Contagious Jokes
42 contagious jokes and hilarious contagious puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about contagious that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores how "contagious jokes" can be used just like how a virus can spread quickly, as they often move from person to person no matter where they go. The article explains how a single joke can dictate conversations, from the playground to the workplace. It shares examples of how the game of Telephone can easily spread jokes, and why pigtails are a popular place for jokes to hide. Finally, it investigates the famous story of Johnny, who had a contagious joke that he couldn't stop telling.
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Funniest Contagious Short Jokes
Short contagious jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The contagious humour may include short viral jokes also.
- Teacher: "Billy, can you use the word 'contagious' in a sentence?" Billy: "My dad said it will take that contagious to fix the fence."
- If smiling is contagious... ...then Russian Women must have a vaccine or built an immunity or something.
- Teacher: "Billy, can you give me a sentence with the word contagious in it?" Billy: "Trump should have responded to the COVID-19 outbreak quickly and decisively but it took the contagious"
- I have a t-shirt that says, "Hope is contagious." My ex-girlfriend Hope really hates that shirt.
- I overheard a super skinny girl say that she sometimes forgets to eat. So naturally I licked her face to see if it was contagious
- People already have the Christmas Fever ... It must be contagious because I was just diagnosed with Tinselitus
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Contagious One Liners
Which contagious one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with contagious? I can suggest the ones about epidemic and infected.
- How do you compliment a girl with a cold sore? You tell her that her smile is contagious.
- It's a good thing farts aren't "contagious" like yawns.
- Is high blood pressure contagious? Because I think I'm getting it from my patients.
- What disease is only contagious from your mother, brother or sister? Mombrosis
- They say laughter is contagious Ha ha
you're welcome. - What's more contagious then a yawn? An STD.
- Contagious Had my grandmother mow my lawn, it took that contagious.
- I'm not sure what's more contagious... Laughing
Yawning
Or h**...
Rib-Tickling Contagious Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about contagious you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean addictive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make contagious pranks.
A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence
A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.
*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"
S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"
T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"
S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"
During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny "have you ever heard of the word contagious before?"
"Of course miss" Johnny replies "my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday".
"Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?"
"Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbour take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over the driveway, dad said 'it's going to take the contagious to pick all that up.
"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"
Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"
Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.
Little Johnny stood up...
"Miss, my next door neighbour is painting his house with a 1 inch brush and my dad said its going to take the contagious."
"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."
"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"
"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."
"You have a very rare and extremely contagious condition"
the doctor told his patient.
"We're going to have to put you in an isolation unit where you'll be on a diet of pancakes and pizza."
"Will the pancakes and pizza cure my condition?" asked the patient.
"No," replied the doctor.
"They're the only things we can slip under the door."
A teacher asks her class
to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."
The teacher asks her students to use the word "contagious" in a sentence.
Jenny pipes up instantly; "My mum has the flu, I think it's contagious!".
"Excellent work!", the teacher responds. "Anyone else have an example? What about you Seamus?"
Seamus McDougall, the new Irish exchange student, thinks for a moment.
"M' Pa made me lunch t'day, but it took the contagious!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't know why people think homosexuality is contagious
If it was I'd definitely have caught it by now, after having s**... with so many men
I was so proud of my son
He's 18 and he got a job sandblasting for the summer to save for school. The manager was talking to him during safety orientation and said so sandblasting? That should be fun . He responded yeah it should be a blast He said he got a groan and an eye roll then told me off for being contagious.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man tests positive for Covid, h**..., and monkey pox after trip to Spain.
When asked how his luck could be so bad he said it's contagious
I'm sorry, the doctor says, you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna. Will that cure me? the patient asks.
Well, no, the doctor replies, but it's the only food that will fit under the door.
A teacher asks his students to make a sentence with the word "contagious"...
...Sally answers, "Viruses are contagious."
"Very good Sally. Anybody else?", the teacher says.
Ben puts up his hand, "When I hear someone laugh, I like to laugh as well, because laughter is contagious".
"Thankyou Ben, that was a good example", replies the teacher.
Then Timmy puts up his hand. "Yes Timmy", asks the teacher.
"My neighbour was painting the outside of his house with a two inch brush, and my Dad said that it would take the contagious."
Can anyone use the word "contagious" in a sentence?
Julia raises her hand. Yes, Julia? She answers, I was at the dentist's office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.
Very good, Julia! the teacher said, Anyone else want to try? Shazza raises her hand. Yes, Shazza? She answers, My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious.
Excellent work, Shazza! Very creative, the teacher praises. Okay, one more volunteer. Bruce raises his hand. Yes, Bruce?
Well, he says, I was helping my dad in the yard last week, and we saw the neighbor painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, 'Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?' and he says, 'I don't know son, but it's gonna take that contagious.'
Little Johnny
At school one day, Little Johnny's teacher asks the class to use the word contagious in a sentence…
Cindy raises her hand. Yes, Cindy? She answers, I was at the dentist's office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.
Very good, Cindy! the teacher said, Anyone else want to try? Samantha raises her hand. Yes, Samantha? She answers, My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious.
Excellent work, Samantha! Very creative, the teacher praises. Okay, one more volunteer. Little Johnny raises his hand. Yes, Johnny?
Well, he says, I was helping my dad in the yard last week, and we saw the neighbor painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, 'Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?' and he says, 'I don't know son, but it's gonna take that contagious.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American, a Canadian, and a Russian walk into a bar and find a rubella patient dying on the floor.
The American says: Tough luck, pal. But I'll tell you what, for thirty thousand I got a guy that can fix that for you.
The Canadian says: You don't look so good, buddy. Why don't you come back with me to Canada and we'll see what we can do, eh? Won't cost you a thing.
The Russian pulls out a gun and asks: Are you contagious?
The rubella patient nods.
Great, says the Russian. Now come with me to Afghanistan or I'll m**... your family.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a contagious nurse on a bike and a gay CEO? [Punchline Requested]
A teacher asks her class to come up with a sentence...
...that contains the word "contagious."
Amy stands up and says "Last week my mummy had the flu. It was contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Then Becky stands up and says "a long time ago the Bubonic Plague affected a lot of Europe and because it was very contagious a lot of people died." "Very good," says the teacher. "One more?"
Little Johnny then stands up and says "my next door neighbour recently started painting his house with a two-inch brush. My Daddy says it'll take the contagious."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How contagious?
A middle aged father was in the bathroom one morning shaving before work, when his teenage daughter passed by the doorway, she came back a moment later and asked her father " dad I've got a very serious question for you" "ok" he replies go ahead, she then sheepishly asks, " um how contagious is h**..." stunned the father immediately thinks of nothing but to try and turn his daughter away from this type of activity, he replies with " oh honey, its very very contagious, any kind of contact will mean almost certain infection, I cant watch you 24/7, so all I can ask if you try and at least stay protected" the daughter backs away from the doorway and replies "well I was just asking because your using my razor and Im currently having a breakout."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(Irish joke, sorry guys). A teacher is giving an English lesson on the word "Contagious"...
...She asks the class for examples of when they have heard the word being used. One eager child says "Daddy says to cover my mouth when I cough because my cold is contagious".
"Very good!" replied the teacher, "has anybody else got an example?".
"My mummy says my laugh is contagious", said another child.
"Great answer!", said the teacher, "How about you p**...?" (apologies for the token Irish name).
"Well, our neighbour is painting his fence with a toothbrush", said p**..., "Dad says it's going to take the contagious!"
