Consuming Alcohol Jokes
10 consuming alcohol jokes and hilarious consuming alcohol puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about consuming alcohol that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Gather Around for Fun Consuming Alcohol Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What is a good consuming alcohol joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
I never thought I'd reach a point in my life where
my hands have consumed more alcohol than my mouth.
Alcohol
I would've never imagined my hands would consume more alcohol than my liver.
Alcohol Addiction
My anxiety has been in overdrive since the start of the Pandemic. I feel like I need more and more alcohol everyday.
I am going through at least a liter of the hard stuff everyday.
I start using as soon as I wake up and don't stop until I go to bed each night.
My Dr. says I need to slow down now. Even in the short term my addiction is affecting my fertility, damaging my immune system, and dehydrating my skin.
Before the start of the Pandemic, I never would have thought my hands could consume more alcohol than my mouth.
My closest companions are horses that seem to think they can consume a lot of alcohol.
But I can drink them all under the stable.
The doctor recommended cutting back on alcohol for a better quality of life. Then he saw my wife who had come to pick me up!
He said, "You can consume all the drinks you want, it's healthy."
Consuming alcoholic beverage is prohibited in my office!
So I sit down with root beer on a square table sometimes.
What happens after a venture capitalist consumes a lot of alcohol?
Bad-venture time!
A man and a priest are sitting next to each other at a bar.
A waitress walks up to the man and say,
"can I get you anything to drink". The man replies,
"I've had a long week, my wife's been screaming at me for days and need a pick me up, give me the strongest thing you've got".
Then the waitress turns to the priest and asks him the same thing. Horrified at the concept of consuming alcohol, the priest says,
"I would rather commit adultery than drink a single drop of booze!!!"
Hearing this, the man turns back around and says, "Excuse me miss, I didn't know we had a choice".
What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?
My record is 21 years.
Fun with police
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local pub. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationery for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test. To his amazement, the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it", said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy."
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