Convenience Store Jokes
54 convenience store jokes and hilarious convenience store puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about convenience store that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Convenience Store Short Jokes
Short convenience store jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The convenience store humour may include short convenience jokes also.
- A man walks into a convenience store.. A man walks into a convenience store to buy a pack of condoms ..
The clerk asks if he would like a bag ..
He responds "No thanks, she's not that ugly," - Why can't Pakistanis play soccer? Whenever they get a corner they set up a convenience store
- Today I went to the convenience store to pick up some condoms. When I walked to the register with the condoms the clerk asked "Would you like a bag?" I replied "No, she's not that ugly"
- Have you ever seen those "Give a penny, take a penny" things at convenience stores??? that makes no cents
- When I was 22 I lived a life of crime. I'm 29 now, but back then I would dress up as Abraham Lincoln and rob convenience stores.
I robbed four stores seven years ago. - A man walks into a convenience store and he asks the clerk, do you have any helicopter flavored chips? The clerk responds, no, we just have plain.
- Back in my day, you could walk into a convenience store with a nickel and get three licorice sticks and some soda. Now? CCTVs everywhere.
- When I was a kid 20 years ago, you could go to a convenience store with $5 and come out with what seemed like half of it. Today you can't, because there are cameras.
- A guy walks into a convenience store and asks "Can I have a can 'o dew?" Store clerk tells him, "No can dew"
- Dude goes to convenience store and asks for cigarettes, gets one and warning reads " Smoking can cause impotency" politely asks "Bro, give me the pack that causes cancer"
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Convenience Store One Liners
Which convenience store one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with convenience store? I can suggest the ones about grocery store and gas station.
- Where do authors buy their Deus Ex Machinas? At the convenience store!
- Where does Hulk buy his pants? At the Plot Convenience store.
- I've got plans to build the world's greatest convenience store..
- What's Helen Keller's Favorite Convenience Store? Wawa
- What time do convenience stores open? 7/11 on the dot.
- Why are convenience store clerks the best prostitutes? Thank you! Come again!
- Why did Michael Brown rob the convenience store? He was so hungry he could eat a bullet.
Howlingly Hilarious Convenience Store Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about convenience store you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean liquor store jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make convenience store pranks.
If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
A Turkish man stopped by my convenience store and bought a gallon of milk. He comes back in an hour later with the same jug of milk, absolutely furious at me for selling him "bad milk!" I ask him what the problem is and he tells me its all
Kurdled
Cash or check?
A duck walks into a convenience store to buy lip balm. When he gets to the checkout the clerk asks "Will you be paying with cash or check?" the duck replies "Put it on my bill."
Just got this in an email: The ITALIAN f**......
The ITALIAN f**......
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual f**... procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:
"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a f**... like this. Whose f**... is it?"
"My wife's."
''What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked
and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in
the second hearse?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law.
She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her. She didn’t survive either."
A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied, "Get in line."
A double amputee was brought in for questioning after a shooting at a local convenience store.
Police released the man soon after they discovered he was unarmed.
I robbed a convenience store today, only to find out I accidentally grabbed the cigarillos instead
i was close, but no cigar
A woman buys a pack of cigarettes....
And leaves the store to light one up and enjoy it. But as she was trying to take a drag of the wonderful cig, the rain extinguishes it, forcing her once again to light it, only again for the rain to stop her from enjoying it. So having given up on smoking at present she begins her walk down the sidewalk. As she is walking down the sidewalk, she happens upon another women happily enjoying her smoke in the rain.
"excuse me miss. But how do you keep you cigarette lit in this rain?" She asked.
"easy," says the woman " I just put a c**... over it to keep the rain off."
Flabbergasted by this idea the woman rushes back to the convenience store.
"did you forget something?" Asked the owner
"yes," she replied "I need condoms!"
"what size ma'am?" Asked the shopkeep
"anything large enough to fit a camel!" She said.
A young woman learned that you can smoke in the rain if you make a hole in a c**... and put it over the cigarette.
She goes to a convenience store and asks a middle eastern clerk for a c**.... The guy looks at her with obvious disapproval, but does his job. He asks her what kind she wants and she answers,
I don't really care, as long as it fits the camel
did you hear that a former US president bought out a convenience store chain?
Bush did 7/11
A black guy walks into a convenience store...
And says, "I'm looking for a job."
The store owner replies, "You're in luck! We have an open position that pays $100,000 per a month!"
The black guy says, "You're joking."
The store owner says, "Well, you started it."
An old lady pulls out a c**... with a cigarette in it
Her friend asks "Why do you do that?"
She replies "Well it has its benefits...it keeps your cigarettes fresher!"
Fascinated, the friend heads down to the local convenience store and asks the clerk "May I have some condoms please?"
The clerk chuckles but then says "Sure m'am, what size?"
"Well, big enough for a camel that's for sure!!"
Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives
His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: Man Gogh
His sister who loves disco: Go Gogh
His bouncy little Nephew: Poe Gogh.
Why do Indian women have dots on their foreheads?
So their husband can scratch it off on at their wedding to see if he won a gas station, hotel, or a convenience store.
A woman walks into a convenience store...
"I need four D batteries," she says.
The cashier nods and motions to her with a finger. "Come this way."
"If I could come that way, I wouldn't need four D batteries!"
An old Jew
An old Jew who survived the German concentration camps is living in America. Every Monday he goes to his local convenience store and buys a lotto ticket. One day he hits a winner and wins big. The first thing he buys is a life size statue of Adolph h**... to put in his living room. His family and friends are shocked. They can't understand his decision and think that he's losing his marbles. Finally his grandson asks him "Grandpa, why did you buy a statute of that horrible man and put it in your living room?" The old Jew gets down on one knee, rolls up his sleeve and replies "well son, old Adolph gave me the winning numbers."
I like to pick up girls at gas station convenience stores.
Why? Simple math.
Everyone knows the Hotness scale of 0-10. However, not many know the amount of people at each level.
Assuming 7.4 Billion people there are:
~5 billion 5's
~1 billion 6's
~100 million 7's
~9 million 8's
~220 thousand 9's
~2 thousand 10's.
Now the scale is weighted upwards. So 6's are all people between 6 and 6.99999, 7's are people between 7 and 7.9999 etc.
However, this means that 10's are actually 10's and up.
So the eternal question, are there 11's?
Yes, there are 11's and that's why I hang out at convenience stores for you see,
There are exactly 7-11's.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert
As they're walking the come upon a convenience store. They go inside to gather supplies for the long journey home.
The brunette says "I'll grab plenty of water so we can have enough to drink."
The redhead says "I'll grab food so we have enough to eat."
The blonde says "I'll grab a car door in case it gets hot, we can roll down the windows!"
A blind man walks into a convenience store with his service dog
He heads down an aisle and pauses, his faithful Golden Retriever by his side. With a grunt he picks the dog up by the leash and starts swinging him in circles over his head.
*Wooosh wooosh wooosh*
Bags of chips are flying around and candy bars are falling to the floor, along with a clamorous noise.
The frustrated store clerk yells at the man. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"
"I'm just looking around."
Why cant't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they get a corner they build a convenience store on it
A man walks into a convenience store to buy condoms...
Cashier: " That will be $12.60, sir. Do you need a bag?"
Man: "No, thanks. She's not that ugly"
A Stretch of Convenience
I asked my yoga friend if she wanted to go to the convenience store with me, but she declined saying, "nah, I'mma stay".
Blind man walks with his dog into a convenience store.
He lifts his dog by the leash and starts swinging it over his head.
Store manager runs over and ask "can I help you with anything!"
Blind man says "no thanks, I'm just looking around."
A single lady goes to the convenience store a buys : 12 eggs, 1L of milk and a can of fried beans.
When she's about the pay, the clerk looks at her and guesses :
\- "You must be single, right?"
The lady, visibly amused and intrigued, asks back how could he pick that up.
The clerk replies :
\-"Because you are ugly as f\*c**...."
A blind man walks into a convenient store with his seeing-eye dog
And he's walking around when all of the sudden, he picks his dog up by the leash and starts swinging it around, knocking everything over.
The cashier runs over and starts yelling
"Sir! Sir! What the h**... are you doing!?"
The blind guy puts his dog down and says
"Oh, I'm just looking around."
A man wins big...
*pardon if this is a repost*
A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.
When he arrives, he asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
She replies "I'd take half the money and leave you."
"Great! I just won $200 tonight, here's $100 -- enjoy your half."
A young man walks into a convenience store
He opens up the beer cooler and grabs a six pack. An old man standing next to him gives him a look, and the young man says "how much do you want to bet they'll sell me this beer even though I'm not twenty-one?" The old man says "they even check MY ID here. Twenty bucks."
"You're on." The young man says as he walks up to the cashier. Much to the old man's dismay, the young man shows his ID and pays for the beer.
"How? How did they sell you that if you're not twenty-one?" The old man asks.
The young man puts out his hand and says "That's easy, I'm twenty-two."
After many years in America, the local Korean owner of a convenience store was asked how it was that his name is Patrick Murphy.
When I come to America, there was long line of immigrants from all over the world. When immigration officer ask man in front of me where he comes from & what his name he tell him, " I'm from Ireland & my name is Patrick Murphy!" Then immigration officer writes his name down and tells him to go on to next line.
Then immigration officer ask me where I come from & my name and I tell him, " I am from Korean and my name is Sam Ting!"
Dalai Lama joke
The Dalai Lama gets a job in convenience store.
A customer buys 3 bottles of water and gives him a $100 bill.
Dalai Lama: Thank you come back again.
Customer: Wait, where's my change?
Dalai Lama: Son, change comes from within.
An Accordion Player Stops For Beer
An accordion player stops at a convenience store to grab a six pack.
As he's closing the car door he sees his accordion in the back seat and has a split thought that maybe he should put it in the trunk, but then thinks nah, he's literally gonna be just 20 feet away for 2 minutes.
The guy's in the shop for only 90 seconds, but as he's coming out sees that his rear window has been smashed. He shouts "oh no, not again"!
He looks in the back seat, and sure enough, there's three accordions.
Tampons
A man walks into a supermarket, asks the clerk where the Tampons are.
She told him Aisle 14.
He comes back a few minutes later with a big bag of large cotton b**......and some kite string.
Puzzled, the girl asks him if he wasn't the one asking for Tampons?
" it's a long story," he explains, "last night, the wife went to convenience store, and I asked her to get me a pak of cigarettes."
He continues, "she came back with a can of Prince Albert and some rolling papers, saying it was cheaper to roll my own....
Cause of death: COVID
Two frogs are about to have s**... ...
The female frog says "I think we should use a c**...." The male frog replies "No problem, there is a convenience store a couple of houses down the road. I'll go buy some. Any preferences?" She replies "Ribb it"!