contrary Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious contrary puns

My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn't get an erection.

I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn't stand up in court.

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Contrary to popular belief, in Engineering, you do meet tons of women...

Just not very many

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Contrary to popular belief, you actually CAN drink lava

but only once

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An old Jewish joke.

Rabbi Altmann and his secretary were sitting in a coffeehouse in Berlin in 1935. "Herr Altmann," said his secretary, "I notice you're reading Der StΓΌrmer! I can't understand why. A Nazi libel sheet! Are you some kind of masochist, or, God forbid, a self-hating Jew?"

"On the contrary, Frau Epstein. When I used to read the Jewish papers, all I learned about were pogroms, riots in Palestine, and assimilation in America. But now that I read Der StΓΌrmer, I see so much more: that the Jews control all the banks, that we dominate in the arts, and that we're on the verge of taking over the entire world. You know – it makes me feel a whole lot better!"

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An American and a German are discussing freedom of speech.

The German says:

>Here in Germany, contrary to what a lot of you Americans think, we do have freedom of speech. Everyone here hates Putin, but I could walk right up to the Bundestag and proclaim: "I love Vladimir Putin!" And I wouldn't even be arrested!

The American replies:

>Ah, yes, but in the USA we're even freer. I could walk right up to the White House and shout "I love Vladimir Putin"... and they'd let me in!

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Rabbi Altmann and his secretary were sitting in a coffeehouse in Berlin in 1935...

..."Herr Altmann," said his secretary, "I notice you're reading Der StΓΌrmer! I can't understand why. A Nazi libel sheet! Are you some kind of masochist, or, God forbid, a self-hating Jew?"

"On the contrary, Frau Epstein. When I used to read the Jewish papers, all I learned about were pogroms, riots in Palestine, and assimilation in America. But now that I read Der StΓΌrmer, I see so much more: that the Jews control all the banks, that we dominate in the arts, and that we're on the verge of taking over the entire world. You know – it makes me feel a whole lot better!"

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It was summer and a bit too warm, so two guys decided to go out for a nice motorcycle ride.

The guy who was driving decided to speed up a little, and soon he was doing about 30 miles per hour. It felt good but he wanted to see how his pal was doing, so he turned around to get a good look. Contrary to himself who was enjoying the nice breeze, his friend was still sweating like crazy. Well I guess I could go a little faster, he thought to himself and accelerated till about 50. "Feels better now, huh?" said he as he looked back once again, but weirdly enough his friend was still pretty red-faced and sweaty. "All right, maybe this will help ya" when the engine started revving again, his friend shouted: "Hold on a sec asshole, I haven't got on yet!"

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I saw two names carved in a tree...

I do not think its cute. On the contrary, its alarming how many people take a knife on a date.

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Mary Mary Quite Contrary How does your garden grow?

I live in a flat you fucking twat so how the fuck should I know

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Contrary to common belief, only 5.7 million Jews were killed during the Holocuast, for you see...

the Nazis were known for rounding them up.

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If a man hits a woman while driving his car, who's fault is it?

Contrary to popular belief, it is the man's fault. There is no reason for him to drive in the kitchen.

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Does this dress make my butt look big? she asked. On the contrary, I replied suavely,

it's your butt that's making the dress look big.

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How to date a female climate change denier

Just set up a random blog that says that your penis is 11'' long and she'd swoon all over it despite all evidence to the contrary

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Contrary to popular criticism, Hillary doesn't suck.

If she does, Bill wouldn't have needed Monica.

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For the English

Q: What do you say to someone who appears to have done irreparable harm to themselves despite multiple warnings to the contrary?

A: U.K. ?

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What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?

Unlawful is contrary to the law, illegal is just a sick bird.

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I went to an owl party last night.

Contrary to my expectations it wasn't very much fun at all.

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contrary to popular belief...

boko haram is not a street fighter character.

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Contrary to popular belief, the best lubricant for anal sex is not tears.

It's blood

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I am being accused of stealing a horse. I said I didn't do it.

They said there is mounting evidence to the contrary.

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Contrary to popular belief, most people have two legs, and forearms.

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Contrary to popular belief, Stalin was from Georgia, not Russia.

Stalin wasn't Russian anywhere.

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Contrary to popular belief, Plumbers are not good lovers

They are emotionally draining...

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Contrary to rumor Caitlin Jenner's reality show is not being cancelled.

It's just transitioning to a different network.

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Contrary to popular beliefs Saudi's have got no Princes

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Contrary to popular belief...

... the current President of the US is **not** from Orange County, CA.

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Contrary to popular myth, Owls are actually quite stupid.

Which is why a group of them is called a Parliament.

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Contrary to popular belief customer is not always right.

Research shows that customer often doesn't know anything and yet is arguing

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Scientists recently discovered that contrary to popular belief, all natural mushrooms are edible

Albeit some you can only eat them once...

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Do not watch the Star Wars Movie!

Contrary to its title, it has nothing to do with celebrity feuds.

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I hate it when people call me contrary.

I am *not* contrary!

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Contrary to the rumor going around

Jessica Biel is NOT going to name her next child Batmoe.

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Contrary to popular belief, donkeys ARE actually edible!

But they still taste like ass.

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What are the most funny Contrary jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Contrary? Well, here are the best Contrary dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Contrary pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes