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Construction Jokes

134 construction jokes and hilarious construction puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about construction that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of construction jokes. From funny quotes to jokes about tools, these construction-themed jokes are sure to get you laughing.

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Funniest Construction Short Jokes

Short construction jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The construction humour may include short building jokes also.

  1. If i had a nickel for every existential crisis it wouldn't matter because money is a social construct and existence is meaningless
  2. I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site... But when I got home, all the signs were there.
  3. You guys wanna hear a construction joke? ..... hold on I'm working on it.
    (Brought to you by my 8 year old nephew)
  4. Recently, i decided to quit my job at the construction place because i couldn't deal with the heavy lifting. I gave them my too weak notice yesterday.
  5. Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting.
  6. Which knight did King Arthur leave in charge of constructing the round table? Sir Cumference
  7. How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest. Alien vs predator
  8. A blind man with a service dog walked into a bar The construction worker holding the bar said, "Dude, you need a new dog!"
  9. Me: I had to quit my construction job because I wasn't strong enough for the work. Friend: Did you give them your too weak notice?
  10. Why is six afraid of seven? Numbers are an abstract human construct and so is fear. This entire joke is meaningless

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Construction One Liners

Which construction one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with construction? I can suggest the ones about built and structural.

  1. Want to hear a joke about construction? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
  2. I was offered a construction job in Egypt this morning. Turned out to be a pyramid scheme
  3. Girl, you're like speeding in a construction zone… Double Fine
  4. What kind of bird works on a construction site? A crane.
  5. Thought of a great slogan for a construction company.. We screw, we nut, we bolt.
  6. Minnesota has 4 seasons Almost winter, winter, almost summer, and road construction.
  7. Q: Wanna hear a joke about construction?
    A: Never mind, I'm still working on it.
  8. The Construction Joke Sorry still working on it
  9. A frog applies for a construction job. The engineer asks, "What can you do?"
    "Rivet."
  10. I've got a GREAT joke about construction... but I'm still working on it.
  11. I have this great joke relating to construction. I'm still working on it.
  12. A dog is helping construct my house He specializes in roofing
  13. What do you call a one night stand with a construction worker? Nut and bolt.
  14. I have a joke about construction But I'm still working on it.
  15. Why is 6 afraid of 7? Numbers are an abstract human construct and so is fear

Construction Worker Jokes

Here is a list of funny construction worker jokes and even better construction worker puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building... Friendship.
  • A construction worker comes home from work. He tells his wife, "Honey, I cut off my finger today."
    She replies, "The whole finger!?"
    He says, "No, the one right next to it."
  • How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a scientist? The way they pronounce unionized.
  • My city just fired half of the city's construction workers... Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own.
  • What do you call a brothel for construction workers? Nuts N' Bolts
  • "I see," said the blind construction worker, As he picked up his hammer and saw
  • A construction worker decided to go to a bar for a few drinks He got hammered.
  • Why did it take so long for the construction worker to propose? He was building up to it.
  • How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a construction worker? Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
  • Your girlfriend is so ugly When she walks by a construction zone , workers get back to work

Construction Site Jokes

Here is a list of funny construction site jokes and even better construction site puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • They hired a comedian at the local construction site. Everyone loves him. You could say he was really nailing it.
  • A construction site worker told his boss "Boss, the shovel broke ! What should i do now?" to which the boss replies "We're out of shovels. Go lean on something else !"
  • The size of the wildlife at construction sites is huge. I mean, just look at the size of those cranes.
  • The foreman at my bridge construction site is always rushing things. But when I got the beams set ahead of schedule he didn't believe me. Nobody expects the span is in position.
  • I didn't believe when they told me my brother was a construction site thief But when I got home, the signs were there
  • What do you call a bunch of carpenter ants? A construction site.
  • I couldn't believe it when my Dad was arrested for stealing from construction sites. I should have known really, all the signs were there.
  • I heard a guy was playing with himself while watching construction workers on a job site... Guess he was getting off on the ground floor.
  • After working a construction site in the blistering heat all summer, it made me really miss my old gig. Because 7/11 was an inside job.
  • My dad was a construction site thief When I got home all the signs were there.
Construction joke, My dad was a construction site thief

Road Construction Jokes

Here is a list of funny road construction jokes and even better road construction puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I never expected my dad to steal from his road construction job... but when I got home all of the signs were there.
  • My dad encouraged me to take a job on a highway construction crew... ...but I decided not to go down that road.
  • I saw the strangest protest sign driving to work today I know all the construction can be inconvenient but seriously, End Road Work ?
    Happy Father's Day everyone!
  • I finally listened to my mom, and took the road less traveled. I totally missed all the signs about the freeway still being under construction.
  • I saw a construction sign today that said, "road rehab". It must've been addicted to crack.
  • What's the road construction worker's equivalent of a plumbers crack? An asphalt
  • What are the only two seasons in Michigan? Winter and road construction.
  • So my boss told me to take the highroad. So I told him I must have missed the exit due to heavy construction on the road of life.
  • Vermont's 4 seasons Vermont has 5 seasons:
    Almost winter
    Winter
    Still winter
    Mud season
    Road construction
  • I finally found an onramp for the road to success!!!! It was closed for construction.

Construction Crew Jokes

Here is a list of funny construction crew jokes and even better construction crew puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A blind man walks into a bar ...and now the construction crew is in trouble for leaving their scaffolding stacked in the middle of the sidewalk.
  • Have you heard about the all-lesbian construction crew? well, they don't use studs; it's all tongue & groove

    :)
  • A construction crew was converting an old road near a chicken coupe back to farmland... Comedians slaughtered the construction crew, and the jokes continued.

Kid Construction Jokes

Here is a list of funny kid construction jokes and even better kid construction puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call 10 Mexican kids in a school? A construction site
Construction joke, What do you call 10 Mexican kids in a school?

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Construction Jokes

What funny jokes about construction you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean craft jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make construction pranks.

Joke about how dangerous China is

An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"
The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"

warning sign on children's alphabet blocks

Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep...

but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."

In a classroom

The teacher is talking to little girls about Johnny's awful language 'Remember girls, when Johnny starts swearing just go out of our classroom.' Johnny came in and sat down. The teacher asked what are the buildings under construction in town. Kids say many things but then Little Johnny says 'They are building a w**... nearby'. And so every girl got up and started heading for the door. Then Johnny shouted 'Wait up w**..., it will be done in a month, what's the rush'

Some people passed away from toxic fumes in the apartments I constructed.

I was just making the ceilings asbestos I could.

I was watching some construction workers today

outside my office building. They were laying down a bunch of grass.
I saw a forklift come in carrying rolls of grass, when all of a sudden a huge bulldozer came out of nowhere and crashed full speed into the forklift. Both the driver of the forklift and the grass went flying...
It was quite the horrific sight indeed...all I could think was, "Poor sod..."

Strength vs. Intelligence

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, John had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."
John reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...

and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.
When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a p**... and a drug fiend."
"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"
"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"

Too Shy!!!

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.

A black man starts work on a construction site in Liverpool.

The other workers nickname him "w**...".
Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got m**... and p**..., they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Scotland".
The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men, "m**..., Mack, p**..., Wac leave the w**... alone!"

Did you hear about that baby boy that was born with no eyelids?

The doctors actually used his f**... from circumcision to construct his eyelids. He's OK, but just a little c**...-eyed.

The Kindergartener's Question

Johnny walked up to his kindergarten teacher with an inquisitive look in his eyes. "Do you know where the black—" Johnny asked, to the teacher's retort. "Johnny! Say African-American!"
"Do you know where the African-American construction paper is?"

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London...

As they went past the Tower of London the cabbie explained what the building was and provided a brief history. Upon hearing that its construction started in 1346 and was completed in 1412, the Texan stated, "Really? A little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"

Next they passed the House of Parliament, and the cabbie again gave a brief history, omitting the construction dates this time. However, being eager to brag, the Texan questioned its construction too. The cabbie replied that it was built in 1544 and completed in 1618.

"Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a month!"

As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent.
"Well? What's that over there?" asked the Texan.

The annoyed cabbie scratches his head and replied "I haven't the foggiest idea, Sir. It wasn't there yesterday!"

EAR ACCIDENT

A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

A nun hears overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...

The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:
"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
One worker stands up and yells to everyone on the site: "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
Another worker shouts back: "Why?"
The first worker says: "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"

Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses

He has a look at what's going on and he's amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can. He runs in and shouts ''Dad, dad, can we play builders?'' His dad says ''Sure Johnny''
Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ''Oi, get them bricks up here now you c**...''

Most Intelligent But Funniest

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

A man and his wife built a boat...

They called it the *Alfred1*, after a friend of theirs. However, it was poorly constructed and sank immediately.
They continued to try to build seaworthy vessels, but the same thing happened over and over. With the *Brian2*, the *Chris3*, and the *Daniel4*.
"We're really not very good at this," the man said in disgust. "How do boats even work?"
"I don't know, but we'll figure it out," replied his wife. "We need an *ELI5*."

Sometimes I look out over the new construction in my city, old ground being dug up to make room for the new, and I think to myself:

I really should have buried the bodies somewhere else.

My boss came over today to tell me how I built my house wrong.

I'm not good with taking constructive criticism.

Did you hear the joke about the construction?

...hold on I'm still working on it.
Stolen from a friend, who when asked his source, simply replied: a 5 year old whispered it to me

What did they call the man who gave a h**... to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?

A j**... All Trades

Have you heard about the new condo complex for l**...?

It's all tongue in groove construction. Not a stud in the whole place.

