The Best 52 Contr Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Contr jokes. There are some contr priests jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these contr birth puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Contr Jokes and Puns

If contraception is birth control...

... abortion is birth control-alt-delete.

Self control

I stopped a girl getting raped today.

I used self-control.

There has been some controversy regarding priests delivering sermons using an iPad instead of the traditional bible.

I think its perfectly fine. After all, Moses delivered the ten commandments using two tablets.

Contr joke, There has been some controversy regarding priests delivering sermons using an iPad instead of the tr

The control for the air conditioner was so far away

It was not even remotely close

Contrary to popular belief, you actually CAN drink lava

but only once

This may be controversial to most people, but i feel it must be said. I FULLY support flying the rebel flag.

How else are we supposed to show our support and remembrance of the battle of Hoth, and our willingness to topple the empire and bring peace to the galaxy?

What is the best contraceptive for old people?


Contr joke, What is the best contraceptive for old people?

Contrary to popular belief, in Engineering, you do meet tons of women...

Just not very many

What contract does Mall-Santa sign?

A Santa Clause

If everyone contributes a small amount of their income...

Together we can pool the resources to defeat socialism.

What happens when a controlled fire goes out of control?

Someone gets fired.

You can explore contr traditional reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean contr contradictory dad jokes. There are also contr puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

If you don't use contraceptives.

Then you've got nuttin to worry about.

Contrary to popular criticism, Hillary doesn't suck.

If she does, Bill wouldn't have needed Monica.

Most Contradictory Inspirational Quote Ever?

"Follow Your Dreams."

-Freddy Kreuger, 2016

Everyone's a contrarian these days...

Well, except for me of course.

No control

I have no control. There is no escape. I don't even have a home.

I think I should get a knew keyboard.

Why is I such a controlling letter?

Because I said so.

Contrary to common belief, only 5.7 million Jews were killed during the Holocuast, for you see...

the Nazis were known for rounding them up.

Help! My husband's too controlling!

The controversy surrounding Donald Trump and the Russian hacking of American voting machines is being blown way out of proportion...

who cares if Putin voted for him.

I can control sheep by just listening to them

It's true, I heard them with my own ears

How many contractors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I'll let you know when one of them calls me back.

What is the most controversial topic in the pirate world?


How many contractors does it take to screw in a light blub?

None, it's a union job.

There are many contradictory statements like...

Pacifist mass murder, Clinton keeping emails, and Apple is innovative.

What's the most controversial animal product?

A boar shin.

I won't control what you do on the internet

but Theresa May

I'm not a control freak.

But let me show you the right way to do that.

I often contradict myself

No, I don't.

I can't control my urination.

It's my #1 problem.

There was a controversial sale on music in lossless format.

I got a lot of FLAC from participating in it.

What do you contract from unprotected sex with a cowgirl?



Autism Speaks

Hello and welcome to Contradictions Anonymous.

What's your name?

Who is the most controversial tv personality of all time?

Not sure, but I wouldn't sleep on Bill Cosby.

There has been some controversy lately...

...about what would happen if you put a lightsaber in water. Would it break? Would the water heat up or cool? Recent scientists have discovered the water will heat to about the internal temperature of a tauntaun...luke warm.

With all this controversy about being friend zoned made me nervous,so one day I bent down and hugged my best friend and told her I love her,and she

licked my face and wagged her tail!

How many contractors does it take to replace a light globe?

Two. One to buy the wrong size globe, and another to replace the existing light fitting to suit the new globe.

Contrary to popular belief, I'm an optimist

I am confident that I'll die tomorrow


Why don't white people get a white history month?

Answer: Because you typically don't give a participation trophy to the kid who got first place.

I was in the control room pressing some buttons when I broke my favorite button.

It was really de-pressing.

Contradicting Coronavirus advice!

First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we're told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and naked, leave me alone... I'm conducting important medical research.

Since I contracted Covid-19 our sex life has been so much better

Seeing as I can't smell or taste.

Knock knock

Who's there?

A control freak


Okay, now you say control freak who?

Contrary to popular belief there was more sex on the TV in the 50s and 60s than there is now.

Modern TVs can't support the weight.

control freak

me: knock knock

you: whos there?

me: control this is the part where you say "control freak who?"

What did the contrarian rooster say?


Contrary to popular beliefs, losing weight is a piece of cake.

Just don't pick it up.

Why can't contractors shoot each other with sealant?

Because caulk fighting is illegal.

Contrary to popular belief, Children are not a natural occurrence...

Turns out they are Man-made.

A control freak has 5 kids, how many of them does it take to change a light bulb?

There's no point in trying, none of them can change anything.

Contrary to what historians will tell you, Napoleon had a more horrific death.

It turns out, the military leader had walked over an active land mine causing it to explode. Body parts were strewn all over the place. Yeah. That's right. Napoleon was Blown-apart!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the contr perfectly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working contr control piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes