Contagious Jokes

Following is our collection of johnny puns and suzie one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Contagious jokes for adults, dirty darla jokes and clean infect dad gags for kids.

The Best Contagious Puns

A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.

"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.

*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"

S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"

T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"

S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"

"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"

Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"

The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.

Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"

Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.



Little Johnny stood up...

"Miss, my next door neighbour is painting his house with a 1 inch brush and my dad said its going to take the contagious."

"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."

"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"

"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word contagious . Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- Susan?

- I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!

- Very good. What about you, Johnny?

- Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it's gonna take the contagious!


Teacher: "Billy, can you use the word 'contagious' in a sentence?"

Billy: "My dad said it will take that contagious to fix the fence."

"You have a very rare and extremely contagious condition"

the doctor told his patient.

"We're going to have to put you in an isolation unit where you'll be on a diet of pancakes and pizza."

"Will the pancakes and pizza cure my condition?" asked the patient.

"No," replied the doctor.

"They're the only things we can slip under the door."

A teacher asks her class

to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.

"Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

The teacher asks her students to use the word "contagious" in a sentence.

Jenny pipes up instantly; "My mum has the flu, I think it's contagious!".

"Excellent work!", the teacher responds. "Anyone else have an example? What about you Seamus?"

Seamus McDougall, the new Irish exchange student, thinks for a moment.

"M' Pa made me lunch t'day, but it took the contagious!".

Contagious

"Right class," said the teacher. "Who can make a sentence with the word 'contagious'?"

Little Johnny threw up his hand excitedly.

"Yes, Johnny?"

"My dad saw our neighbour painting his fence with a little brush, and said, 'Blimey, that'll take the contageous!'"

Typical Johnny

Teacher asks the class if they can think of a sentence with the word 'contagious' in it.

After a long pause little Johnny puts his hand up. "yes Johnny, give it a go"

I was in the car with my dad and we were driving past one of our neighbours who was painting his garden fence with a toothbrush. My dad said "it's going to take that contagious to finish that"


Teacher: So what's your sentence that contains the word contagious?

Student: our neighbour is painting a wall with 2 inch brush, my dad says it will take this contagious.

Teacher: "OK Sarah, what's your sentence with contagious?"

Student: "Our neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush and my dad said it will take the contagious."

If smiling is contagious...

...then Russian Women must have a vaccine or built an immunity or something.

All these contagious people make me sick!

Little johnny is asked to use the word contagious in a sentence.

My dad was watching my mom cut the grass out the front window.
He was yelling, at the rate she's cutting the grass, It's going to take that contagious.

I asked one of my students to use the word contagious in a sentence...

He said: trump should have reacted quicker to the COVID-19 pandemic, but it took the contagious

I have a t-shirt that says, "Hope is contagious."

My ex-girlfriend Hope really hates that shirt.

One day children are learning the word contagious.

One day children are learning the word contagious. They are told to use the word in a sentence. Mary says,"I had to stay home from school because I had a contagious disease." Steve says,"My neighbor was painting the fence and my dad said it will take that contagious."


I'm sorry, the doctor says, you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna. Will that cure me? the patient asks.

Well, no, the doctor replies, but it's the only food that will fit under the door.

Teacher in school asked a student for a sentence that used the word 'contagious'....

The student said "our neighbours are printing the house with a 2 inch brush,and my dad said it would take the contagious".

I'm not sure what's more contagious...

Laughing


Yawning


Or Herpes

How do you compliment a girl with a cold sore?

You tell her that her smile is contagious.

I overheard a super skinny girl say that she sometimes forgets to eat.

So naturally I licked her face to see if it was contagious

What disease is extremely contagious among Catholic leadership?

Porkin'sons.

Is high blood pressure contagious?

Because I think I'm getting it from my patients.

My wife told me today that she's suffering of depression.

I said "I think it's contagious because whenever I'm around you I wanna kill myself too."

People already have the Christmas Fever ...

It must be contagious because I was just diagnosed with Tinselitus

They say smiling is contagious...

only Russian women seem to have built a tolerance.

They must have a vaccine.

There is an abundance of infectious jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 29 funniest jokes and contagious puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any cindy witze you can hear about contagious.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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