I never should have started with the circumcision."
A Priest, Minister and Rabbi Try to Convert a Bear
A priest, a minister and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins:
When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.
I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached God's holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast.
Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.
A priest was hunting in the woods.
He searches and searches but can't find any animals. Finally in frustration he throws his gun down and heads to the stream to cool off. About this time he sees this huge grizzly bear racing toward him.
He falls on his knees and says, 'God please, protect me. I am asking you God, please convert this bear into a Christian.'
Miraculously, the bear freezes in his tracks, puts both paws toward heaven and says, 'Bless us, O Lord, and these your gifts, which we are about to receive from your bounty. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.'
Two Rabbis are walking down the street and they walk past a Catholic church advertising a $50 payout for anyone who converts that day...
The one Rabbi looks at the other and says, "I think I am going to go in there, convert, and get the 50 dollars." The other Rabbi looks at him in disbelief and says, "You must be joking! Your grandfather was a studious Rabbi in Russia, your father emigrated to this country and also became a Rabbi, and you have spent your whole life studying the Torah to also become a Rabbi, how could you just up and decide to convert like that!" The other Rabbi shrugs his shoulders and walks into the church. Several minutes pass by when he emerges to meet his incredulous friend who immediately asks, "So, did you convert?" "Yes." he replies. "Well did you get the 50 dollars?" he asks to which he replies "Is that all you people ever think about!"
How does a religious extremist convert an atheist into a holy man?
They use a machine gun.
A religious traitor
Son: Dad, what's a religious traitor?
Father: A person who leaves our church and joins another.
Son: And what is a person who leaves another church and joins ours?
Father: A convert, son, a blessed convert.
Two Jews during the depression
Two Jewish guys are liking for work during the depression. They come across a atholic church that has a sign saying , "get saved; convert and receive $25".
One if the guys says, "my children are starving, I need that money" and goes in the church. His buddy waits for him and about am hour later he comes out. His buddy immediately ask, "did you get the money" to which the new follower of Christ responds, "is that all you people think about?"
[NEWS] Drug company issuing recall under FDA pressure after several women claim drug made them convert to Catholicism
The makers of the drug continue to insist that it's non habit-forming.
2 Rabbis
Two rabbis are walking down the street when they come to a Catholic church. The sign out front says "Convert now and get $100!".
One rabbi turns to the other and says "Perhaps I should consider it." The other says "What? Nonsense. They're probably kidding about the money anyway." The first rabbi nonetheless goes in. His friend sits on a bench and waits for an hour.
Eventually the first rabbi emerges with a cross instead of a Star of David around his neck.
The 2nd rabbi asks, "So did they give you the $100?".
He replies "Oh, is THAT all you people care about?"
What did the recent Sunni convert says about ISIS?
They really scared the Shiite outa me!
What religion did the french saucier convert to?
Au jusdaism
The fastest way to convert from centimeters to meters...
Just remove the first 5 letters.
I think I'll convert to Islam
Apparently it's a blast!
Two Jewish homeless guys
are down and out and just walking down the street when one of the men spots a sign on the Catholic Church and says, Look at that! The sign reads, Convert to Catholic and make $10. The other guy says, I don't know about that. Well I do says the other. I need the money. So the one goes inside and the other, with nothing to do, kicks back on the curb. After an hour and a half the guy comes back out of the church.
So what happened? asks his friend.
I converted, I'm a Catholic now.
Well, did ya get the ten dollars? asks the friend.
IS THAT ALL YOU PEOPLE THINK ABOUT?
Tag line outside a Breast Implant Clinic:
If nature has given you "lemons"
we will re-arrange the alphabets & convert them into "melons" !!
Two Missionaries...
Two missionaries were ascending a hill in an expedition to convert the hostile unreached jungle inhabitants.
Since very few had ever returned alive from the unfriendly summit very little was known. The two agreed that the best way to win them over was with gifts from their food provisions.
They reached a pass where only one was able to ascend at a time. As the first man cleared the pass, he was immediately set upon by the natives. They took his large pack, pulled the large bunch of bananas out, and distributed them amongst themselves.
The natives began a strange ritual that involved shoving the bananas into their rectums and dancing about in a manner similar to the Māori Haka.
At first, the m**... was horrified by what he saw but he started to giggle and then broke into an hysterical cackle.
The dancings stopped and the leader said, "Why you laugh?"
The m**... said, "my friend is coming with pineapples!"
With all the blizzard news here's a winter joke: How do you convert a dish washer into a snow blower?
You give her a shovel!
Sexist Joke: How do you convert a dish washer into a snow blower?
Give her a shovel.
How do you make all the terrorists in one room convert to rationalism.
Air condition the room.
Beings from another world abducted me last night and tried to convert me to Anglicanism.
I guess they were Episcopaliens.
How do you make a seagull explode?
Convert it to islam
Why couldn't Jonah convert the Ninevites?
Because he was too inefficient.
I was going to try and convert my friend to nihilism.
But I decided it would be pointless.
Two Jews walk by a Christian church. . .
There is a sign on the door that says, "convert to Christianity and receive $100". One of them speaks up and says, "I'm going in." His friend says "you're really going to change religions for $100?"
"A $100 is a $100, I'm doing it!" And he walks inside.
A few minutes later he walks back out and his friend says, "Well? Did you get the money?"
He replies, "Oh, that's all you people think about isn't it?"
Jewish Joke About Warm Weather
אחי היה לי כלכך חם שהבטחתי שאם יציעו לי להתנצר בזה הרגע אני אעשה את זה רק בשביל ההטבלה.
Dude. It was so hot, I swear that I'd convert to Christianity for the Baptism.
Convert today! $5000
Two elderly Jewish men were walking along when they came across a sign "Convert today! $5000." One of the men was interested and said he was going to see what it was all about. His friend had no interest and said he would wait on a bench. After 8 hours finally the man returns from the church.
"What happened that took forever?"
"Well the priest sat me down and explained to me all the things I have been doing wrong in my life. I realized he was right and I have converted."
"Yea yea but what about the $5000?"
"Jesus Christ is that all you people think about?"
Why your convertible is like the best girlfriend you've ever had
(1) She enjoys when you're inside her
(2) She squeals when you're going hard and fast
(3) She takes her top off whenever you ask
What's the fastest way to go from 300 pounds to 140?
Convert to kilograms.
I tried to convert to Judaism, but they rejected me when they found out I was uncircumcised.
I guess I just didn't make the cut.
How do you a convert a number to a radical?
You convert it to Islam.
Two Jews walking down the street
Two Jews are taking an afternoon stroll. As they pass St. Joseph's Cathedral they notice a sign posted on the front door.
**CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM
GET $50!**
"$50!!," exclaims David. "What a great deal, we can just convert back after!"
"Hold your horses," says Aaron. "It could be a scam, tell you what, I will go and do it, we'll see if this deal is real."
Aaron goes into the cathedral and David waits outside.
Finally, after an hour passes, Aaron comes out of the cathedral.
"So? Was it a scam? Did you get the $50??," asks David.
Aaron replies, "Is it always about the money with you people?"
Jewish Joke
Old Jewish man on his death bed requests a priest. His family not understand why complies and requests a priest who on arrival is told by the old man that he wishes to convert to Christianity. The family is in disbelief and once the father has left asks the old man why? His replies "well if anyone has to die I would rather it be one of them".
I'm converting to Islam
for my haram bae
I converted to Frisbeeterianism.
When I die, my soul gets stuck on the roof.
Teacher and Student
* Teacher said the students to convert the sentence "I killed a person" into future tense.
* Suddenly Johnny stands up and said, Sir the future tense is "I will go to jail"!
Old jews telling jokes
Two old Jews Shmuel and Moshe are walking down the street and see a sign outside of a church that says:
"Jews, come let us save your soul! Convert and we will give you $50!"
Shmuel and Moshe look at each other, amused by such mishegas, and plot that Moshe should go in, listen to their schtick, and then they can share the money. Shmuel waits for much longer than he expected, he is waiting outside for hours. At last, Moshe comes out and Shmuel says:
"Finally! I at least hope you got the $50 after all that."
Moshe says, "What *is* it about you people and money?"
A Priest, a Minister, a Rabbi and a Bear
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who is best at his job. So each one goes into the woods to find a bear and try to convert it.
Later, they all get together. The priest begins: "When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion."
The minister says: "I found a bear by the stream and preached God's holy Word. The bear was so mesmerised that he let me baptise him."
They both look down to the rabbi, who is lying on a stretcher in a full body cast. "Looking back," he says, "maybe I should not have started with the circumcision."
How do you make a pigeon explode?
Convert it to islam
A rabbi is on his deathbed...
...and a friend asks him if he has any last requests. The Rabbi asks his friend to find him a Catholic priest, so that he might convert.
Confused, his friend asks, "Rabbi, why? You have been a great teacher and leader of your followers, and you have led a good and honorable Jewish life. Why would you want to become a Catholic now, before you die?"
He says, "Eh, better one of them than one of us."
How you convert a regular salad to a Caesar salad?
You stab 23 times!
The pollen count is so high
m**... users are trying to convert their m**... back to Sudafed
A priest tells a gay guy, "If you need to talk, come by some time. I will not try to convert you"
"You aswell!"
Nintendo was going to convert a car factory to manufacture their new console.
But the factory owner didn't want to make the switch.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi wanted to see who's the best at his job.
So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.
I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached God's holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.
What do you call problems that Christians can't convert?
Intractable.
I decided to convert from degrees to radians.
My math teacher was surprised at the π.
How do you convert a one car garage into a two car garage?
Time, patience, and lots of l**....
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. (a classic)
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds
a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.
I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached God's holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldn't have started with the
circumcision.
Need your best space pun for a space-themed costume party
I'm gonna attempt to convert the best pun into a costume lol
A rabbi and a bishop get in an argument.
They each agree to go into the woods, find a bear, and try to convert it to their religion.
The next day, the bishop walks in and says that when he saw the bear, he preached the gospel truth of the Lord God and the bear happily got baptized.
He then says, "So, how did yours go?"
The rabbi looks up from his hospital bed and says, "In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."
*NOTE: THIS IS NOT OC. I saw it in a book of Jewish jokes and thought you guys might like it.
My Jewish boss offered me Friday and Monday off work if I convert.
So it's four days off or f**... on.
Sometimes when I'm bored I'll convert vector images into bitmaps
But I really should stop procrasternating.
Sometimes I don't remember to convert SI units into their more common names. But forgetting s^-1...
Really Hertz
What do you get when you convert mexican food to metric?
Centiladas
A priest, a rabbi and a minister.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister decide to see who's best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.
The priest begins. When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.
I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached God's holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.
They both look down at the rabbi, who is wrapped in a body cast. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.
Converting bears
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.
I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached God's holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.
Why did the Christian convert quit his job at the sewer company?
Because entering manholes was no longer his thing.
Why did the golfer convert to Islam?
Because he found out there's 72 holes waiting for him when he dies.
My Jewish girlfriend said that if I really loved her I would convert for her
So I told her to bake my p**... pie at 176.667 degrees.
Converting pimps to socialism is proving difficult
Maybe I shouldn't have told them they have nothing to lose but their chains
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi have a competition
They both have to find a bear, and convert it to their religion. A day passes, and they meet up again to see who won. The priest shows up with his bear dressed, and holding a bible. The minister shows up with a few scratches, and the rabbi shows up in a wheelchair.
"I baptized my bear in holy water, and read the entire bible to him" the priest said.
"I tried reading the catechism to my bear, but he scratched me and ran off" said the minister.
The rabbi finally has his turn and says, "Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision"
A priest, a minister and a rabbi want to find out who is the best at their job.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.
I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached God's holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.
A convertible is just like a girlfriend.....
......It's a lot better with it's top off.
New Conspiracy Theory about 9/11
So, if you convert 9/11 into a decimal, you get 0.8181818181818181818181818181.... going on forever. What's the eighth letter of the alphabet? H. What's the first letter of the alphabet? A. That's right, ladies and germs. The Joker did 9/11.
Why did F and H not convert to Islam?
Because j**....
"I used to be a Christian"
The girl said. The boy chuckled "that's fine what made you Convert?"
The girl turned and said "I feel more like a Christina than a Christian"
I am not lazy
I just cant convert my potential energy into kinetic energy.
Our HOA voted no to convert our pool to salt water
Unfortunately the cannibal family was unable to muster support.
I saw a convertible with a superhero livery
It got my spyder senses tingling
A Jewish man and a Christian man are on a plane
On this plane, they have a debate about which religion is more valid. Neither manages to convince the other, but it was a nice friendly conversation. Suddenly, the plane starts to smoke, and ends up crashing in the ocean. Once they're on the safety raft, and the Christian sees the Jewish man cross himself. He says "Hey! I just say you cross yourself! Did I manage to convert you to my religion on the plane?" the Jewish man replies "No no no no no. Spectacles, t**..., wallet, and watch"
Help! I think I broke my phone's speaker! All I did was convert my normal rap playlist into an emo rap playlist.
Now all I can hear is a Lil Peep.
A long time ago, in the middle east
There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.
Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in public. Mere days later, a mysterious disease swept through the town and killed every last one of them.
They should have obeyed the Quran teen.
Two older Jewish men walked by a Catholic Church with a sign in front that said Convert today and get $100
The first man turned to the second and said $100?!? I'm going in! and walked into the church, leaving his friend to wait for him outside. When the first man came back out, the second asked, OK, so now you're Catholic but did you at least get the $100? . The first man gave him a look and said It's always about the money with you people.
My grandfather's last wishes was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That's a lot of pressure.
A lion is about to eat a goat
The goat says, "Please spare me and convert to christianity."
The lion says, "Goat to h**...!"
