Continuing Jokes
35 continuing jokes and hilarious continuing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about continuing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Continuing Short Jokes
Short continuing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The continuing humour may include short continues jokes also.
- Me: I'm afraid of random letters Therapist: you are?
Me: "screams"
Therapist: Oh I see
Me: "continues to scream" - I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued... "It's cutting hedge technology!"
- airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control. But cases continue to rise.
- 19:45 We can't continue this way. You have to choose. football or me? 22:00 Of course I choose you, honey!
- My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games. Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.
- Johnny and Ruth are mountain biking down a hill... ...Ruth hits a tree. Johnny continues, ruthlessly.
- The year is 2077... Brexit negotiations continue.
Nevada has counted 98% of the votes.
Cyberpunk has been delayed again. - "You treat me like a dog," said my wife.... "We need to sit and talk about it right now," she continued.
"Ok," I replied, "but not on the sofa." - As companies continue to cut tie with Kanye West... Compass maker INMARK has also decided to drop West from their product line, leaving users lost and confused.
- In the UK most people complain about the bad weather... In the UK most people complain about the bad weather, but Queen Elizabeth managed to get through 70 years and 214 days of continuous reign.
Share These Continuing Jokes With Friends
Continuing One Liners
Which continuing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with continuing? I can suggest the ones about ongoing and moving forward.
- Your mama is so fat….. On one edge of her passport photo, it says continued on next page.
- Dating a girl that has a child... ... it's like "Continuing" another dude's "Save File".
- Dating a single mother: It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.
- My 5yo continues to supply the gold: what snakes do you find on cars? Windshield vipers!
- Jared Fogle is going to prison. It looks as if his steady diet of footlongs will continue
- Continuity. My thoughts on it are exactly the same as ten years ago.
- Why doesn't the pope like continuous functions? They're not hole-y.
- What tense do Italians speak in? Pasta continuous.
- Again the oldest person has died ...the curse continues.
- Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn't attend.
- Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale it says TO BE CONTINUED...
- They're going to unplug me if this government shutdown continues any longer Read my name
- Biggest lie of all time. Your call is important to us. Please continue holding.
- My dog chases people on a bike a lot. If this continues i'll have to take his bike away.
- TIL That the world's oldest continuously running business is- your Mom.
Howlingly Hilarious Continuing Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about continuing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean past continuous jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make continuing pranks.
A man walks into an Indian restaurant.
The waiter asks, have you ever ordered here before?
The man replies, No, I haven't.
The waiter continues, We're a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form, and he hands a piece of paper to the man.
The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, We have naan at this restaurant. The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.
The waiter replied, impatiently, Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.
Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either"
"Who's Sisyphus?" she asks. You begin to respond: "it's this myth about a guy being punished in the underworld where he has to-"
Her phone rings.
"One second," she says. A few minutes later, she prompts you to continue: "I'm sorry, I cut you off."
You start again. "Sisyphus is a-"
Her phone rings again. "Sorry, one sec."
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don't. And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can't be buried here. I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"
The traffic jam in Russia.
There is a massive traffic jam somewhere in Russia. A driver sits idling in his car.
Suddenly a man approaches and knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Putin and are asking for a 20 million rubel ransom!
Otherwise, they are going to douse him in gasoline and set him on fire!"
The man continues "We are going from car to car taking up a collection."
The driver asks "Okay, how much is everyone else giving?"
The man replies "Oh, about a gallon or so."
"Doc, my b**... hurts"
"Where specifically does it hurt?"
"Right around the entrance"
"Yeah well that's the exit. As long as you think it's an entrance, it'll continue to hurt"
Russia has been cut off from CNN, CBS, ABC Pornhub, Facebook...
US is working depriving Russians of McDonalds, Coca-Cola and US fastfood. They continue with these sanctions and Russian people will probably be the most healthiest, well adjusted, spiritual and well informed people on the planet.
So God creates Adam...
...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.
God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."
God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."
Adam hesitates..
"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.
God responds "An arm and a leg."
Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"
A young boy was kissed by a girl he really liked.
But after only a few seconds, the boy abruptly ended his first kiss. "I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said. "Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"
"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."
My grandfather's favorite joke.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where ya left it.
[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]
To surprise her hubby, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gents, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.
Britain's oldest woman turned 114 today
When asked the secret of her longevity, she attributed it to taking a walk at midnight every night. When quizzed on whether she was concerned about the increase in muggings in recent years, she said that she was not, and would continue mugging people as long as her health holds out.
So my wife said "take off my shirt".
So I did as she said and took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.
"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.
"Now my hose, bra, and p**...." And lastly, I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.
"Just count to five and pull on the main c**...," the instructor continued. "If that doesn't open, count to ten and pull on the reserve c**...."
"Super easy," he concluded. "Then you'll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport."
The man jumped out the plane, and pulled on the main c**.... Nothing happened. He pulled on the reserve c**.... Nothing happened.
He looked down at the ground which was approaching fast, and said: "I bet that bus won't be there to pick me up either."
An environmentalist was giving a speech and told his audience that if we continue on our present course all life on earth will be gone in 50 years
A member of the audience jumped to his feet and cried out in panic, "What? What did you say?!"
The environmentalist solemnly repeated, "I said if we continue the way we are that every man, woman, and child on earth will be gone in fifty years."
The man sat down in relief and said, "Oh, thank God. I thought you said *fifteen* years."
Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:
Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.
2 men go fishing, One has a stutter
The man with a stutter says shh ssshhh sshh . The other man says what is it, did you catch a fish ? The stuttering man continues to make ssshhh noises, the other man says spit it out . The stuttering man says ssshhh ship!! Before the 2nd man can react a ship crashes into their boat.
Months later they both have recovered and go on another fishing trip. The stuttering man again starts saying ssshhh . The 2nd man starts panicking thinking he's going to get hurt again. The 2nd man jumps out of the boat as fast as he can, the stuttering man says sshhh sshhh Shark!!
OMG!!! I was sitting in the Nordstrom bathroom stall
And had just sat down when a voice in the next stall over said Hi! How are
You?? . Embarrased, I said I'm fine? . The voice continued So what are you up to?? I said Just sitting here like you! Then the voice says Can I come over?? Thoroughly annoyed and somewhat alarmed at this point I said sorry I'm kind of busy right now! .
Suddenly the voice says loudly Sorry I'm going to have to call you back - there's some idiot next to me answering all my questions.