Convert Jokes

Following is our collection of clergy puns and yahweh one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Convert jokes for adults, dirty pious jokes and clean christian dad gags for kids.

The Best Convert Puns

I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!

It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.

An Asian man goes on a trip to America

He goes to an American Bank to converts his money to dollars, while going through his trip he meets a generous old friend who decides to let him stay in his place and also pay for his expenses during his stay.

After a few days he decides to return back to his country and heads to the bank to convert his money back. But the asian man sees that he received less money than he previously had even though he hadn't spent anything, so he asks about this to the banker.
The banker said," fluctuations ".

The asian man replied," fluck you americans too".

A religious traitor

Son: Dad, what's a religious traitor?

Father: A person who leaves our church and joins another.

Son: And what is a person who leaves another church and joins ours?

Father: A convert, son, a blessed convert.

Why do convertible owners drive with the top down in rainstorms?

So they can use the car pool lane.

Two Jews walking down the street

Two Jews are taking an afternoon stroll. As they pass St. Joseph's Cathedral they notice a sign posted on the front door.

**CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM
GET $50!**

"$50!!," exclaims David. "What a great deal, we can just convert back after!"

"Hold your horses," says Aaron. "It could be a scam, tell you what, I will go and do it, we'll see if this deal is real."

Aaron goes into the cathedral and David waits outside.

Finally, after an hour passes, Aaron comes out of the cathedral.

"So? Was it a scam? Did you get the $50??," asks David.

Aaron replies, "Is it always about the money with you people?"


The pollen count is so high

Meth users are trying to convert their meth back to Sudafed

Convert today! $5000

Two elderly Jewish men were walking along when they came across a sign "Convert today! $5000." One of the men was interested and said he was going to see what it was all about. His friend had no interest and said he would wait on a bench. After 8 hours finally the man returns from the church.

"What happened that took forever?"

"Well the priest sat me down and explained to me all the things I have been doing wrong in my life. I realized he was right and I have converted."

"Yea yea but what about the $5000?"

"Jesus Christ is that all you people think about?"

A rabbi is on his deathbed...

...and a friend asks him if he has any last requests. The Rabbi asks his friend to find him a Catholic priest, so that he might convert.

Confused, his friend asks, "Rabbi, why? You have been a great teacher and leader of your followers, and you have led a good and honorable Jewish life. Why would you want to become a Catholic now, before you die?"
He says, "Eh, better one of them than one of us."

Two older Jewish men walked by a Catholic Church with a sign in front that said Convert today and get $100

The first man turned to the second and said $100?!? I'm going in! and walked into the church, leaving his friend to wait for him outside. When the first man came back out, the second asked, OK, so now you're Catholic but did you at least get the $100? . The first man gave him a look and said It's always about the money with you people.

Before he died, my grandfather's last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That's a lot of pressure.

My Jewish boss offered me Friday and Monday off work if I convert.

So it's four days off or foreskin on.


Two Jews walk by a Christian church. . .

There is a sign on the door that says, "convert to Christianity and receive $100". One of them speaks up and says, "I'm going in." His friend says "you're really going to change religions for $100?"
"A $100 is a $100, I'm doing it!" And he walks inside.
A few minutes later he walks back out and his friend says, "Well? Did you get the money?"
He replies, "Oh, that's all you people think about isn't it?"

Why did Waldo convert to Buddhism?

He found himself.

Nintendo was going to convert a car factory to manufacture their new console.

But the factory owner didn't want to make the switch.

How do you convert Spanish programming into English?

Yes++

Why did F and H not convert to Islam?

Because Jihad.

Jewish Joke

Old Jewish man on his death bed requests a priest. His family not understand why complies and requests a priest who on arrival is told by the old man that he wishes to convert to Christianity. The family is in disbelief and once the father has left asks the old man why? His replies "well if anyone has to die I would rather it be one of them".

To those bearded men in turbans who tried to convert me to your religion

You make me Sikh!

Why did the man convert to Mormonism?

Because he wanted to have his Kate, and Edith, too!


Eminem has decided to convert to Islam.

He's now known as Muslim Shady.

Why did the Christian convert quit his job at the sewer company?

Because entering manholes was no longer his thing.

What did the recent Sunni convert says about ISIS?

They really scared the Shiite outa me!

Teacher and Student

* Teacher said the students to convert the sentence "I killed a person" into future tense.
* Suddenly Johnny stands up and said, Sir the future tense is "I will go to jail"!

Tag line outside a Breast Implant Clinic:

If nature has given you "lemons"

we will re-arrange the alphabets & convert them into "melons" !!

New Conspiracy Theory about 9/11

So, if you convert 9/11 into a decimal, you get 0.8181818181818181818181818181.... going on forever. What's the eighth letter of the alphabet? H. What's the first letter of the alphabet? A. That's right, ladies and germs. The Joker did 9/11.

My grandfather's last wishes was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That's a lot of pressure.

How do you make a pigeon explode?

Convert it to islam

A long time ago, in the middle east

There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.

Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in public. Mere days later, a mysterious disease swept through the town and killed every last one of them.

They should have obeyed the Quran teen.

What's the fastest way to go from 300 pounds to 140?

Convert to kilograms.

I'm converting to Islam

for my haram bae

What religion did the french saucier convert to?

Au jusdaism

Help! I think I broke my phone's speaker! All I did was convert my normal rap playlist into an emo rap playlist.

Now all I can hear is a Lil Peep.

Two Jews during the depression

Two Jewish guys are liking for work during the depression. They come across a atholic church that has a sign saying , "get saved; convert and receive $25".
One if the guys says, "my children are starving, I need that money" and goes in the church. His buddy waits for him and about am hour later he comes out. His buddy immediately ask, "did you get the money" to which the new follower of Christ responds, "is that all you people think about?"

Sometimes when I'm bored I'll convert vector images into bitmaps

But I really should stop procrasternating.

Why your convertible is like the best girlfriend you've ever had

(1) She enjoys when you're inside her

(2) She squeals when you're going hard and fast

(3) She takes her top off whenever you ask

Jewish Joke About Warm Weather

אחי היה לי כלכך חם שהבטחתי שאם יציעו לי להתנצר בזה הרגע אני אעשה את זה רק בשביל ההטבלה.

Dude. It was so hot, I swear that I'd convert to Christianity for the Baptism.

A priest tells a gay guy, "If you need to talk, come by some time. I will not try to convert you"

"You aswell!"

Converting pimps to socialism is proving difficult

Maybe I shouldn't have told them they have nothing to lose but their chains

With all the blizzard news here's a winter joke: How do you convert a dish washer into a snow blower?

You give her a shovel!

A lion is about to eat a goat

The goat says, "Please spare me and convert to christianity."

The lion says, "Goat to hell!"

A convertible is just like a girlfriend.....

......It's a lot better with it's top off.

I converted to Frisbeeterianism.

When I die, my soul gets stuck on the roof.

How do you make all the terrorists in one room convert to rationalism.

Air condition the room.

How do you a convert a number to a radical?

You convert it to Islam.

I saw a convertible with a superhero livery

It got my spyder senses tingling

How do you make a seagull explode?

Convert it to islam

How do you convert a one car garage into a two car garage?

Time, patience, and lots of lube.

Why did the golfer convert to Islam?

Because he found out there's 72 holes waiting for him when he dies.

My Jewish girlfriend said that if I really loved her I would convert for her

So I told her to bake my pot pie at 176.667 degrees.

I think I'll convert to Islam

Apparently it's a blast!

How you convert a regular salad to a Caesar salad?

You stab 23 times!

I was going to try and convert my friend to nihilism.

But I decided it would be pointless.

I tried to convert to Judaism, but they rejected me when they found out I was uncircumcised.

I guess I just didn't make the cut.

I decided to convert from degrees to radians.

My math teacher was surprised at the π.

Sometimes I don't remember to convert SI units into their more common names. But forgetting s^-1...

Really Hertz

Why couldn't Jonah convert the Ninevites?

Because he was too inefficient.

The fastest way to convert from centimeters to meters...

Just remove the first 5 letters.

Beings from another world abducted me last night and tried to convert me to Anglicanism.

I guess they were Episcopaliens.

Sexist Joke: How do you convert a dish washer into a snow blower?

Give her a shovel.

[NEWS] Drug company issuing recall under FDA pressure after several women claim drug made them convert to Catholicism

The makers of the drug continue to insist that it's non habit-forming.

Our HOA voted no to convert our pool to salt water

Unfortunately the cannibal family was unable to muster support.

There is an abundance of mormonism jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 61 funniest jokes and convert puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any nice convertible witze you can hear about convert.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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