Contending Jokes
14 contending jokes and hilarious contending puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about contending that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Contending Short Jokes
Short contending jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The contending humour may include short jokes also.
- Students at M.I.T. recently developed a new contender for the blackest material known to man... Scientists attempted to demonstrate it in public, but it was immediately shot by the police.
Share These Contending Jokes With Friends
Contending One Liners
Which contending one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with contending? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Professional female athletes are tasty because they're chick contenders
- What's the name of the beauty pageant contender who doesn't know math? Miss calculated
- A Mexican man contended in the Olympics He won a gold medal in the "Jump and run" event.
Contending Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about contending you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make contending pranks.
During the annual cavemen conference ...
Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .
Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender
Greg " that's not it ,chief "
And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand
" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .
The papal elections came down to two contenders:
Cardinal Koch and Cardinal Sea. The votes were tallied and Cardinal Koch won by 1 vote. However, moments later, Koch suffered a massive heart attack.
The Dean came out of the room where they took Koch. He looked at the assembled cardinals. They asked, Will we have Pope Koch? . The Dean shook his head and said, Koch is gone, is Pope Sea ok?
A cop just handcuffed a dude for a misdemeanor, waiting for back-up, when the offendant asks him...
O: Did you always dream of becoming a policeman?
C: Actually no , he replies. I've always wanted to be famous on the internet.
No way! , the guy says. Same here, what a coincidence. So what stopped you?
C: I'm not sure, I guess I just never figured out how to get into the scene and make a name for myself you know. Seems like nowadays you'd really have to do something crazy and s**... to get your face out there and stand out amongst all the contenders...
O: You think that's it? Crazy? I can do crazy, just watch me.
To which the cop says: Not if I'm gonna _beat_ you to it!
*Edited for typo
The Marine Corp and the radio
One month into Marine Corps training in San Diego, California, we were preparing for a ten-mile march in 100-degree weather when a jeep drove up with a large radio in the back.
"Who knows anything about radios?" our drill instructor asked.
Several hands went up, and anticipating a ride in the jeep, recruits began listing their credentials. Everything from a degree in communications to a part-time job in a repair shop was declared.
The DI listened to all the contenders, then pointed to the most qualified. "You!" he barked. "Carry the radio."
My dad's favorite joke
Two men go out to lunch. One man orders a BLT, but the waitress says "We're out of BLTs." The man contends they cannot be out of BLTs, and asks whether they have bacon. The waitress answers in the affirmative. The man asks whether they have tomatoes. Again, the waitress answers "yes." The man asks whether they have lettuce, and the waitress states they are indeed out of lettuce. The man asks whether he can have cabbage instead of lettuce, and the waitress agrees to arrange for this.
When the food arrives, the man who ordered the BLT begins to dissect the sandwich. He wipes the mayonnaise off the bread and wipes it on the side of the plate. He sets the tomatoes aside, and crumbles the bacon and puts it on top of the tomatoes. He then begins rolling up the cabbage and stuffing it into his ear. His friend is confused and embarrassed, and asks the man to stop, saying "Why are you doing that with the cabbage?"
The man answers: "Because they were out of lettuce."
Chicago Police Department
In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the president narrowed the field to three finalist, the CIA, the FBI, and the Chicago Police.
The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.
The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it.
The CPD went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling "Okay, Okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".
Physics joke
A man is interested in placing a bet on a horse race; only he's a smart, educated guy and doesn't want to blow his money on the wrong horse. He decides to consult a vet, a statistician an a physicist.
He goes to the vet. The vet examines the horses for a few minutes, then points to a horse and says: "this is the healthiest, strongest, horse. He'll probably win".
He then goes to the statistician. The statistician takes a couple of hours to analyze all the previous races of all contending horses. He takes into account the horse's nutrition, the weather, the day of the week, the number of spectators and many other factors. In the end, he points to a horse and says that, based on past performance, it has the highest probability of winning the race.
Finally, the man goes to a physicist. The physicist thinks for a few minutes and tells him he needs a few days to think it over. A day passes, then two days, then three. It's finally a day before the race and the bets have to be placed. But still there's no word from the physicist. The man decides he has to get an answer so he angrily calls the physicist himself. His reply? "listen, the problem you've given me was harder than I anticipated. By now, I only managed to solve it for a spherical horse in vacuum".