The Best 85 Conspiracy Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Conspiracy jokes. There are some conspiracy vandals jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these conspiracy government puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Conspiracy Jokes and Puns
I don't believe in conspiracy theories.
I everyone who believes them is working together to scare me.
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .
Anyone hear about the conspiracy theorist who died and went to heaven?
When he arrived, God stated that He grants all His children one question. The man promptly asked, "Who killed Kennedy?" God replied, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald, on the 6th floor, with his own gun, and he acted alone." The man thought for a moment then disappointingly replied "This goes higher up then I imagined."
I met a conspiracy theorist in Israel the other day.
He kept ranting about Jews secretly not controlling the government.
Where do conspiracy theorists keep their ideas?
In a skeptic tank.
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(Note: I just made up this joke earlier today. I'm not 100% sure the joke is obvious; feel free to suggest a better wording!)
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
Nobody knows.
Except me.
Q: How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We'll never know, Tesla was murdered.
The vaccine conspiracy
Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:
"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"
"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"
After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:
"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"
What can conspiracy theorists never explain?
They say that 9/11 was an inside job...
but planes fly OUTSIDE.
Can't explain that
What's the difference between a skeptic and a conspiracy theorist?
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
My wife thinks my obsession with conspiracy theories is getting out of control.
I wonder how much money the government paid her to say that?
You can explore conspiracy backstory reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean conspiracy transgenders dad jokes. There are also conspiracy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Did you hear about the tarpaulin conspiracy??
It was a massive coverup
Ten minutes into "conspiracy theories and chill..."
...we start gettin *illuminaughty.*
Conspiracy theories aren't real.
They're all lies made by the government.
Have you heard about the elevator conspiracy?
Hundreds of people are saying they got stuck between floors. But I don't believe them. I think they made it up.
Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.
They ask God who did 911. God replies, "It was perpetrated by members of the Islamic terrorist group Al Qaeda."
One whispers to the other, "Dude, this goes way higher than I thought."
Saw a homeless guy babbling about conspiracy theories that doesn't really make sense...
You could say it was a vague rant.
What do you call ravens trying to marry crows.
Conspiracy to commit murder.
I like my women like I like my Building 7.
Going down for no reason. That's a conspiracy reference that 9 out of 11 people don't get. It's an inside joke.
Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside?
Because 9/11 was an inside dog.
Conspiracy theorists, I hope you're right...
I hope the illuminati run this country, they seem like a safe bet
Everyone keeps saying I'm paranoid...
This must be some sort of conspiracy...
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
We may never know the truth.
What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?
Nothing, giraffes aren't real.
I don't believe in conspiracy theories
I think conspiracy theorists are secretly working together to brainwash us
I don't trust anyone with a conspiracy theory, man.
I think they are all up to something.
Conspiracy theories are a lot like moon landings.
They're all fake
A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven
The first thing he does is ask God, "Who really killed JFK?"
To which God replies, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald. He acted alone."
The conspiracy theorists thinks to him self for a moment then says, "This cover up of the truth goes even further than I thought!"
Why 10 wasn't invited to the number party?
9/11 conspiracy.
I told my boyfriend that people with lower IQs are more likely to believe in conspiracy theories...
He said Thats what they want you to think!
Three conspiracy theories walk into a bar...
No way that's a coincidence.
The JFK files will be released today.
If there's anything that satisfies conspiracy theorists' curiosity, it's files released by the government.
The police asked me if I would take a lie detector...
I said yes and now I've been charged with conspiracy to commit theft.
Why does everyone try to discredit Flat Earthers?
It's like there's a global conspiracy.
Why do conspiracy theorists make terrible landscape gardeners?
They're too obsessed with inside jobs.
Why do we believe conspiracy theories?
Because the bastards want us to.
I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?
I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.
Two conspiracy theorists died...
...or did they?
Two 9/11 Truthers die together in a car crash
They go to heaven and stand before God.
God says: "You may get a truthful answer to one question."
First one says: "Who really did 9/11?"
God says: "A bunch of al-Qaeada terrorists"
Second one whispers to the first: "Wow, this conspiracy goes all the way to the top!"
A new conspiracy theory states Priness Diana was actually on the radio shortly after the supposed accident that killed her.
And the windshield, and the dashboard...
^^^I ^^^feel ^^^dirty
A conspiracy theorist walked into a bar
Or did they..?
A lot of people believe Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen in the basement of CalArts.
# I personally love this conspiracy theory because it's a wonderful example of suspended animation.
Credit to the greatest animation professor of all time, Mr. Theo Artz of Drexel University.
Today I got called a conspiracy nut.
But I'm pretty sure that's just a rumor the government started to discredit me.
Whats worse than 10,000 conspiracy theorists?
1 real conspiracy.
Im not a person to believe in conspiracy theories, but..
.. working at 7/11 was an inside job.
New Conspiracy Theory about 9/11
So, if you convert 9/11 into a decimal, you get 0.8181818181818181818181818181.... going on forever. What's the eighth letter of the alphabet? H. What's the first letter of the alphabet? A. That's right, ladies and germs. The Joker did 9/11.
There is a conspiracy theory that claims Princess Diana was on the radio after her reported death.
I'd like to confirm this was completely true, she WAS on the radio, and the dashboard, the steering wheel, the back of the seats and the windscreen.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
Where do conspiracy theorists hate to sleep?
Debunk beds.
I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.
4G must've fried their brains.
An anti-vaxxer passes away...
...and finds herself in heaven. God himself greets her, shows her around and asks if she has any questions.
She says "Not about heaven, but was I right about vaccines?"
God laughed and said "No, vaccines are perfectly safe and should be administered to everyone".
The woman just can't believe it. She's absolutely distraught, until it finally dawns on her: this conspiracy must go even higher than I thought!"
I don't get why there are so many conspiracy theorists in the US.
5G must have fried their brains.
3 conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
Now that can't be a coincidence, can it?
one of the best documentarys
ive ever watched on netflix is about a chinese couple who didnt board the Malaysian flight 370 (one that disappeared) when they should have done. All sorts of conspiracy theories. worth a watch, highly recommended.
It's called 2 wongs dont make a flight
What do you call a conspiracy theorist priest?
A chipmonk.
Why was a group of lemurs framed for organized crime within seconds?
They were a conspiracy.
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
**You won't believe me.**
Yo Mamma so ugly...
Yo momma so ugly that we created a global conspiracy "plandemic" and ruined the world economy and expedited the new world order and ruined Trump's rally and banned the Confederate flag from nascar and cancelled major league baseball just so she'd wear a mask.
An anti-vaxxer, an anti-masker, and a conspiracy theorist walk into a bar
The bartender looks up, groans to himself, pours himself a drink and asks "What'll it be Karen?"
I'm scared of 5G
It will only allow idiots to spread their conspiracy theories faster.
Conspiracy theorists are like, If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...
It's a government surveillance drone.
I think it would be pretty simple to send 5G conspiracy theorists to space
Just tell them there's Zero G
What do you call a constipated conspiracy theorist?
An anti-laxxer!
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
AutoCAD Conspiracy.
I'm always suspicious of people who use AutoCAD... they always seem to be plotting something.
This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.
This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.
The Altoids Corporation teamed up with the makers of Tic-Tacs and Listerene Breath Strips and made this virus in a lab in Wu-Tang so that all the rest of us would be forced to smell our own stank-ass breath and buy millions of dollars worth of mints.
Illu-mint-ati Confirmed.
Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
*And there's no way that's a coincidence!*
A blind man and a conspiracy theorist walk into a bar
The blind man hits his head. This must have been a setup.
Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
You can't tell me that's a coincidence!
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Do your own research.
Q anon conspiracy types must be absolutely fuming
they were promised a storm...
...and in the end all they got was a 'lil wayne.
I'm here all week.
Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven.
They ask God if he'd answer one question.
"Of course" God says.
They ask how the Democrats rigged the election in 2020.
"It wasn't rigged" God replies.
The Trump supporters look at each other and say, "This conspiracy goes higher than we thought!"
Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?
They're calling themselves the "ca-hoots".
Why did the conspiracy theorist tell the radio repairman to take his time?
Because there was no rush
My favourite conspiracy theory is ...
That everything is going to be ok.
(Work in progress)What do you call a bunch of ravens pretending to be crows?
A conspiracy to commit murder!
How many journalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three:
One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the poor.
One to report it as a conspiracy to deprive the poor of darkness.
And one to win a Pulitzer Prize for reporting that the electric company hired someone to break the lightbulb in the first place.
But in the end none of them actually changed the bulb.
What's the difference between the truth and a conspiracy theory?
About 6-12 months.
Three Dad Jokes for Father's Day
* I was wondering why this frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
* Why can't you trust atoms? They make up everything.
* Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. That can't just be a coincidence.
Ashli Babbitt and Kevin Greeson die and go the Heaven...
At the Pearly Gates they see God who tells them he will answer any question. They look at each other and ask, "Who won the 2020 election?"
Exasperated, God responds, "Oh for the love of...! Biden! Biden won the presidency in a free and fair election! There was no grand conspiracy. The machines weren't hacked. The hand recounts were accurate. Just go into Heaven, you're already ticking me off!"
As they walk through the gates Babbitt and Greeson look at each other and say, "this goes up a lot higher than we thought."
After dying the anti-vaxxer meets God. "God, please tell me who is behind the conspiracy to give people autism with vaccines?"
"Nobody," says God. "There is no conspiracy, and vaccines do no cause autism."
"THEY GOT TO YOU TOO?! HOW FAR UP DOES THIS GO?!"
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.
Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven...
God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know.
Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election?
God: Joseph R. Biden
Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper than we thought
A flat earther dies and goes to heaven.
At the gates of heaven, St. Peter says to them, "Before you enter the gates of heaven, you may ask god one question."
The flat earther asks, "God, is the earth flat?"
God responds, "The earth is 100% a globe."
The flat earther exclaims, "Holy crap! This conspiracy runs deeper than I thought!"
Have you heard about the new flatbread conspiracy theorists?
They're out to convince all naan believers.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the conspiracy collusion jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working conspiracy murder piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.