Constipation Jokes
97 constipation jokes and hilarious constipation puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about constipation that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Constipation Short Jokes
Short constipation jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The constipation humour may include short constipated jokes also.
- One of the side effects of the COVID vaccine is constipation. After getting the first dose, you'll need to wait a few weeks for number 2.
- People that don't eat meat are called vegetarians, but what are people that don't eat vegetables? constipated
- *burst into doctor's office* ME: I'm no longer canstopetid
DOCTOR: You mean constipated
ME: No I've had a vowel movement
DOCTOR: Get out - A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear Because he is unable to take a pooh
- Have you seen the movie, "Constipation?" Of course not, it won't be out for a while.
Btw, I am a teacher and a 3rd grader told me that today. - What's the difference between a short sighted marksman and a constipated owl? One can shoot but can't hit..
- Did you hear about the constipated logician? He was able to de-deuce himself through reasoning.
- What's the difference between a bad marksman, and a constipated owl. One shoots but can't hit!
- What does a novice woodworker have in common with a constipated woodworker? In the end, both are lucky to produce a stool.
- Have you heard about that new movie Constipation? Oh wait - it hasn't come out yet!
*ba dum tss*
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Constipation One Liners
Which constipation one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with constipation? I can suggest the ones about diarrhea and bowel.
- Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He used a pencil to budget
- I wanted to see that new movie titled "Constipated" It hasn't come out yet.
- Thank you for calling the constipation hotline... Please hold.
- How does a mathematician solve their constipation? They work it out with a pencil
- Have you ever seen the movie "Constipation"? It never came out.
- Have you ever seen the movie constipation? No? Likely bc it never came out.
- Have you seen the sequel to Constipation? Nah, number two hasn't come out yet.
- Did you hear about the movie Constipation ? It hasn't come out yet.
- There's a new movie called 'constipation' Unfortunately it hasn't come out yet.
- I registered to a website for constipation sufferers. It won't let me logout.
- I've just been diagnosed with paranoia and constipation. I'm scared shitless.
- Have you seen the movie "Constipation"? Of course you haven't.. it hasn't came out yet.
- I was in a band called Constipation. We stunk. We didn't go anywhere.
- Have you heard of the movie Constipation? Yeah, it hasn't come out yet.
- Have you guys seen the movie "Constipation" ? Probably not, hasn't come out yet. 😂
Uproarious Constipation Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about constipation you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hemorrhoids jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make constipation pranks.
Did you hear about the constipated composer?
He couldn't finish the last movement.
What do you call a constipated dinosaur?
A tyranno-sore-a**....
What did the constipated math teacher do?
Worked it out with a pencil.
How are bad dubstep and constipation similar?
Both leave you waiting for the drop.
did you hear about that new movie called constipation?
i can't wait for it to come out!
Did you see the movie Constipation?
It hasn't come out yet.
What do mathmeticians do when they are constipated?
Work it out with a pencil
ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...
Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.
"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"
"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."
"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"
"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"
My steer got constipated the other day...
...No b**....
My doctor said I need to eat more Taco Bell
He actually said I was constipated, but I understood what he meant.
LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out...
You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.
How do you say constipation in German
farfrompoopin
Did you hear about that book on constipation?
It hasn't come out yet.
People who are constipated are such activists.
They're seriously always trying to start a movement...
Have you seen this new movie?
Heard this one from my 10 year old cousin.
Him: "Have you seen the new movie about constipation yet?"
Me: "No..."
Him: "It hasn't come out yet. But people are pushing for its release!"
Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives
His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: Man Gogh
His sister who loves disco: Go Gogh
His bouncy little Nephew: Poe Gogh.
What's the difference between a s**... with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?
One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't sh*t
Has anyone seen the movie Constipated?
Wait, it's not out yet.
The steps involved in constipation:
1) Sit on the toilet.
There is no number two.
Constipated math teacher
Did you hear about the constipated math teacher?
She got so frustrated, she sat down and worked it out with a pencil!
Doctor says banana is good for preventing constipation. It didn't work for me
...until I found out that he meant I should eat the banana.
I tried very hard to pass my culinary school finals
But I'm still constipated.
How does baby Yoda pooped when he was constipated?
He forces it out.
What does a constipated mathematician do?
He works it out with a pencil.
Whats the difference between a blind s**... and a constipated owl
One shoots and cant hit...
Sh***y Joke I came up with when I was little
A man was talking to his pet ox. He asked the ox Hey ox, what's your favorite number? The ox replied, I don't know. I guess I'll go with 1. The man thought for a second then exclaimed, But Ox, why not number 2? The ox replied, Constipation .
Have you seen the movie Constipation ?
Neither have I, it hasn't come out yet.
I asked my boss if I can have the day off due to severe constipation
He said no because I'm full of s**...
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated
When I told him this, he said, 'Are you kidding me?'.
I said, 'I s**... you not.'
What do a bent gun barrel and a constipated owl have in common?
One shoots but can't hit, and the other hoots but can't sh*t.
"You're still constipated, aren't you Watson?"
"No s**..., Sherlock."
What's the difference between a s**... with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?
One shoots but doesn't hit and the other hoots but doesn't s**....
Constipation
Same s**... different day
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He worked it out with a pencil
Old men and their bathroom problems (Long)
Three men are sitting around the table at their nursing home talking about bathroom issues because of age. The first guy says.
"At 6 every morning I try and s**.... But I am so constipated it takes an hour." The second man speaks up.
"Every morning at 7 I try and p**.... But it is slow and just drips out." The 3rd man says.
"I have you both beat. Every Morning at 6 I take a huge c**.... must be a pound of turns there. Then at 7 I p**... heavy. must be a gallon of p**...." The other two men look confused.
"Why is that bad."
"I dont get out of bed until 9."
My teacher recently said that she has constipation
So I was like: "No s**...?"
Joe goes to the doctor with severe constipation
Doctor gives him two suppositories. Joe goes home and swallows them.
Next day he goes back to the doctor.
"Doc I am still badly constipated."
Doctor gives him two more suppositories, and Joe again goes home and swallows them."
He again goes back to the doctor the next day and says "doc I am still badly constipated.
Doctor: "Joe, I gave you four suppositories, what did you do with them?"
Annoyed, Joe yells at the Doctor: "what do you think I have been doing with them, shoving them up my a**...?"
Have you heard about that new movie "Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet!
How did the constipated Mathematician work out his problem?
With a pencil.
Someone asked me what I thought about constipation
I told them I couldn't give a s**....
Why don't mathematicians get constipated?
Because they can work anything out with a pencil.
Being constipated s**...
Worst part is you can't do s**... about it
A nun comes over to a grocery store and yelps at the cashier: "A bottle of r**...".
The cashier obliged, but he couldn't help but ask: "I thought nuns don't drink". "Well, mother sometimes has constipation and a little bit of r**... helps her with that", the nun replied. The cashier nods and a few hours later in the evening, he closes the store and leaves home. On the way, he noticed the same nun, totally drunk, with an empty bottle of r**... in her hand. "I thought you said it was for the mother", the cashiet scolded her. "Well yea exactly, she'll s**... herself once she sees me!"
Dr.Watson has constipation
*watson returns home after a visit to th doctor*
Sherlock: " So was I right about your stomach issues."
Watson: " Yeah no s**... Sherlock!"
You should never trust people with constipation.
Because they are full of s**...
Did you hear the one about the constipated detective?
They call him a "no s**... Sherlock".
What is the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?
The poor marksman can shoot all he wants, but he won't hit anything. The constipated owl can hoot all he wants...
What did Vladimir Putin say to himself when he was finally relieved of his constipation?
Gladimhere Poopin
My doctor said I am suffering from paranoia and constipation
I'm scared shitless
Why don't mathematicians ever get constipated?
If things get hard they can always work it out with a pencil
A woman goes to the Doctor about her constipation 'It's making me really uncomfortable' she says 'I just sit on the toilet for 6 hours ... and nothing happens'
'6 hours!?' The Doctor asks 'Are you taking anything?'
'Usually just a book' replies the woman
have you hear about a movie titled 'Constipation '?
It hasn't come out yet.
What do you call a detective who has constipation?
No s**... sherlock
what's the difference between....
A bad marksmen and a constipated owl?
One Shoots and can't hit and one hoots and can't s**...
Did you hear about the 5 constipated men in the Bible?
1. Cain. He wasn't Abel....
2. Moses. He took 2 tablets....
3. Balaam. He couldn't move his a**...(it's in the Bible, look it up)....
4. King Solomon. He sat on the throne for 40 years.....
5. King David. He said no power in Heaven or on Earth could move him.....
I've had constipation for 3 months
Never been to the doctors in years, but took myself there as not had a number 2 in a long time.
Doc says "what have you been eating"?
I said well doc I've been eating snooker b**...!!
What?? Snooker b**... Charlie??
Yes doc, in the morning I have 3 reds a pink, bowl porridge and a nice cup of tea.
Lunch is a sandwich a black, 2 reds and a yellow washed down with another cup of tea.
For dinner I have a nice steak, 4 reds 2 blues 1 brown again washed down with a nice cup of tea.
Doc said "hey Charlie I know where you're going wrong, you ain't eating enough greens!!"
Why are lawyers always so constipated?
Lack of moral fiber.
