The Best 29 Consume Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Consume jokes. There are some consume calorie jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these consume fridays puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Consume Jokes and Puns

Husband talks to a rabbi.

A husband goes to talk to a rabbi about how his wife is trying to make him consume poison. The rabbi shows concern and tells the husband, "don't worry I'll talk to her". The next day the husband and the rabbi meet together, and the rabbi informs the husband of the meeting with his wife. "I saw your wife - I talked to her for 3 hours! Take the poison!"

I was forcibly held underwater, made to consume human flesh, and drank human blood all before puberty.

man Christianity has some weird traditions.

One fine day, down at the local diner.

A waitress taking the breakfast order of a mother and her young son is startled when the little boy looks up at her and growls in a low, deep voice:

**"I want to consume the flesh of swine, and the unborn."**

His mother shakes her head, sighs, and says, "Bacon and eggs. He wants bacon and eggs."

Consume joke, One fine day, down at the local diner.


I would've never imagined my hands would consume more alcohol than my liver.

What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark.

Do not consume if seal is broken

Why do bodybuilders get huge when they consume protein?

Because they eat whey too much

How many fish did it take to consume my wife?

None. There are no fish under my new gazebo

Consume joke, How many fish did it take to consume my wife?

I didn't think Miss Hilton could consume all those painkillers at once, but wow!


I had to stop catering to fat people in the video games I design

They consume the content *way* too fast.

What do you call a competition to judge who can consume the most tarts in the name of God?

A Piety Contest

Been trying out that 'Fruitarian' diet recently where you only consume things that naturally fall from trees.

So far this week I've only eaten two apples and an owl.

You can explore consume daleks reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean consume foods dad jokes. There are also consume puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Lions are strictly on a vegan diet.

They consume about 10 to 15 pounds of vegans a day.

What's the most consumed beverage by Syrians?


What did Hitler consume when he was thirsty?

Apple Jews

Consumerism Humor

I was giving this guy the business and he said "Quit patronizing me. ". I said I'll never shop in this store again.

Why didn't galactus consume the milky way?

He was galactose-intolerant.

I'm sorry.

Consume joke, Why didn't galactus consume the milky way?

Did you know the saying "to work up an appetite" originated from back when people would become hungry as the result of physical labor AND THEN consume food? Wow, the more you know!

These days, I've just been saying, "Man, I really jerked up the ability to binge-eat an entire carrot cake."

My closest companions are horses that seem to think they can consume a lot of alcohol.

But I can drink them all under the stable.

The doctor recommended cutting back on alcohol for a better quality of life. Then he saw my wife who had come to pick me up!

He said, "You can consume all the drinks you want, it's healthy."

I dont know if anyone else remember this joke

- How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen consume?

- Enough to kill two and a half men.

I have consumed so much cocaine that....

my biography will have to be written between the lines.

Science have confirmed that humans can consume extremely poisonous materials and even drink molten lava


If Clinton gets elected, federal employees will be LEGALLY allowed to consume cannabis!

If you smoke, you have to say "I did not inhale"

and if you do edibles, you have to say "I did not swallow"

Why didn't any Muslims watch Footloose ?

Because they can't consume anything with Bacon in it.

If you were storing some herbs on your computer, what key would you press to remove and consume them?

The dill-eat key

You know, a lot of different cultures consume monkey meat.

Just goes to prove there's no wrong way to eat a Rhesus.

I found a box of Animal Crackers in my cupboard...

The box read 'Do not consume if the seal has been broken'. Sure enough the only Animal Cracker that was broken was the Seal.

What consumes blood and can't survive in the sunlight?

An Irishman

What do you call a person who consume too much spicy good?


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the consume diet jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working consume devour piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes