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Consultancy Jokes

123 consultancy jokes and hilarious consultancy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about consultancy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Consultancy Jokes

Short consultancy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The consultancy humour may include short jokes also.

  1. Did you hear that NYC paid hillary clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
  2. I was on the fence whether I should buy Office 365 and consulted my magic 8-Ball and it said Outlook not good!
  3. Trading gold for a good consulting / corporate or office joke... Guys, it's been a long day, I need a laugh and I've got three months of gold to give away. Help me out?
  4. Mike goes to a law consultant. He asks: So how much do you charge per question?
    consultant: 150€.
    Mike: Isn't it too expensive?
    Consultant: Yes it is. So whats your third question?.
  5. I had a consultation with a cardiac surgeon who has a penchant for stealing patients' organs. It was only my first time meeting him, but I could tell right away that he was a man after my own heart.
  6. A recent study has shown patient mortality rates increase with the age of the doctor Next week I have a surgical consultation with a particularly clever-looking newborn.
  7. So this guy is getting arrested and the officer tells him he doesn't have to speak without his lawyer present. When in jail, he consults his lawyer and asks...
    Where the heck is my present?
  8. How do you perform a circumcision? Consult your doctor, only a professional knows how to pull it off.
  9. What's the difference between a thief and a consultant. A thief will steal your money and leave. But a consultant will steal your money and try to help you find it.
  10. The wise spice trader was known for his sage advice He was less sought after for his oregano guidance, his thyme tips, and his rosemary consultations.

Quick Jump To


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about consultancy can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of consultancy puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Consultancy One Liners

Which consultancy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with consultancy? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. Where did all the Cyber security consultants go for the last few days? They ransomware.
  2. I need another name for a dinosaur. I should consult the Thesaurus.
  3. What goes up, must come down. If it hasn't after 4 hours,consult your doctor .
  4. Consult an audiophile before buying new headphones Their reasoning is pretty sound
  5. What did the management consultant think of his job? It was the Bain of his existence.
  6. How do Spider-Men get good in English? They consult the Webster dictionary.
  7. Why do skeletons make good consultants? They have no skin in the game.
  8. Did you hear about the free-lance magic advisor? He added consult to conjury.
  9. How did the recruitment consultant get fired? He just applied himself
  10. I asked my consultant what time it was. He asked me if he could borrow my watch.
  11. What do you call a counterfeit receipt for a memory consultant? A Freudilent slip.
  12. Did you hear about the cannibal's fashion consultant She had excellent taste.
    BA DUM PSH
  13. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
  14. Q: What deodorant do SEO consultants wear?
    A: Lynx
  15. Electricity is a great consultant It's always either positive or negative

Consultancy Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about consultancy you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make consultancy prank.

Grew up thinking I was stuck with the face I was born with; at 30 the beauty consultants at Macy's told me I would get the face I deserved; moved to LA and discovered I'd get the face I could afford!

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"
The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions.
Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research.
After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions.
At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"

A mother and her son are sitting on an airplane, which is ready to take off.
The son admires the parked plains’ through the window.
At one point, he turns to his mother, which was reading a magazine, and pops the question: "Since big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, how come, big airplanes have little plains?"
The child’s mother, bored to think of a reasonable answer, consultant him to ask the flight attendant.
Therefore, it happened: "Since big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, how come, big airplanes have little plains?" little boy asks the flight attendant.
Then, with a smile on her face, stewardess replied: "Did your mom told you to ask me?"
The boy shook his head positively.
So, she says back: "Tell your mother, that our company knows better and.. pulls out in time!"

A man with a bad rash on his hands went to his doctor.
The latter examined his hands carefully for sometime and consulted many large volumes on his shelves.
Finally, he asked the patient: "Have you had this trouble before?"
He answered: "Yes."
Doctor said: "You have again got it."

A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor.
Doctor said: "It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age."
Patient: "The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not pain?"

A man consulted his priest about getting a divorce.


The priest was surprised.
"Why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely wife? She is soft and gentle and, if I may say so, she is also quite beautiful and nicely proportioned. I really can’t see what you have to complain about."
The man took off his shoe. "See this shoe," he said, showing it to the priest, "The leather is soft and gentle. It is a beautiful piece of work and nicely proportioned."
"Ah"” said the priest, "a parable."
"In a way, Father," replied the man. "I’m the only one who knows it pinches."

A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more.
"Can you give me some more details on this job?" he asks the clerk. 
The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the examination. There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Perth - other side of the country." 
The man says "Oh is that where the job is?"
The clerk says "No sir. That's where the end of the line is right now."

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Three men die

A Brit, American and Pakistani die and find themselves at the Pearly gates greeted by St Peter.
The Brit approaches and says "Hello there - I've come for Jesus"
St Peter looks at his book and says "Ahh yes, Roger Smith! Welcome - please enter the kingdom of heaven"
The American then approaches and says "Hi - I've come for Jesus" to which St Peter consults his book and says "Well, hello Chuck Jones - welcome to the kingdom of heaven"
The Pakistani then approaches and says "Hello - I've come for Jesus". St Peter puts down his book, looks over his shoulder and shouts "Jesus! Your taxi's here"

Physics joke

A man is interested in placing a bet on a horse race; only he's a smart, educated guy and doesn't want to blow his money on the wrong horse. He decides to consult a vet, a statistician an a physicist.
He goes to the vet. The vet examines the horses for a few minutes, then points to a horse and says: "this is the healthiest, strongest, horse. He'll probably win".
He then goes to the statistician. The statistician takes a couple of hours to analyze all the previous races of all contending horses. He takes into account the horse's nutrition, the weather, the day of the week, the number of spectators and many other factors. In the end, he points to a horse and says that, based on past performance, it has the highest probability of winning the race.
Finally, the man goes to a physicist. The physicist thinks for a few minutes and tells him he needs a few days to think it over. A day passes, then two days, then three. It's finally a day before the race and the bets have to be placed. But still there's no word from the physicist. The man decides he has to get an answer so he angrily calls the physicist himself. His reply? "listen, the problem you've given me was harder than I anticipated. By now, I only managed to solve it for a spherical horse in vacuum".

How many consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'm not sure but I'll have an answer for you next Monday.

A young couple had been dating for a while but hadn't yet done the deed...

A young couple had been together for several weeks but had not yet had s**.... Alexa, the girl, says to her boyfriend John, "we can have s**... if you can make a good impression on my parents over dinner."
John gets so excited, it being his first time, that he runs straight to the pharmacy to pick up condoms. Because he had never done this before, he consults the pharmacist on which brand he should get. They talk a while about which brands are best for what, given his size, how much s**... he's planning to have, how k**... it will be, etc. Eventually John decides on the Family Pack, figuring it covered all his bases.
John arrives at Alexa's house that night and he, Alexa, and the parents sit down for dinner. Alexa's father asks John if he'd like to say grace. John nervously bows his head and goes on and on thanking the Lord for the dinner, thanking Alexa's parents for their hospitality. He prays for a good ten minutes and, even after he had finished, he keeps his head bowed throughout the entire meal.
As he is getting up to leave, Alexa comes up to him. "That was great honey. I think you made a great impression on my parents. Your grace was lovely, I never knew you were so religious!" To which he replied, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist."

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".

Communism Joke (apparently it was one of Ronald Reagan's favorites)

A Soviet woman is trying to buy a Lada, one of the cheap automobiles made in the former Soviet Union. The dealer tells her that there is a shortage of these cars, despite their reputation for shoddy quality. Still, the woman insists on placing an order. The dealer gets out a large, dusty ledger and adds the woman's name to the long waiting list. "Come back two years from now on March 17th," he says.
The woman consults her calendar. "Morning or afternoon?" she asks.
"What difference does it make?" the surly dealer replies. "That's two years from now!"
"The plumber is coming that day," she says.

A man arrives in heaven.

He's met at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who consults his book and tells the man that his sins weigh almost evenly against his righteousness and the angel is having a hard time deciding whether to let him into heaven.
"Listen," says St. Peter. "Tell me of a selfless act you performed to convince me you are truly good."
So the man says, "Well I was driving across the state one time and I saw a group of bikers dragging a screaming woman off road, away from her car. I pulled over and ran to them shouting to let her go."
"Well that certainly was brave," said St. Peter. "When did you do that?"
"About five minutes ago."

God decides it's time for a vacation...

...so he consults with a few of his angels to figure out where he should go for some much needed rest and relaxation. The first angel to speak up says "Well, sir, I hear Mercury is nice this time of year. It's nice and warm, you could catch some rays and maybe get a nice tan."
"That could be nice," says God, "but I'm not really in the mood for such warm weather."
Another angel chimes in with a suggestion. "Well if not Mercury, how about Pluto?" (Yes, I realize it's no longer considered a planet, but it works for the joke so calm down). "You could go skiing, maybe hang out at the lodge and pick up a snow bunny."
"Oh I don't know," replies God. "That's maybe a bit too cold for my tastes and honestly I don't really enjoy skiing all that much."
A third angel says, "You know, sir, there's always Earth. The climate is nice and temperate plus the people love you down there."
"That is true," says God, "but I really don't think I should. The last time I went there I hooked up with that Mary chick and they still won't stop talking about it."

