Conscious Jokes

Following is our collection of aware puns and deliberate one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Conscious jokes for adults, dirty subconsciously jokes and clean conscience dad gags for kids.

The Best Conscious Puns

The devil has started to get really self conscious about his receding hairline and is planning to take out his anger on the humans if he cant find a solution.....

There's going to be hell toupee

What do you call a health conscious cannibal?

A humanitarian

My girlfriend told me, I get really self conscious when I'm out in public.

I joked, Come on, you aren't that ugly.

She said, No, but you are.

I have a librarian friend and a grocer friend who rarely want to hang out with me

because they're just too shelf conscious.

I went to the library today and said, "I'd like to check these books out."

The librarian said, "Sorry, that's actually against the rules."

"Huh?!"

The librarian replied, "You see, checking them out only makes them shelf conscious."


Why are librarians so shy?

Their occupation makes them very shelf conscious.

Healthy German

What did the health conscious german say, when he entered Whole Foods?

Gluten Morgen

PS: First time posting an original.

What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?

A green bean.

I get self conscious about driving my lowered car at times.

I feel like other motorists are always looking down on me.

Be safety conscious

80% of people are caused by accidents.

A wife found that her husband had hung himself after she came home one day

She found a note on the bedside table which read, "I'm sorry but I can't take your constant critism anymore."
She then quickly cut the rope, brought him down and somehow managed to revive him.
As her husband lay in her arms and slowly became conscious again, she remarked:
"That's NOT how you spell criticism my dear!"


What do health conscious zombies eat?

GRAAAINS!!!

The Philandering Duck

This swinging philandering duck suddenly became conscious of the danger of acquiring AIDS through sexual promiscuity.

To put himself at ease he went to his local druggist and asked for a condom. "How much will that be?" asked the duck. "1 dollar and 19 cents" replied the druggist. "Would you like me to put this on your bill"? "What kind of a duck to you think I am"? replied the duck.

What's the difference between Gwyneth Paltrow and Bill Cosby?

One has conscious uncouplings while the other has unconscious couplings.

Why was the haunted mansion self conscious?

Because it got a lot of creepy stairs.

FML.

What song do health conscious pirates sing?

*Froyo, froyo, a pilates life for me~*

What to NEVER EVER EVER say to a fat girl (or a girl who is overly conscious of her own weight). (OC)

As part of our team,

you're expected to pull your own weight.

they say we shouldn't assume ones gender in 2018...

When did we become so risk conscious?

I'll take 50/50 odds any day!

I'm very environmentally conscious when it comes to women...

I reduce, reuse, and recycle.


Indian names

A young Indian boy was very self conscious of his name and wanted to know why he was called what he was. He went to the chief and asked "chief, why have you given me my name?". The chief said "well son, we give our children their names based on what we see when they are born. Like your brother, Running Buffalo, we saw buffalo running when he was born. Your sister, Blue Sky, was so ugly that we had to look up at the sky when she was born. So, why do you ask Two Dogs Pooping?"

I'm starting to get a bit self conscious about my weight [oc]

When I went for a physical last week I asked the nurse to weigh me after drawing blood but before giving me the flu shot.

What's the difference between an iPhone XS Max and a condom?

They don't sell condoms to people who are conscious of their dicks for $1k

The First Order from Star Wars VII were very environmentally conscious...

...because their Starkiller base was solar powered.

There is an abundance of consciousness jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 23 funniest jokes and conscious puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any subliminal witze you can hear about conscious.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes