Contestant Jokes
55 contestant jokes and hilarious contestant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about contestant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Beauty contestants, get ready for a night of laughter! Compete in a special trivia contest with a witty presenter, test your sense of humor, and see if you have what it takes to become a finalist. Join in the fun and get everyone in the audience laughing with these contestant jokes!
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Funniest Contestant Short Jokes
Short contestant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The contestant humour may include short candidate jokes also.
- I entered my chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and I won first place! My dog came in third.
- Spelling bee judge: "Your word is 'seaward'." Contestant: "C-U-N..."
Judge: "DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP." - My dad was so Competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last He said, "Staring contest... GO."
- I got so drunk last night I got so drunk last night I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest.
- I was in a long staring contest with the sun. Everything is dark now, dare I say it, I must have won.
- I think this 'Miss Universe' contest is rigged. I mean, every one of the contestants is from Earth.
- Congratulations to Ukraine to winning the Eurovision Song Contest. Can't wait for Russia to host it next year.
- Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding contest When he gets there, he realizes he seriously misunderstood the nature of the contest
- Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging The word was Dictate.
[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?
[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate - Did you hear about the Quasimodo look alike contest? The police had to break it up when the crowd turned ugly.
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Contestant One Liners
Which contestant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with contestant? I can suggest the ones about competitors and opponent.
- My girlfriend was telling me about an innuendo contest. So I entered her.
- A limbo contestant walks into a bar He is immediately disqualified
- I recently saw an advertisement for a double entendre contest So I entered my friend
- A limbo contestant walks into a bar He was disqualified
- I once submitted 10 puns to a contest to see which one would win. No pun in 10 did.
- What did the winner of the muscle loss contest receive as a prize? Atrophy
- I had a staring contest with the sun I think I won, all I see is darkness now.
- What did the winner of the not moving contest get? Atrophy
- I went to an art contest recently... It ended in a draw.
- Cheating at a limbo contest.... that's about as low as you can get!
- A man submits 10 puns to a contest, hoping to win... but no pun-in-ten-did.
- I submitted ten puns into a pun contest, wanna know how many won? No pun in ten did
- I heard about a double entendre contest on the radio So I entered my sister
- My dyslexic son came last in the school pottery contest... He wrote a poem.
- A guy walks into a bar.. and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
Beauty Contestant Jokes
Here is a list of funny beauty contestant jokes and even better beauty contestant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why were there only 49 contestants in the National Ebonics Beauty Pageant? Nobody wanted to wear the sash that says "Idaho".
- Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
- Did you see the winner of the Ms Saudi Arabia beauty contest? Neither did I.
- Hey baby, if you were in a beauty contest... You would come in second place.
Because Nobody looks better than you. - You hear what happened to the beauty pageant contestant that came out covered in beef cuts? she was ms. steak'n... and got grilled
- Why didn't the gymnast do so well in the beauty contest? she was Nastia Liukin than the other contestants.
- Did you hear about the winner of the Alabama state beauty contest? Me neither.
- What do you call a girl who did not register in time for the beauty contest? Miss Deadline.
- Did you hear about the Middle Eastern beauty contest? Me neither.
- A front end auto shop sponsored a beauty pageant to increase sales but it had the opposite effect when they started promoting their Miss Alignment Contest
Comical & Quirky Contestant Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about contestant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean participants jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make contestant pranks.
There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
COWBOY TOMBSTONE JOKE
Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me
Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.
They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.
Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"
The CIA, KGB and MI6 decide to have a contest.
Each is given the task to find a rabbit
realeased in the woods.
The CIA uses spyplanes and satellites and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.
The MI6 deploys recon and search teams and finds it in 3 hours.
The KGB return after 1 hour with a badly beaten bear who cries out "I am the rabbit and I surrender".
A man enters a pun contest in a local paper...
He loses. So the next year, he enters 2 puns, doubling his chances. He still loses. So the third year, determined to win, he enters 10 puns. He waits, hoping at least one of his puns will win, but no pun in 10 did.
Bro, you really don't want to get into a d**...-measuring contest with me. Trust me, you'll lose.
I'm really good at measuring d**....
Yo mama so fat
She has a watch for every time zone she's in,
When she walks past the tv, you miss 8 seasons,
She beat galactus in a planet-eating contest,
Thanos couldn't snap her out of existence,
Flash died before he could do a lap around her
And she ate a black hole because she was hungry
The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"
Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.
Entered a blindfolded m**... contest the other day...
No idea where I came
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.
George W. Bush challenged arnold schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.
A man walks into a steakhouse
A man walks into a steakhouse and sees a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling.
"What's with the meat?" he asks the hostess.
She says, "It's a contest we are running. If you can jump up and grab a piece, your entire meal is free."
"And what if I miss?"
"Then you need to buy everyone in the restaurant a drink. Do you want to try?"
He looks up again.
"No, the steaks are too high."
National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu
For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a r**... from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the r**... top that, they thought. The r**... calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The r**... won hands down!
Swimming Cats
There are 2 cats, an English cat and a French cat, in a contest to swim the English Channel. The English cat is called the one two three cat, and the French cat is called the un deux t**... cat. who won?
The English cat. The un deux t**... quatre cinq.
