Constantly Making Jokes
39 constantly making jokes and hilarious constantly making puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about constantly making that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Constantly Making Short Jokes
Short constantly making jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The constantly making humour may include short constantly jokes also.
- I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.
- My friend set me up on a date. He told me she constantly make Shrek references. I was pretty sceptical but then I saw her face
- What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.
- I got rid of my carbon monoxide detector last night The constant beeping was making me feel sick and dizzy.
- My English teacher constantly makes fun of me because I confuse my prepositions. He's always rubbing it out.
- Why was the director's wife constantly anxious in public? Because her husband was always making a scene.
- My friends say that too much of today's news can be discouraging--they say my habit of constantly reloading the CNN app will make me depressed. but I think it's refreshing.
- I dislike people who constantly make Harry Potter references and I hate the use of malapropism for comedic effect but... I'll admit I'm a bit of a hippogryph sometimes.
- What do you call someone who's constantly making jokes about their sausage? Someone with the wurst sense of humor.
- I slept with a girl who works for Amazon Prime Video last night. It was pretty mediocre and she constantly tried to make me pay for it.
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Constantly Making One Liners
Which constantly making one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with constantly making? I can suggest the ones about someone who constantly and continuously.
- How do you avoid the constant Apple reboot loop? Don't make a third movie
- I cannot make up words with vowels There is a constant interrupt!
- Why do rabbits make good mathematicians? Because they're constantly multiplying!
- If you're constantly giving into wanderlust, does that make you a wanderslut?
Constantly Making Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about constantly making you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean addiction to making jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make constantly making pranks.
Lunch theif
At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.
A man walks in to a bar
And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.
How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender
No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire
Okay - so he must be extremely charming?
Larry is actually a man of very few words
Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??
I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, l**... his eyebrows..
Newspaper ad - RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:
1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away."
The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?"
To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
A computer joke...
I hear they make gender-specific versions of ActiveX now: ActiveXX and ActiveXY. Unfortunately, ActiveXX overflows for a few days every month and ActiveXY constantly tries to mount drives it shouldn't.
What is the Roman Empire?
In the heart of the bustling Roman Empire, there was a philosopher known for his wisdom, humor, and the ability to make light of the most complex issues. One day, a curious citizen confronted him, asking "What exactly is the Roman Empire?"
The philosopher paused for a moment before saying, "Imagine a man trying to wrestle a lion. The man is strong and well-prepared, but he is, after all, merely a man. The lion is wild, ferocious, and barely within his control. Yet, the man does not back down; he dives headfirst into the tangle, figuring out how to tackle it as he goes along. That, my friend, is the Roman Empire."
The citizen blinked and asked, "So, we're the man in this scenario, right? Struggling against the fierce lion that is the vast world?"
"No, not exactly," chuckled the philosopher. "You see, the man is the Roman Empire, always seeking to overcome, control, and rule, even when the odds seem overwhelming. The lion, rather, represents the infinite sea of cultures, lands, and people that the Empire constantly tangles with."
"But what if the lion eventually wins?" queried the citizen, now intrigued.
"Well," the philosopher answered with a mischievous glint in his eye, "Then the joke's on us, isn't it?"
The gathered crowd erupted into laughter, appreciating the wit and wisdom tied into the punchline. After all, understanding the Roman Empire didn't just involve historical facts and figures; sometimes, it was just about appreciating the irony!
A bunch of crows live in our neighborhood so I am constantly making jokes about "(attempted) m**...."
It's not that funny anymore and it's driving my wife insane, but I'm just setting up a big laugh for when the judge reads the charges against her.
My wife and I are constantly fighting over who's going to make the first p**... of coffee in the morning.
I think this might be grounds for divorce.
A constant and e^x was walking along the road...
...when they saw a differential operator in the distance. The constant stops and says "I can't go further because the differential operator will make me disappear". e^(x) replies "yea well a differential operator can't affect me". So e^(x) walks forward to the operator and says "Hey I'm e^(x) " to which the operator replies "Hi I'm d/dy".
There a man in the Soviet Union who always complained about the constant shortages
One day the KGB went to the apartment he lived and arrested him. The occupant of the apartment knew that he was gonna die so they didn't make a fuss out of it. But after a week much to the apartment's occupant surprise, the man returned relatively unharmed except for some bruises so the occupant asked him why he wasn't shot despite his constant criticism of the state. The man answered, "The Gulags have the same problem as we do, they've ran out of bullets!"
Blind Man: "Please help me, everyone keeps making n**... jokes about how my disability means I'm somehow inferior to them. I'm constantly hearing thoughtless, heartless reminders about how I'm different from other people, and lacking a sense they have."
World's Worst Therapist: "I see."
A Teacher taught a very hyperactive class
The class had students from many parts of the world. One day the teacher was late and when she came to the class, it was pure chaos in there. Americans were constantly quarrelling, Australians were standing on their head, Italians were making pasta. But the Spanish kid was surprisingly quiet and was in his seat.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position
A man discovered a new medication that makes people sneeze constantly. What did he tell people in order to make them avoid taking it?
Eschew! Eschew!
I am impulsive and erratic, and constantly making 360° turns.
I just don't get why I keep going in the same boring direction.
a dutch lesbian i know is constantly telling me how wet her girlfriend makes her
personally i'm confused, i thought they got all those dikes to prevent exactly that problem
I have a German friend named Yosef.
I have a German friend named Yosef. He's a fragile guy, and if you play with him you have to constantly check to make sure he's ok.
You have to check Yosef before you wreck Yosef.
I have a mate who constantly goes on about how he makes the best waffles.
I find him quite eggotistical.
I'd love it if my friend could have multiple strokes
Playing against his constant hole-in-one shots makes me want to quit golf.
Why do soccer announcers make terrible business executives?
They constantly discuss productivity GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAALs.
An oldie my Dad constantly tells me
Two men walk into the the theatre to watch a charlie chaplin film. Guy 1 makes a bet: "I bet Chaplin gets bopped the moment he walks around the corner" and guy 2 accepts.
They watch the film and as predicted, Chaplin get hit on the head so guy 2 has to pay up.
The first guy returns the money saying: "It wasn't a fair bet, I had already watched it ahead of time" but guy 2 tells him to keep it: "I did too, but I didn't expect him to fall for the same trick twice".
Bazinga
An elderly man goes to the doctor for help with terrible gas.
He tells her that he is passing wind constantly and it can be a bit uncomfortable but luckily when he passes wind it doesn't smell or make any noise so he is free to let it go whenever he needs to. In fact, he says, I'm doing it now and you'd never know!
She gives him some medication and sends him off and tells him to come back in 2 weeks.
When he returns he seems upset. He says that the level of gas is more or less the same but it smells so bad that it's choking him.
She says well, that's your sinuses sorted now let's work on your hearing.
A man goes to his doctor about his terrible farts
"Doctor, I have terrible gas. I keep making these weird farts: they are constant and really loud but they don't smell."
So the doctor says: "Alright, take these pills and come back and see me in a week."
A week later the man comes back.
"Doctor, these pills have just made the farts worse! Now they are the foulest things I've ever smelt in my life!"
"Great, now that we've fixed your sense of smell, we can start to work on stopping your farts."
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This was my grandpa's favourite joke. He was a big fan of f**... humour.
A physicist, mathematician and a priest are trapped in a burning Skyscraper...
On the ground is a huge swimmingpool. Their only chance to survive is to jump into it. The Priest looks at it, prays for 20 min. says "God will help me" jumps, misses and dies.
The physician looks down, approximates some values, writes down some constants and makes a small experiment, calculates 5 min. says "I hope I remembered the constants well enough", jumps and lands safely in the pool.
The mathematician takes out his notebook and in an attempt to come up with a general solution and its proof, spends 2h writing furiously. "This has to work", he says, jumps and flies upwards in a steep curve. He made a sign error.
(Joke from our Physics professor, the room was dying laughing. I hope I didnt screw up too badly translating this from german, have mercy)