Container Jokes

Following is our collection of crate puns and jar one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Container jokes for adults, dirty lid jokes and clean sample dad gags for kids.

The Best Container Puns

Milk joke

Walmart on a sunday night. Place is dead, my dad and I are stopping to grab some milk. Just a gallon. Go up to the cashier, she rings us up and we pay for it.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" She asks us
My dad's swift reply: "No I'll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere."

First post hope you like it. :)

I need you to make a container with finite temperature and infinite volume

No pressure

A lady came in for a routine physical at the doctor's office.

Here , said the nurse, handing her a urine specimen container. The bathroom is over there on your right.
The doctor will be with you in a few minutes.
A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container and a relieved look on her face.
Thanks! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn't need this after all!

I tried to catch a bunch of fireflies last night but they escaped the container

It was ajar

Sugar

A blonde would wake up every morning, go into the kitchen, carefully open the lid of the sugar container, look into it and then close it.

This made her new boyfriend very curious. So one day he asked her why she did that. She replied, "My doctor asked me to check my sugar level every day."


What do you call a jealous container?

An envylope.

What's the difference between a container with sand and a container with babies in it?

I can't use a pitchfork to empty the container with sand.

I like my women like I like my coffee

Weak, cold, and in a sealed container.

I spent an hour staring at the OJ container yesterday.

It said "concentrate."

A detetive was hired for a job

he found out the murderer was a leather container for carrying documents almost immediately



it was a brief case

How are a tupperware container and a walrus alike?

They both like a tight seal.


Why was the the blonde staring at the orange juice container ?

It said Concentrate

A Scottish man walks store...

He asked for 15 litres of the best whiskey the clerk has. "Did you bring a container for this?" The clerk asks. "You're speaking to it."

Fat Free French Fries

A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries.

Sounds great, said the health-conscious boy.

He ordered some.

He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container.

Wait a minute, the boy said. Those don't look fat-free.

Sure they are, the cook said. We charge only for the potatoes. The fat is free!

A cow walked to the store to buy some milk...

but cows don't have hands so they can't use grocery stores or grab milk in a container. It was an udder failure.

A sailor is being asked by a reporter

"Was there ever a situation in your voyages when you were afraid?"

"Yeah, once we were transporting a container of 500.000 dolls. A storm just started and the ship leaned hard on its side. At that moment all the dolls cried "MAMA"...That's when I shat myself with fear."

So I had to put German food in a container one time...

It was a real wurst case scenario

What kind of container is appropriate for noble gases?

An innertube.

What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed?

NYC subway commuters.


What's the difference between a container of peanuts, cashews, and almonds and neutering a dog.

One is mixed nuts - the other is nixed mutts!

I noticed this morning that, due to the vibrations of the bus, the pieces of dessert that I was carrying were moving randomly within their container.

I believe this is an excellent example of brownie in motion.

Two Nuns run out of gas...

Two Nuns run out of gas a mile from the gas station.

They are rummaging around the car for a gas can, or some other container to hold the fuel but all they can find is a bed pan.

So they take the bed pan and walk the mile to the station, fill the pan and walk back to the car.

So there they are, two Nuns in full Nun garb pouring gas into the vehicle from a bed pan.

A man driving by sees the Nuns, sees the bed pan and exclaims:

"Oh, Lord! Now that is faith!"

What's do a Tupperware container and a male sea lion have in common? [NSFW]

They both like a tight seal

This morning I wrote a note on my container of spaghetti that read "Marios noodles" and left my lunch in the fridge...

At lunch, I see Luigi eating my Spaghetti!

I say, "Hey, didn't you see the note?" Those noodles were mine! you owe me a dollar!"

Outraged, Luigi stood and pointed at the crumpled up note. "No a pasta fee!"

I like my women how I like my coffee

Cheap, easily picked up

And found later in a disposable plastic container.

Trump just said if he's elected he'll shut down the corrugated container industry

He wants to make America crate again

How long will my soup be? I asked the waiter.

"Well liquid takes the shape of its container"

What do you call a glass container with a bad lid?

A loose-seal ball jar

Gotdam cop just wrote me a ticket for an open container.

How's I'm supposed to drink it if it ain't open?

There was a quick trial where a man was beat to death using a handled container...

It was a brief case.

If I owned an avocado farm

I would label the container for all the good avocados "Avocados" and the container for all the bad avocados "Avocadon'ts".

How to transform a tin can into a glass container.

Leave it ajar.

New guest at the potluck.

New guest: I brought a casserole!

*Opening the container shows that everything is burnt.

Fellow guest: It's ok, I've bratwurst...

There was a trial about a murder involving a handled container...

It was a brief case.

I like containers that are educated.

I only use graduated cylinders.

Mastercard Chinese Resturant Commercial

General Tso's Chicken........ $11.50

Coca-Cola........ $1.99

Take out guy forgets container........ Riceless

What do you call a painting of a heat insulating container on a dudes arm?

A Thermostat

What might an ignoramus give as an accurate response to not encountering a sealed glassware container they had purchased from a consumable goods proprietor and believing to have deposited it in a specific location only to be greeted by the dismay that is in fact not within the immediate vicinity?

Jar gone

What Do You Call A Container Full Of Goods Headed To A War-Stricken Country?

Dockers Without Borders

Did you hear about the new xbox brand bulk shipping container?

It was an xbox xbox box box.

Some morbid baby jokes

What's scarier then ten babies in one jar?
A: One baby in ten jars

How do you got a baby in a container?
A: blend it.

Nobody likes spoiled children

So be sure to use an airtight container to keep them fresh for dessert.

In pottery class I made a container to hold flowers that is patterned after part of the male reproductive tract.

That's right, it's my Vase Deferens.

How efficient is shipping goods in a large metal container?

Semi

What do you call a charitable cookie container?

A good samoa-tin

What's worse then 2 dead baby's in a container?

1 dead baby in 2 containers.

What do you get for every sock that goes missing

A tupaware container with no lid

What do you call a Saltine container filled with ducks?

A box of quackers

Did you hear about that kid that was hit with a metallic water container?

It lead to serious bottle-ly harm.

Sometimes I just drink milk straight from the container

It tastes better and the cow seems to enjoy it

Follow your heart.

It's in the styrofoam container in the back of that pick up truck.

Step on it! You haven't much time!

Funny Images At 7-Eleven's "Bring Your Own Container" Slurpee Day | divide.rocks

What did the man say when he saw a dancing soup container?

That can can can-can!

There is an abundance of lollies jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 53 funniest jokes and container puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any chardonnay witze you can hear about container.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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