Construction Site Jokes

Following is our collection of tombs puns and construct one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Construction Site jokes for adults, dirty foreman jokes and clean influx dad gags for kids.

The Best Construction Site Puns

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site...

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses

He has a look at what's going on and he's amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can. He runs in and shouts ''Dad, dad, can we play builders?'' His dad says ''Sure Johnny''

Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ''Oi, get them bricks up here now you cunt''

Strength vs. Intelligence

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, John had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

John reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

What kind of bird works on a construction site?

A Crane.

A

black man starts work on a construction site. The other workers nickname him "Wog".

Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got Mick and Paddy, they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Scotland".

The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men, "Mick, Mack, Paddy, Wac leave the Wog alone!"


A man worked at construction site...

...and is brought to emergency room with concussion and skull fracture.

His wife, furious, comes to hospital.

"What happened?!"

"Well, I asked John to throw me the hammer..."

"And then what?! You didn't catch it?"

"In matter of fact *I did*. But then I remembered we have 3 guys named John working on our site..."

I was walking past a construction site and the guy hammering on the roof called me a paranoid little weirdo...

...in morse code.

[Credit goes to Emo Phillips]

NSFW

Not wearing helmet at a construction site

They hired a comedian at the local construction site. Everyone loves him.

You could say he was really nailing it.

A construction site worker told his boss

"Boss, the shovel broke ! What should i do now?" to which the boss replies "We're out of shovels. Go lean on something else !"

The size of the wildlife at construction sites is huge.

I mean, just look at the size of those cranes.


The foreman at my bridge construction site is always rushing things. But when I got the beams set ahead of schedule he didn't believe me.

Nobody expects the span is in position.

I didn't believe when they told me my brother was a construction site thief

But when I got home, the signs were there

Names for groups of animals

We all know some of the common names: pride of lions, murder of crows, etc. But some aren't so well known:

construction site of cranes
chomp of alligators
giggle of girls
cancer of lawyers

What do you call a bunch of carpenter ants?

A construction site.

I couldn't believe it when my Dad was arrested for stealing from construction sites.

I should have known really, all the signs were there.

A young man starts a new job at a construction site

During his lunch break, he asks an older man what he's carrying in his lunch box.

"It's a thermos, it keeps cold things cold and hot things hot."

"Oh wow, I have to get me one of those!" Said the young man

The next day, the older man sees the younger man carrying a thermos.

"I see you got a thermos. What do you got in it?" He asks.

The young man replies, "Ice tea and hot bean soup!"

My dad was a construction site thief

When I got home all the signs were there.

What's the difference between a magnet and a construction site?

A construction site has more poles.


Why is Donald Trump so intent on building a wall with Mexico?

To stop the workers at his construction site from running back!

After working a construction site in the blistering heat all summer, it made me really miss my old gig.

Because 7/11 was an inside job.

Sex at the construction site

I saw a guy on roof nailing some hot shingles.

My girlfriend just told me her favorite music is heavy metal.

So for her birthday I'm taking her on a trip to a construction site.

I saw a cow asleep in a construction site thus morning

I think it was a bulldozer

What is common between foreplay and a construction site?

There is always an "erection" in progress.

Two detectives were investigating a murder at a construction site

The evidence wasn't concrete.

What's it called when there's an accident at a construction site?

Erectile dysfunction.

VOTE UP IF. The construction site

I walked up to a midget at a construction site

He looked at me and said "Bit chubby"

Turns out he was a little digger.

I work on a construction site, and we're building a new apartment block. The ground floor has turned out pretty good.

But the first floor? That's a whole other storey.

Did you guys hear about that iceberg that was next to that construction site?

It's water under the bridge now.

What's The Difference Between A Prostitute and A Screwdrivef

One screws all day long on a construction site and the other has sex for money

Today I had to make an NSFW presentation at work...

'Mandatory Safety Procedures at Construction Site for Workers'.

The army always has mortar stored at its construction site.

They're useful in dealing against ambushes.

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Japanese man are hired at a construction site.

The foreman says to the Italian "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Asian "You're in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while." Later when the foreman returns he sees Nothing's done. He says to the Italian "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" "I no gotta broom. You tella da guy he inna charge of a supplies, but he go an I could no finda him!" Then asks the Scot "Didn't I tell you to shovel?" "Aye, ye did, laddie, but I couldna get meself a shovel. I canna find where the supplies man is aboot!" The foreman is really angry now and storms off looking for the Asian. Just then the Japanese guy springs out and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

A property developer and a building contractor are standing on a construction site...

It's getting late and the developer wants the contractor to stay and finish the work. The discussion starts getting a little heated. The contractor says, "You know, when I was working for Donald Trump, he would put $10 000 on the table as a bonus and we would work through the night and get the job done. Why don't you do that?" The developer glances across the construction site and says, "Well, we don't have a table".

Why are construction sites so stinky?

Because the workers are just fartin' around.

A Black man, a Mexican and a Polish man are at a construction site

A Black man, a Mexican and a Polish man are at a construction site having lunch. The black man opens up his lunch and says "If I get fried chicken for lunch again, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opens up his lunch and says "If I get a burrito for lunch again, I'm going to jump off this building." The Polish guy opens his lunch and says "If I get a bologna sandwich for lunch again, I'm going to jump off this building."
The next day the three men are having lunch. They all open up their lunches and see they've all got the same thing from the day before and proceed to jump to their deaths.
Their wives get to talking at the wake when the black mans wife says "If I knew he didn't like fried chicken, I would've never put it in his lunch." The Mexican mans wife says "If I knew he didn't like burritos, I would've never put it in his lunch." When they turn to the Polish mans wife she says "Don't look at me, he made his own lunch."

The Sleeping Scotsman

A Scotsman decides one day he'd pass the time by walking the countryside. After a couple of hours, he comes to the top of a hill and sees a road down below him.


"I don't remember there being a road here. I must be more lost than I thought!"


Before trying to trek his way back home, however, he decides to take a rest under a nearby tree.



Meanwhile, a woman driving on the road below sees the sleeping Scotsman and asked herself life's biggest question: "*Do* the Scottish wear anything under their kilts?" Curiosity getting the better of her, she pulls her car over to the side of the road and sneaks her way up to the sleeping Scotsman. She carefully picks up the front of the Scotsman's kilt and sees, in fact, they do not wear anything underneath. Feeling embarrassed and guilty, the woman sees some nearby stakes in the ground with red and blue ribbons tied to the tops of them, being used as markers for a nearby construction site. The woman takes one of these ribbons and ties it snuggly to the Scotsman's wiener to signify that someone was there.



Later, the Scotsman awakes and feels a tug under his kilt. He lifts it up and sees a blue ribbon tied tight around his piece. Upon seeing this, the Scotsman shouts:



"I don't know where ye been or what ye did, but you won first prize!"

There's a blonde man, a Mexican man, and an Italian man sitting on a construction site eating lunch and...

The Mexican man opens his lunch and exclaims, "Bean burritos again?! I swear if I get bean burritos one more time I am going to jump and kill myself!" Then the Italian man opens his lunch and says, "Seriously?! Spaghetti and meatballs again?! If I get this one more time in my lunch I am going to jump and kill myself as well!" then the blonde man opened his lunch and gets a ham and cheese sammich and pretty much says the same thing as the other guys.

Then next day at lunch time the three guys go to the the top of the site and open there lunches, all of them got exactly what they had yesterday and jumped to their deaths.

At the funeral the Mexican's wife goes up to the front and says, "If only I'd known he didn't want burritos for lunch I would have made him something else!" Next the Italian's wife walks up and says, "He should have told me he didn't want spaghetti and meatballs! I just would have made him something else!" After this everyone at the funeral looks at the blonde man's wife waiting for her to say something and she just says, "Don't look at me he makes his own lunch."

A foreman working on a construction site walks up to his only workers for the day...

They were an Irishman, Englishman and a Chinese.

The foreman walks up to the Irishman and tells him:

"I will be going out for a few hours to do some paperwork. In the meantime I want you to shovel this pile of gravel into the truck so it can be taken away when I get back."

He then goes to the Englishman:

"You, on the other hand are going to sweep all the dust on the ground left behind by all the cement. I want to see the floor spotless when I return."

He says to the Chinese man:

"I will leave you in charge of the supplies. Make sure everyone gets their supplies."

And having delivered the duties to his workers, the foreman leaves the site to attend to his business.

When he returns, he finds the gravel not shoveled and the floor not swept.

He quickly locates the Irishman and asks him why he didn't do his job. He says: "I would have shoveled this here gravel, but I don't have a shovel. The Chinese guy was supposed to give it to me but I haven't seen him since you left."

He then goes to look for the Englishman, who says: "I can't possibly sweep the floor without a broom and dustpan, as the Chinese man has not given them to me. I have been looking for him for hours but I can't seem to find him."

The foreman, Irishman and Englishman decide to go look for the Chinese man when he jumps out from behind a pillar and yells:

"SUPPLIES!"

A Nun walks into a construction site

An older nun, who was living in a convent next to a construction site, noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.


And so, she decided she would take her lunch and sit with the workers.


She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked to the spot where the men were eating.


Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: "And, do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other, very confused.


One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down. "Why?"


The worker yelled back,
"Cause his mom's here with his lunch."

What do you call 10 Mexican kids in a school?

A construction site

Two blondes working on a construction site...

Two blondes were working on a construction site. One of them who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then either toss it over her shoulder or nail it into the siding.

The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed towards me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it into the siding."

The second blonde was outraged. She yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed towards you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

Jesus' Wife

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.


She walked up to the group and with a big smile said, "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"



They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled, `Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"


One of the steelworkers asked, "Why?"


The worker yelled, "His wife is here with his lunch."

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man are hired at a construction site...

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy "You're in charge of shoveling." He points to the Scotsman and tells him "You're in charge of sweeping." and then he turns to the Chinese guy and says "You're in charge of supplies."

The foreman then shrugs his shoulders and says "Now, I have to leave for a bit, when I get back I expect you guys to make a good dent in that pile of sand." A few hours later when the foreman returns, he finds that the pile has not been touched.

Pointing to the pile of said the foreman demands the Italian, "Why didn't you shovel any of it?" The Scotsman I gotta no shovel. You tella the Chinese guy he inna charge of a supplies but he-a disappeara and coulda no finda him!"

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and yells, "Didn't I tell you to sweep up that sand?" The Scotsman replies in heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did laddie, but I couldna get meself a broom. Ya left the Chinee in charge o' the supplies, but I couldna find him?"

So now the foreman is incredibly furious and he storms off towards the pile of sand in search of the Chinese man. Just then, the Chinese man jumps out from behind the sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

How does Wanda Maximoff greet Vision on a construction site?

Hi, Vis!

An italian, a scot, and a chinese man start their first day working at a construction site...

...so, for their first task, their boss shows them this enormous pile of sand, and tells them they need to move it from point A to point B in two hours.
"You," says the boss, pointing to the italian, "will shovel the sand."
"You," he says to the scot, "will sweep after him."
"and you," he says to the chinese man, "will be in charge of keeping the supplies in check."


The boss comes back, two hours later, and the pile of sand hasn't budged.
"What happened?" he asks.
"The chinese man ran off with the supplies, and we couldn't find him!" the italian and scot both say.
"Seriously?" the boss says.

The boss then approaches the pile of sand, when the chinese man leaps out of it and says "**SUPPLIES!**"


(If you didn't get it, say the last sentence out loud.)

A day at the construction site

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand."

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."

The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither."

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!!!!"

Poor Boudreaux . . .

Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession.

"Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site."

Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm afraid that someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."

Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."

Priest: "What did you do with it?

Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."

Priest: "OK, anything else?"

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two-car garage."

Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."

Priest: "Yes?"

Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."

Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"

Boudreaux: "No, Father ... but if you got the plans, I got the lumber."

Stolen Wood

John was feeling guilty, so he went to church for a confession.
John: Forgive me Father, I have sinned. I stole some wood from a construction site.
The priest: Well what did you do with the lumber my son?
John: Well my sons wheelchair ramp was broken so I fixed it.
The priest: At least you did good with it.
John: Wait father, I had some wood left.
The priest: What did you do with it?
John: My dog was cold so I built him a house.
The priest: I guess you still did good with it.
John: Wait father, I had some wood left.
The priest: What did you do with it?
John: My car was cold, so I built it a two-car garage to keep it warm.
The priest: That is a little out of hand...
John: But father, I still had a little wood left. My wife had always wanted a bigger house, so I built a second floor for our house.
The priest: Whoa! That's way too much! You are going to have to make a Novena for penance. Do you know how to make a Novena?
John: No, but if you have the plans I have plenty of wood.

La fille

An Italian man and a French man both worked at the same construction site, and one day the Italian man came into work and noticed the French man smelling his finger. Confused at his odd behaviour, he questioned his co-worker, to which he replied, "Ah, la fille! La fille!"

A sense of understanding came over the Italian man, and their work day ended shortly thereafter.

The next day, the Italian man again found the French man smelling his finger. "La fille, la fille." The Italian man loudly sniffed his arm from wrist to shoulder and screamed, "MARIAAAAA!"

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site...

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, Your're in charge of sweeping, to the Irishman, You're in charge of shoveling, and to the Chinese guy, And you're in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, Why didn't you sweep any of it? The Italian replies, I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him.

So then the foreman turn to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies, I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him.

The foreman is really ticked off now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from a closet and yells: SUPPLIES!

For my cake day, my favorite joke of all time: 87

There was a well-to-do businessman walking down a city sidewalk to get to his office, when he came across a construction site; he saw piles of tools and stacks of wood and concrete slabs, but no workers. The only person he saw was a lone worker, jumping up and down on top of a manhole. As the businessman walked closer, he could hear the worker shouting "87! 87! 87!" at the top of his lungs.

The businessman was intrigued. He went up to the worker and asked "why are you doing that?" The worker replied "oh man, it's so much fun, you gotta try it!" The businessman was skeptical, but he decided to humor the strange worker.

He stepped onto the manhole, and did a small hop, and mumbled "87." He jumped a little higher, saying "87. Hey, this is kinda fun!" He started jumping as high as he could, shouting "87! 87! 87! at the top of his lungs, when, at the top of his highest jump, the worker pulled the manhole cover out from under him, and he plummeted all the way down to the sewer.

The construction worker looked down the sewer, looked around, put the manhole cover back on, stood on top of it again, and began to jump.

"88! 88! 88!"

An Italian, An Irishman and a Chinese fellow.

Hopefully not posted earlier.

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, You're in charge of sweeping. He then jabs a thin finger at the Irishman, You're in charge of digging. Finally, he turns to the Chinaman, And you're in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.

Two hours later, the foreman returns to find the pile of sand untouched, and the Italian and Irishman standing nearby. Why didn't you touch it? he says. The Italian looks at him. We didn't have a broom or shovel. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and we couldn't find him. Annoyed, the foreman storms off to find the errant Oriental. Just then, the Chinaman leaps from behind the sand and yells Supplies!

Falling Bricks

A man is starting his new job at a skyscraper construction site and he is a little nervous. He introduces himself to the other workers.
"H-H-Hello... M-My name is Peter." The Men grunt and continue working. When it's time for lunch, all the men sit on the edge of the building. the man walks over and sits next to them.
"W-What do you do around here for fun?" he asks. A rather large man turns around and says:
"Falling Brick."
"W-Well what's that?"
"Take a Brick and throw it off the edge. while it's falling yell falling brick. It's hilarious watching all the people below scatter."

The man reluctantly takes a brick from the pile. He tosses off the edge of the building.
"F-F-F-F..."

"F-F-F-F..."

"Fffffff..."

"F-F-Fucking got him."

Strong Man Contest

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone when it comes to pure strength.

He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workers at the job site. After several minutes of ranting, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is and challenge me to a strength competition," he said. "I will bet an entire week's pay that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man. Let's see what you got," the young boaster replied.

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said,

"All right, hop in."

After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox...

After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox get together and each tells how they spent the winter.

The mountain lion says, "I spent my winter in a pigpen, and each day I ate a pig. The owner counted the pigs, saw that some were missing, and set a trap from which I barely escaped."

The wolf says, "I spent my winter in a henhouse. Each day I ate two hens. The owner counted the hens, brought out his shotgun, and I almost got shot."

The fox says, "I spent my winter at a construction site where there were lots of Mexicans. Nobody counts those bastards."

There is an abundance of providers jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 58 funniest jokes and construction site puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any workers witze you can hear about construction site.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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