Constipation Jokes

Following is our collection of diarrhea puns and flatulence one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Constipation jokes for adults, dirty digestion jokes and clean stomachache dad gags for kids.

The Best Constipation Puns

Thank you for calling the constipation hotline...

Please hold.

ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...

Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.

"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"

"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."

"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"

"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"

How does a mathematician solve their constipation?

They work it out with a pencil

Have you ever seen the movie "Constipation"?

It never came out.

Have you seen this new movie?

Heard this one from my 10 year old cousin.

Him: "Have you seen the new movie about constipation yet?"

Me: "No..."

Him: "It hasn't come out yet. But people are pushing for its release!"

I registered to a website for constipation sufferers.

It won't let me logout.

What is the German Word for Constipation?


I've just been diagnosed with paranoia and constipation.

I'm scared shitless.

Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?

Of course you haven't.. it hasn't came out yet.

Have you heard about that new movie Constipation?

Oh wait - it hasn't come out yet!

*ba dum tss*

Doctor says banana is good for preventing constipation. It didn't work for me

...until I found out that he meant I should eat the banana.

I asked my boss if I can have the day off due to severe constipation

He said no because I'm full of shit

did you hear about that new movie called constipation?

i can't wait for it to come out!

How are bad dubstep and constipation similar?

Both leave you waiting for the drop.

Did you see the movie Constipation?

It hasn't come out yet.

The steps involved in constipation:

1) Sit on the toilet.

There is no number two.

Sh***y Joke I came up with when I was little

A man was talking to his pet ox. He asked the ox Hey ox, what's your favorite number? The ox replied, I don't know. I guess I'll go with 1. The man thought for a second then exclaimed, But Ox, why not number 2? The ox replied, Constipation .

Have you seen the movie Constipation ?

Neither have I, it hasn't come out yet.

Did you hear about that book on constipation?

It hasn't come out yet.

How does baby Yoda pooped when he was constipated?

He forces it out.

I took a sick day and lied that I had constipation

My boss bought it and even said he hopes I get well soon and stop being so full of shit

The doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation.

I was worried shitless.

How did the mathematian get rid of his constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil.

Have you seen that new documentary about constipation?

Oh that's right, it hasn't come out yet..

Did you hear about that movie they were making called "Constipation"?

It never came out

Have you seen that new movie called constipation .

Oh my bad..... I don't think it has come out yet.

A man walks into a bookstore and asks the young assistant,

"Do you have the book on constipation?"
She replies, "It's not out yet"
"Yep, that's the one"

I'm not looking for the #1 constipation relief medicine in the market.

A #2 would do.

How did the math professor solve his constipation problem?

He worked it out with a pencil.

I wanted to see the movie about constipation...

....But it never came out

Have you heard of the film constipation?

It hasn't come out yet.

What spell does Harry Potter use for constipation?


I wanted to go see the movie "Constipation"

But it is not out yet.

Did you watch the movie constipation?

It never came out.

I called the bookstore and asked if they had any books about constipation.

She told me it hasn't come out yet

Constipation puns aren't my favorite jokes...

but they're a solid number two.

Which ten letter word beginning with 'N' and ending with 'N' also means constipation?


I'm handling Monday the same way I handle constipation.

Gritting my teeth and wishing it pass already.

I told my doctor I was getting really stressed out about my chronic constipation.

He prescribed me a relaxative.

Do you want to play constipation?

Sorry, it's not out yet.

I'm not sure if I have constipation or diarrhoea.

I'll find out by a process of elimination.

Have you seen the new movie?

Have you seen the new movie "Constipation"? Probably not... It never came out.

Joke credit goes to a 10 year old.

How did the lumberjack cure his constipation?

He dropped a log.

Have you seen the movie constipation?


That's cause it's not out yet

Did you ever see that movie about constipation?

of course not, it never came out.

Saw the movie titled Constipation?

I bet you didn't because it isn't out yet.

/crappy joke , I know ;-)

Dad asks me have you heard of the new movie constipation? I was all like what, no.

And he said, It never came out.

What do you call painful constipation?

Excretiating pain

What's the Chinese word for constipation?

Hung dung

I want to launch a book about constipation

But it didn't come out yet.

I heard they're making a film about constipation.

But it's not come out yet.

Hey guys, have you watch the movie "Constipation?"

Nevermind, it hasn't come out yet!

Have you heard the joke about constipation?

Wait, never mind. It didn't come out yet.

All these posts about being addicted to soap and getting clean...

No one talks about the constipation.

Apparently, constipation is hereditary on my dad's side.

If I have kids I might not pass it on though.

I was gonna write a constipation joke

But I was sitting there so long I can't remember the joke.

There is an abundance of ibs jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 56 funniest jokes and constipation puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any diarrhoea witze you can hear about constipation.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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