Convenience Jokes
57 convenience jokes and hilarious convenience puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about convenience that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a few good laughs? Check out this collection of hilarious convenience store jokes! From jokes about GPS to HTML and beyond, these jokes are sure to get your clutch!
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Funniest Convenience Short Jokes
Short convenience jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The convenience humour may include short convenient jokes also.
- Little joke I thought of: What do you call a duck being kidnapped? An abduction.
I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door. - Have you ever seen those "Give a penny, take a penny" things at convenience stores??? that makes no cents
- When I lay down to go to sleep, I watch Hillary Clinton rallies It is much more convenient than counting sheep individually.
- When I was 22 I lived a life of crime. I'm 29 now, but back then I would dress up as Abraham Lincoln and rob convenience stores.
I robbed four stores seven years ago. - My grandmother was a somnambulist who had recurring dreams of coloring Easter eggs Conveniently, she dyed in her sleep last week.
- I had a date with a girl with leprosy and I think she likes me She conveniently left an ear behind
- History has forgotten the name of the man that invented the "Lazy Susan", but it conveniently still remembers the name of his ex-wife.
- Don't you love having your gym pass on your keys? It's so convenient! Every time they fall under my car seat, the pass makes it so easy to pick up!
- A guy walks into a convenience store and asks "Can I have a can 'o dew?" Store clerk tells him, "No can dew"
- It would be convenient to have a really broad word to use in place of nouns we forget/don't know. Never mind thats already a thing.
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Convenience One Liners
Which convenience one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with convenience? I can suggest the ones about advantage and time saving.
- one direction fans are the worst. oscillating fans are so much more convenient.
- Why do people rob 7/11 instead of restaurants? Because it's more convenient.
- Today's date is 7/11 which is convenient.
- Where do authors buy their Deus Ex Machinas? At the convenience store!
- Why is depressed clothing so convenient? It hangs itself
- Where does Hulk buy his pants? At the Plot Convenience store.
- I've got plans to build the world's greatest convenience store..
- What's Helen Keller's Favorite Convenience Store? Wawa
- What time do convenience stores open? 7/11 on the dot.
- As convenient as a coinpurse Now that's what I call service with a simile!
- Why are convenience store clerks the best prostitutes? Thank you! Come again!
- Why did Michael Brown rob the convenience store? He was so hungry he could eat a bullet.
- I realized why home births are so convenient. The baby was always in the living w**....
Convenience Store Jokes
Here is a list of funny convenience store jokes and even better convenience store puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I robbed a convenience store today, only to find out I accidentally grabbed the cigarillos instead i was close, but no cigar
- A double amputee was brought in for questioning after a shooting at a local convenience store. Police released the man soon after they discovered he was unarmed.
- A Stretch of Convenience I asked my yoga friend if she wanted to go to the convenience store with me, but she declined saying, "nah, I'mma stay".
- If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
- Know who should open a chain of convenience stores together? Jeri Ryan and Millie Bobby Brown
- did you hear that a former US president bought out a convenience store chain? Bush did 7/11
Gather Around for Fun Convenience Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about convenience you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean efficiency jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make convenience pranks.
A Turkish man stopped by my convenience store and bought a gallon of milk. He comes back in an hour later with the same jug of milk, absolutely furious at me for selling him "bad milk!" I ask him what the problem is and he tells me its all
Kurdled
There were three friends...
There were three friends - a lawyer, a doctor and a manager. The three of them were talking about the merits of having a wife vs. the merits of having a mistress.
The lawyer says, "It is more convenient to have a mistress. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are all sorts of legal issues."
The doctor remarks: "It is certainly better to have a wife as it gives you a sense of security which in turn lowers your stress and helps you lead a healthy life."
The manager differs by saying: "I don't agree with either of you. I think it's best to have both. So when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress believes you are with your wife - you can go to the office and finish some work."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I love it when things are really convenient..
Like when your SO tells you they've been cheating, and you were already going to m**... them anyways.
Did you hear about the prison escape?
Those guys found the convenience of Home Depot delivery really shaves time off a project.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young woman learned that you can smoke in the rain if you make a hole in a c**... and put it over the cigarette.
She goes to a convenience store and asks a middle eastern clerk for a c**.... The guy looks at her with obvious disapproval, but does his job. He asks her what kind she wants and she answers,
I don't really care, as long as it fits the camel
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't Pakistanis play soccer?
Whenever they get a corner they set up a convenience store
Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives
His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: Man Gogh
His sister who loves disco: Go Gogh
His bouncy little Nephew: Poe Gogh.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dyslexic man walks into a bra
Whole joke in title! New era of convenience! In mother Russia, joke laughs at you!
***Bonus***, since you came in here anyway:
Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
A woman walks into a convenience store...
"I need four D batteries," she says.
The cashier nods and motions to her with a finger. "Come this way."
"If I could come that way, I wouldn't need four D batteries!"
Mitch Hedberg Joke - Escalators
"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an 'escalator temporarily out of order' sign, only 'escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"
-Mitch Hedberg
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A single lady goes to the convenience store a buys : 12 eggs, 1L of milk and a can of fried beans.
When she's about the pay, the clerk looks at her and guesses :
\- "You must be single, right?"
The lady, visibly amused and intrigued, asks back how could he pick that up.
The clerk replies :
\-"Because you are ugly as f\*c**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People say there are no advantages to being ugly
But conveniently, my portraits just hang themselves.
A man wins big...
*pardon if this is a repost*
A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.
When he arrives, he asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
She replies "I'd take half the money and leave you."
"Great! I just won $200 tonight, here's $100 -- enjoy your half."
A young man walks into a convenience store
He opens up the beer cooler and grabs a six pack. An old man standing next to him gives him a look, and the young man says "how much do you want to bet they'll sell me this beer even though I'm not twenty-one?" The old man says "they even check MY ID here. Twenty bucks."
"You're on." The young man says as he walks up to the cashier. Much to the old man's dismay, the young man shows his ID and pays for the beer.
"How? How did they sell you that if you're not twenty-one?" The old man asks.
The young man puts out his hand and says "That's easy, I'm twenty-two."
After many years in America, the local Korean owner of a convenience store was asked how it was that his name is Patrick Murphy.
When I come to America, there was long line of immigrants from all over the world. When immigration officer ask man in front of me where he comes from & what his name he tell him, " I'm from Ireland & my name is Patrick Murphy!" Then immigration officer writes his name down and tells him to go on to next line.
Then immigration officer ask me where I come from & my name and I tell him, " I am from Korean and my name is Sam Ting!"
You kids have it easy with your convenient music streaming services and your smartphones. When we were teenagers, if we wanted to listen to an album by our favourite Australian alt rockers, we had to download it from Napster and put it on a CD ourselves.
We were burning the Midnight Oil.
An Accordion Player Stops For Beer
An accordion player stops at a convenience store to grab a six pack.
As he's closing the car door he sees his accordion in the back seat and has a split thought that maybe he should put it in the trunk, but then thinks nah, he's literally gonna be just 20 feet away for 2 minutes.
The guy's in the shop for only 90 seconds, but as he's coming out sees that his rear window has been smashed. He shouts "oh no, not again"!
He looks in the back seat, and sure enough, there's three accordions.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tampons
A man walks into a supermarket, asks the clerk where the Tampons are.
She told him Aisle 14.
He comes back a few minutes later with a big bag of large cotton b**......and some kite string.
Puzzled, the girl asks him if he wasn't the one asking for Tampons?
" it's a long story," he explains, "last night, the wife went to convenience store, and I asked her to get me a pak of cigarettes."
He continues, "she came back with a can of Prince Albert and some rolling papers, saying it was cheaper to roll my own....
Cause of death: COVID
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two frogs are about to have s**... ...
The female frog says "I think we should use a c**...." The male frog replies "No problem, there is a convenience store a couple of houses down the road. I'll go buy some. Any preferences?" She replies "Ribb it"!
