Contest Jokes
179 contest jokes and hilarious contest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about contest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the top jokes of all time related to contests, whether it be a Eurovision Song Contest, a Staring Contest, a Beauty Contest, a Pie Eating Contest, and more. Read about the craziest entries and exclusive lookalike contests to win prizes. Learn the funniest stories behind competition winners and laugh out loud.
Quick Jump To
- Short Contest Jokes
- Contest One Liners
- Contest Winning Jokes
- Eating Contest Jokes
- Staring Contest Jokes
- Beauty Contest Jokes
- More Contest Jokes
Funniest Contest Short Jokes
Short contest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The contest humour may include short competition jokes also.
- I entered my chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and I won first place! My dog came in third.
- Spelling bee judge: "Your word is 'seaward'." Contestant: "C-U-N..."
Judge: "DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP." - My dad was so Competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last He said, "Staring contest... GO."
- I got so drunk last night I got so drunk last night I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest.
- I was in a long staring contest with the sun. Everything is dark now, dare I say it, I must have won.
- I think this 'Miss Universe' contest is rigged. I mean, every one of the contestants is from Earth.
- Congratulations to Ukraine to winning the Eurovision Song Contest. Can't wait for Russia to host it next year.
- Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding contest When he gets there, he realizes he seriously misunderstood the nature of the contest
- Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging The word was Dictate.
[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?
[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate - Did you hear about the Quasimodo look alike contest? The police had to break it up when the crowd turned ugly.
Share These Contest Jokes With Friends
Contest One Liners
Which contest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with contest? I can suggest the ones about tournament and challenge.
- My girlfriend was telling me about an innuendo contest. So I entered her.
- A limbo contestant walks into a bar He is immediately disqualified
- I recently saw an advertisement for a double entendre contest So I entered my friend
- A limbo contestant walks into a bar He was disqualified
- I once submitted 10 puns to a contest to see which one would win. No pun in 10 did.
- What did the winner of the muscle loss contest receive as a prize? Atrophy
- I had a staring contest with the sun I think I won, all I see is darkness now.
- What did the winner of the not moving contest get? Atrophy
- I went to an art contest recently... It ended in a draw.
- Cheating at a limbo contest.... that's about as low as you can get!
- A man submits 10 puns to a contest, hoping to win... but no pun-in-ten-did.
- I submitted ten puns into a pun contest, wanna know how many won? No pun in ten did
- I heard about a double entendre contest on the radio So I entered my sister
- My dyslexic son came last in the school pottery contest... He wrote a poem.
- A guy walks into a bar.. and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
Contest Winning Jokes
Here is a list of funny contest winning jokes and even better contest winning puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man sends 10 puns to a pun contest in hopes that at least one of them would be selected as the winning entry No pun in ten did.
- I sent 10 puns to the world best pun contest... ...hoping at least one of them would win.
Well,no pun in-ten-did. - A man entered a pun contest in the newspaper He entered ten of his best puns hoping that at least one of them would win. Unfortunately no pun in ten did.
- I entered a contest where the grand prize was a shopping center, but I lost Can't win the mall
- My local newspaper ran a pun writing contest I entered my ten best puns hoping one would win, sadly no pun in ten did
- My dad called in and told this joke to win a corny joke contest in the 70's What has two knees and swims in the ocean?
A Two-knee fish!..... - So there's this humor contest... and a guy enters ten puns hoping to win with at least one. Unfortunately no pun in ten did.
- I've been working on my favorite puns... I took ten of the best puns I knew and entered them into a local radio contest, hoping that one would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. - I entered 10 puns in the pun contest hoping at least 1 would win But no pun in ten did.
- There's a contest going around and if you win 1st place you get a whole solar system named after you Second place is just a constellation prize
Eating Contest Jokes
Here is a list of funny eating contest jokes and even better eating contest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Latvian potato eating contest. Latvia man enter contest eat potato. Many other contestants. Contest start. Is no potato. All men sad. And hungry.
- When I went to the dumpling eating contest, all I could think was, “How do you even gyoza fast?”
- what's the worst thing about a pi eating contest? it never ends
- My friend and I are having an eating contest. Whoever can eat the least gets atrophy.
- I've invented a new talent contest where you have to dress up as a sailor and eat as much spinach as fast as possible. I'm going to call it Popeyedol.
- Little known fact about the first pie eating contest ... It started March 14, 1592.
It hasn't stopped.
Edit - fixed the date - I made an irrational decision today... I went to a pi eating contest. It never stops.
- What's the best way to decline a hotdog eating contest? No franks.
- I entered a contest to see how fast I could eat a clock. I didn't win. The whole ordeal was very time consuming.
- I thought i could win the cheese curd eating contest. But there was no whey.