Thrilling Theorised Therapeutic Prothedures

A man having recurring nightmares about monsters under his bed eventually decides to visit a therapist. After trying different pills, consultations and visiting experts all over the country, still having nightmares, the man decides to visit another doctor. Two weeks later, the first therapist sees the man looking rested and healthy, and so asks "Has your problem been fixed already? The man you contacted must be a genius! Pray tell me, how did he solve your nightmares?"
"Well" The man replies, "he told me to cut off the legs of my bed."

Nelson Mandela...

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder: "You sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the Japanese is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Mr. Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening it, there is the same Japanese thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the man by his shirt and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?
The little Japanese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard and says...
"You not Nissan Main Dealer?"

Why is the difference between a consultant and a shopping trolley?

You can fit more food and wine into a consultant but at least a shopping trolley has a mind of its own.

A guy walks in to a restroom.....

and sees president Obama and president Putin at the u**... talking.
The guy: what are you talking about?
Obama: How we are going to start world war 3.
Putin: Our idea is that we kill 50.000 Ukrainians and an it-consultant.
The guy: why an it-consultant?
Putin says to Obama.
Ha, told you no one would care about the Ukrainians!

[Dad joke] A man would experience severe pain in his eye every time he drank tea

He went to his doctor, who referred him to an eye specialist. They performed every test possible, but found nothing wrong with his eye. Since the pain was still persistent, he showed a number of specialists, had every test done on him, consulted quacks, and all to no result. He still felt excruciating pain whenever he had tea.
Finally, he decides to visit an old sage. The sage sits him down and pours him some tea. As soon as he takes a sip, he feels the pain again.
The sage sets his own cup on the table, and quietly says
"Next time you drink tea, remember to remove the spoon from the cup."
[This is my dad's favorite joke]

A guy goes to a restaurant

and notices all the waiters had a spoon in their shirt pocket. He can't help but ask his waiter about the spoon and the waiter says: "Well, a Consulting Firm told us that having a spoon cuts the wait time when a patron drops theirs on the floor, we don't have to go all the way back and get another, just pull the one in our pocket"
The guy is amazed at the answer, but then notices the male waiters had a string coming out of the pants fly and asks his waiter about it.
"The same Consulting Firm -the waiter responds- said when we go pee, we waste so much time washing our hands that pulling it our with the string keeps us from having to handle it, and therefore we save time not having to wash our hands"
Our guy sees a flaw in this and asks the waiter "Well, the string works pulling it out, but how do you put it back in?" to which the waiter says:
"I don't know about the others, but I just use the spoon in my pocket"

Three Roads To Ruin

There are three roads to Ruin - Women, Gambling and Consultants.
Women are the nicest, Gambling is the quickest but Consultants are the surest!

A rich man on his deathbead...

calls his three lawyers in for a final consultation.
"They say you can't take it with you, but I'm going to prove them wrong! I'm giving you each a third of my money. At my f**..., I want you to throw it in my grave so that it's buried with me."
After the f**..., the lawyers are gathered for a drink when one of them says "I have a confession to make. I'm really behind on my mortgage, so I took 1/4 of the money and threw the rest of it in."
The second lawyer responds. "I have to confess, I'm also having money problems. My Mercedes just broke down and the repair bills are killing me. I took half the money and threw the rest in."
The third lawyer indignantly blusters at the other two "I'm ashamed of you both ripping off an old man like that. Why I'll have you know I threw in a check for the full amount!"

An SEO consultant walks into a bar

bars alcohol booze pub beer draft draught....

The rabbi had been performing brises for years...

At the end of each one he would throw the foreskins into a jar in his bag. After many year he had gathered a rather large collection of foreskins. Unsure of what to do with them he consulted his friend, the leatherworker. The leatherworker tells him he has an idea and he will call the rabbi in a few weeks. One day the rabbis phone rings and the leatherworker tells him to come by his shop. Upon his arrival, the leatherworker hands the rabbi a wallet. The rabbi says,"All those foreskins and all you have made is a wallet?" The leatherworker replies," If you rub it, it turns in to a briefcase."

The Hot-Headed Doctor (a 4th century joke taken from the oldest recorded joke book, The Philogelos).

Consulting a hotheaded doctor, a fellow says, "Professor, I'm unable to lie down or stand up; I can't even sit down!" The doctor responds: "I guess the only thing left is to hang yourself."

Two Jewish men are talking

[This joke is best when read with a heavy Yiddish accent.]
The first man says "Oy vei! This is a disaster! My son has fallen in love with this Christian girl. He is running off to become a Christian!"
The second man replies "Oy vei! My son too is becoming a Christian! This is a disaster indeed. We should go consult the rabbi and ask what to do."
So they go down to their synagogue and go up to the rabbi and say "Rabbi! Rabbi! We both have a problem. Our sons are running after these Christian girls and are becoming Christians! What do we do?"
The rabbi replies "Oy vei! My son too is becoming a Christian! I don't know what to do either. We should pray and ask God what to do!"
So the three men kneel down at the altar, and the Rabbi begins to pray. "Oh almighty Father in heaven, our sons are running after these Christian girls and are becoming Christians! What do we do?"
God replies "Oy vei! My son too is becoming a Christian!"

Vladimir Putin was practicing a eulogy speech for an assassinated Russian politician in front of a mirror...

(ahem) "He was a dear patriot and credit to the Motherland, whom I personally adored as a friend and colleague. I vow, as leader of Russia, to find the culprits responsible for this vicious m**......"
Putin then stopped and turned to his aide. "Are you sure this strikes the right tone, Yuri? I mean, in terms of timing? I've been a bit preoccupied, so remind me, when was he killed?"
After a few moments consulting his ipad, the aide replies, "Next week, sir."

man walks into lawyer's office.

"How much for a consultation?"
"Three questions for $150 bucks."
"Kinda steep, isn't it?"
"Yeah, now what's your last question."

So we're telling our grandfathers jokes? Alright then.

My grandfather was a doctor, so he had some fun ones. This was one of his favorite:
A boy was born mostly healthy, but with a strange mutation that left him with no left eyelid. The doctors were a bit stunned at first, but called in a plastic surgeon to consult. They needed to figure out a way to protect and keep the eye moist, but how?
Finally the surgeon proposed an unorthodox idea: he suggested that if they circumcised the boy, they could fashion the f**... into a serviceable eyelid.
The parents consented, and off they went to surgery. Two hours later, the plastic surgeon appeared, looking tired but fairly content.
"How did it go?" the parents asked with concern.
The surgeon replied, "Well, he's a bit cockeyed, but I don't think anyone will notice."

Justice

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?
The lawyer replied, Of course, how much was the roast?
$7.98. said the butcher.
A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98.
Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150

A lawyer's dog

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter.
The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded.
The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher receives a mail from the lawyer.
The contents read
"Pay Consultation fee: $25.00."

A woman walks into a police station and says "Help, Ive bee r**... by a consultant"

The policeman on duty says "Consultant? thats pretty specific. Do you know him?"
The woman replies "No I dont know him"
The policeman asks "Then how do you know he's a consultant?"
The woman answers "Because he kept his jacket on and made me do all the work"

I've recently had severe bowel incontinence, so I decided to consult my doctor before starting up a daily powerwalking routine...

When I asked how my condition will affect my walks, my doctor responded, "Nothing severe, but you never know when the walks will turn into the runs."

A company hire an efficiency expert as a consultant.

To everyone's surprise, the presentation was very interesting. For once many felt like this was a valuable use of time! as the presenter finished up, he said, "I hope you have found use in my presentation today, but I would warn you, be careful about using these techniques at home. The other night I was watching as my wife did the dinner dishes, and noticed some inefficiency in her technique. Wanting to be helpful, I advised her of several small improvements that could add up to maximum efficiency."
One of the attendees raised their hand,"Did it work? Did the dishwashing become more efficient?"
"Oh yes," the consultant replied,"before my advice, my wife took 18 minutes to finish the dishes, now I do it in 12."

Yo mama..

is so old that Steven Spielberg used her as a dinosaur consultant in Jurassic Park

Inigo Montoya gets married

He tells his new wife that he has always wanted a son to carry on the family name. They try for several years, but never have any children. Upset, he takes her to Miracle Max to see what can be done. Miracle Max looks her over, asks some questions, consults his books, and comes back with the bad news. He tells Inigo that his wife will never bear children. It turns out that she's inconceivable.

joke of the day

A question on an internet forum:
Q: Please help, I have this great itching between my toes.
A: Well, that depends. If the itching is between all toes, consult a dermatologist. If the itching bothers you only between your two big toes, consult a gynecologist.

How many senior medical consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one.
He holds up the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

A Russian officer is giving his cadets a lesson about chemistry.

He says: "Cadets, write down: the temperature of boiling water is 90°."
One of the privates replies, "Comrade praporshchik, you're mistaken — it's 100°!"
The officer consults his handbook, and then announces, "Right, 100°. It is a *right angle* that boils at 90°."

Clinton consults the past

Hillary went for a walk one morning and came upon the Washington monument. She asked, "George, what should I do?" After a few seconds a ghostly voice replied, "Abolish the IRS and start over." She thought about this for a few seconds and continued her walk.
Shortly afterwards she stepped up to the Jefferson Memorial and stopped to ask "Tom, what should I do?" After a few seconds Tom's disembodied voice replied, "Abolish welfare and start over."
She thought about this while continuing on to the Lincoln Memorial, and once again she asked the same question. After a few seconds Abe replied, "Why don't you take the night off and go to the theater?"

Make-up

Why should you never trust a make-up consultant?
They are always trying to cover something up!

Grandma and her birth control pills

Grandma scheduled the first visit with the new doctor in town. The doctor's office told her to bring a list of her medications with her for the consultation. The doctor was reading the list and came upon one prescription. "Pardon me, but do you realize these are birth control pills?" asked the doctor. Grandma said, "yes, but I need them so I can get a good night's sleep."
The doctor said, "there's nothing in these pills which would cause you to sleep." Grandma said, "that may well be, but, when I take one and grind it up in my 16-year-old granddaughter's orange juice, I sleep better at night."

Yo momma's so fat!

That she should consider consulting her doctor about wieghtloss programs.

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband...

Wife: My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!
Psychiatrist: Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.

Maybe Trump really did meet with the president of the v**... Islands.

After all, he consults him on foreign policy.

"Right, I've been thinking." I said to the oncologist. "I'm not keen on radiotherapy or chemotherapy. At this stage I think it would be best to just let the disease take its natural course."

My wife's eyes filled with tears, "We should've discussed this together."
"My minds made up." I insisted.
"I think your wife is right." Said the consultant. "After all, she is the one with cancer."

I wonder what the red spot on my arm is...

....better consult a doctor before I make a 'rash' decision

My wife was recently submitted to hospital with chest pains.

The consultant said, "Mr Smith, your wife has acute angina"
I said, "Yes I know that, but how's her heart ?"

What does an I.T. Security Consultant and a p**... have in common?

p**... testing.

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert and that occasional situations would arise where somebody would come fetch me for consultation. I would burst into the room wearing a terry aerobics headband and exclaim, "did somebody say let's get physics Al?

I was having trouble with my golf game

so went to consult with a pro. He said I should take a break for a couple of weeks. Then I should quit.

GDPR in a nutshell:

'Does anyone know a good GDPR consultant?'
'I do.'
'Can you forward me their details?'
'No.'

The doctor said "You're as healthy as a horse!"

"Unfortunately, that horse has cancer. And so do you. That'll be $75,000 for this consultation. Thank you."

If you have a problem eating coins, perhaps you should consult a life coach...

It'll inspire change within yourself

Did you hear about the canine marriage consultant?

He gets paid $80 an hour to say that's ruff

Just got asked if I knew a good GDPR consultant

Me: Yes I do, he's a good friend.
Them: Can I have their email address?
Me: No

Asked my British doctor how to lose 100 pounds quickly

He replied there is no quick way, but this consultation will cost you a hundred quid.

Consulting a hotheaded doctor, a patient says, "Professor, I'm unable to lie down or stand up; I can't even sit down."

The doctor responds: "I guess the only thing left is to hang yourself."

Mark Zuckerberg

Mark : we need 1000s of people's image so that we can fetch the data for the AI but we are running short on money this time. Any inputs?
Consultant 1: get the info from Apple's AI
Consultant 2: XoXo rofl! let's create a #10yearchallenge
Mark :
consultant :
Mark : perfe...

A man was consulting his psychiatrist.

Among other questions, the doctor asked.
"Are you troubled by improper thoughts?"
"Why no!" answered the patient.
"To tell the truth doctor, I rather enjoy them!"

My best joke in 40 year of joke telling

A woman goes to her doctor for a check up. During the post check up consult the doctor says
Mrs. Jones you are in very good health but, I couldn't help but notice the abrasions on your elbows and knees. Can you tell me what is causing them?
Sheepishly she responds Maybe it is because I like to make love d**...
Well,, perhaps if you do it in the m**... for a few weeks it will alive the abrasion
She says I tried that but I can't stand the dog's breath .

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these consultancy jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.