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Contraceptive Jokes

36 contraceptive jokes and hilarious contraceptive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about contraceptive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Contraceptive Jokes

Short contraceptive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The contraceptive humour may include short contraception jokes also.

  1. House republicans couldn't agree on contraceptive coverage... ... so they just pulled out instead.
  2. Have you heard about the new male contraceptive pill? You put it in your shoe, and it makes you limp.
  3. If they make a new Contra game with the original one as a minigame inside it... Will it be a contraception?
  4. Did you know the Scottish invented condoms? They would use the intestines of sheep as a contraceptive.
    The English then refined the idea by taking the intestines out of the sheep first.
  5. If Karl Marx made a contraceptive company Would it's slogan be seize the means of reproduction?
  6. There is a new male contraceptive device. It's a pill, you put it in your shoe, it makes you limp.
  7. Two girls in a Catholic convent school. One whispers to the other: "There's a contraceptive hidden behind the radiator!"
    The other whispers back: "What's a radiator?"
  8. The Welsh have been using sheep intestine as a contraceptive for hundreds of years. It is only recently that they have decided to take the intestine out of the sheep.
  9. In a pinch, you can cut the fingers off of rubber gloves and use each of them as a contraceptive. Just a handy tip.
  10. Define contraceptive pill? It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid Pregnancy!

Quick Jump To


Contraceptive joke, Define contraceptive pill?


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about contraceptive can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of contraceptive puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Contraceptive One Liners

Which contraceptive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with contraceptive? I can suggest the ones about birth control and condoms.

  1. What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception? Parents.
  2. If contraception is birth control... ... abortion is birth control-alt-delete.
  3. What does a feminist use as a contraceptive? Her personality
  4. I asked for the cheapest contraceptive. They gave me a laxative.
  5. What does a bassist use for contraception? Their personality.
  6. How do you describe an astonishing contraceptive? Inconceivable!
  7. What do incels use for contraception? Their personalities.
  8. What do you call people who rely on the "safe period" for contraception? -Parents
  9. How does a male contraceptive pill work? You put it in his shoe and it makes him limp.
  10. What is the bass players preferred method of contraception? His personality.
  11. I tried to go for classes on contraception. But in the end, I just pulled out.
  12. I tried to visit the contraceptive museum But they wouldn't let me come inside.
  13. What do lawyers use as contraception? Their personalities
  14. Someone asked what contraceptive I use. I said "I'm just really nice to women. "
  15. Perfect condoms/rubbers The immaculate contraception

Contraceptive joke, Perfect condoms/rubbers

Uplifting Contraceptive Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about contraceptive you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean reproductive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make contraceptive prank.

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some m**....

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Use contraceptives kids.

A new mint flavored contraceptive taken before s**......

called Predickamints.

Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks

Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella
Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!
Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!

List of the shortest books

1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.

they help me sleep better

An old lady goes to a pharmacists and orders contraception pills.
"Why do you need them, in your age?" asks the pharmacist.
"They help me sleep better," replies the old woman.
"How is that possible?" asks the pharmacist.
"I put them in my granddaughter's drink and then I sleep better..."

An elderly woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for contraceptives

The pharmacist is confused and asks why she would need them.
She replies "they help me sleep at night."
The pharmacist asks "how so?"
"When I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning I sleep better at night."

Contraceptive joke, Two girls in a Catholic convent school.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these contraceptive jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.