conspiracy Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious conspiracy puns

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .

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Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.

Now that they have the chance to ask any question of God, one of them asks "Who was REALLY responsible for 9/11?". God responds "A group of Al-Qaeda terrorists led by Osama Bin Laden and Khalid Sheikh Mohammed."

The conspiracy theorist gulps and turns to his friend. "Fuck. This goes even higher up than we thought."

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Conspiracy theories are a lot like moon landings.

They're all fake

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How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We may never know the truth.

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Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremists. Al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden did it."

His friend leans down and whispers, "Damn, dude. This thing goes way higher up than we ever realized."

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Two conspiracy theorists died...

...or did they?

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My wife thinks my obsession with conspiracy theories is getting out of control.

I wonder how much money the government paid her to say that?

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Have you heard about the elevator conspiracy?

Hundreds of people are saying they got stuck between floors. But I don't believe them. I think they made it up.

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Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.

They ask God who did 911. God replies, "It was perpetrated by members of the Islamic terrorist group Al Qaeda."

One whispers to the other, "Dude, this goes way higher than I thought."

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A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven.

He meets God and has the opportunity to ask him any question, so he asks who shot JFK. God replies that Oswald acted alone. The conspiracy theorist thinks, "damn, this goes deeper than I thought..."

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My wife tells me my conspiracy theory obsession is getting out of control..

I wonder how much the government paid her to say that.

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The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:

"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"

"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"

After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:

"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"

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Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremists. Al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden did it."

His friend leans down and whispers, "Damn, dude. This thing goes way higher up than we ever realized."

E: If you think the joke is funny you should see all the butthurt 9/11 conspiracy theorists in the comments

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A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven

The first thing he does is ask God, "Who really killed JFK?"

To which God replies, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald. He acted alone."

The conspiracy theorists thinks to him self for a moment then says, "This cover up of the truth goes even further than I thought!"

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I met a conspiracy theorist in Israel the other day.

He kept ranting about Jews secretly not controlling the government.

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Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside?

Because 9/11 was an inside dog.

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3 conspiracy theorists walked into a bar...

You CAN NOT tell me that is just a coincidence.

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My wife reckons my obsession with conspiracy theories is getting out of control.

I wonder how much dirty money the Russian government paid her to say that?

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I told my boyfriend that people with lower IQs are more likely to believe in conspiracy theories...

He said Thats what they want you to think!

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What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

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Why does everyone try to discredit Flat Earthers?

It's like there's a global conspiracy.

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I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

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Anyone hear about the conspiracy theorist who died and went to heaven?

When he arrived, God stated that He grants all His children one question. The man promptly asked, "Who killed Kennedy?" God replied, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald, on the 6th floor, with his own gun, and he acted alone." The man thought for a moment then disappointingly replied "This goes higher up then I imagined."

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Ten minutes into "conspiracy theories and chill..."

...we start gettin *illuminaughty.*

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Everyone keeps saying I'm paranoid...

This must be some sort of conspiracy...

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Two conspiracy theorists are flying on a plane to a convention when it crashes.

They find themselves before God and tell him "We are but humble men, and for all our life we have sought the truth. You are all-knowing, so you know all the answers."

"What is your question?"

"We would really like to know who was really behind the 9/11".

"Osama bin Laden and the Al Qaeda as a part of a plot to destabilize the United States."

"Holy shit, dude." whispers one of them to another. "This goes even deeper than we first thought"

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How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

Nobody knows.


Except me.

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A lot of people believe Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen in the basement of CalArts.

# I personally love this conspiracy theory because it's a wonderful example of suspended animation.

Credit to the greatest animation professor of all time, Mr. Theo Artz of Drexel University.

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The police asked me if I would take a lie detector...

I said yes and now I've been charged with conspiracy to commit theft.

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Porn movies are positive movies:

No murder,
No war,
No fight,
No conspiracy,
No cheating,
No racism,
No religious fanatics,
No language problem,
No crying or teasing,
Good cooperation,
Good coordination,
Natural acting,
Everybody enjoys the climax,
Lots of love,
Alwayz a very happy ending for all characters!

And the best part… No matter which point you start watching, you will understand the story..

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A new conspiracy theory states Priness Diana was actually on the radio shortly after the supposed accident that killed her.

And the windshield, and the dashboard...

^^^I ^^^feel ^^^dirty

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A giant porn conspiracy has been uncovered....

It was run by the illuminaughty

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Why do we believe conspiracy theories?

Because the bastards want us to.

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What do you call ravens trying to marry crows.

Conspiracy to commit murder.

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A conspiracy theorist walked into a bar

Or did they..?

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What are the most funny Conspiracy jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Conspiracy? Well, here are the best Conspiracy dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Conspiracy pick up lines to share with friends.

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