Contra Jokes

Following is our collection of contradict puns and contrary one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Contra jokes for adults, dirty gig jokes and clean anti dad gags for kids.

The Best Contra Puns

Contrary to popular belief, in Engineering, you do meet tons of women...

Just not very many

Contrary to popular belief, you actually CAN drink lava

but only once

If contraception is birth control...

... abortion is birth control-alt-delete.

Hello and welcome to Contradictions Anonymous.

What's your name?

Contrary to popular beliefs, losing weight is a piece of cake.

Just don't pick it up.


If they make a new Contra game with the original one as a minigame inside it...

Will it be a contraception?

Contradicting Coronavirus advice!

First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we're told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and naked, leave me alone... I'm conducting important medical research.

What did the contrarian rooster say?

Cockle-Doodle-Don't.

Contrary to common belief, only 5.7 million Jews were killed during the Holocuast, for you see...

the Nazis were known for rounding them up.

Contrary to popular belief there was more sex on the TV in the 50s and 60s than there is now.

Modern TVs can't support the weight.

How many contractors does it take to screw in a light blub?

None, it's a union job.


Since I contracted Covid-19 our sex life has been so much better

Seeing as I can't smell or taste.

Contrary to popular belief, I'm an optimist

I am confident that I'll die tomorrow

I often contradict myself

No, I don't.

How many contractors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I'll let you know when one of them calls me back.

Most Contradictory Inspirational Quote Ever?

"Follow Your Dreams."

-Freddy Kreuger, 2016

What is the best contraceptive for old people?

Nudity

Everyone's a contrarian these days...

Well, except for me of course.

What do you contract from unprotected sex with a cowgirl?

Gonor*yeeeeehaaaa!*


TIL in 1988 the Konami sound department was arrested

They were apparently dealing with Contra Band.

There are many contradictory statements like...

Pacifist mass murder, Clinton keeping emails, and Apple is innovative.

Contrary to popular criticism, Hillary doesn't suck.

If she does, Bill wouldn't have needed Monica.

If you don't use contraceptives.

Then you've got nuttin to worry about.

What contract does Mall-Santa sign?

A Santa Clause

Contrary to popular belief vampires do like stakes

They are great gamblers

The contrary Mother-in-law

A neighbor came running to Nasserddin Hodja's house with the news that the Hodja's mother-in-law had been washing her laundry in the river when she fell into the water and drowned. "And we cannot find her body," he continued. "We searched everywhere downstream for her, but all to no avail."

"You should have searched upstream," replied the Hodja. "My mother-in-law is so contrary that she would never go with the flow."

Contrary to popular belief, most people have two legs, and forearms.

Contrary to popular myth, Owls are actually quite stupid.

Which is why a group of them is called a Parliament.

My contraceptive method is 100 percent effective.

I just use my personality.

Contrary to popular belief...

... the current President of the US is **not** from Orange County, CA.

How many contractors does it take to replace a light globe?

Two. One to buy the wrong size globe, and another to replace the existing light fitting to suit the new globe.

Why did contractor cancel the tunnel project?

The boring was too boring.

Did you hear about Vampire Weekend's bus driver?

He got arrested for smuggling Contra band.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House

How do you get out of a contract?

Design it.

Contrary to rumor Caitlin Jenner's reality show is not being cancelled.

It's just transitioning to a different network.

Contrary to popular belief, Plumbers are not good lovers

They are emotionally draining...

Contrary to popular belief, Stalin was from Georgia, not Russia.

Stalin wasn't Russian anywhere.

Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?

Because they really wanted a third's eye view!

What's the best contraceptive?

A ginger hair dye

"You're so contradictive!"

"No I'm not!"

The best Contraception

contrary to popular belief...

boko haram is not a street fighter character.

There is an abundance of contrast jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 43 funniest jokes and contra puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any thefts witze you can hear about contra.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes