The Best 45 Contra Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Contra jokes. There are some contra contrary jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these contra anti puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Contra Jokes and Puns

If contraception is birth control...

... abortion is birth control-alt-delete.

contrary to popular belief...

boko haram is not a street fighter character.

If they make a new Contra game with the original one as a minigame inside it...

Will it be a contraception?

Contra joke, If they make a new Contra game with the original one as a minigame inside it...

Contrary to popular belief, you actually CAN drink lava

but only once

The best Contraception

"You're so contradictive!"

"No I'm not!"

What is the best contraceptive for old people?


Contra joke, What is the best contraceptive for old people?

What's the best contraceptive?

A ginger hair dye

Contrary to popular belief, in Engineering, you do meet tons of women...

Just not very many

Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?

Because they really wanted a third's eye view!

What contract does Mall-Santa sign?

A Santa Clause

You can explore contra contradict reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean contra gig dad jokes. There are also contra puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

If you don't use contraceptives.

Then you've got nuttin to worry about.

Contrary to popular belief, Stalin was from Georgia, not Russia.

Stalin wasn't Russian anywhere.

Contrary to popular criticism, Hillary doesn't suck.

If she does, Bill wouldn't have needed Monica.

Most Contradictory Inspirational Quote Ever?

"Follow Your Dreams."

-Freddy Kreuger, 2016

Contrary to popular belief, Plumbers are not good lovers

They are emotionally draining...

Contra joke, Contrary to popular belief, Plumbers are not good lovers

Everyone's a contrarian these days...

Well, except for me of course.

Contrary to rumor Caitlin Jenner's reality show is not being cancelled.

It's just transitioning to a different network.

Contrary to common belief, only 5.7 million Jews were killed during the Holocuast, for you see...

the Nazis were known for rounding them up.

How many contractors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I'll let you know when one of them calls me back.

How many contractors does it take to screw in a light blub?

None, it's a union job.

There are many contradictory statements like...

Pacifist mass murder, Clinton keeping emails, and Apple is innovative.

How do you get out of a contract?

Design it.

I often contradict myself

No, I don't.

TIL in 1988 the Konami sound department was arrested

They were apparently dealing with Contra Band.

What do you contract from unprotected sex with a cowgirl?


Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House

Did you hear about Vampire Weekend's bus driver?

He got arrested for smuggling Contra band.

Hello and welcome to Contradictions Anonymous.

What's your name?

Why did contractor cancel the tunnel project?

The boring was too boring.

How many contractors does it take to replace a light globe?

Two. One to buy the wrong size globe, and another to replace the existing light fitting to suit the new globe.

Contrary to popular belief...

... the current President of the US is **not** from Orange County, CA.

My contraceptive method is 100 percent effective.

I just use my personality.

Contrary to popular myth, Owls are actually quite stupid.

Which is why a group of them is called a Parliament.

Contrary to popular belief, most people have two legs, and forearms.

The contrary Mother-in-law

A neighbor came running to Nasserddin Hodja's house with the news that the Hodja's mother-in-law had been washing her laundry in the river when she fell into the water and drowned. "And we cannot find her body," he continued. "We searched everywhere downstream for her, but all to no avail."

"You should have searched upstream," replied the Hodja. "My mother-in-law is so contrary that she would never go with the flow."

Contrary to popular belief vampires do like stakes

They are great gamblers

Contrary to popular belief, I'm an optimist

I am confident that I'll die tomorrow

Contradicting Coronavirus advice!

First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we're told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and naked, leave me alone... I'm conducting important medical research.

Since I contracted Covid-19 our sex life has been so much better

Seeing as I can't smell or taste.

Contrary to popular belief there was more sex on the TV in the 50s and 60s than there is now.

Modern TVs can't support the weight.

What did the contrarian rooster say?


Contrary to popular beliefs, losing weight is a piece of cake.

Just don't pick it up.

Why can't contractors shoot each other with sealant?

Because caulk fighting is illegal.

Contrary to popular belief, Children are not a natural occurrence...

Turns out they are Man-made.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the contra contrast jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working contra thefts piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes