Consultant Jokes

Following is our collection of policy puns and consultation one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Consultant jokes for adults, dirty gdpr jokes and clean verizon dad gags for kids.

The Best Consultant Puns

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?

They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

A company hire an efficiency expert as a consultant.

To everyone's surprise, the presentation was very interesting. For once many felt like this was a valuable use of time! as the presenter finished up, he said, "I hope you have found use in my presentation today, but I would warn you, be careful about using these techniques at home. The other night I was watching as my wife did the dinner dishes, and noticed some inefficiency in her technique. Wanting to be helpful, I advised her of several small improvements that could add up to maximum efficiency."
One of the attendees raised their hand,"Did it work? Did the dishwashing become more efficient?"
"Oh yes," the consultant replied,"before my advice, my wife took 18 minutes to finish the dishes, now I do it in 12."

"Right, I've been thinking." I said to the oncologist. "I'm not keen on radiotherapy or chemotherapy. At this stage I think it would be best to just let the disease take its natural course."

My wife's eyes filled with tears, "We should've discussed this together."

"My minds made up." I insisted.

"I think your wife is right." Said the consultant. "After all, she is the one with cancer."

A woman walks into a police station and says "Help, Ive bee raped by a consultant"

The policeman on duty says "Consultant? thats pretty specific. Do you know him?"
The woman replies "No I dont know him"
The policeman asks "Then how do you know he's a consultant?"
The woman answers "Because he kept his jacket on and made me do all the work"

Mike goes to a law consultant.

He asks: So how much do you charge per question?

Consultant: 150€.

Mike: Isn't it too expensive?

Consultant: Yes it is. So whats your third question?.

What's the difference between a thief and a consultant.

A thief will steal your money and leave. But a consultant will steal your money and try to help you find it.

My wife was recently submitted to hospital with chest pains.

The consultant said, "Mr Smith, your wife has acute angina"
I said, "Yes I know that, but how's her heart ?"

The definition of a consultant is..

..someone who can tell you on your watch what time it is

How many consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'm not sure but I'll have an answer for you next Monday.

What did the management consultant think of his job?

It was the Bain of his existence.

Yo mama..

is so old that Steven Spielberg used her as a dinosaur consultant in Jurassic Park

Mark Zuckerberg

Mark : we need 1000s of people's image so that we can fetch the data for the AI but we are running short on money this time. Any inputs?

Consultant 1: get the info from Apple's AI

Consultant 2: XoXo rofl! let's create a #10yearchallenge

Mark :

consultant :

Mark : perfe...

Did you hear about the canine marriage consultant?

He gets paid $80 an hour to say that's ruff


Why should you never trust a make-up consultant?

They are always trying to cover something up!

I asked my consultant what time it was.

He asked me if he could borrow my watch.

How did the recruitment consultant get fired?

He just applied himself

Why is the difference between a consultant and a shopping trolley?

You can fit more food and wine into a consultant but at least a shopping trolley has a mind of its own.

Did you hear about the cannibal's fashion consultant

She had excellent taste.


Just got asked if I knew a good GDPR consultant

Me: Yes I do, he's a good friend.

Them: Can I have their email address?

Me: No

What do you call a counterfeit receipt for a memory consultant?

A Freudilent slip.

There is an abundance of guru jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 20 funniest jokes and consultant puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any analyst witze you can hear about consultant.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes