Continued Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Continued jokes. There are some continued steady jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these continued steadily puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Cheerful Fun Continued Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

KKK Pastor

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

"How many were there?"

A man and woman had been married for some time when the woman began to question her husband.

"I know you've been with a lot of women before," she said. "How many were there?"

The husband replied, "Look, I don't want to upset you, but there were more than a couple of women. Let's just leave it at that."

The wife continued to plead. Finally, her husband gave in.

"Let's see," he said. "There was one, two, three, four, five, six, you, eight, nine..."

I said, "Did it hurt?"

She looked puzzled, so I continued. "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" She lifted her head slightly and whispered, "Please... call... an ambulance..."

That's when I looked up and realized she's actually fallen out of a window.

When I was a teenager, I'd lock myself in my bedroom for hours every night...

One night, my dad kicked the door open to find out what I was doing. He walked in to discover me sitting on my hand.

"Ah, that old trick," he laughed. I gave an awkward smile back.

"I have to say, son," he continued, "I'm relieved to be honest. I thought you might've been doing something weird. I'll leave you to it."

When he closed the door behind him, I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on fisting myself

jokes about continued

Number Bullying

1 was making fun of 0 for being fat and how he equates to nothing. This continued for several weeks until 0 had enough. He grabs 1 by his throat and shouts "Stop boolean me!".

Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.

The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.

A new monk arrives at the monastery.....

and is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that instead of copying the original books , they are copying the copies.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books sobbing. He asks what's wrong.

"The word is celebrate. " says the old monk with tears in his eyes.

Continued joke, A new monk arrives at the monastery.....

What's the difference between an Iraqi school and an Iraqi Army base?

One poses a significant potential threat to ISIS and its continued existence.

The other is an Iraqi Army base.

A policeman knocked on my door this morning...

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.

After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.

The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.

Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"


He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."

So my wife said "take off my shirt".

So I did as she said and took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.

"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.

"Now my hose, bra, and panties." And lastly, I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

A Touching story

one day a boy was walking home from school and saw a cat lying motionless on the sidewalk. To satisfy his curiosity the boy walked up to the cat to see if it was injured or dead. He touched the cautiously the first time but there was no response. So He touched the cat again. He continued touching, touching and touching. Like i said in the title, this is a touching story.

You can explore continued continually reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean continued constant dad jokes. There are also continued puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A black guy and a white girl hookup at a club...

And after a while of dancing and drinks both were getting eager to get under the sheets. They drive back to the girls place and just as the guy was taking out his package, the girl asked "is it true about what they say about black guys?" And he whispered in her ear "you bet it is", he then continued to stab her 5 times and steal her purse.

My daughter was playing hopscotch by herself...

So my daughter was playing hopscotch, and recited the words "*Step on a crack, and break your mother's back"

And then my wife's back bent over, I then shouted at her to stop playing, but she continued and then recited "*Step on a line and break your father's spine*"

And then the neighbor next door shouted in agony with his back bent.

A white man tells a black man

Why do people call you color man ?? To what the black man answers " I don't know

When I was born; I was black.
When I started to grow, I was black.
When I go to the beach I'm black.
When I have a cold I'm still black.
When I have panic I'm black.
When I'm sick I'm black.
even when I die I continued to be black.

Instead you my friend

When you're born you're pink.
When you start to grow you are white.
When you go to the beach you look red.
When you're cold you look blue.
When you have panic you look yellow.
When you're sick you look green.
When you die you turn gray ....

And they still dare to call me a color man

A man and his wife built a boat...

They called it the *Alfred1*, after a friend of theirs. However, it was poorly constructed and sank immediately.

They continued to try to build seaworthy vessels, but the same thing happened over and over. With the *Brian2*, the *Chris3*, and the *Daniel4*.

"We're really not very good at this," the man said in disgust. "How do boats even work?"

"I don't know, but we'll figure it out," replied his wife. "We need an *ELI5*."

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter...

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight." the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for our brother, he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He cant do either one."

Continued joke, Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the chec

A pencil stands face to face against his nemesis, Paper. Will our hero find the strength he needs to overcome his greatest foe?!

2B continued...

A Texan cowboy was walking down the road

When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"

"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied

"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.

"Yes ma'am I am."

"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired

"Yes ma'am I am"

Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"

The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."

A curvy blonde walks into a drugstore

She asks the clerk, "Can you show me where the flashlight batteries are?".

The clerk says, "Sure." and wiggled his fingers at her in a come-hither gesture. "Come this way", he continued.

She replied "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the flashlight batteries."

A man and his wife were driving down a country road...

A man and his wife were driving down a country road.
They had previously been fighting with each other so they weren't talking at all.

They continued driving until they passed a field full of cows when the wife said, "Family of yours?"

"Yes" replied the husband, "In-laws."

Vin Diesel was riding his bike at the speed of light when a man asked him for a lift.

Vin Diesel stopped for him to hop on and continued riding at the speed of light.
After a while the man asked.
Man: "So what's your name?"
Vin: "Cin Diesel"
Man: "Don't you mean Vin Diesel?"
Vin: "No it's Cin Diesel"
Man: "But why?"
Vin: "Because at the speed of light c=v"

Ma and Pa were rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad sex. Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for?

Ma said for knowing the difference.

A man asked God "why did you make women so beautiful"?

And He replied, "So you will love them"

The man continued, "But why did you make them so stupid?"

He replied, "So they will love you"

The man who has set himself on fire during a protest has died of his injuries.

His cremation will be continued next week.

Another Yo Momma joke..

Yo Mamma so fat that when she stands on a weighing machine, it says "to be continued..."

"But Dad, I came in second!" I cried, as he continued to belittle my athletic skills.

That's the last time I let him watch me box.

Continued joke, "But Dad, I came in second!" I cried, as he continued to belittle my athletic skills.

One Sunday morning in church...

... as Pastor Smith is about to deliver his sermon he asks the congregation how many of them managed to read Mark Chapter 17 as he'd asked them to the previous Sunday.

Almost all hands in the church went up.

"Very well," Pastor Smith continued. "By the way, Mark only has 16 chapters, and the topic of today's sermon shall be lying."

"You treat me like a dog," said my wife....

"We need to sit and talk about it right now," she continued.

"Ok," I replied, "but not on the sofa."

I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..."

I continued, "Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

You're running around with other women, she charged.

You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth. The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded. Counting your ribs!

Curiosity

I walk past a mental Asylum every day and yesterday as I neared I could hear them chanting "Seven..Seven..Seven." This continued as I walked along the wooden fence and I found myself looking for a gap to see what was going on. About 100m down the fence i spotted a hole where the knot had fallen out and hurried towards it. I jammed my eye up to the hole, rather excited to see the ruckus and a finger sprung out and jabbed me in th eye. "Eight..eight..eight."

A bus full of wives going on a picnic

fall into a river and all die.

The husbands saddened cry for a week while one husband continued to cry for more than two weeks.

When asked why he misses his wife so much he replied miserably...

"My wife missed the bus!!"

I was tailgated going 15 over

I was going 15 over the limit in the fast lane and being tailgated so I moved to the slow lane. The car behind continued to stay on my bumper. I couldn't shake him and was becoming very annoyed.

He looked so ridiculous with his flashing lights and his annoying siren.

A man goes in a bar every day, sits alone and orders 3 beers.

After a while the barteder asks him:" Why do you come here every day and order 3 beer?". A man replies:" Well, I have 2 brothers and when we were younger, we agreed that no matter where we ended up. We would drink a beer for each of us.". This continued for some time, but one day man came in a bar and ordered 2 beers. Everybody was shocked, then somebody asked:" Whats wrong did one of your brothers die?". A man replied:" No, I just stopped drinking."

So a doctor is delivering a baby

He walks out of the delivery room, said to a worried looking man:

" we tried our best, your wife survived, but your children...."

After hearing the news the man started to cry, then the doctor said:

"today is April's fool's day! And I'm just kidding with you"

The man's face brightening the doctor continued:

"Your wife is dead too"

Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:

Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.

Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.

Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"

The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.

A man went out a cold winter day

on the ice and started drilling a hole.

Theres no fish under the ice! a voice said. But the man just ignored it and continued to drill

Theres no fish under the ice! The voice said again. The man got nervous

Is it God speaking? He asked

No the is hockey coach. Now get out of the ice hockey hall!

"Back in the day," my grandfather started to say,

"you could walk into a grocery store with 2 dollars in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well."

"But today," he continued, "wherever you go - there are cameras."

Anesthesia

A man was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside.

His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep.

Later, her husband woke up and said, "You're cute."

Startled, she asked him, "What happened to beautiful?"

"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.

A forbidden love

"I'm in love with one of my sheep," the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.

"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to."

"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel physically attracted to my sheep."

"Hmmmmm," observed the doctor. "Is it male or female?"

"Female, of course!" the man replied curtly. "What do you think I am, GAY?"

My grandfather was an old nautical engineer who tried to warn everyone on the Titanic that they were doomed

First he yelled at the passengers while they boarded...he was ignored

Then he yelled at the Captain and the First Mate...he was ignored

Then as he continued to yell his warnings; people began to tell him to be quiet and that he was crazy

Eventually, after all his yelling; Security came and escorted him out of the movie theater

A man and his son were walking in the woods, when they came across the two stray dogs having sex.

"What are they doing?" asked the Son. "Well," replied the father, "they are making puppies." The son was satisfied with the answer, continued the walk, ate some ice cream, and went home. Later that night, the son walked into his parents' room only to find them having sex. "What are you doing?" asked the Son. "Well, we are making babies." "Flip Mommy over, I want a puppy."

George and Barbara Bush were driving through Texas...

...when the First Couple stopped at a restaurant.

Barbara Bush recognized the waiter was an ex-boyfriend from high school. George and Barbara had a friendly conversation with the waiter, and then continued their drive.

In the car, George Bush said to Barbara, "Can you imagine what life would be like if you'd married him instead of me?"

Barbara Bush replied, "Yes. He'd be President and you'd be serving coffee."

A man went on a semi-guided hunting trip in the remote wilderness.

Before setting off on the first day the guide instructed him to shoot three times into the air if he should get lost. Sure enough, the man the man became lost and did as instructed. Nobody came. This continued over the course of the next four days. Finally, on the fifth day a search party located the lost man and just in the nick of time as he only had one arrow left.

An Egyptian man was sailing down a river

When his boat started to leak. He kept on rowing further down the river, whilst more and more water started to pour in. The man ignored the problem and just continued to sail down the river. Eventually his boat was nearly fully submerged and it quickly started to sink. The man refused to come to terms with his situation and just kept trying to row down the river.

He was in de Nile

As the Titanic sank, the musicians remained on deck and continued to play music as the ship went down.

The captain had said "aBandOn Ship", so they really had no choice.

My friend grabbed my by the shoulders and shook me

My friend grabbed me by the shoulders, and shook my while exclaiming, "I'm a pecan! I'm a cashew!"
I said "What?"
My friend continued shaking me back and forth and yelling, "I'm a macadamia! I'm an almond!"
I said "Woah dude! You're nuts!"

Me: The mail man told me he was going on holidays to spain...

...so i asked was he going to Parcelona and he continued to ignore what I believe was my best joke of the year.

Dad: Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery

Went to the Dad Bar the other night...

It was a slow night. There was only the bartender and few other dads sitting at the bar.

I walked up to the bar and the bartender greeted me, "How are ya?"

I replied, "I am thirsty."

Everyone shouted out, "Hi Thirsty!"

The bartender continued pointing to the other patrons, "and this is 'Starving, Tired, and uh...Horny."

Mom, how did I come to this world?

A kid asked his mother:

\- Mom, how did I come to this world?

\- Me and your father planted a seed together - began telling the story the mother.

\- From that seed - she continued - we grew marijuana plant, then smoked some weed and had sex on the washing machine...

I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

A man approached what was certainly a bad vehicle accident.

It seemed that a bus had been hit by a truck belonging to a major company. Strewn about on the ground were a dozen bus passengers. The man asked one of the passengers, Has anybody from the insurance company been here yet? The passenger shook his head from side to side. The man continued, Good, then you won't mind if I lie down here next to you!

A couple were talking after having sex.

You know, that was a really nice time. You lasted a lot longer than usual babe. The woman said. What's your secret? Can I expect this every night from now on? She continued.

The man replied Well, we were sexting earlier so I knew we'd be having an interesting evening, so I might have masterbated earlier today. You could say I... Came prepared

At a wedding reception, the groom's grandfather stood up to make his toast. Having been married for 60 years, he wanted to pass on his secret to the newlyweds. The grandfather addressed the happy couple, saying the tip to a happy and long lasting marriage is to beat your wife up every morning.

An uncomfortable silence followed. The grandfather continued, yes, I beat my wife up every morning. I get up around 6:30 and she gets up around 8.

"I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding

"Add some jam on it," he continued

I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don't. And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can't be buried here. I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"

A man meets a foreign girl, they flirt with each other, and end up sleeping with each other.

After the man came, he asked her 'you finish'?

She shook her head.

Dutifully the men got back to work, and after another round of lovemaking he asked her 'you finish?'

The girl shook her head again.

The man barely had any energy left, but continued the lovemaking nonetheless. In the end he collapses on the bed and asks again 'you finish?'

The girl shakes her head and replies 'No, I'm Swedish'.

My Encounter With My Step-Mom

My step mom came to me and demanded that I take all her clothes off. So I took off her blouse. She said, Now off with my skirt. I did, and she continued, Now take off my stockings. And when I did that, she said, Now my bra and the panties. I took them off. She continued, And don't ever let me catch you wearing my stuff again!

Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either"

An all boys high school teacher was doing the attendance roll call one morning

She went through the list of names and each student replied, Yes miss as their name was called.

James?

Yes miss, replied James.

Is Robert here?

Yes miss, replied Robert.

Jack?

After about 5 seconds of silence, Jack hadn't replied.

The teacher continued, Jack off today?

The whole class in unison, Okay we will miss.

I said to my wife, 'it's really muggy outside today."

She looked at me and replied, 'if I go outside and all of our mugs are on the lawn, I'm leaving you!"

\*\*Me: Smugly continued sipping coffee from a bowl

I am sick

Once I was traveling from Mumbai to Singapore. A woman sitting next seat continued looking at me. I understood that this lady had never seen a Sikh person before.

Midway in the flight when the tea and snacks were served, I struck a conversation with the lady.

Her name was Margarita and she belonged to Spain.

She asked, "what are you?"

I replied, "I am Sikh."

"I am sorry," said the young lady, "hope you get well soon."

I replied,"no dear, I am not sick as that of the body, I am Sikh as of religion."

She shook hands with me and said, "it is nice meeting you, I am also sick of religion."

A man was close to passing and said to his wife "Please answer one final question honestly for me"

"Anything" replied his wife.

The man continued, "We have three sons. Two are fine strapping lads, handsome, tall, strong. They have been the pride of my life. But our third son is so different, he is small, weak, and always ill. Please tell me honestly before I die, is he actually my son?"

His wife replied sincerely "Yes, you don't have to worry, he is our son". And with his mind set at ease the man passed away.

His wife thought to herself, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other two."

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office.

When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"

The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "Simple. I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

You're running around with other women, she charged.

You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth.

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone **poking** him in the chest. It was Eve.

What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded.

*Counting your ribs!*

This guy out there asking the real questions

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

The head is on the wrong end of this nail.

A carpenter was putting siding on a house. He'd reach in his pouch pull out a nail and drive it, then he'd pull out a nail and toss it over his shoulder, he continued, sometimes driving the nail and sometimes tossing it.


His partner asked, "Why are you throwing away some of your nails", the first guy says, "The idiots that made them put the head on the wrong end".


His partner said, "You're the idiot, those nails are for the other side of the house"

A rabbi and a Catholic priest seat together in a bus and start talking about ranks in the Catholic church...

- "So after becoming bishop and maybe archbishop, they can be appointed as cardinals?", asked the Rabbi.
- "That's right.", replied the priest.
- "And only cardinals can become pope?", continued the Rabbi.
- "Not necessarily, but usually yes.", said the priest.
- "And what's next? Can someone become God?", inquired the rabbi.
- "No! Never!"
- "Well, one of ours did."

There was a young poet called Dinesh

There was a young poet called Dinesh

Who could start but never quite finish

He began so ambitiously

Continued deliciously

Then stopped

Sex Ed

Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor.

One got a D, the second a D-, and the third an F.

"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy. "

We'll grab her he continued. And we'll tie her up! said the second.

"Yeah," said the third. "And then we'll kick her in the nuts!"

I was out on the street, minding my own business...

when this guy Norman came up to me out of nowhere. I know his name because he immediately introduced himself without bothering to see if I was interested. I did not respond, yet he continued on, trying to strike up a conversation with me. I had things to do, so I pretended not to notice him.

Yet he still persisted. I know it's generally expected to be polite to people, but I guess I just prefer to ignore social Norms.

(Note: this is gentler than my joke about violating social Norms.)

Joke my grandpa told me.

So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bar tender for three shots. The bar tender asks why 3? The guys says he has 2 brothers. one who lives in England, one who lives in Scotland. He says he has a shot for all 3 of them, so it feels like he's with the. The bartender give the guy his three shots. The guy continued to do this for a while. One day, the guy comes in and the bartender says, three shots? The guy says only two. The bartender asks the guy what happened to his brother, or if he's ok. The guy says that his brothers are fine, he just quit drinking.

Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....

The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.

He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?

An Alabama couple with 9 children went to see the doctor about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor started the procedure and making small talk, asks them "Why, after having 9 children have you decided not to have any more?".

The husband replied, "We just read an article that said 1 in 10 American children born in the United States is Mexican".

The wife continued, "We didn't want to take the chance of having a Mexican baby, since neither of us can speak Spanish".

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.Β 

"You're running around with other women." she charged.Β 

"You're being very unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on Earth."Β 

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.Β 

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.Β 

"Counting your ribs," replied Eve

Two rights make a wrong

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.

In English , he explained, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

However, the professor continued, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative.

A voice from the back of the room interrupted and said yeah, right.

I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...

"It's cutting hedge technology!"

A man walked into a bar.

A man walked into a bar with both of his front pockets full of golf balls & sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him & his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls".

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Too Hot

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey," he continued, "what would then neighbors think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

His wife thought for a moment, then replied, "That I married you for your money."

Made some Indian food for dinner the other night. While telling my wife what was in it, I said I'd used butter in one part, but wished I'd had some ghee instead. She looked at me quizzically, and I continued "Because it's more traditionally Indian."

"Ah," she replied. "Thanks for clarifying."

Β 

Note: this actually happened! She's a gem and I'm keeping her.

A professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.

A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.

My mother advised me not to marry an electrician

"Don't marry an electrician, he will take late night calls and plug himself into other women", my mother warned me.

"Don't marry a plumber either", she continued, "he will work on weekends and do other women's pipes".

"Don't marry a pizza boy neither. He will work on Friday nights and make other women pizzas"

And that's why I married an unemployed man!

A blonde was driving down the highway and noticed another blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a dirt field

She pulled over to the side of the road and yelled,

It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name!

And continued, you're lucky I can't swim, or I'd come over there and kick your ass!

What is a quickie?

A Father was returning to the church from a meeting he had in the city when a street walker approached him and said ... hey father $25 for a quickie! The father blessed her and continued on his way. Once back at the church he pull a nun aside and asked ... sister, what is a quickie? ... The sister replied ... $25 just like it is downtown!

You should never play with ouija

Tom is telling his friends not to play with ouija.

"You should never ever play with ouija, it is really horrible..."

His friends are getting nervous. Tom continued,

"Last week, Karen asked ouija a question, and now she is still in that room."

"She asked ouija, '*what is Ο€*' "

The Queen is laying in hospital with her children at her bedside.

The doctors remain optimistic but I worry my rule is coming to an end . She says.

But the Doctors say you have the omicron variant, do they not? Said Charles.

That's right , she replied.

And the Symptoms are minor are they not? He continued

It's true, but my body is weak and I grow tired .

Suddenly, Andrew interjects:
Minor you say? Can't you just pay them to disappear ?

As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there's no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...

"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"

I walked into the dentist's and whispered, I think I'm a moth. The dentist shrugged, I don't think you should be here. You need to see a psychiatrist. I continued, I am seeing a psychiatrist. Puzzled, he asked, What are you doing here then? I explained...

The light was on.

March 2023, one year into the Ukraine war

A scowling man said to himself as he walked: No hamburgers, no coffee, not even toiletries...

At this time, police in plainclothes came over and whispered to him: I warn you, if you slander great Russia under Putin's leadership like this, I will hit you with a pistol on the head!

The man looked at him and continued to talk to himself: Look, no bullets.

Ole, Sven, and Nels came into the bar.

They were high-fiving each other, shouting, and generally having a celebration of some sort.

"Line 'em up," Ole shouted as the party continued.

They drank and carried on for hours. Finally the bartender's curiosity got the better of him. "Just what are you celebrating?" he asked.

"51 days! We did it in 51 days!" they responded.

"What did you do in 51 days?" he probed.

"Put the puzzle together," they replied. "51 days, and the box said 3-5 years!"

What is the Funniest soviet joke?

What is the Funniest soviet joke?

​

An old man was scattered on the sidewalk and accidentally fell into the river beside the road, shouting for help! The two policemen heard it, turned a blind eye, and continued to talk and laugh as they walked. The old man became anxious and shouted "Down with Brezhnev"! When the two policemen heard this, they jumped into the river and dragged the old man ashore to handcuff him.

A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.

"Just count to five and pull on the main chute," the instructor continued. "If that doesn't open, count to ten and pull on the reserve chute."

"Super easy," he concluded. "Then you'll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport."

The man jumped out the plane, and pulled on the main chute. Nothing happened. He pulled on the reserve chute. Nothing happened.

He looked down at the ground which was approaching fast, and said: "I bet that bus won't be there to pick me up either."

I saw a kid crying alone and asked where his parents was. He continued crying louder.

Anyways, working at the orphanage is fun.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the continued continuously puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working continued continue piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes