Conservatives Jokes

Following is our collection of centrist puns and leftists one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Conservatives jokes for adults, dirty obamacare jokes and clean fundamentalists dad gags for kids.

The Best Conservatives Puns

What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?

You'll never de-fetus.

Progressives are enraged, conservatives are cautiously optimistic, but no group is more excited than the Imagineers of Disney.

For the first time in the history of the Hall of Presidents, they have a shot at making an audioanimatronic more realistic than the original.

Why are conservatives bad programmers?

Because they keep getting triggered by the .libs

What is the definition of a Saint?

A dead liberal that is worshipped by living conservatives.

Why are conservatives climate change deniers?

Because they want to melt the snowflakes!

What do conservatives hate about mixed ethnicity math classes?

There's too much integration

Liberals are more generous than conservatives

Not only are they generous with their own money, they are also generous with other people's money!

(This is just a joke sorry)

Why aren't more conservatives protesting the sales of pre-shredded cheese?

I thought we were trying to make America grate again.

The IRA have been fighting for Irish reunification since the 70s. . .

All they needed to do was vote for the Conservatives.

Why are so many conservatives rednecks?

They refuse to apply sunblock liberally.

Conservatives want to repeal Obamacare

and replace it with a single prayer healthcare plan

You know why I hate conservatives?

They all make huge generalizations about liberals

Why wont America ever switch to using coins like in the EU?

Because conservatives don't like change.

With all this stuff about the Guardians of the Galaxy director being fired,

the biggest surprise is seeing conservatives rally against a Gunn.

The ironic thing about the James Gunn situation

I am seeing a lot of conservatives being anti Gunn

Milliband, Clegg and Farage have quit.

Proof that the Conservatives are forcing people out of work.

With this new Janus Supreme Court Decision

A lot of Conservatives are finally going to be able to secede from the Union.

How can conservatives be christian

if Jesus isn't even a US citizen

How ironic is it that gay marriage is legal, but conservatives are the ones getting butthurt?

In the U.S., why are liberals better racecar drivers than conservatives?

They only take left turns.

Liberals who watch Rupal Drag Race cannot make fun of conservatives for liking Nascar.

Illegal drag racing or street racing can become as dangerous or even more dangerous than a Nascar pileup.

Conservatives believe good government is X + Y. Liberals believe it's X + Z.

Which is why Liberals call every conservative a "Not Z"

If conservatives have 4chan and liberals have tumblr, what do centrists have?

A life.

It's not a coincidence that a lot of conservatives who oppose abortions are also hunters

They know that anything they kill, they have to eat.

Conservatives keep telling me to find Jesus

How am I supposed to find him if they want him sent back to mexico and want a wall to keep him out?

why can't conservatives work at a checkout counter?

Because they don't like change...

Shouldn't conservatives advocate for publicly funded abortion clinics?

The waiting lines will become so long, the baby will practically be born by the time the mother gets to the clinic.

What do conservatives, republicans, liberals, and democrats all have in common?

They're all boring people for getting so involved in politics

Why don't conservatives believe in global warming?

Because of all the snowflakes.

How many conservatives does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to change at nine to talk about how good it was a in the past.

What's the difference between an American soldier and a Muslim?

Conservatives spend a lot of money getting the Muslims out of the streets.

Why don't conservatives use conditioner on their hair?

Because the bottle says Apply liberally

Why are jokes about conservatives getting dumber and dumber?

Because Republicans have started to make them up themselves.

Despite what you think, conservatives care about more than just profits.

They also care about prophets.

Classic Brexit Joke

How many Conservatives does it take to install a lightbulb?

One to promise a brighter future and the others to screw it up.

What did all the naughty climate denying conservatives get for christmas this year?

Solar Panels

I have no idea why liberals think a video of Ocasio-Cortez dancing angers the conservatives

She lives in the USA, not some repressed muslim shithole.

Why do conservatives like irrational numbers?

They like things non-terminating

There is an abundance of liberal jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 38 funniest jokes and conservatives puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any tory witze you can hear about conservatives.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes