Consult Jokes

33 consult jokes and hilarious consult puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about consult that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Consult Jokes

Short consult jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The consult humour may include short contact jokes also.

  1. Did you hear that NYC paid hillary clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
  2. I was on the fence whether I should buy Office 365 and consulted my magic 8-Ball and it said Outlook not good!
  3. Trading gold for a good consulting / corporate or office joke... Guys, it's been a long day, I need a laugh and I've got three months of gold to give away. Help me out?
  4. Mike goes to a law consultant. He asks: So how much do you charge per question?
    consultant: 150€.
    Mike: Isn't it too expensive?
    Consultant: Yes it is. So whats your third question?.
  5. I had a consultation with a cardiac surgeon who has a penchant for stealing patients' organs. It was only my first time meeting him, but I could tell right away that he was a man after my own heart.
  6. A recent study has shown patient mortality rates increase with the age of the doctor Next week I have a surgical consultation with a particularly clever-looking newborn.
  7. So this guy is getting arrested and the officer tells him he doesn't have to speak without his lawyer present. When in jail, he consults his lawyer and asks...
    Where the heck is my present?
  8. How do you perform a circumcision? Consult your doctor, only a professional knows how to pull it off.
  9. What's the difference between a thief and a consultant. A thief will steal your money and leave. But a consultant will steal your money and try to help you find it.
  10. The wise spice trader was known for his sage advice He was less sought after for his oregano guidance, his thyme tips, and his rosemary consultations.

Quick Jump To

Consult joke, The wise spice trader was known for his sage advice

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about consult can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of consult puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Consult One Liners

Which consult one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with consult? I can suggest the ones about contract and console.

  1. Where did all the Cyber security consultants go for the last few days? They ransomware.
  2. I need another name for a dinosaur. I should consult the Thesaurus.
  3. What goes up, must come down. If it hasn't after 4 hours,consult your doctor .
  4. Consult an audiophile before buying new headphones Their reasoning is pretty sound
  5. What did the management consultant think of his job? It was the Bain of his existence.
  6. How do Spider-Men get good in English? They consult the Webster dictionary.
  7. Why do skeletons make good consultants? They have no skin in the game.
  8. Did you hear about the free-lance magic advisor? He added consult to conjury.
  9. How did the recruitment consultant get fired? He just applied himself
  10. I asked my consultant what time it was. He asked me if he could borrow my watch.
  11. What do you call a counterfeit receipt for a memory consultant? A Freudilent slip.
  12. Did you hear about the cannibal's fashion consultant She had excellent taste.
  13. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
  14. Q: What deodorant do SEO consultants wear?
    A: Lynx
  15. Electricity is a great consultant It's always either positive or negative

Consult joke, Electricity is a great consultant

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Consult Jokes

What funny jokes about consult you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean conversation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make consult prank.

The consultant dies and goes to heaven

When he meets Peter at the Gate, he protests:
'I am only 53, why did you take me so early?'
'You're 83, Peter replied, it was time.'
'How did you get that number, I know I am 53 and I have my birth certificate to prove it,' the consultant replied.
'We added up your time sheets', Peter said.'

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband...

Wife: My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!
Psychiatrist: Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.

Adolf h**... went to consult a fortune teller

He asked the fortune teller: "When will I die?"
The fortune teller answered: "Sir, You will die on a Jewish holiday"
h**... asked back: "How are you so sure about that"
He replied: "Sir, whatever day you die on will be a Jewish holiday"

Doctor's consultation.

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

Oedipus wants to learn of his fate.

He travels to Thebes to consult the blind prophet Tiresias and asks him, "What does my future hold?"
Tiresias thinks quietly for a time and answers, "First you'll m**... your father."
Oedipus is shocked to hear that he'll become a killer, but there must be more to his fate.
He asks, "What happens next?"
"Then you'll take his throne."
Oedipus is pleased to hear that he'll become king, but there must be more to his fate.
"And what happens next?"
"Then you'll sleep with Joe."
Oedipus is confused.
"Who's Joe?"

Pill commercials nowadays be like

After just one use, derpatine fixed my knee pain and I can run again!
Consult a doctor if you're experiencing any headaches, nausea, muscle pain, blurry vision, nasal congestion, loss of sight, kidney failure, hernia, heart attacks, strokes or knee pain after using derpatine

I'm a consultant and I had this odd client who wanted me to always greet him with "Hi!"

Turned out he was allergic to "Hey".

How many consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'm not sure but I'll have an answer for you next Monday.

Four doctors are sitting in a boat in the reeds, duck hunting.

The family practitioner spots a flock of fowl flying overhead, turns to the specialist and says: "I think those are ducks. I need a second opinion."
The specialist says: "I can schedule you in for a consult in two months."
The surgeon picks up his shotgun. BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!!! Three of the birds fall down into the water. He turns to the pathologist and says: "Run a test on them, will you, and see if they're ducks."

If you have a problem eating coins, perhaps you should consult a life coach...

It'll inspire change within yourself

joke of the day

A question on an internet forum:
Q: Please help, I have this great itching between my toes.
A: Well, that depends. If the itching is between all toes, consult a dermatologist. If the itching bothers you only between your two big toes, consult a gynecologist.

I've recently had severe bowel incontinence, so I decided to consult my doctor before starting up a daily powerwalking routine...

When I asked how my condition will affect my walks, my doctor responded, "Nothing severe, but you never know when the walks will turn into the runs."

I wonder what the red spot on my arm is...

....better consult a doctor before I make a 'rash' decision

Consult joke, I wonder what the red spot on my arm is...

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these consult jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.