Conscious Jokes
38 conscious jokes and hilarious conscious puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about conscious that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest Krishna-conscious jokes around! Laugh at the cleverly-crafted puns and jokes about being aware and conscious of your choices. Be prepared to chuckle at the rash wooden humour!
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Funniest Conscious Short Jokes
Short conscious jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The conscious humour may include short aware jokes also.
- I saw my ex girlfriend at the other end of the museum hall, but I was too self conscious to say hello. There was too much history between us.
- Reddit is possibly the most environmentally conscious site on the internet. Nearly 100% of the content is recycled at some point, often several times.
- I spotted my ex girlfriend on the other side of the museum hall, but I was too self-conscious to go say hello. There was just too much history between us.
- My wife and I have both decided to go on a diet before our holiday to the States as we don't want to feel self conscious at the beach. It's going well, so far we've both put on five stone.
- Hear the one about the guy who couldn't stop worrying about shelves? He was shelf conscious.
- My girlfriend told me, I get really self conscious when I'm out in public. I joked, Come on, you aren't that ugly.
She said, No, but you are. - I have a librarian friend and a grocer friend who rarely want to hang out with me because they're just too shelf conscious.
- I used to be self-conscious that people could hear me when I used the bathroom. Then I became a psychiatrist. Now my pee is silent.
- Healthy German What did the health conscious german say, when he entered Whole Foods?
Gluten Morgen
PS: First time posting an original. - I get self conscious about driving my lowered car at times. I feel like other motorists are always looking down on me.
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Conscious One Liners
Which conscious one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with conscious? I can suggest the ones about mind and conscience.
- I love how eco conscious this sub is. All the top content is recycled.
- Why was the protein self-conscious? Because of how much it wheys
- What do you call a health conscious cannibal? A humanitarian
- Why are librarians so shy? Their occupation makes them very shelf conscious.
- What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican? A green bean.
- Be safety conscious 80% of people are caused by accidents.
- What do health conscious zombies eat? GRAAAINS!!!
- My brother-in-law got hit by a truck Now he's semi-conscious.
- Why did the hoagie go to the shrink? He was having problems with his sub-conscious.
- Why was the haunted mansion self conscious? Because it got a lot of creepy stairs.
FML. - What do you call a mollusc that's just short of consciousness? A Conch.
- Why was the floppy disk self-conscious? Because it was FAT.
- What song do health conscious pirates sing? *Froyo, froyo, a pilates life for me~*
- What do you call an artificial intelligence that's shy? Self-conscious.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Giggle-Inducing Conscious Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about conscious you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean invisible jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make conscious pranks.
I'm starting to get self-conscious about my body odour...
On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had s**.... I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.
What happened?
A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, What happened?
The man rubbed the back of his head and said, I don't know! Last thing I remember, my wife was coming out of the salon there and I said, Well, at least they tried.
I was involved in a car c**... last night.
As I regained consciousness from last nights car c**....
The Doctors were trying to convince me that I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity...
But I am having none of it. I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!
As I regained consciousness from last nights car c**....
The Doctors were trying to convince me that
I'm actually a Swedish bloke who has forgotten his identity...
But I am having none of it. I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!
As I regained consciousness in the hospital from last night's car c**...
the doctors were trying to convince me I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity... But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday.
The devil has started to get really self conscious about his receding hairline and is planning to take out his anger on the humans if he cant find a solution.....
There's going to be h**... toupee
My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke
Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.
My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."
Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"
Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.
Wife: I'm going shopping, do you need anything?
Husband: I'm looking for inner-peace and happiness, an answer to my doubts, a sense of fulfilment, a medium through which I can transcend consciousness and reach true spirituality, calmness and...
Wife: Be specific; Smirnoff or Absolut?
There was once a man who got an eye infection and had to get his eye removed, he could not afford a glass eye so his doctor made him a wooden one.
He was very self conscious about having a wood eye and as such he would only go to poorly lit bars to try to pick up chicks.
One night he was at such a bar and striking out with most of the women there, decided to have one final drink before leaving, as he is drinking he sees a woman who looks a little overweight and says to himself "I'll try one more time"
He then walks up to the woman and asks
"Excuse me but would you like to dance"
The woman jumps up excitedly and says
"Would I, would I"
He responds with
"fatass, fatass"
The wife of Korean immigrant was bed ridden with a high fever.
She hadn't had consciousness for a while and she was a burning 40 degrees Celsius. Worried, the husband tries to call for an ambulance, using his broken English.
"911 emergency, how can we help you."
"Wife in bed. She so hot."
"Okay... good for you."
A boy reads a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free free French fries.
Sounds great! said the health conscious boy, as he ordered some.
He watched as a the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them in the box.
Wait a minute, those don't look fat free!
They sure are, the cook said. We only charge for the potatoes, the fat is free.
Liberace dies an regains consciousness outside the pearly gates.
St. Peter says, I'm sorry, Liberace, but you can't come in. It says right here you ate a parrot. That's God's favorite bird. There's no way I can let you in. Liberace responds, No, no! You got the wrong guy! I never ate a parrot!...
...Now, I mighta ate a cockatoo...
