Construction Worker Jokes

Following is our collection of roofer puns and builders one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Construction Worker jokes for adults, dirty sewer jokes and clean sewage dad gags for kids.

The Best Construction Worker Puns

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.

Alien vs predator

What did they call the man who gave a handjob to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?

A Jack Off All Trades

A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.

His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.

After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.

After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.

Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?

The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!

Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?

I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building...

Friendship.

A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...

The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:

"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"

One worker stands up and yells to everyone on the site: "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"

Another worker shouts back: "Why?"

The first worker says: "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"


EAR ACCIDENT

A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

What do you call a one night stand with a construction worker?

Nut and bolt.

A construction worker comes home from work.

He tells his wife, "Honey, I cut off my finger today."
She replies, "The whole finger!?"
He says, "No, the one right next to it."

My city just fired half of the city's construction workers...

Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own.

"I see," said the blind construction worker,

As he picked up his hammer and saw

A construction worker decided to go to a bar for a few drinks

He got hammered.


Construction worker not wearing his safety gear [NSFW]

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a construction worker?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce the following word:

"U-N-I-O-N-I-Z-E-D"

Hey girl are you a construction worker?

Cause you're erecting something right now

A construction worker asked me to make a joke about the contents of his toolbox.

Unfortunately, I don't have any drill bits.

My construction worker friend died

As a memorial everyone at his funeral stood around making themselves look busy

I was watching some construction workers today

outside my office building. They were laying down a bunch of grass.

I saw a forklift come in carrying rolls of grass, when all of a sudden a huge bulldozer came out of nowhere and crashed full speed into the forklift. Both the driver of the forklift and the grass went flying...

It was quite the horrific sight indeed...all I could think was, "Poor sod..."

What happened to the Irish construction worker?

He got hammered.


How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof.

For construction workers

did you know that if you hold your hardhat up to your ear, you can hear OSHA?

Did you hear the amazing story about the blind construction worker?

He picked up a hammer and saw.

How can you tell if someone is a construction worker or a chemist

The way they pronounce unionised

I know how to solve the homeless problem and make bums into hard working citizens!

Give them construction worker helmets. They already have the standing around doing nothing part down!

What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack?

An asphalt

What do a construction worker and a cheating husband have in common?

They are both home wreckers

A cop, a cowboy, and a construction worker walk into a bar....

The bartender says "Hey fellas, the YMCA is down the street."

What did the construction worker say when people complained that his building didn't meet code?

"I did asbestos I could."

Two construction workers

Two construction workers are talking and one says, I was gonna tell you a joke, but I'm still working on it.

A construction worker without a helmet walks into a bar.

Ouch.

I heard a guy was playing with himself while watching construction workers on a job site...

Guess he was getting off on the ground floor.

You ask a construction worker to tell a joke.

He says, '' hold on I'm working on it"

The blind construction worker at my school accidentally pulled the fire alarm.

I don't think the fire alarm was a drill.

Three construction workers.

Three construction workers were at a jobsite one day when there was no port-a-potty, the first worker grabs a shovel out of a truck and digs a hole, the second one disappeared, the third one finds the second one on top of a pole with his pants down reading a newspaper. The second worker says to the third hey buddy I found a shitpost .

Why did the construction worker get frustrated and stamp a snail?

Because it had been following him around all day

A dyslexic construction worker couldn't decide what to upgrade.

Between roofing equipment and flooring supplies, he chose the ladder.

If you're looking for a job be a construction worker.

I've heard they make banks.

I bought a dog from a construction worker today...

...I had a rough idea what it would've been like, but this dog raised the roof.

A construction worker walks up to his executive director.

He says to the director, Construction is going great, however, due to all the rainfall we've been having in the past few days, the nearby lake it very full. We're afraid that if there's any more rain, that the lake might overflow.

The director stands for a moment, pondering his answer before saying, Well, dam it

How many construction workers does it take to do a single job?

As many as it takes to surround one laborer.

What does a construction worker call a botched project?

Job security

Where do construction workers come?

On your backhoe.

A dog hires a construction worker to build a house. The construction worker asks the dog what he would like to be built first. What does the dog say?

Roof.

Speeding fines doubled when workers present

I don't see why a construction worker would be presenting anything during a speeding fine.

Did you hear about the construction worker that got arrested?

He was handling his wood in public.

A construction worker lost his hand in an workplace accident.

The insurance company is trying to figure out how it happened but they can't quite put their finger on it

Did you hear about the psycho who beat up a construction worker a Logitech keyboard?

He lost control.

I met a Chinese-American construction worker the other day.

His name is Bill Ding.

Apparently, American construction workers use wood in building houses as a challenge.

Or maybe they just got too board.

What does your mom and a brick have in common?

They both have 3 holes and get laid by construction workers.

A Cop, Indian, GI, Construction Worker and a Cowboy walk into a bar...

Am I in the wrong place or are they?

During a break on a North Dakota office building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle.
"Ah heard the boys is gonna strike," he said.
"What fer?" asked Pyle.
"Shorter hours."
"Good fer them!" said the redneck.
"Ah always did think sixty minutes was too long fer an hour!"

Trump is in a paradox

He needs construction workers to build the wall, but he's trying to deport all the construction workers

I thought of this on the spot that's why it's bad sorry

One construction worker asks another: - Aren't the walls too thin in this apartment building?

- Don't worry about it, there is also wallpaper.

What kind of puzzles do both dancers and construction workers share

Jigsaw

Why did all of the frog guidance counselor's students become construction workers?

The only advice he could give them was "rivet, rivet."

To my knowledge this is original...

Where do construction workers go to drink?

The Rebar

A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.

He says to the bartender, "Give me a beer, please, and one for the road."

***

I'm^so^sorry

Lesbians build huge mansion in atlanta...

It was all tounge and groove, not a single stud in the house.

(Construction workers joke, you might not get it)

What did the construction worker say when the house collapsed on him?

"Get off me holmes!"

What did the construction worker say when he was finishing the tip of a skyscraper named after a part of an egg?

I'm at the height of the Yolk now.

If Bill Clinton was a construction worker he would be called Bob the Billder

Sorry.

There is an abundance of workers jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 62 funniest jokes and construction worker puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any materials witze you can hear about construction worker.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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