contempt Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious contempt puns

The Washington Redskins are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.

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My grandpa's favorite joke

This works better in my native language, but I am going to do my best to try to translate it effectively.

At the end of a good day's work, an accountant goes home and announces proudly to his wife "Honey, I missed the bus today but I saved $2 by chasing after it all the way home! "

His wife fixes him with a look of pure contempt and says "You fool!! You could have saved $75 if you'd only chased after a cab."

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Washington Redskins Name Change

The Washington Redskins are changing their team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

...from now on they will simply be known as the Redskins.

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The Hammer

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard." The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You God-damned bastard." The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that a problem?" The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "For fifteen years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

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A Defendant in a Lawsuit . . .

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!"

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court."

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!"

Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."

"But I did send them.", replied the man.

"What?" shouted the lawyer.

"I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."

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Once there was this judge who just sentenced a man

The man asked the judge,

Hypothetically, what would happen if I called you a motherfucker?

The judge answered If you were to call me a motherfucker, then I would sentence you for contempt to the court and you would spend the night in jail

Alright, said the man, but what if I was just thinking it?

I have no authority on what's in your head. You're free to think whatever you please.

In that case, your honor, I think that you're a motherfucker.

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Contempt Of Court

Having had to take the day off work to appear in court for a minor traffic summons, the man was growing increasingly restless as he waited hour after hour for his case to be heard.

Finally, late in the afternoon, his case was called. He stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned until the next day and he would have to return.

"What!" What for?" he yelled at the judge.

His Honor, equally irritated by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, "That will be twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's what for!"

Noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge added, "That's all right. You don't have to pay right now."

The man replied, "Oh, I'm just looking to see if I have enough for two more words!"

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So there was this judge who just sentenced a man in court...

The man asked:

Hypothetically, what would happen if I called you a cunt?

The judge answered If you were to call me a cunt, then I would sentence you for contempt to the court and you would spend the night in jail

Alright, said the man, but what if I was just thinking it?

I have no authority on what's in your head. You're free to think whatever you please.

In that case, your honor, I think that you're a cunt.

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Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis found in contempt of court and taken into custody...

...making it the first time a public sector employee has gotten in trouble for not doing their job.

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At the French restaurant I recently visited, my meal was filled with contempt (and cheese!) I could practically taste the hatred of the chef.

No wonder the menu item is called "The Crepes of Wrath"

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What are the most funny Contempt jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Contempt? Well, here are the best Contempt dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Contempt pick up lines to share with friends.

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