Staring Contest Jokes
Here is a list of funny staring contest jokes and even better staring contest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whenever my Dad and I disagree, we settle it with a staring contest. Then we see eye to eye.
- I had a staring contest with the sun and I won! The sun must've blinked since there doesn't seem to be any light anymore!
- Remember the two friends who got the world record for longest staring contest? Yeah? Well turns out they aren't seeing eye to eye anymore.
- No one competes against Tom in staring contests anymore. He's a cheat... ...he uses stareoids.
- In America, we hold staring contests. In Asia, they squint.
- People competing in a staring contest... ..could lose it in the blink of an eye.
- I've been reading up a lot on staring contest strategies. It's really opened my eyes.
- I'm hosting a staring contest next week. If you're interested keep your eyes open.
- Chuck Norris had a staring contest with a picture.
And Won. - Chuck Norris beat his father in a staring contest when he was still a glint in his father's eye.
Beauty Contest Jokes
Here is a list of funny beauty contest jokes and even better beauty contest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why were there only 49 contestants in the National Ebonics Beauty Pageant? Nobody wanted to wear the sash that says "Idaho".
- Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
- Did you see the winner of the Ms Saudi Arabia beauty contest? Neither did I.
- Hey baby, if you were in a beauty contest... You would come in second place.
Because Nobody looks better than you. - You hear what happened to the beauty pageant contestant that came out covered in beef cuts? she was ms. steak'n... and got grilled
- Why didn't the gymnast do so well in the beauty contest? she was Nastia Liukin than the other contestants.
- Did you hear about the winner of the Alabama state beauty contest? Me neither.
- What do you call a girl who did not register in time for the beauty contest? Miss Deadline.
- Did you hear about the Middle Eastern beauty contest? Me neither.
- A front end auto shop sponsored a beauty pageant to increase sales but it had the opposite effect when they started promoting their Miss Alignment Contest
Fun-Filled Contest Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about contest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean quest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make contest pranks.
A man walks into a bar
He lost the limbo contest
Entered a blindfolded m**... contest the other day...
No idea where I came
Money was a little tight, so I entered a pun writing contest...
I read the rules carefully, and it turns out that there was no limit on the amount of times you could enter, so I submitted ten separate entries.
I thought my chances were good, but I just looked at the contest winners to see if any of my entries won, and unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
What did Orion receive when he won second place in the archery contest?
The constellation prize.
Jesus vs Satan
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."
Why did Pee Wee Herman win the annual bass fishing contest?
Experts say it's because he was a master baiter.
A w**... Contest.
Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a w**... contest to see who has the biggest w**...! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say "Well you won, but it's because you're black!"
So that night when the black boy goes home, his mom asks him what he did in school that day. He tells her how they did coloring, and reading, and what they learned, and how he played recess, but then he says "And mom, today me and my friends had a w**... contest, and I won! But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm black". To which his mom replies "Tyrone, you didn't win because you're black, you won because you're 17!"
National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu
For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a r**... from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the r**... top that, they thought. The r**... calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The r**... won hands down!
What do you call a skeleton with blonde hair in a closet?
Last year's winner of the blonde "hide and go seek" contest
At a contest, I was asked to name one thing that is found in cells
Apparently 'Mexicans' was not the right answer
So I entered an astronomy contest the other day...
...I didn't come first but I did get a constellation prize. :-)
My friend and I are in a beard growing contest
Right now it's neck and neck.
The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest
The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest to see who can find a white rabbit in the forest
The CIA comes in first place, finding the rabbit in fourteen hours. They used contacts, thermal vision, and satellites.
MI5 comes in second place, finding the rabbit in 24 hours using much of the same tactics
The KGB comes in last place. In one hour, they produced a bear, near beaten to death, who said "OK, OK, I admit it, I am a rabbit."
I entered a contest to win a set of really nice vegetable knives
...but no dice.
Topical Jokes for 6/1
A video has surfaced of Justin Bieber saying the n-word. People are calling it the least offensive Justin Bieber video ever.
In Illinois, a 115-pound-woman won a hot dog eating contest, after she ate 28 hot dogs. The judges then congratulated the 138-pound-woman.
The NSA is reportedly collecting millions of images per day to build a f**...-recognition database. The NSA is cataloguing the photos in a massive online database -- it's called Instagram.
A Colt 1911 and a Glock walks into a bar...
The 1911 says to the Glock: "Hey, ugly foreigner, want to do a drinking contest?"
The Glock says "You old idiot, you can only last 8 rounds!"
From a friend of mine who's a gun enthusiast.
There was once a pastry competition...
Many bakers submitted their desserts to the contest, but the judges were torn between two Italian chefs' pastries.
They said to the chefs, "We would love for both of you to win... *But there cannoli be one."*
I caught a friend betting on a hospitalized children's limbo contest...
When I confronted him, I asked, "HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?"
I entered 10 puns into a contest last week. Do you know how many won?
No pun in ten did.
Did you hear about the guy who entered a joke and 10 puns in a contest?
The joke won, but no pun in ten did.
A man entered 10 puns into a pun contest.
When he called in to ask if any of his puns won the contest, the organizer told him, "No pun in ten did."
Pun contest
There was once a man who wanted to enter his local paper's pun contest. He sent ten puns in hoping at least one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.
A fight broke out at the bubble-making contest.
It came to blows.
Who won the Asian cooking contest?
It was a Thai!
I recently participated in an e**... contest. Unfortunately I didn't do so well.
Let's just say there was some stiff competition.
Swimming Cats
There are 2 cats, an English cat and a French cat, in a contest to swim the English Channel. The English cat is called the one two three cat, and the French cat is called the un deux t**... cat. who won?
The English cat. The un deux t**... quatre cinq.
I won a contest to go trick or treating with Arnold Schwarzenegger this year. w**... thinking of going as Beethoven.
He'll be Bach.
A man enters a pun contest...
He writes down 10 puns and puts them into a hat thinking at least one of them would win. Sadly, no pun in 10 did.
American Ginny Thrasher won gold in the Olympic shooting contest. When asked where she learned her skills
"in school" she replied.
Did you hear about the guy in m**... contest?
He really held his own.
International Contest
Great Britain and the USA are having a contest about who can mess up their country the most. Britain is leading, but the USA have a Trump card.
Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles!
Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?
A man walks into a bar with his buddies and sees three steaks hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender "Why are there three steaks hanging from the ceiling?"
The bartender replies "It's a contest sort of thing, actually. If you can jump and slap one of the steaks, you and your buddies get free drinks for the night. If not, you have to pay for everyone in the bar's drinks for the next hour. Wanna give it a try?"
The man thinks for a few minutes and makes his decision.
"Bartender, as much as my buddies and I would like free drinks, the stakes are just too high."
I entered a pun contest
I entered a pun contest. They asked me to submit ten of my best puns.
I came up with the best I could think of, hoping at least one of them would win.
No pun in ten did.
I just won a f**... contest.
The judges were blown away.
A man walks into a steakhouse
A man walks into a steakhouse and sees a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling.
"What's with the meat?" he asks the hostess.
She says, "It's a contest we are running. If you can jump up and grab a piece, your entire meal is free."
"And what if I miss?"
"Then you need to buy everyone in the restaurant a drink. Do you want to try?"
He looks up again.
"No, the steaks are too high."
I didn't win the wet t-shirt contest.
Which is b**... because I ate more t-shirts than anyone else.
I've never actually seen two women s**...
But I bet you it sounds like an arm pit f**... contest
Poetry contest
A r**... and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.
Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu
The audience applauds, thinking that the r**... does not have a chance. Then the r**... goes.
Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!
I submitted 10 puns into a pun contest
None of them won. No pun in ten did.
I made a contest to see which silkworm would produce more silk.
But it just ended up in a tie.
Three hawks had a hunting contest
The first one went and came back with blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that tree over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a rabbit near it".
The second one went and came back with even more blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that rock over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a deer near it".
The third one went and came back with blood all over him. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that lamppost over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I didn't."
My friend tried to enlist the help of his spouse in our dad-joke contest...
She failed miserably, making no decent jokes.
I said, "looks like you brought a wife to a pun fight."
I entered ten puns in a pun contest to see which one would win.
No puns in ten did.
I saw an ad for a double entendre contest
So i entered my sister
COWBOY TOMBSTONE JOKE
Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me
Frankenstein walks into a body building contest
He seriously misunderstood the point of it.
Once, at an all boys summer camp, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. But that's not what freaked me out...
...the night before that I dreamed I was in a hotdog eating contest.
A man enters a pun contest in a local paper...
He loses. So the next year, he enters 2 puns, doubling his chances. He still loses. So the third year, determined to win, he enters 10 puns. He waits, hoping at least one of his puns will win, but no pun in 10 did.
Two priests are at a Bucking Bronco contest
The first priest hardly lasts 30 seconds, but the second priest lasts well over 2 minutes and walks away with the prize money.
The first priest says, "I don't know how you do it."
The second replies "One of my choirboys is Epileptic."
Remember past mistakes and never trust the voters to make good decisions...
Southern Biscuits and Gravy was actually a finalist in the Lay's Chip Contest
A first place winner at the International Pun Contest
A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're identical twins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
What did the man who won a contest where he sat still for 72 hours get?
Atrophy
