The Best 83 Constant Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Constant jokes. There are some constant eternal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these constant ongoing puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Constant Jokes and Puns

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

"Whatever means necessary," she replied.

"No it doesn't," I said.

What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill?

One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.

A man goes to see a psychiatrist...

"Doctor, I feel like I'm going crazy! It's this constant back and forth: I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. What am I supposed to do!?"

"Relax" Says the psychiatrist, "You're two tents"

Constant joke, A man goes to see a psychiatrist...

My ex dumped me because of my constant Linkin Park references.

But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.

If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a
Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest,
causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."


My wife suffers from a case of constant halitosis...

So I guess it's a good thing I'm hung like a TicTac.

A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.

Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.

This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.

Constant joke, A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

To be a hipster is to live in constant suffering

You spend all your time in coffee shops, but you always have to drink your coffee before it's cool.

Despite constantly dropping the ball...

Gravity is pretty reliable

A man suffers from Blepharospasm (constant, uncontrollable winking) in one eye...

he complains to a friend that it gives him the most awful head aches. His friend asks, why don't you just get some aspirin from the pharmacy. He replies, I do, but every time I ask the pharmacist for an aspirin he gives me a packet of condoms.

"Silent farts that don't stink..."

An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.

"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"

The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.

Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.

"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"

Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."

You can explore constant continuous reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean constant steady dad jokes. There are also constant puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Three things in the universe are constant.

The speed of light, gravity, and laundry.

I remember once I threw a boomerang

It never came back so I've learned to live in constant fear.

Why did Constantinople fall?

Itstumbled.

I hear Clark Kent is quite the overprotective father.

His children are under constant supervision.

Why do they want to change the faces on dollar bills but not on coins?

Because the only constant is change.

Constant joke, Why do they want to change the faces on dollar bills but not on coins?

I've been having constant sleep paralysis

In my last 3 dreams I was in a wheelchair

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.

The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

'I Love You' is a mathematical function

'I Love You' is a mathematical function where,

'I Love' - is constant and ;
'You' - is a variable..


I threw a boomerang a few years ago

I now live in constant fear

When I integrate I don't add the constant

I guess I have my limits

Planck's constant walks into a bar...

Planck's constant walks into a bar and orders dessert.

The bartender is a little surprised by this, but happens to have a couple desserts on hand.

"I can't decide," says Planck's constant. "Whenever I walk into a bar I feel divided by two pies."

My x told me she doesn't wanna c me anymore and needed some space.

As a result I am now a constant in her life.

What kinda ants do software developers like?

A constANT.

The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise.

I shouted 'Stop!' but if anything that made it worse.

(Gary Delaney)

Ghandi

Mahatma Gandhi lived a strange life

Because of his odd diet, he was plagued by a constant case of bad breath. This diet also left him rather thin and frail.

Because he didn't wear shoes, and he walked everywhere, he developed an impressively thick set of calluses on the soles of his feet.

All-in-all, he was a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

Erection problem

It gets hard talking about my problem with constant erections

Did you hear the one about the man who lived in constant fear of pillow fights?

He slept with a pillow under his pillow.

Why are people in St. Louis always sad?

They live in a constant state of Missouri.

I live in the state of CA

Constant Anxiety

The only constants in life are taxes, death, and...

99c+tax AriZona Iced Tea

When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control.

Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector

The constant beeping gave me a headache and made me feel sick.

The beard or me. You must choose.

A guy decides to grow a beard and his girlfriend hates it. She finally tells him: it's time to choose me or the beard.

He says: "What? Choose between the love of my life and a source of irritation that needs constant attention and tending? That's an easy decision....The hard question is who gets the apartment?"

An old man goes to the doctor to complain about his problem gas.

"It's non-stop," the man tells his doctor. "I just have this *constant* stream of silent gas pouring out of me. It might shock you to know that it's even been happening since I came into your office."

"OK," replies the doctor. "The first thing I'm going to recommend is a hearing test."

What is mathematicians least favorite constant value?

Pai

My wife left me because she believes I live in constant denial

Tonight we'll have a romantic dinner celebrating our 5th year anniversary

My girlfriend has a constant case of halitosis...

So I guess it's a good thing I'm hung like a Tic-Tac.

I was told to live my life as though every moment is my last moment on the Earth

But my family and friends were annoyed with my constant panicked screaming.

The Trump administration is like the International Space Station

They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there

I went to the doctor to get something to help with my constant gloating

He gave me some cream but told me not to rub it in

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my latina mother-in-law

Her address is 1837 3rd St, LA 90023, blue house. She gets off work at 6.

I like my women like I like the constant 'e'

infinite in number and at the base of my natural log

Why would no fruit wanna date the handsome wholegrain bread?

Because they are in constant knead of some dough.

I used to work at the tinnitus support phone line, but unfortunately I had to quit...

...I just couldn't stand the constant ringing in my ears.

Dear Algebra

Please stop asking me to find your X, who left you and I don't know Y. Constant complaints will result in elimination.

Why is the 24th State so depressed?

It's a constant state of Missouri

Why do you constantly feel like you have to look over your shoulder in India?

Cuz people always behindu

I got rid of my carbon monoxide detector last night

The constant beeping was making me feel sick and dizzy.

Why did the scientist have such strong abs?

Because he kept his Planck's constant

A wife found that her husband had hung himself after she came home one day

She found a note on the bedside table which read, "I'm sorry but I can't take your constant critism anymore."
She then quickly cut the rope, brought him down and somehow managed to revive him.
As her husband lay in her arms and slowly became conscious again, she remarked:
"That's NOT how you spell criticism my dear!"

My town's population has remained constant over the last 30 years.

Whenever a girl gets pregnant, a guy skips town.

Why did the functions stop calling each other?

Because they had constant arguments.

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law

Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6

I live in constant fear

I live in constant fear that one day while I'm least suspecting it someone might break in to burglarize and kill my mother-in-law, who lives at 375 Woodland Ave in the light blue house, only one dog who is friendly and no alarm set, always leaves the kitchen window unlocked and without screen, sleeps on the second floor south room next to the bathroom which is where she keeps all her jewelry hidden behind the mirror.

I kidnapped my neighbour's dog.

Let's see how he likes the constant barking.

I live in a state of constant agony.

That state is Missouri.

My wife was very irritated with me for my constant need to act like a flamingo

so i had to put my foot down.

Constantine XI : Ships can't walk on lands

Mehmed II the Conqueror: Hold my Kebab

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.

Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.

I was filling in an online survey when it asked me what state I lived in

Apparently "constant despair" isn't an appropriate answer.

She confronted jack, talking about the constant staring and following she recieved.

If the beanstalking carried on, she would have to call the police.

Oh man this is bad

I threw a boomerang a couple years back...I now live in constant fear

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"

The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"

He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"

"Hey lady," says the shepherd, "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

My girlfriend is getting annoyed with my constant wordplay.

I asked, "well tell me how I can stop".

"whatever means necessary"

"no it doesn't" I replied.

My wife left me because of my constant zodiac puns.

It finally Taurus apart.

β€Œβ€ŒI likβ€Œβ€Œe mβ€Œβ€Œy womeβ€Œβ€Œn likβ€Œβ€Œe β€Œβ€ŒI likβ€Œβ€Œe mβ€Œβ€Œy mathematicaβ€Œβ€Œl constants.

Rounβ€Œβ€Œd anβ€Œβ€Œd irrational.

A scientist figured out a way to freeze time.

It involved having to perform special exercise, because

the planks constant.

What do you call an insect that hates changes?

A const-ant.

It may strike anytime now

I threw a boomerang several years ago.
Now I live in constant fear

I constantly tell dad jokes even though I have no kids...

...Guess that's what they call a faux pa.

Time, of course, doesn't exist. There's no past, no present, no future. Just one constant pulsating moment.

And that point, the guy said to me, "Just give me a rough idea of the time, mate."

Dr: "I have some good news and some bad news Spiderman. The good news is that the constant tingling sensation isn't your Spidey sense warning you of some huge, impending calamity!"

"What's the bad news Doc?"

"Well son, what do you know about genital herpes?"

Annoyed at my constant reminders to stop eating her own body parts,

my wife threw up her hands in frustration.

How did Juliet maintain constant temperature?

Romeostasis.

Break up

My boyfriend just broke up with me, he was sick and tired of my constant zodiac puns.

It Taurus apart.

I'm in Pisces typing this

A constant and e^x was walking along the road...

...when they saw a differential operator in the distance. The constant stops and says "I can't go further because the differential operator will make me disappear". e^(x) replies "yea well a differential operator can't affect me". So e^(x) walks forward to the operator and says "Hey I'm e^(x) " to which the operator replies "Hi I'm d/dy".

what do you call a constant stream of snake people?

lamia flow.

What will happen if an 110lb kid is jogging at 4mph, and a 3000lb car hits him at a constant speed of 55mph?

He gets hit by the truck, and is severely injured.



So anyways I lost my license today

I threw a boomerang 5 years ago

Today, I live in constant fear.

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Wait a minute, I can relax. It was made in china! Its not coming back!

Her: I'm leaving. I'm sick of your constant mansplaining. I'm surprised you didn't see the writing on the wall.

Me: It's called graffiti, Karen.

My girlfriend said she is leaving me because of my constant name dropping

David Beckham warned me this might happen...

What do barkeepers and beekeepers have in common?

That constant buzz around them.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the constant continuously jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working constant detector piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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