Construction Worker Jokes
90 construction worker jokes and hilarious construction worker puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about construction worker that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Construction Worker Short Jokes
Short construction worker jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The construction worker humour may include short construction site jokes also.
- How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest. Alien vs predator
- A blind man with a service dog walked into a bar The construction worker holding the bar said, "Dude, you need a new dog!"
- I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building... Friendship.
- A construction worker comes home from work. He tells his wife, "Honey, I cut off my finger today."
She replies, "The whole finger!?"
He says, "No, the one right next to it." - How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a scientist? The way they pronounce unionized.
- My city just fired half of the city's construction workers... Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own.
- How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a construction worker? Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
- Your girlfriend is so ugly When she walks by a construction zone , workers get back to work
- A construction site worker told his boss "Boss, the shovel broke ! What should i do now?" to which the boss replies "We're out of shovels. Go lean on something else !"
- How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce the following word:
"U-N-I-O-N-I-Z-E-D"
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Construction Worker One Liners
Which construction worker one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with construction worker? I can suggest the ones about factory workers and worker.
- What do you call a one night stand with a construction worker? Nut and bolt.
- What do you call a brothel for construction workers? Nuts N' Bolts
- "I see," said the blind construction worker, As he picked up his hammer and saw
- A construction worker decided to go to a bar for a few drinks He got hammered.
- Why did it take so long for the construction worker to propose? He was building up to it.
- Easiest way to tell a scientist from a construction worker? Have them pronounce unionize.
- Hey girl are you a construction worker? Cause you're erecting something right now
- What happened to the Irish construction worker? He got hammered.
- How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
- What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack? An asphalt
- A construction worker without a helmet walks into a bar. Ouch.
- You ask a construction worker to tell a joke. He says, '' hold on I'm working on it"
- If you're looking for a job be a construction worker. I've heard they make banks.
- What does a construction worker call a botched project? Job security
- Where do construction workers come? On your backhoe.
Amusing Construction Worker Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about construction worker you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean contractor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make construction worker pranks.
I was watching some construction workers today
outside my office building. They were laying down a bunch of grass.
I saw a forklift come in carrying rolls of grass, when all of a sudden a huge bulldozer came out of nowhere and crashed full speed into the forklift. Both the driver of the forklift and the grass went flying...
It was quite the horrific sight indeed...all I could think was, "Poor sod..."
Why did the construction worker get frustrated and stamp a snail?
Because it had been following him around all day
A black man starts work on a construction site in Liverpool.
The other workers nickname him "w**...".
Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got m**... and p**..., they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Scotland".
The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men, "m**..., Mack, p**..., Wac leave the w**... alone!"
Did you hear about the psycho who beat up a construction worker a Logitech keyboard?
He lost control.
l**... build huge mansion in atlanta...
It was all tounge and groove, not a single stud in the house.
(Construction workers joke, you might not get it)
Why did all of the frog guidance counselor's students become construction workers?
The only advice he could give them was "rivet, rivet."
How many construction workers does it take to do a single job?
As many as it takes to surround one laborer.
A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.
He says to the bartender, "Give me a beer, please, and one for the road."
***
I'm^so^sorry
EAR ACCIDENT
A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...
The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:
"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
One worker stands up and yells to everyone on the site: "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
Another worker shouts back: "Why?"
The first worker says: "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"
How can you tell if someone is a construction worker or a chemist
The way they pronounce unionised
Did you hear about the construction worker that got arrested?
He was handling his wood in public.
A dyslexic construction worker couldn't decide what to upgrade.
Between roofing equipment and flooring supplies, he chose the ladder.
Why is Donald Trump so intent on building a wall with Mexico?
To stop the workers at his construction site from running back!
What did the construction worker say when the house collapsed on him?
"Get off me holmes!"
A Cop, Indian, GI, Construction Worker and a Cowboy walk into a bar...
Am I in the wrong place or are they?
A construction worker asked me to make a joke about the contents of his toolbox.
Unfortunately, I don't have any drill bits.
Trump is in a paradox
He needs construction workers to build the wall, but he's trying to deport all the construction workers
I thought of this on the spot that's why it's bad sorry
A dog hires a construction worker to build a house. The construction worker asks the dog what he would like to be built first. What does the dog say?
Roof.
What did the construction worker say when people complained that his building didn't meet code?
"I did asbestos I could."
One construction worker asks another: - Aren't the walls too thin in this apartment building?
- Don't worry about it, there is also wallpaper.
I heard a guy was playing with himself while watching construction workers on a job site...
Guess he was getting off on the ground floor.
What kind of puzzles do both dancers and construction workers share
Jigsaw
To my knowledge this is original...
Where do construction workers go to drink?
The Rebar
What did they call the man who gave a h**... to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?
A j**... All Trades
I bought a dog from a construction worker today...
...I had a rough idea what it would've been like, but this dog raised the roof.
What did the construction worker say when he was finishing the tip of a skyscraper named after a part of an egg?
I'm at the height of the Yolk now.
Exceeding the posted Speed Limit in a Construction Zone is Okay
As long as the posted limit sign is accompanied by a sign that reads; *Higher Fine* When Workers Present
I know how to solve the homeless problem and make bums into hard working citizens!
Give them construction worker helmets. They already have the standing around doing nothing part down!
Speeding fines doubled when workers present
I don't see why a construction worker would be presenting anything during a speeding fine.
For construction workers
did you know that if you hold your hardhat up to your ear, you can hear OSHA?
A cop, a cowboy, and a construction worker walk into a bar....
The bartender says "Hey fellas, the YMCA is down the street."
I met a Chinese-American construction worker the other day.
His name is Bill Ding.
The blind construction worker at my school accidentally pulled the fire alarm.
I don't think the fire alarm was a drill.
What do a construction worker and a cheating husband have in common?
They are both home wreckers
My construction worker friend died
As a memorial everyone at his f**... stood around making themselves look busy
Did you hear the amazing story about the blind construction worker?
He picked up a hammer and saw.
A construction worker walks up to his executive director.
He says to the director, Construction is going great, however, due to all the rainfall we've been having in the past few days, the nearby lake it very full. We're afraid that if there's any more rain, that the lake might overflow.
The director stands for a moment, pondering his answer before saying, Well, dam it
Two construction workers
Two construction workers are talking and one says, I was gonna tell you a joke, but I'm still working on it.
Three construction workers.
Three construction workers were at a jobsite one day when there was no port-a-p**..., the first worker grabs a shovel out of a truck and digs a hole, the second one disappeared, the third one finds the second one on top of a pole with his pants down reading a newspaper. The second worker says to the third hey buddy I found a shitpost .
A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.
His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.
After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.
After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.
Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?
The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!
Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?
My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.
He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks.
A dog in a hard hat walks into a bar
The dog says "I'll have a beer. I'm on lunch break from the construction site across the street."
The bartender says "Wow, a talking dog! You should join the circus!"
The dog replies "Why? Do they need construction workers?"
Workers are building a brutally tall chimney...
When they are almost finished, a foreman runs to them short of breath and shouts:
We are in deep s**... guys, someone turned over my construction plans...
We were supposed to dig a well!!!
How do you confuse a construction worker?
Put a s**... and a shovel in the corner, then tell him to take his pick!!
Blonde, brunette, and redhead in an OBGYN office...
The brunette says her kid will be a priest, because she likes m**....
The redhead says her kid will be a construction worker, because she likes it piledriver style.
The blonde bursts into tears, and cries "Oh no, I'm having puppies!"
A construction worker walks into a bar
His friends start laughing at how much of an idiot he is.
A construction worker tells his boss that he has a terrible headache
The boss answers: "Hey, what I do if I have a headache is, I go home and have s**... with my wife, then my head is clear again and I can come back to work"
The worker says he doesn't know about this and prefers taking some medication.
But this doesn't work, and so the boss basically orders him to go and have s**....
Two hours later, the worker is back, smiling and in a good mood, "hey boss, your trick worked, and btw. a nice house you have got there!"
A kid is selling lemonade…
The boy's sign reads 1 cup for 25¢, 3 cups for $1
A construction worker stops by and asks to buy one cup of lemonade.
"25 cents", says the kid.
The construction worker then buys another one, and another one, paying 25 cents each.
As the construction worker walks away, he turns around with a smile, and says: "Hey kid, you realize I just bought three cups for 75¢… Maybe lemonade stands aren't your thing."
"I guess you're right" says the kid good-naturedly as he sets up the next 3 cups.
A construction worker calls his wife in the middle of the day.
Honey, I'm in the hospital, I lost a finger.
Oh my goodness, she exclaims, The whole finger? No, no. He replies, The one next to it.
