Contractors Jokes

Following is our collection of walkway puns and fence one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Contractors jokes for adults, dirty tradesmen jokes and clean hire dad gags for kids.

The Best Contractors Puns

Pentagon Contract

A contractor arrives home from Washington, D.C. and proudly tells his wife that he's gotten the contract to fix a cracked walkway into the Pentagon.

Two other contractors showed up to bid on the job, he explained to her. One was from Minnesota, the other from Tennessee. All three of us went to the Pentagon with an official to examine the cracked walkway.

The Minnesota contractor took out a tape measure, did some measuring, then worked some figures with a pencil.

'Well,' he said, 'I can do the job for about $9,000: $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'

The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.

The Tennessee contractor then did the same, measuring and figuring, and then he said, 'I can do this job for $7,000. $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'

The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.

I didn't measure anything. I just pulled the Pentagon official aside and whispered, I can do the job for $27,000.

The official was incredulous and said, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such an incredibly high figure?'

I whispered, '$10,000 for you, $10, 000 for me, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the walkway.

Did you hear Daft Punk is partnering with NASA to solicit bids from contractors?

They're up all night to get Lockheed.

Apparently calling people terrorists if offensive now.

Ive been told the correct term is government contractors.

How many contractors does it take to screw in a light blub?

None, it's a union job.

How many contractors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I'll let you know when one of them calls me back.


Why aren't Tumblr users good farm contractors?

Because they always take a fence

What's a Brooklyn contractors favorite dance?

Dewalts

How many contractors does it take to replace a light globe?

Two. One to buy the wrong size globe, and another to replace the existing light fitting to suit the new globe.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House

Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?

Because they really wanted a third's eye view!

There is an abundance of landscaper jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 10 funniest jokes and contractors puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any contractor witze you can hear about contractors.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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