Consuming Jokes
88 consuming jokes and hilarious consuming puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about consuming that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for ways to more efficiently consume jokes? This article provides tips on how to utilize time for maximum joke consumption. Learn about the best practices for maximizing joke-eating, so you can get the most out of your time.
Quick Jump To
- Short Consuming Jokes
- Consuming One Liners
- Time Consuming Jokes
- Consuming Alcohol Jokes
- More Consuming Jokes
Funniest Consuming Short Jokes
Short consuming jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The consuming humour may include short consumed jokes also.
- Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
- I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a clock.... I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds.
I'm here all day.. - Yesterday I ate a clock It was very time consuming...
Especially when I went back for seconds - Why is a seal with just one fin safe to swim in shark infested waters? Like everyone else, sharks know that if the seal is broken the food isn't safe to consume!
- Do you know why consuming ants is good for your health? It's because they have anty-bodies!
- Yesterday I ate a clock It was very time consuming.
Especially when I went back for seconds. - I've invented a rocket that intercepts incoming warheads by consuming them. It's a cannibalistic missile.
- I was forcibly held underwater, made to consume human flesh, and drank human blood all before puberty. man Christianity has some weird traditions.
- Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
- I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes. I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis.
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I'll see myself out.
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Consuming One Liners
Which consuming one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with consuming? I can suggest the ones about drinking and eating.
- Eating clock is... time consuming.
Sorry. - I love the taste of clocks but… Eating them is time consuming
- What happened to the overconfident lion-tamer? He was consumed by his own pride.
- I once ate a watch It was time consuming, I didn't go back for seconds.
- Yesterday I tried eating a clock It was time consuming
- Eating food is a lot of work. It's the most calorie consuming thing I do all day.
- What food, when consumed by a female, causes a complete loss of desire? Wedding cake.
- Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's pretty time consuming.
Cr - What's the hardest part about eating a clock? It's time consuming
- I ate a clock earlier It was really time consuming.
- Yesterday, I ate a clock. It was very time consuming.
- Don't eat clocks. It's time consuming.
- Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's really time consuming
- Where does the holy bread go after it is consumed? The Garden of Eaten
- Why don't we eat clocks? It's too time consuming.
Time Consuming Jokes
Here is a list of funny time consuming jokes and even better time consuming puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Against my better judgement, I decided to attend the local Cannibal Convention The decision has been nawing at me for some time now, but I'm trying to have fun and not let it consume me.
- I ate a clock for breakfast It was very time-consuming
- I once tried eating an hourglass... It was very time consuming.
- I just ate a watch... ... It was time consuming.
I'm thinking of going for seconds. - Why don't more people eat clocks? It's time consuming.
- I once tried to eat a clock. it was pretty time consuming
- Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence.
- I ate a clock once And it was time consuming.
- Have you ever eaten a clock before? I hear it's time consuming.
- Do not eat a clock. It's dangerous and *time consuming*.
Consuming Alcohol Jokes
Here is a list of funny consuming alcohol jokes and even better consuming alcohol puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I never thought I'd reach a point in my life where my hands have consumed more alcohol than my mouth.
- Alcohol I would've never imagined my hands would consume more alcohol than my liver.
- Alcohol and Ramen Alcohol and ramen are surprisingly similar. Both are widely available at college, both are consumed daily there, and both will slowly kill you from the inside.
- My closest companions are horses that seem to think they can consume a lot of alcohol. But I can drink them all under the stable.
- The doctor recommended cutting back on alcohol for a better quality of life. Then he saw my wife who had come to pick me up! He said, "You can consume all the drinks you want, it's healthy."
- Consuming alcoholic beverage is prohibited in my office! So I sit down with root beer on a square table sometimes.
- What happens after a venture capitalist consumes a lot of alcohol? Bad-venture time!
- What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol? My record is 21 years.
Gather Around for Fun Consuming Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about consuming you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eating food jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make consuming pranks.
In honor of Lent . . .
It was a young couple's wedding night and as the night wore on the bride grew more and more anxious to consumate their marriage. Finally she said, "Um, honey? It's getting late and aren't we going to - well - do it?" "I can't," said her husband, "it's Lent." "It's lent?!" she exclaimed. "That's ridiculous! To who and for how long?"
what's the difference between a normal consumer and a p**...?
A normal consumer aims to get the most bang for their buck. A p**... aims to get the most buck for their bang.
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
Neuroscientists have discovered a commonly-consumed food which nearly eliminates the female s**... drive.
Wedding cake.
List of the shortest books
1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.
Husband talks to a rabbi.
A husband goes to talk to a rabbi about how his wife is trying to make him consume poison. The rabbi shows concern and tells the husband, "don't worry I'll talk to her". The next day the husband and the rabbi meet together, and the rabbi informs the husband of the meeting with his wife. "I saw your wife - I talked to her for 3 hours! Take the poison!"
I found myself in a pub in Cork, Ireland.
A group of American tourists came in.
One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you're great drinkers. I bet $5,000 that no one here can drink 20 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."
The bar was silent, but the American noticed one Irishman leaving. No one took up the bet.
40 minutes later, the Irishman who left returned and said, "Hey y**..., is yer bet still on?"
"Sure" said the American, "20 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of $5,000 ."
"Grand, " replied the Irishman, "so pour the pints and start the clock."
It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.
OK y**..., pay up." said the Irishman.
"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager, I saw you leave. Where did you go?'
"Well sir", replied the Irishman, "$5,000 is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it.
One fine day, down at the local diner.
A waitress taking the breakfast order of a mother and her young son is startled when the little boy looks up at her and growls in a low, deep voice:
**"I want to consume the flesh of swine, and the unborn."**
His mother shakes her head, sighs, and says, "Bacon and eggs. He wants bacon and eggs."
So a redhead, brunette, and blonde walk into a bar...
This bar has a magic mirror that consumes anyone who lies
The redhead comes in and says "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world" and she gets s**... in
The brunette comes in and says "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world" and she gets s**... in
The blonde comes in and says "I think-" and she gets s**... in
My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party..
I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork.
Picking herbs is an awful job...
... It's very thyme consuming.
What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark.
Do not consume if seal is broken
A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.
The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support their ministry and their way of life. Unfortunately a sheep from a nearby farm wandered into the monastery and quickly consumed all of their prize flowers.
It turns out only a ewe can prevent florist friars.
What does a man who just r**... 300 million people say after?
We are helping consumers and promoting competition, Mr. Pai said. Broadband providers will have more incentive to build networks, especially to underserved areas.
The US postal service releases a stamp of Donald Trump
After sometime, reports start to come in that the stamp was not sticking. Infuriated that his own stamps were not working, Trump conducted a $1,300,000 investigation to find out what happened. After eliminating all of the possibilities, they observe the post office to see if the fault was on the consumers end. They soon found out that people were spitting on the wrong side.
I'm so hungry I could e**... watch.
But that would be time consuming
Did you hear about the guy who passed away because he consumed too much food coloring?
He dyed.
I live every day like it is my last.
Lying in bed consuming morphine while my family cries.
I had this girl call me a snack, you know, in a s**... way
Little did she know how close she was to reality. I mean, I'm unhealthy, consumed quickly and people look for me when they're sad, lonely or bored.
I tried to eat a clock the other day.
It was really time consuming.
My college roommate had this weird habit of yelling at his drugs before he consumed them.
It wasn't nice… to witness substance a**....
