Construction Worker Jokes
90 construction worker jokes and hilarious construction worker puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about construction worker that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Construction Worker Short Jokes
Short construction worker jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The construction worker humour may include short construction site jokes also.
- How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest. Alien vs predator
- A blind man with a service dog walked into a bar The construction worker holding the bar said, "Dude, you need a new dog!"
- I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building... Friendship.
- How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a scientist? The way they pronounce unionized.
- My city just fired half of the city's construction workers... Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own.
- A construction site worker told his boss "Boss, the shovel broke ! What should i do now?" to which the boss replies "We're out of shovels. Go lean on something else !"
- A construction worker asked me to make a joke about the contents of his toolbox. Unfortunately, I don't have any drill bits.
- A construction worker walks into a bar His friends start laughing at how much of an idiot he is.
- A cop, a cowboy, and a construction worker walk into a bar.... The bartender says "Hey fellas, the YMCA is down the street."
- What did the construction worker say when people complained that his building didn't meet code? "I did asbestos I could."
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Construction Worker One Liners
Which construction worker one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with construction worker? I can suggest the ones about factory workers and worker.
- What do you call a brothel for construction workers? Nuts N' Bolts
- A construction worker decided to go to a bar for a few drinks He got hammered.
- Why did it take so long for the construction worker to propose? He was building up to it.
- Hey girl are you a construction worker? Cause you're erecting something right now
- What happened to the Irish construction worker? He got hammered.
- How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
- What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack? An asphalt
- A construction worker without a helmet walks into a bar. Ouch.
- You ask a construction worker to tell a joke. He says, '' hold on I'm working on it"
- If you're looking for a job be a construction worker. I've heard they make banks.
- What does a construction worker call a botched project? Job security
- Where do construction workers come? On your backhoe.
- I met a Chinese-American construction worker the other day. His name is Bill Ding.
- To my knowledge this is original... Where do construction workers go to drink?
The Rebar - What kind of puzzles do both dancers and construction workers share Jigsaw
Amusing Construction Worker Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about construction worker you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean contractor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make construction worker pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During a break on a North Dakota office building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle.
"Ah heard the boys is gonna strike," he said.
"What fer?" asked Pyle.
"Shorter hours."
"Good fer them!" said the r**....
"Ah always did think sixty minutes was too long fer an hour!"
I was watching some construction workers today
outside my office building. They were laying down a bunch of grass.
I saw a forklift come in carrying rolls of grass, when all of a sudden a huge bulldozer came out of nowhere and crashed full speed into the forklift. Both the driver of the forklift and the grass went flying...
It was quite the horrific sight indeed...all I could think was, "Poor sod..."
The dead construction worker
A bunch of construction workers are wording on a building site, when one of them falls from the top floor and dies on the spot.
The other workers draw straws to find out who has to tell his wife. Jack loses and heads off.
One hour later, he returns with a big smile and a case of beer.
The other workers are surprised: I thought you would tell Bobs wife that he had died?
Jack: I did!
Other guy: so where did you get the beer?
Jack: well, I went to his house, rang the doorbell, and when his wife answered, I asked: are you the widow Jones? To which she said: well, yes and no, i'm called Jones, but i'm not a widow. Them I said: No? I bet you a case of beer you are!
A foreman working on a construction site walks up to his only workers for the day...
They were an Irishman, Englishman and a Chinese.
The foreman walks up to the Irishman and tells him:
"I will be going out for a few hours to do some paperwork. In the meantime I want you to shovel this pile of gravel into the truck so it can be taken away when I get back."
He then goes to the Englishman:
"You, on the other hand are going to sweep all the dust on the ground left behind by all the cement. I want to see the floor spotless when I return."
He says to the Chinese man:
"I will leave you in charge of the supplies. Make sure everyone gets their supplies."
And having delivered the duties to his workers, the foreman leaves the site to attend to his business.
When he returns, he finds the gravel not shoveled and the floor not swept.
He quickly locates the Irishman and asks him why he didn't do his job. He says: "I would have shoveled this here gravel, but I don't have a shovel. The Chinese guy was supposed to give it to me but I haven't seen him since you left."
He then goes to look for the Englishman, who says: "I can't possibly sweep the floor without a broom and dustpan, as the Chinese man has not given them to me. I have been looking for him for hours but I can't seem to find him."
The foreman, Irishman and Englishman decide to go look for the Chinese man when he jumps out from behind a pillar and yells:
"SUPPLIES!"
For my cake day, my favorite joke of all time: 87
There was a well-to-do businessman walking down a city sidewalk to get to his office, when he came across a construction site; he saw piles of tools and stacks of wood and concrete slabs, but no workers. The only person he saw was a lone worker, jumping up and down on top of a manhole. As the businessman walked closer, he could hear the worker shouting "87! 87! 87!" at the top of his lungs.