I have a fear of highly sophisticated engineering constructs

It's a case of Complex Complex Complex

What do you call a water barrier constructed for rodents in the capital of the Netherlands?

An Amsterdam hamster Dam

What type of construction do l**... use for their houses??

Tongue in groove

Ben was a fifth grader notorious for his lack of filter.

One day, he walked into class 10 minutes late. "What took you so long, Ben?" asked the teacher. "Sorry miss, there was construction happening in a w**... nearby so all the roads were blocked."
Suddenly, all the girls in the class, disgusted at Ben, rose up to protest against his v**... rhetoric. "Simmer down, you s**...", Ben replied "they are not taking applications yet."

If white people are white paper, and black people are black paper. Then what are Mexican people?

Construction paper

A man worked at construction site...

...and is brought to emergency room with concussion and skull fracture.
His wife, furious, comes to hospital.
"What happened?!"
"Well, I asked John to throw me the hammer..."
"And then what?! You didn't catch it?"
"In matter of fact *I did*. But then I remembered we have 3 guys named John working on our site..."

Book Jokes.

I read a thriller in Braille.
You can really feel the suspense.
I'm reading a book about Anti-Gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
I read a book about submarine construction.
It's riveting.
I'm reading a book about adhesives.
It has me glued to my seat .
I read a book on s**....
It had me on the edge of my building.
Feel free to insert more. :)

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.

The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.
The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

I have this great joke about construction

I'm still working on it
Got to hammer out a few kinks
Make sure to nail the delivery
I just don't want to screw it up

A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.

His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.
After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.
After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.
Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?
The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!
Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?

A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew

It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot sandwich.
He turns to his crew and asks if anyone snuck in to eat the sandwich. One by one, they all shake their heads and deny any wrongdoing. He's at a loss until one of his guys points out that the company had hired an electrician to do a bit of wiring that morning.
"Of course!" the boss exclaims, "he's the subcontractor!"

Want to hear a construction joke?

Hold on, I'm still working on it.

My 4 yr Old son said "Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said for social media?

Isn't it just inherently dishonest and indicative of inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves? "
Ps: This sub in a nutshell

My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.

He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks.

A dog in a hard hat walks into a bar

The dog says "I'll have a beer. I'm on lunch break from the construction site across the street."
The bartender says "Wow, a talking dog! You should join the circus!"
The dog replies "Why? Do they need construction workers?"

I'd tell you my construction joke...

But I'm still working on it

A dog is looking for work...

He stumbles across an open construction site with a hiring sign.
The dog goes to the foreman and says he's willing to work and can start immediately. The foreman asks the dog if he has any experience with carpentry and construction.
The dog replies, "Some; I've got a lot of experience with *woofing*!"

Some construction jobs are more interesting than others.

For example, drilling holes is boring but fastening metal plates together can be riveting.

A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career

He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.
In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job security.
"I'm as surprised as you are," wrote the vampire. "It was not a job I could see myself doing."

A group of aeronautics professors walked onto a plane...

They all settled down into their seats when there was an announcement."We have decided to waive your fee since you were responsible for educating our engineer staff on how to construct this fine plane!"
All the professors run out of the plane immediately except one.
When a stewardess asked her why she didn't run out, she responded "If it's made by a student of mine, it will not start!"

What do you call a superstitious construction vehicle that has a g**... physique?

Icky-bod Crane

Not all construction work is created equal.

For example, enlarging a drilled hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting.

Do you want to hear a construction joke?

I can't tell you, I'm still working on it.
Sorry if this has been posted before. I heard it from my 4 year old at dinner tonight and it completely caught me off guard.

A kid is selling lemonade…

The boy's sign reads 1 cup for 25¢, 3 cups for $1
A construction worker stops by and asks to buy one cup of lemonade.
"25 cents", says the kid.
The construction worker then buys another one, and another one, paying 25 cents each.
As the construction worker walks away, he turns around with a smile, and says: "Hey kid, you realize I just bought three cups for 75¢… Maybe lemonade stands aren't your thing."
"I guess you're right" says the kid good-naturedly as he sets up the next 3 cups.

A poorly translated Dutch joke: A family called "Vermeer" has a construction supply shop

Next to the front door they have a cross with Jesus hanging on it with the text "for two thousand years, Jesus has hanged here with nails of Vermeer."
Their shop was in The Veluwe, i.e. the Dutch Bible belt, so the local municipality got upset and told the family to change it.
So the family removed the cross and changed the text to "here jesus fell off the wall, with the nails of Vermeer this wouldn't have happened at all."

Agreement

My wife and I have an agreement that works...
She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones.
This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room.
I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners.

I have a civil engineering joke...

but it's still under construction.

A construction worker calls his wife in the middle of the day.

Honey, I'm in the hospital, I lost a finger.
Oh my goodness, she exclaims, The whole finger? No, no. He replies, The one next to it.

Construction joke, A construction worker calls his wife in the middle of the day.

jokes about construction