The Best 75 Construction Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Construction jokes. There are some construction construction worker jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these construction edifice puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Construction Jokes and Puns

Joke about how dangerous China is

An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"

The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"

In a classroom

The teacher is talking to little girls about Johnny's awful language 'Remember girls, when Johnny starts swearing just go out of our classroom.' Johnny came in and sat down. The teacher asked what are the buildings under construction in town. Kids say many things but then Little Johnny says 'They are building a whorehouse nearby'. And so every girl got up and started heading for the door. Then Johnny shouted 'Wait up whores, it will be done in a month, what's the rush'

A construction worker comes home from work.

He tells his wife, "Honey, I cut off my finger today."
She replies, "The whole finger!?"
He says, "No, the one right next to it."

Construction joke, A construction worker comes home from work.

I was watching some construction workers today

outside my office building. They were laying down a bunch of grass.

I saw a forklift come in carrying rolls of grass, when all of a sudden a huge bulldozer came out of nowhere and crashed full speed into the forklift. Both the driver of the forklift and the grass went flying...

It was quite the horrific sight indeed...all I could think was, "Poor sod..."

A construction site worker told his boss

"Boss, the shovel broke ! What should i do now?" to which the boss replies "We're out of shovels. Go lean on something else !"


Strength vs. Intelligence

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, John had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

John reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

Minnesota has 4 seasons

Almost winter, winter, almost summer, and road construction.

Construction joke, Minnesota has 4 seasons

It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...

and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.

When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a pimp and a drug fiend."

"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"

"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"

What kind of bird works on a construction site?

A Crane.

A black man starts work on a construction site in Liverpool.

The other workers nickname him "Wog".

Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got Mick and Paddy, they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Scotland".

The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men, "Mick, Mack, Paddy, Wac leave the Wog alone!"

The Kindergartener's Question

Johnny walked up to his kindergarten teacher with an inquisitive look in his eyes. "Do you know where the blackβ€”" Johnny asked, to the teacher's retort. "Johnny! Say African-American!"

"Do you know where the African-American construction paper is?"

You can explore construction simpler reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean construction construction site dad jokes. There are also construction puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building...

Friendship.

I accused the construction man for damaging my sidewalk.

"You are going to need concrete evidence if you want to prove me guilty"

Construction worker not wearing his safety gear [NSFW]

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London...

As they went past the Tower of London the cabbie explained what the building was and provided a brief history. Upon hearing that its construction started in 1346 and was completed in 1412, the Texan stated, "Really? A little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"

Next they passed the House of Parliament, and the cabbie again gave a brief history, omitting the construction dates this time. However, being eager to brag, the Texan questioned its construction too. The cabbie replied that it was built in 1544 and completed in 1618.

"Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a month!"

As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent.

"Well? What's that over there?" asked the Texan.

The annoyed cabbie scratches his head and replied "I haven't the foggiest idea, Sir. It wasn't there yesterday!"

EAR ACCIDENT

A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

Construction joke, EAR ACCIDENT

A construction worker decided to go to a bar for a few drinks

He got hammered.

Girl, you're like speeding in a construction zone…

Double Fine

A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...

The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:

"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"

One worker stands up and yells to everyone on the site: "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"

Another worker shouts back: "Why?"

The first worker says: "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"


While in my car I drove beneath an overpass that was getting some work done on it

I was under construction.

Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses

He has a look at what's going on and he's amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can. He runs in and shouts ''Dad, dad, can we play builders?'' His dad says ''Sure Johnny''

Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ''Oi, get them bricks up here now you cunt''

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.

Alien vs predator

Sometimes I look out over the new construction in my city, old ground being dug up to make room for the new, and I think to myself:

I really should have buried the bodies somewhere else.

A construction worker asked me to make a joke about the contents of his toolbox.

Unfortunately, I don't have any drill bits.

They hired a comedian at the local construction site. Everyone loves him.

You could say he was really nailing it.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site...

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I never expected my dad to steal from his road construction job...

but when I got home all of the signs were there.

Have you heard about this group of people with construction fetishes?

If you build it, they will come.

How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof.

Do you know what impresses me most about gloryhole construction?

The load-bearing walls.

Your girlfriend is so ugly

When she walks by a construction zone , workers get back to work

A blind man walks into a bar

...and now the construction crew is in trouble for leaving their scaffolding stacked in the middle of the sidewalk.

You guys wanna hear a construction joke?

..... hold on I'm working on it.

(Brought to you by my 8 year old nephew)

"I see," said the blind construction worker,

As he picked up his hammer and saw

How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce the following word:

"U-N-I-O-N-I-Z-E-D"

Hey girl are you a construction worker?

Cause you're erecting something right now

I was offered a construction job in Egypt this morning.

Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

Did you hear the joke about the construction?

...hold on I'm still working on it.

Stolen from a friend, who when asked his source, simply replied: a 5 year old whispered it to me

What did they call the man who gave a handjob to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?

A Jack Off All Trades

Have you heard about the new condo complex for lesbians?

It's all tongue in groove construction. Not a stud in the whole place.

What do you call a girl who hops around from guy to guy at a construction company?

Jack off all trades

What type of construction do lesbians use for their houses??

Tongue in groove

I saw the strangest protest sign driving to work today

I know all the construction can be inconvenient but seriously, End Road Work ?

Happy Father's Day everyone!

A joke about ethanol

nvm... too corny.

Oh, but I do have a ~~construction joke~~ - eh, actually I'm still working on it.

;D

Ben was a fifth grader notorious for his lack of filter.

One day, he walked into class 10 minutes late. "What took you so long, Ben?" asked the teacher. "Sorry miss, there was construction happening in a whorehouse nearby so all the roads were blocked."

Suddenly, all the girls in the class, disgusted at Ben, rose up to protest against his vulgar rhetoric. "Simmer down, you skanks", Ben replied "they are not taking applications yet."

For construction workers

did you know that if you hold your hardhat up to your ear, you can hear OSHA?

If white people are white paper, and black people are black paper. Then what are Mexican people?

Construction paper

A man worked at construction site...

...and is brought to emergency room with concussion and skull fracture.

His wife, furious, comes to hospital.

"What happened?!"

"Well, I asked John to throw me the hammer..."

"And then what?! You didn't catch it?"

"In matter of fact *I did*. But then I remembered we have 3 guys named John working on our site..."

My city just fired half of the city's construction workers...

Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own.

Want to hear a joke about construction?

Sorry, I'm still working on it.

Thought of a great slogan for a construction company..

We screw, we nut, we bolt.

The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.

Trump agreed.



...but Mexicans refused.

NSFW

Not wearing helmet at a construction site

I have this great joke relating to construction.

I'm still working on it.

What do you do after you eat gravel?

Sheetrock. For those keeping track at home, yes I repurposed a sheet metal joke from a post on another sub a couple days ago but I worked in construction and this made more sense to me.

My construction worker friend died

As a memorial everyone at his funeral stood around making themselves look busy

Book Jokes.

I read a thriller in Braille.
You can really feel the suspense.

I'm reading a book about Anti-Gravity.
It's impossible to put down.

I read a book about submarine construction.
It's riveting.

I'm reading a book about adhesives.
It has me glued to my seat .

I read a book on suicide.
It had me on the edge of my building.

Feel free to insert more. :)

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a construction worker?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

I just learned about the nonstop construction on Big Ben right now

They really are working around the clock

What do you call a one night stand with a construction worker?

Nut and bolt.

I've got a GREAT joke about construction...

but I'm still working on it.

The size of the wildlife at construction sites is huge.

I mean, just look at the size of those cranes.

I have this great joke about construction

I'm still working on it

Got to hammer out a few kinks

Make sure to nail the delivery

I just don't want to screw it up

A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.

His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.

After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.

After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.

Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?

The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!

Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?

A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew

It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot sandwich.

He turns to his crew and asks if anyone snuck in to eat the sandwich. One by one, they all shake their heads and deny any wrongdoing. He's at a loss until one of his guys points out that the company had hired an electrician to do a bit of wiring that morning.

"Of course!" the boss exclaims, "he's the subcontractor!"

Me: I had to quit my construction job because I wasn't strong enough for the work.

Friend: Did you give them your too weak notice?

Want to hear a construction joke?

Hold on, I'm still working on it.

How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a scientist?

The way they pronounce unionized.

In response to the pandemic, the construction industry is finally letting employees work from home.

Only catch is it ain't their homes.

My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.

He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks.

Easiest way to tell a scientist from a construction worker?

Have them pronounce unionize.

What do you call a brothel for construction workers?

Nuts N' Bolts

The Construction Joke

Sorry still working on it

I finally listened to my mom, and took the road less traveled.

I totally missed all the signs about the freeway still being under construction.

A dog in a hard hat walks into a bar

The dog says "I'll have a beer. I'm on lunch break from the construction site across the street."

The bartender says "Wow, a talking dog! You should join the circus!"

The dog replies "Why? Do they need construction workers?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the construction kickstarter jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working construction workers piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes