Construction Jokes

Following is our collection of simpler puns and construction worker one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Construction jokes for adults, dirty construction site jokes and clean edifice dad gags for kids.

The Best Construction Puns

Want to hear a joke about construction?

Sorry, I'm still working on it.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site...

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

You guys wanna hear a construction joke?

..... hold on I'm working on it.


(Brought to you by my 8 year old nephew)

I was offered a construction job in Egypt this morning.

Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.

Alien vs predator


Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses

He has a look at what's going on and he's amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can. He runs in and shouts ''Dad, dad, can we play builders?'' His dad says ''Sure Johnny''

Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ''Oi, get them bricks up here now you cunt''

A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew

It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot sandwich.

He turns to his crew and asks if anyone snuck in to eat the sandwich. One by one, they all shake their heads and deny any wrongdoing. He's at a loss until one of his guys points out that the company had hired an electrician to do a bit of wiring that morning.

"Of course!" the boss exclaims, "he's the subcontractor!"

Girl, you're like speeding in a construction zone…

Double Fine

Strength vs. Intelligence

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, John had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

John reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London...

As they went past the Tower of London the cabbie explained what the building was and provided a brief history. Upon hearing that its construction started in 1346 and was completed in 1412, the Texan stated, "Really? A little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"

Next they passed the House of Parliament, and the cabbie again gave a brief history, omitting the construction dates this time. However, being eager to brag, the Texan questioned its construction too. The cabbie replied that it was built in 1544 and completed in 1618.

"Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a month!"

As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent.

"Well? What's that over there?" asked the Texan.

The annoyed cabbie scratches his head and replied "I haven't the foggiest idea, Sir. It wasn't there yesterday!"

What did they call the man who gave a handjob to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?

A Jack Off All Trades


What kind of bird works on a construction site?

A Crane.

Book Jokes.

I read a thriller in Braille.
You can really feel the suspense.

I'm reading a book about Anti-Gravity.
It's impossible to put down.

I read a book about submarine construction.
It's riveting.

I'm reading a book about adhesives.
It has me glued to my seat .

I read a book on suicide.
It had me on the edge of my building.

Feel free to insert more. :)

A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.

His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.

After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.

After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.

Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?

The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!

Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?

A

black man starts work on a construction site. The other workers nickname him "Wog".

Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got Mick and Paddy, they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Scotland".

The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men, "Mick, Mack, Paddy, Wac leave the Wog alone!"

Thought of a great slogan for a construction company..

We screw, we nut, we bolt.

I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building...

Friendship.

Joke about how dangerous China is

An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"

The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"

In a classroom

The teacher is talking to little girls about Johnny's awful language 'Remember girls, when Johnny starts swearing just go out of our classroom.' Johnny came in and sat down. The teacher asked what are the buildings under construction in town. Kids say many things but then Little Johnny says 'They are building a whorehouse nearby'. And so every girl got up and started heading for the door. Then Johnny shouted 'Wait up whores, it will be done in a month, what's the rush'


A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...

The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:

"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"

One worker stands up and yells to everyone on the site: "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"

Another worker shouts back: "Why?"

The first worker says: "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"

Have you heard about the new condo complex for lesbians?

It's all tongue in groove construction. Not a stud in the whole place.

A man worked at construction site...

...and is brought to emergency room with concussion and skull fracture.

His wife, furious, comes to hospital.

"What happened?!"

"Well, I asked John to throw me the hammer..."

"And then what?! You didn't catch it?"

"In matter of fact *I did*. But then I remembered we have 3 guys named John working on our site..."

I was walking past a construction site and the guy hammering on the roof called me a paranoid little weirdo...

...in morse code.

[Credit goes to Emo Phillips]

Minnesota has 4 seasons

Almost winter, winter, almost summer, and road construction.

EAR ACCIDENT

A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...

and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.

When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a pimp and a drug fiend."

"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"

"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"

I've got a GREAT joke about construction...

but I'm still working on it.

I have this great joke relating to construction.

I'm still working on it.

What type of construction do lesbians use for their houses??

Tongue in groove

NSFW

Not wearing helmet at a construction site

If white people are white paper, and black people are black paper. Then what are Mexican people?

Construction paper

What do you call a one night stand with a construction worker?

Nut and bolt.

I never expected my dad to steal from his road construction job...

but when I got home all of the signs were there.

Did you hear the joke about the construction?

...hold on I'm still working on it.

Stolen from a friend, who when asked his source, simply replied: a 5 year old whispered it to me

I have this great joke about construction

I'm still working on it

Got to hammer out a few kinks

Make sure to nail the delivery

I just don't want to screw it up

Sometimes I look out over the new construction in my city, old ground being dug up to make room for the new, and I think to myself:

I really should have buried the bodies somewhere else.

A construction worker comes home from work.

He tells his wife, "Honey, I cut off my finger today."
She replies, "The whole finger!?"
He says, "No, the one right next to it."

My city just fired half of the city's construction workers...

Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own.

Ben was a fifth grader notorious for his lack of filter.

One day, he walked into class 10 minutes late. "What took you so long, Ben?" asked the teacher. "Sorry miss, there was construction happening in a whorehouse nearby so all the roads were blocked."

Suddenly, all the girls in the class, disgusted at Ben, rose up to protest against his vulgar rhetoric. "Simmer down, you skanks", Ben replied "they are not taking applications yet."

"I see," said the blind construction worker,

As he picked up his hammer and saw

The Kindergartener's Question

Johnny walked up to his kindergarten teacher with an inquisitive look in his eyes. "Do you know where the blackβ€”" Johnny asked, to the teacher's retort. "Johnny! Say African-American!"

"Do you know where the African-American construction paper is?"

Have you heard about this group of people with construction fetishes?

If you build it, they will come.

A construction worker decided to go to a bar for a few drinks

He got hammered.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a construction worker?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

Do you know what impresses me most about gloryhole construction?

The load-bearing walls.

Construction worker not wearing his safety gear [NSFW]

The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.

Trump agreed.



...but Mexicans refused.

I saw the strangest protest sign driving to work today

I know all the construction can be inconvenient but seriously, End Road Work ?


Happy Father's Day everyone!

What do you call a girl who hops around from guy to guy at a construction company?

Jack off all trades

Your girlfriend is so ugly

When she walks by a construction zone , workers get back to work

They hired a comedian at the local construction site. Everyone loves him.

You could say he was really nailing it.

A blind man walks into a bar

...and now the construction crew is in trouble for leaving their scaffolding stacked in the middle of the sidewalk.

What do you do after you eat gravel?

Sheetrock. For those keeping track at home, yes I repurposed a sheet metal joke from a post on another sub a couple days ago but I worked in construction and this made more sense to me.

While in my car I drove beneath an overpass that was getting some work done on it

I was under construction.

The size of the wildlife at construction sites is huge.

I mean, just look at the size of those cranes.

How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce the following word:

"U-N-I-O-N-I-Z-E-D"

A construction site worker told his boss

"Boss, the shovel broke ! What should i do now?" to which the boss replies "We're out of shovels. Go lean on something else !"

I just learned about the nonstop construction on Big Ben right now

They really are working around the clock

My construction worker friend died

As a memorial everyone at his funeral stood around making themselves look busy

A joke about ethanol

nvm... too corny.

Oh, but I do have a ~~construction joke~~ - eh, actually I'm still working on it.

;D

Hey girl are you a construction worker?

Cause you're erecting something right now

A construction worker asked me to make a joke about the contents of his toolbox.

Unfortunately, I don't have any drill bits.

For construction workers

did you know that if you hold your hardhat up to your ear, you can hear OSHA?

What happened to the Irish construction worker?

He got hammered.

How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof.

I accused the construction man for damaging my sidewalk.

"You are going to need concrete evidence if you want to prove me guilty"

I was watching some construction workers today

outside my office building. They were laying down a bunch of grass.

I saw a forklift come in carrying rolls of grass, when all of a sudden a huge bulldozer came out of nowhere and crashed full speed into the forklift. Both the driver of the forklift and the grass went flying...

It was quite the horrific sight indeed...all I could think was, "Poor sod..."

Did you hear the amazing story about the blind construction worker?

He picked up a hammer and saw.

The foreman at my bridge construction site is always rushing things. But when I got the beams set ahead of schedule he didn't believe me.

Nobody expects the span is in position.

Did you hear about the all-lesbian construction company?

They don't use studs. Only tongue and groove.

Why is it that when a guy nails a ton of girls, he's called a stud...

...but when he nails a ton of studs, he's in construction?

How can you tell if someone is a construction worker or a chemist

The way they pronounce unionised

I saw a construction sign today that said, "road rehab".

It must've been addicted to crack.

Did you hear the submarine construction business closed down?

Shame they went under

I didn't believe when they told me my brother was a construction site thief

But when I got home, the signs were there

There is an abundance of kickstarter jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 75 funniest jokes and construction puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any workers witze you can hear about construction.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes