contr Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious contr puns

I won't control what you do on the internet

but Theresa May


Help! My husband's too controlling!


Contrary to popular belief, in Engineering, you do meet tons of women...

Just not very many


I can control sheep by just listening to them

It's true, I heard them with my own ears


There has been a controversial story in the news where a man in Germany got in a fight with a women after referring to her as "a vagina."

Can you imagine a world where people are called by their genitals? What a dick!


Contrary to popular belief, you actually CAN drink lava

but only once


If contraception is birth control...

... abortion is birth control-alt-delete.


Hello and welcome to Contradictions Anonymous.

What's your name?


With all this controversy about being friend zoned made me nervous,so one day I bent down and hugged my best friend and told her I love her,and she

licked my face and wagged her tail!


Control Over Your Wife

Three men were sitting at a bar. Two of them were boasting about their control over their wives, while the third one remained quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, 'Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?'

The third fellow says, 'I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.'

The first two men were amazed. 'What happened then?' they asked.

'She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'


Self control (sorry if offends you)

I stopped a girl getting raped today.

I used self-control.


There has been some controversy lately...

...about what would happen if you put a lightsaber in water. Would it break? Would the water heat up or cool? Recent scientists have discovered the water will heat to about the internal temperature of a tauntaun...luke warm.


This may be controversial to most people, but i feel it must be said. I FULLY support flying the rebel flag.

How else are we supposed to show our support and remembrance of the battle of Hoth, and our willingness to topple the empire and bring peace to the galaxy?


I Can control sheep just by listening to them

I herd it with my own ears


There has been some controversy regarding priests delivering sermons using an iPad instead of the traditional bible.

I think its perfectly fine. After all, Moses delivered the ten commandments using two tablets.


Why is I such a controlling letter?

Because I said so.


The control for the air conditioner was so far away

It was not even remotely close


A contrived, pun-maximizing joke about Freud's daughter.

It took a while to get this one have a meaningful punchline.

Freud's daughter invites her boyfriend over and they want to mess around, so they go to her room and turn the lights off. They want to try messing around with sex toys, but the only thing lying around is a banana, so the boyfriend picks it up and tries to use it but he can't see in the dark, so he accidentally puts it in the wrong place and Freud's daughter says "Oh fuck, why did you put that banana there?!"

The boyfriend responds "Oops, sorry," and they finish up after he uses the banana correctly. Walking back to the kitchen, they accidentally drop the banana on the ground just as Freud himself walks in from work. Not seeing the banana, he steps on it and falls, shouting "Oh fuck, why did you put that banana there?!"

Freud's daughter instantly shouts "That's what ME said!"
The boyfriend responds "Now *that's* what I call a Freudian slip!"


A out of control kid doesn't want to eat breakfast, so he throws cornflakes, rice krispies and nesquick out and burns them

Bloody serial killer


Contrary to common belief, only 5.7 million Jews were killed during the Holocuast, for you see...

the Nazis were known for rounding them up.


Contractors don't go to Hell...

They go to purgatory.

Once a week Satan comes down, waves, and hollers, "Guys, don't worry. You'll be out of here next week. I promise!"


How many contractors does it take to screw in a light blub?

None, it's a union job.


What is the best contraceptive for old people?



I often contradict myself

No, I don't.


There was a controversial sale on music in lossless format.

I got a lot of FLAC from participating in it.


Most Contradictory Inspirational Quote Ever?

"Follow Your Dreams."

-Freddy Kreuger, 2016


Why did the contraceptive fly across the room?

It got pissed off.


(I'll get my coat...)


How many contractors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I'll let you know when one of them calls me back.


Who is the most controversial tv personality of all time?

Not sure, but I wouldn't sleep on Bill Cosby.


What's the most controversial animal product?

A boar shin.


I can't control my urination.

It's my #1 problem.


I'm not a control freak.

But let me show you the right way to do that.


Everyone's a contrarian these days...

Well, except for me of course.



Autism Speaks


There are many contradictory statements like...

Pacifist mass murder, Clinton keeping emails, and Apple is innovative.


What are the most funny Contr jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Contr? Well, here are the best Contr dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Contr pick up lines to share with friends.

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