The businessman was intrigued. He went up to the worker and asked "why are you doing that?" The worker replied "oh man, it's so much fun, you gotta try it!" The businessman was skeptical, but he decided to humor the strange worker.
He stepped onto the manhole, and did a small hop, and mumbled "87." He jumped a little higher, saying "87. Hey, this is kinda fun!" He started jumping as high as he could, shouting "87! 87! 87! at the top of his lungs, when, at the top of his highest jump, the worker pulled the manhole cover out from under him, and he plummeted all the way down to the sewer.
The construction worker looked down the sewer, looked around, put the manhole cover back on, stood on top of it again, and began to jump.
"88! 88! 88!"
This construction worker was laying a full room carpet in this house...
... and upon ending his work he realised his backpack was missing. Checking the area he could notice a lump in the carpet, the size of his backpack.
He couldn't belive how unlucky he was and he decided to take a desperate measure. He was not going to destroy the recently placed carpet and inside his backpack there wasn't anything really valuable. So he starts hammering that lump to the ground. After a few minutes the backpack inside the carpet was flat and unnoticeable.
Later that afternoon the housewife gets home and is happy with the placing of the carpet. She goes to the kitchen to write him a check for the job well done and returns to him:
"Here, the check and your backpack that you left in the kitchen. By the way, have you seen my cat"?
Blond man joke
An Irish, Mexican, and blond iron worker were sitting on the top of a skyscraper under construction for their lunch break.
The Irishman opens his lunch box, "Corned beef and cabbage again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The Mexican opens his lunch box, "Tacos again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The blond opens his lunch box, "A ham and cheese sandwich again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The next day the Irishman gets corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican gets tacos and jumps to his death. The blond gets a ham and cheese sandwich and jumps to his death.
At their wake, their wives sit together to mourn the men.
The Irishman's wife laments, "If he would have told me he hated his food I could have made something else."
The Mexican's wife agrees, "I could have made my husband quesadillas or enchiladas."
The women look over at the blond's wife, who responds, "Don't look at me, he made his own lunch."
Why did the construction worker get frustrated and stamp a snail?
Because it had been following him around all day
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man starts work on a construction site in Liverpool.
The other workers nickname him "w**...".
Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got m**... and p**..., they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Scotland".
The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men, "m**..., Mack, p**..., Wac leave the w**... alone!"
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging...
...that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
Five Construction Workers Walk Into a Bar
They should have been looking where they were going
So this guy working in a construction supplies department gets fired...
And the boss needs to hire someone else. So he posts an add online, and there is this Chinese dude that applies, and no one else..
So the foreman hires the guy...
Foreman: "Sir, are you good with a supplies store?"
Worker: "Yes, vellly good with supplies, velly good" (with his pronounced accent)
Foreman:"Ok, good, you hired, thank you"
So the days goes by, and the supplies store is locked all day, the next day too. and the rest of the week goes all the same, with no Chinese man in sight.
So the next monday, the foreman goes to the supplies store in mid-day, and see its still locked.. He uses his master key and opens the door.. There is a bunch of baloons and decorations, but no Chinese worker around...
Then the foreman turns around. and sees the Chinese man with a crew of 20 of them popping out of the closet screaming...
SUPRISE!!!!!!
xD
Problem 67
Bob and Kathy, two construction workers on the roof of a building, are about to raise a keg of nails from the ground by means of a light rope passing over a light frictionless pulley 10.0 m above the ground. Bob weighs 900 N, Kathy 600 N, the keg 300 N, and the nails 600 N. Both workers slip off the roof, and the following unfortunate sequence of events takes place. Hanging together on the rope, Bob and Kathy strike the ground just as the keg hits the pulley. Unnerved by his fall, Bob lets go of the rope, and the keg pulls Kathy up to the roof, where she cracks her head against the pulley but gamely hangs on. However, the nails spill out of the keg when it strikes the ground, and the empty keg rises as Kathy returns to the ground. Finally, she has had enough, lets go of the rope, and remains on the ground, only to be hit by the empty keg again. Ignoring the possible mid-air collisions that merely added insult to injury, how much did Bob and Kathy get when they sued the construction company?
Did you hear about the psycho who beat up a construction worker a Logitech keyboard?
He lost control.
Why did all of the frog guidance counselor's students become construction workers?
The only advice he could give them was "rivet, rivet."
Why was the construction worker tired?
Because he took Benadryl.
How many construction workers does it take to do a single job?
As many as it takes to surround one laborer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.
He says to the bartender, "Give me a beer, please, and one for the road."
***
I'm^so^sorry
EAR ACCIDENT
A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...
The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:
"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
One worker stands up and yells to everyone on the site: "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
Another worker shouts back: "Why?"
The first worker says: "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"
Did you hear about the construction worker that got arrested?
He was handling his wood in public.
A dyslexic construction worker couldn't decide what to upgrade.
Between roofing equipment and flooring supplies, he chose the ladder.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Bill Clinton was a construction worker he would be called Bob the Billder
Sorry.
Why is Donald Trump so intent on building a wall with Mexico?
To stop the workers at his construction site from running back!
A Cop, Indian, GI, Construction Worker and a Cowboy walk into a bar...
Am I in the wrong place or are they?
Trump is in a paradox
He needs construction workers to build the wall, but he's trying to deport all the construction workers
I thought of this on the spot that's why it's bad sorry
A dog hires a construction worker to build a house. The construction worker asks the dog what he would like to be built first. What does the dog say?
Roof.
One construction worker asks another: - Aren't the walls too thin in this apartment building?
- Don't worry about it, there is also wallpaper.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard a guy was playing with himself while watching construction workers on a job site...
Guess he was getting off on the ground floor.
A construction worker goes to the foreman and says "Sir, there's something wrong with the wheelbarrow"
The foreman says "What do you mean?" and the worker says "Well, when I push it, it goes 'Squeak... *squeak*... Squeak... *squeak*... Squeak... *squeak*... Squeak... *squeak*... ' "
The foreman says "You're fired!" and the worker says "What for?"
"Because," says the foreman, "it should have been going 'Squeak*squeak*Squeak*squeak*Squeak*squeak*Squeak*squeak*Squeak*squeak*Squeak*squeak*Squeak*squeak*Squeak*squeak*...' "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did they call the man who gave a h**... to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?
A j**... All Trades
I bought a dog from a construction worker today...
...I had a rough idea what it would've been like, but this dog raised the roof.
What did the construction worker say when he was finishing the tip of a skyscraper named after a part of an egg?
I'm at the height of the Yolk now.
Exceeding the posted Speed Limit in a Construction Zone is Okay
As long as the posted limit sign is accompanied by a sign that reads; *Higher Fine* When Workers Present
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I know how to solve the homeless problem and make bums into hard working citizens!
Give them construction worker helmets. They already have the standing around doing nothing part down!
Speeding fines doubled when workers present
I don't see why a construction worker would be presenting anything during a speeding fine.
Apparently, American construction workers use wood in building houses as a challenge.
Or maybe they just got too board.
A construction worker lost his hand in an workplace accident.
The insurance company is trying to figure out how it happened but they can't quite put their finger on it
The blind construction worker at my school accidentally pulled the fire alarm.
I don't think the fire alarm was a drill.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a construction worker and a cheating husband have in common?
They are both home wreckers
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My construction worker friend died
As a memorial everyone at his f**... stood around making themselves look busy
A construction worker walks up to his executive director.
He says to the director, Construction is going great, however, due to all the rainfall we've been having in the past few days, the nearby lake it very full. We're afraid that if there's any more rain, that the lake might overflow.
The director stands for a moment, pondering his answer before saying, Well, dam it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Three construction workers.
Three construction workers were at a jobsite one day when there was no port-a-p**..., the first worker grabs a shovel out of a truck and digs a hole, the second one disappeared, the third one finds the second one on top of a pole with his pants down reading a newspaper. The second worker says to the third hey buddy I found a shitpost .
A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.
His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.
After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.
After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.
Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?
The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!
Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?
My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.
He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Workers are building a brutally tall chimney...
When they are almost finished, a foreman runs to them short of breath and shouts:
We are in deep s**... guys, someone turned over my construction plans...
We were supposed to dig a well!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you confuse a construction worker?
Put a s**... and a shovel in the corner, then tell him to take his pick!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A construction worker tells his boss that he has a terrible headache
The boss answers: "Hey, what I do if I have a headache is, I go home and have s**... with my wife, then my head is clear again and I can come back to work"
The worker says he doesn't know about this and prefers taking some medication.
But this doesn't work, and so the boss basically orders him to go and have s**....
Two hours later, the worker is back, smiling and in a good mood, "hey boss, your trick worked, and btw. a nice house you have got there!"
A kid is selling lemonade…
The boy's sign reads 1 cup for 25¢, 3 cups for $1
A construction worker stops by and asks to buy one cup of lemonade.
"25 cents", says the kid.
The construction worker then buys another one, and another one, paying 25 cents each.
As the construction worker walks away, he turns around with a smile, and says: "Hey kid, you realize I just bought three cups for 75¢… Maybe lemonade stands aren't your thing."
"I guess you're right" says the kid good-naturedly as he sets up the next 3 cups.
A construction worker calls his wife in the middle of the day.
Honey, I'm in the hospital, I lost a finger.
Oh my goodness, she exclaims, The whole finger? No, no. He replies, The one next to it.
