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Constantly Jokes

159 constantly jokes and hilarious constantly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about constantly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you with someone who constantly tells jokes? Learn how to handle it if your boyfriend is constantly making jokes that annoy you everytime - without spoiling the Ubisoft game night.

Best Short Constantly Jokes

Short constantly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The constantly humour may include short continuously jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" "Whatever means necessary," she replied.
    "No it doesn't," I said.
  2. Donald Trump said if I voted for hillary clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.
  3. I like my women like I like my mathematical constants. Round and irrational.
    Happy pi day everyone!
  4. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.
  5. My ex girlfriend was a beautiful woman... ... olive skin, green eyes, snakes for hair.
    But I had to break it off with her because she was constantly objectifying me.
  6. I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
  7. I went to the doctor because I'm being constantly followed by nearly 20 crows. She says I have Corvid 19.
  8. My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal information... ...it's called Norton
  9. My wife is fed up with my constant stream jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!" I chuckled, "No it doesn't!"
  10. Why are most women bad at parking? Because they have been constantly lied to about what 6 inches are

Quick Jump To


Constantly joke, Why are most women bad at parking?


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about constantly can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of constantly puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Constantly One Liners

Which constantly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with constantly? I can suggest the ones about consistently and repeatedly.

  1. I threw a boomerang a few years ago I now live in constant fear
  2. My wife is like gravity Always there, and constantly bringing me down
  3. Despite constantly dropping the ball... Gravity is pretty reliable
  4. Why did the quantum physicist have such toned abs? Because they planck constant.
  5. All my friends are constantly complaining that I'm too frugal. I'm not buying it.
  6. Why are all optimists blind? They're constantly looking at the bright side of life.
  7. What do neutrinos and I have in common. We are both constantly penetrating your mom.
  8. I'm only 19 and my eyesight is constantly getting worse. When do I get Adult Supervision?
  9. Why did the functions stop calling each other? Because they had constant arguments.
  10. My wife left me because of my constant zodiac puns. It finally Taurus apart.
  11. As an East Asian guy, I constantly get asked what's my background It's Windows standard.
  12. Your mom reminds of bricks She's constantly getting laid by Mexicans.
  13. Why was the ChatGPT always so tired? Because it was constantly processing information.
  14. My barber is so supportive He's constantly telling me to keep my head up
  15. Jews are so insecure... they constantly remind us their country isreal.

Constantly Making Jokes

Here is a list of funny constantly making jokes and even better constantly making puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend set me up on a date. He told me she constantly make Shrek references. I was pretty sceptical but then I saw her face
  • What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.
  • I got rid of my carbon monoxide detector last night The constant beeping was making me feel sick and dizzy.
  • My English teacher constantly makes fun of me because I confuse my prepositions. He's always rubbing it out.
  • Why was the director's wife constantly anxious in public? Because her husband was always making a scene.
  • My friends say that too much of today's news can be discouraging--they say my habit of constantly reloading the CNN app will make me depressed. but I think it's refreshing.
  • I dislike people who constantly make Harry Potter references and I hate the use of malapropism for comedic effect but... I'll admit I'm a bit of a hippogryph sometimes.
  • What do you call someone who's constantly making jokes about their sausage? Someone with the wurst sense of humor.
  • I slept with a girl who works for Amazon Prime Video last night. It was pretty mediocre and she constantly tried to make me pay for it.
  • A man discovered a new medication that makes people sneeze constantly. What did he tell people in order to make them avoid taking it? Eschew! Eschew!

Someone Who Constantly Jokes

Here is a list of funny someone who constantly jokes and even better someone who constantly puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Someone asked how I would feel if the fine structure constant didn't exist. My response was, "No Matter".
  • Someone told me recently that the healthcare.gov website was built by a Canadian company. I guess that explains why the site is constantly freezing.
  • I'm tired of people constantly being so condescending about everything (That means to talk down to someone)
  • If someone can explain to me why my stuff gets stolen constantly,.. ..My door is always open.
  • What do you call it when someone's stressed out when wearing a gown? Constantly under duress
  • What do you call someone who is obsessed with a constant breeze? a 'fan'atic.
  • I feel like the workforce is getting dumber at my company every time they hire someone... It's like they're constantly bringing m**....

Boyfriend Constantly Jokes

Here is a list of funny boyfriend constantly jokes and even better boyfriend constantly puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Break up My boyfriend just broke up with me, he was sick and tired of my constant zodiac puns.
    It Taurus apart.
    I'm in Pisces typing this
Constantly joke, Break up

Howlingly Hilarious Constantly Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about constantly you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean frantically jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make constantly prank.

Lunch theif

At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.

Help me find this joke

The joke is about a farmer returning from town and the sheriff meets him and gives him this list of constantly escalating inner connected bad news terminating with the revelation that the farmer needs to get a new dog.

The warning sign

There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".

A Winking Salesman!

A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.
"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".
"Then show me", replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".
"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".
"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.
"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

Two women are talking and the conversation veers towards work...

One of them says to the other:
"Work is great! The jobs are challenging, my coworkers are supportive and the pay is phenomenal. But there is one problem. The mail boy is constantly flirting with me and its borderline harrasment now."
"Well, what did he say?"
"Its just the one thing, everytime he passes by me he compliments me on how wonderful my hair smells."
"That doesnt sound too bad."
"Yeah, but hes a dwarf!"

A computer joke...

I hear they make gender-specific versions of ActiveX now: ActiveXX and ActiveXY. Unfortunately, ActiveXX overflows for a few days every month and ActiveXY constantly tries to mount drives it shouldn't.

The Americans are using a new type of rocket that constantly updates its Facebook status until it reaches its target.

It's an attention-seeking missile.

Why are l**... always low on cash?

Because they're constantly eating out!

The vet determined that my horse constantly imagines himself to be homeless.

He has been declared mentally unstable.

Are you feeling sluggish and tired? Constantly yawning throughout your day?

There's a nap for that!

My ex dumped me because of my constant Linkin Park references.

But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

A pair of twins have a deal...

They constantly get in trouble with the law for various reasons and are frequently thrown in jail. They don't like staying in jail for too long, so they made a deal: if only one of the twins is arrested and imprisoned, the other twin will sneak in and swap places with them when they have spent half the time served in prison.
It's great to see these twins are so close that they're always finish each other's sentences.

A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a s**.... He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into the states to play for his team.
After a very successful rookie season the young man was discussing his rookie of the year award via telephone with his mother.
She told him that she was proud but living in fear constantly. She continued " your brother was shot twice just in the last few weeks and your sister is regularly the victim of assault. Matters have escalated and life is worse than it has ever been. I will never, ever forgive you for bringing us to Philly."

Newspaper ad - RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:

1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away."
The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?"
To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

A man suffers from Blepharospasm (constant, uncontrollable winking) in one eye...

he complains to a friend that it gives him the most awful head aches. His friend asks, why don't you just get some aspirin from the pharmacy. He replies, I do, but every time I ask the pharmacist for an aspirin he gives me a packet of condoms.

If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets.

I'd hate to toot my own horn

What do you call a comic book hero that is constantly hooked on having s**... with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

"Silent farts that don't stink..."

An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.
"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."

A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..

She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from s**....
The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in i**..., but unfortunately the zoo couldn't afford to import a male gorilla just for her to have s**....
Giving his funding situation, he goes up to the janitor and asks him "Hey, for $500, would you have s**... with this gorilla?"
The janitor thought about it for a minute, and then replied "Sure, on three conditions. First condition, I don't want to kiss her."
"Okay sure! I wouldn't expect you to!"
The janitor then stated "Second condition. I don't want anyone knowing about this ordeal."
"Sure, fine! Not a problem! What's your third condition?"
Janitor said "Give me at least 2 weeks to come up with the $500"

Musicians are perverts.

The drummer sits in the back beating it, the guitarist is constantly f**... minors, the bassist is slapping it around, and they all like the pianist.

I hear Clark Kent is quite the overprotective father.

His children are under constant supervision.

My doctor constantly says I'm artistic.

I don't know why he keeps mispronouncing it, though

Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election

She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.

When I was in kindergarten...

I met a really beautiful girl. We really liked each other. We were constantly kissing and holding hands, even showed our private parts, until one day the teacher came and caught us, needless to say, I got fired.

Why don't women have dirty minds?

Because they're constantly changing them...

The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise.

I shouted 'Stop!' but if anything that made it worse.
(Gary Delaney)

Ghandi

Mahatma Gandhi lived a strange life
Because of his odd diet, he was plagued by a constant case of bad breath. This diet also left him rather thin and frail.
Because he didn't wear shoes, and he walked everywhere, he developed an impressively thick set of calluses on the soles of his feet.
All-in-all, he was a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...

And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides…

Why can't women get close to the curb when they parallel park?

Because they're constantly lied to about what 8 inches is.

A man is standing on a bridge over a dangerous river,

constantly saying "63, 63, 63..." over and over. Suddenly a tourist comes by and asks why is he just standing there repeating that number. The man didn't answer, instead he just pushes the tourist off the bridge into the river and says: "64, 64, 64..."
Cr

Algebra walks into a bar...

Orders a drink and sits at the bar alone. The bartender sees him sending multiple texts while constantly looking at the door.
Finally the bartender asks, "looking for someone?"
Algebra responds, "yeah, I'm trying to find my x"

When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control.

Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector

The constant beeping gave me a headache and made me feel sick.

I had s**... with this girl that would constantly remind me of her age

I guess it's a German thing

The beard or me. You must choose.

A guy decides to grow a beard and his girlfriend hates it. She finally tells him: it's time to choose me or the beard.
He says: "What? Choose between the love of my life and a source of irritation that needs constant attention and tending? That's an easy decision....The hard question is who gets the apartment?"

An old man goes to the doctor to complain about his problem gas.

"It's non-stop," the man tells his doctor. "I just have this *constant* stream of silent gas pouring out of me. It might shock you to know that it's even been happening since I came into your office."
"OK," replies the doctor. "The first thing I'm going to recommend is a hearing test."

Some stereotypes just aren't true, not all gay people are flamboyant and constantly happy

Some of them are l**...

The Trump administration is like the International Space Station

They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my latina mother-in-law

Her address is 1837 3rd St, LA 90023, blue house. She gets off work at 6.

A doctor & a lawyer are talking at a party.

A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.

I like my women like I like the constant 'e'

infinite in number and at the base of my natural log

I changed the name of my printer to George R. R. Martin

It's old, works slow, has issues finishing jobs, and constantly disappoints me.

The England football team went to visit an orphanage in Russia this morning.

"It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Anatoly, aged 6.

Why is the 24th State so depressed?

It's a constant state of Missouri

A man had a terminal illness.

His doctor says he only had six months to live and there is only one treatment. The doctor tells him he had to marry a woman that yells at him constantly and move to Kansas.
Will it help? asks the man.
No, says the doctor, but it will be the longest six months of your life.

Today my son was sent home from school for receiving a hand-job from a girl in his class for the third time this year. Each time this has happened he has been given a stern talking to from the principal and had to change schools.

Tired of constantly moving around, I said to him "Son if this keeps happening
they are going to ban you from teaching altogether."

My town's population has remained constant over the last 30 years.

Whenever a girl gets pregnant, a guy skips town.

I live in constant fear

I live in constant fear that one day while I'm least suspecting it someone might break in to burglarize and kill my mother-in-law, who lives at 375 Woodland Ave in the light blue house, only one dog who is friendly and no alarm set, always leaves the kitchen window unlocked and without screen, sleeps on the second floor south room next to the bathroom which is where she keeps all her jewelry hidden behind the mirror.

I know this guy who constantly tells jokes about how often he craps his pants

Self-defecating humor

I bought a new heater for my wife, as she is constantly complaining about how cold our house is.

She didn't like it at first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.

My wife and I are constantly fighting over who's going to make the first p**... of coffee in the morning.

I think this might be grounds for divorce.

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.
Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their s**.... I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
"Hey lady," says the shepherd, "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

A desert island with six women

A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man's first words were, "Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?"
'Oh f\*c**...,' thinks the man, 'there goes Mondays.'

‌‌I lik‌‌e m‌‌y wome‌‌n lik‌‌e ‌‌I lik‌‌e m‌‌y mathematica‌‌l constants.

Roun‌‌d an‌‌d irrational.

A doctor and an archeologist start flirting

After a while of the doctor asks:
- What do you do for a living
- Im an archeologist she answers
The doctor responds:
- Then I guess this isnt going to work out, you will constantly be dating other people

I constantly tell dad jokes even though I have no kids...

...Guess that's what they call a faux pa.

Constantly joke, I constantly tell dad jokes even though I have no kids...

jokes about constantly

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these constantly jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.