Consciousness Jokes

Following is our collection of signal puns and cardiology one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Consciousness jokes for adults, dirty regain jokes and clean miraculously dad gags for kids.

The Best Consciousness Puns

What happened?

A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, What happened?

The man rubbed the back of his head and said, I don't know! Last thing I remember, my wife was coming out of the salon there and I said, Well, at least they tried.

As I regained consciousness in the hospital from last night's car crash

the doctors were trying to convince me I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity... But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday.

The wife of Korean immigrant was bed ridden with a high fever.

She hadn't had consciousness for a while and she was a burning 40 degrees Celsius. Worried, the husband tries to call for an ambulance, using his broken English.

"911 emergency, how can we help you."

"Wife in bed. She so hot."

"Okay... good for you."

Liberace dies an regains consciousness outside the pearly gates.

St. Peter says, I'm sorry, Liberace, but you can't come in. It says right here you ate a parrot. That's God's favorite bird. There's no way I can let you in. Liberace responds, No, no! You got the wrong guy! I never ate a parrot!...

...Now, I mighta ate a cockatoo...

A man gets run over by a car. As he is losing consciousness he's sees the light.

It was a second car


There's a quantum observation theory where only police have consciousness

cop didn't see it I didn't do it

A guy regains consciousness in hospital with a golf clup imbedded in his skull.

The doctor acked him if he can remember what happened.

"Well, I remember I was playing golf with my wife. She sliced her tee shot into the cow paddock next to the fairway. We looked for her ball for a while but couldn't find it. On the off-chance, I lifted a cows' tail, and sure enough there was a ball lodged there. I turned and said to my wife, 'honey, this looks like yours', next thing I know I'm in here..."

Does anyone else ever suddenly get all existential and acutely aware of their own self-awareness and that other people around you have their own consciousness?

Just making sure it's not just me.

Tonight you will be bound and beaten until you almost loose consciousness and your tear ducts are dry

Sorry wrong sub

What do you call a mollusc that's just short of consciousness?

A Conch.

In the USSR's School system it was very important not to fall asleep while the teacher was talking

Or you would fail to achieve class consciousness.


Police officer receives a call to a 17 year old male going in and out of consciousness...

The 17 year olds girlfriend's name is consciousness.

There is an abundance of balance jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 12 funniest jokes and consciousness puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any frantically witze you can hear about consciousness.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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