Contestant Jokes
55 contestant jokes and hilarious contestant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about contestant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Beauty contestants, get ready for a night of laughter! Compete in a special trivia contest with a witty presenter, test your sense of humor, and see if you have what it takes to become a finalist. Join in the fun and get everyone in the audience laughing with these contestant jokes!
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Funniest Contestant Short Jokes
Short contestant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The contestant humour may include short candidate jokes also.
- I entered my chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and I won first place! My dog came in third.
- Spelling bee judge: "Your word is 'seaward'." Contestant: "C-U-N..."
Judge: "DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP." - My dad was so Competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last He said, "Staring contest... GO."
- I got so drunk last night I got so drunk last night I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest.
- I was in a long staring contest with the sun. Everything is dark now, dare I say it, I must have won.
- I think this 'Miss Universe' contest is rigged. I mean, every one of the contestants is from Earth.
- Congratulations to Ukraine to winning the Eurovision Song Contest. Can't wait for Russia to host it next year.
- Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging The word was Dictate.
[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?
[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate - Did you hear about the Quasimodo look alike contest? The police had to break it up when the crowd turned ugly.
- Latvian potato eating contest. Latvia man enter contest eat potato. Many other contestants. Contest start. Is no potato. All men sad. And hungry.
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Contestant One Liners
Which contestant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with contestant? I can suggest the ones about competitors and opponent.
- My girlfriend was telling me about an innuendo contest. So I entered her.
- A limbo contestant walks into a bar He is immediately disqualified
- I recently saw an advertisement for a double entendre contest So I entered my friend
- I once submitted 10 puns to a contest to see which one would win. No pun in 10 did.
- I went to an art contest recently... It ended in a draw.
- I heard about a double entendre contest on the radio So I entered my sister
- My dyslexic son came last in the school pottery contest... He wrote a poem.
- My friend and I are in a beard growing contest Right now it's neck and neck.
- I once won a pumpkin carving contest. It was a hollow victory.
- I was in a lazy person contest I won by default because my opponent didn't even come.
- What's the rarest category on Jeopardy? Contestants with southern accents
- Why does The Rock decides to leave WWE? He heard that The Paper was contesting...
- Who won the Asian cooking contest? It was a Thai!
- What's the opposite of Protest? Contest.
Whats the opposite of Progress? - What's the talent show where the contestants do basically nothing? "American Idle"
Beauty Contestant Jokes
Here is a list of funny beauty contestant jokes and even better beauty contestant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why were there only 49 contestants in the National Ebonics Beauty Pageant? Nobody wanted to wear the sash that says "Idaho".
- Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
- Did you see the winner of the Ms Saudi Arabia beauty contest? Neither did I.
- Why didn't the gymnast do so well in the beauty contest? she was Nastia Liukin than the other contestants.
- Did you hear about the winner of the Alabama state beauty contest? Me neither.
- What do you call a girl who did not register in time for the beauty contest? Miss Deadline.
- Did you hear about the Middle Eastern beauty contest? Me neither.
- A front end auto shop sponsored a beauty pageant to increase sales but it had the opposite effect when they started promoting their Miss Alignment Contest
- My wife once came in second in a ginger beauty contest.
- Did you hear about the amputee snake that won a beauty contest? Its a pretty short tail
Comical & Quirky Contestant Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about contestant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean participants jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make contestant pranks.
There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
COWBOY TOMBSTONE JOKE
Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me
Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.
They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.
Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"
The CIA, KGB and MI6 decide to have a contest.
Each is given the task to find a rabbit
realeased in the woods.
The CIA uses spyplanes and satellites and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.
The MI6 deploys recon and search teams and finds it in 3 hours.
The KGB return after 1 hour with a badly beaten bear who cries out "I am the rabbit and I surrender".
A man enters a pun contest in a local paper...
He loses. So the next year, he enters 2 puns, doubling his chances. He still loses. So the third year, determined to win, he enters 10 puns. He waits, hoping at least one of his puns will win, but no pun in 10 did.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bro, you really don't want to get into a d**...-measuring contest with me. Trust me, you'll lose.
I'm really good at measuring d**....
The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"
Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.
George W. Bush challenged arnold schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu
For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a r**... from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the r**... top that, they thought. The r**... calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The r**... won hands down!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A w**... Contest.
Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a w**... contest to see who has the biggest w**...! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say "Well you won, but it's because you're black!"
So that night when the black boy goes home, his mom asks him what he did in school that day. He tells her how they did coloring, and reading, and what they learned, and how he played recess, but then he says "And mom, today me and my friends had a w**... contest, and I won! But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm black". To which his mom replies "Tyrone, you didn't win because you're black, you won because you're 17!"
Jesus vs Satan
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the guy in m**... contest?
He really held his own.
A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"
The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"
The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.
"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."
Three hawks had a hunting contest
The first one went and came back with blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that tree over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a rabbit near it".
The second one went and came back with even more blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that rock over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a deer near it".
The third one went and came back with blood all over him. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that lamppost over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I didn't."
"Your word is their..."
"Your word is their," said the spelling bee judge.
The contestant, confused, asked for a sentence.
"They're looking for their dog over there," replied the judge.
