Contemplating Jokes
42 contemplating jokes and hilarious contemplating puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about contemplating that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Contemplating Short Jokes
Short contemplating jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The contemplating humour may include short pondering jokes also.
- Saw a sign at a farm that said, "duck, eggs." I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.
- NBC is contemplating a new TV series titled "Airline Tragedies." They are putting the pilot together right now.
- I gave a deaf blind child my seat in the taxi After he ran over several people I began to contemplate my decision, I told him to stop but he just wouldn't listen
- What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night? Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog.
- A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand. After contemplating in silence for a time, the Buddhist looks up to the vendor and says, Make me one with everything.
- The worst thing about being a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac ...is that you stay up all night contemplating the existence of dog.
- Stopped by a roadside farm where I saw a sign that said DUCK, EGGS I was contemplating the position of the comma when it hit me.
- My dad, contemplating Brexit and the board game Risk, "Well, Europe has always been hard to hold."
- Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia? Yeah, he sat up all night contemplating the existence on "dog".
- I was contemplating engineering a newer, more advanced clone of my brain... But then I realized I was getting ahead of myself.
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Contemplating One Liners
Which contemplating one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with contemplating? I can suggest the ones about thinking and gazing.
- What do you call a Dinosaur who contemplates the meaning of life? A Philophosaurus.
- I used to run a lot on the treadmill and contemplate my future I was going nowhere fast.
- Where do thoughtful people eat their food from? A contemplate.
- How does a giant climb a mountain when he's in a contemplative mood? thousand-yard stairs
- What does a philosopher put his/her food on? A contemplate
- Before God was making con men from a template... Was he con-templating it?
- Why was the cab driver contemplating his life? Because he had nothing to chauffeur.
- What do you call cop that contemplates his existence? A phillofficer.
- I am busy contemplating my future. Don't worry, this will only take a minute.
- What kind of dinosaur contemplates the universe? A Philosoraptor!
- So Chuck Norris was contemplating his own mortality...
- What's Edgar Allan Poe's greatest philosophical contemplation? TB or not TB.
- Ronda Rousey says she contemplated s**.... Holly Holm declined the rematch though.
- Why was the French chef contemplating s**...? Because he'd lost the *huile d'olive.*
- Why did Henri Lautrec contemplate s**...? Thought he had nothing else Toulouse.
Hilarious Fun Contemplating Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about contemplating you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean considered jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make contemplating pranks.
An Englishman, Frenchman, and Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve.
"They are so calm and contemplative. They would surely be English." The Englishman says.
"No," the Frenchman says, "they are n**... and beautiful, they would be French."
"My friends," the Russian begins, "no clothes, no shelter, they are sharing an apple between two, they're being watched, and they're told this is paradise. They are definitely Russian."
I've been contemplating the pros and cons of m**....
On the one hand, it feels good.
On the other, not so much.
Four engineers in a car...
Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."
After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"
A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car
"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy
"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.
After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"
"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"
The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"
Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?
Old man Murphy and old man Sean were contemplating life when Murphy asked, If you had to get one or the other would you rather get Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?
Sure, I rather have Parkinson's , replied Sean
'Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!
How many of Shakespeare's characters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to contemplate how a lightbulb is as mortal as any human, and one to spend the afternoon debating whether to m**... his uncle.
Two men are playing golf.
One of them is about to take a swing when a f**... procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation.
His opponent comments: "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very feeling man."
The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
The duck and the chicken
So a duck is contemplating whether or not to cross the road, then a chicken walks up to him and tells him
"Don't do it man" the chicken said, "You'll never hear the end of it."
Walking inside a Nike store would be the worst place to contemplate s**....
Everything is saying Just Do It.
A priest is taking confession when a woman confesses to giving head...
The priest doesn't know what head is but he figures it's bad if it is something she's confessing to, so he gives her a couple of Hail Marys and an Our Father.
Later that day the priest is contemplating his day in the rectory garden when he sees a nun. He can't get this "head" out of his head, so he asks the nun, "Sister, can I ask you a question? What's head."
"Same is in town, Father, $20"
Pete
Pete the phantom f**... was contemplating retirement, after thinking it over he decided to stick it out for another year.
After contemplating the idea for a while, I decided to turn myself into the police.
It was fun while it lasted pulling people over and taking their drugs and stuff, until I got busted for impersonation.
Two men were playing golf when a f**... procession walked by.
One of the men took off his cap, bowed his head and closed his eyes in contemplation.
His opponent commented, "That is one of the most touching things I've seen. You are a very feeling man."
The man, recovering himself, replied, "Yeah, well, we were married for 20 years."
So a man went up to a rather contemplative looking p**......
... and asked "A penny for your thots?"
