Contr Jokes

Following is our collection of traditional puns and priests one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Contr jokes for adults, dirty contradictory jokes and clean birth dad gags for kids.

The Best Contr Puns

I won't control what you do on the internet

but Theresa May

Help! My husband's too controlling!

Contrary to popular belief, in Engineering, you do meet tons of women...

Just not very many

I can control sheep by just listening to them

It's true, I heard them with my own ears

Contrary to popular belief, you actually CAN drink lava

but only once

If contraception is birth control...

... abortion is birth control-alt-delete.

Hello and welcome to Contradictions Anonymous.

What's your name?

Contrary to popular beliefs, losing weight is a piece of cake.

Just don't pick it up.

With all this controversy about being friend zoned made me nervous,so one day I bent down and hugged my best friend and told her I love her,and she

licked my face and wagged her tail!

Self control (sorry if offends you)

I stopped a girl getting raped today.

I used self-control.

There has been some controversy lately...

...about what would happen if you put a lightsaber in water. Would it break? Would the water heat up or cool? Recent scientists have discovered the water will heat to about the internal temperature of a tauntaun...luke warm.

This may be controversial to most people, but i feel it must be said. I FULLY support flying the rebel flag.

How else are we supposed to show our support and remembrance of the battle of Hoth, and our willingness to topple the empire and bring peace to the galaxy?

There has been some controversy regarding priests delivering sermons using an iPad instead of the traditional bible.

I think its perfectly fine. After all, Moses delivered the ten commandments using two tablets.

Contradicting Coronavirus advice!

First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we're told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and naked, leave me alone... I'm conducting important medical research.


Why don't white people get a white history month?

Answer: Because you typically don't give a participation trophy to the kid who got first place.

Why is I such a controlling letter?

Because I said so.

What did the contrarian rooster say?


Knock knock

Who's there?

A control freak


Okay, now you say control freak who?

The control for the air conditioner was so far away

It was not even remotely close

Contrary to common belief, only 5.7 million Jews were killed during the Holocuast, for you see...

the Nazis were known for rounding them up.

control freak

me: knock knock

you: whos there?

me: control this is the part where you say "control freak who?"

Contrary to popular belief there was more sex on the TV in the 50s and 60s than there is now.

Modern TVs can't support the weight.

How many contractors does it take to screw in a light blub?

None, it's a union job.

Since I contracted Covid-19 our sex life has been so much better

Seeing as I can't smell or taste.

Contrary to popular belief, I'm an optimist

I am confident that I'll die tomorrow

There was a controversial sale on music in lossless format.

I got a lot of FLAC from participating in it.

I often contradict myself

No, I don't.

How many contractors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I'll let you know when one of them calls me back.

Most Contradictory Inspirational Quote Ever?

"Follow Your Dreams."

-Freddy Kreuger, 2016

What is the best contraceptive for old people?


Who is the most controversial tv personality of all time?

Not sure, but I wouldn't sleep on Bill Cosby.

I can't control my urination.

It's my #1 problem.

I'm not a control freak.

But let me show you the right way to do that.

What's the most controversial animal product?

A boar shin.

Everyone's a contrarian these days...

Well, except for me of course.


Autism Speaks

What do you contract from unprotected sex with a cowgirl?


There are many contradictory statements like...

Pacifist mass murder, Clinton keeping emails, and Apple is innovative.

No control

I have no control. There is no escape. I don't even have a home.

I think I should get a knew keyboard.

Contrary to popular criticism, Hillary doesn't suck.

If she does, Bill wouldn't have needed Monica.

If you don't use contraceptives.

Then you've got nuttin to worry about.

If everyone contributes a small amount of their income...

Together we can pool the resources to defeat socialism.

What contract does Mall-Santa sign?

A Santa Clause

I was in the control room pressing some buttons when I broke my favorite button.

It was really de-pressing.

Contrary to popular belief vampires do like stakes

They are great gamblers

The contrary Mother-in-law

A neighbor came running to Nasserddin Hodja's house with the news that the Hodja's mother-in-law had been washing her laundry in the river when she fell into the water and drowned. "And we cannot find her body," he continued. "We searched everywhere downstream for her, but all to no avail."

"You should have searched upstream," replied the Hodja. "My mother-in-law is so contrary that she would never go with the flow."

What is the most controversial topic in the pirate world?


The controversy surrounding Donald Trump and the Russian hacking of American voting machines is being blown way out of proportion...

who cares if Putin voted for him.

What happens when a controlled fire goes out of control?

Someone gets fired.

Contrary to popular belief, most people have two legs, and forearms.

Contrary to popular myth, Owls are actually quite stupid.

Which is why a group of them is called a Parliament.

Given the controversy that is currently going on with Christmas songs, Michael Buble probably chose the right year to retire.

I'm still gonna miss him though

There is an abundance of perfectly jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 52 funniest jokes and contr puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any control witze you can hear about contr.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes