Cons Jokes
147 cons jokes and hilarious cons puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cons that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with our selection of funny cons jokes! Bringing you the best in Pros and Cons humor, including the latest in Prison and Cellfies gag. See what Pros this list has to offer - you won't regret it!
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Funniest Cons Short Jokes
Short cons jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cons humour may include short cont jokes also.
- What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches? On one hand, you have a watch...
But on the other hand, you have a watch. - I'm going to start a quidditch ball repair shop, staffed entirely with ex-cons from Azkaban. It'll be called Snitches Get Stitches .
- I work in a prison, and when people ask me if I enjoy my job... ...I tell them that it has it's pros and cons.
- What do you call a snobbish criminal falling down the stairs? A condescending con descending.
- Came up with this joke this morning in the shower. I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons.
- A con artist, a pervert, and a racist walks into a bar. The barkeep looks up and says "The usual, Mr. Trump?"
- Perks of being an adult: Nobody will stop me from eating an entire cake. Cons of being an adult: Nobody stopped me from eating an entire cake..
- The pros and cons of being overly literal PROS:
People who profit as a result of their occupation.
CONS:
People found guilty of a criminal offense. - I was walking past a prison the other day, and I saw a dwarf in an orange jumpsuit shimmying down the side of the building.
I thought to myself, now that's a little con descending. - A prisoner called Andrea wants to prove her strength... So she starts a weightlifting competition and wins! Turns out the powerhouse of the cell is the might of con 'Drea.
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Cons One Liners
Which cons one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cons? I can suggest the ones about subs and ides.
- If the opposite of pro is con... Then that means the opposite of congress is progress.
- I just got a new job at a prison library. It has its prose and cons.
- If con is the opposite of pro then isn't congress the opposite of progress?
- What are the pros and cons of making kids Pros: Making
Cons: Kids - Why was the prison poetry slam cancelled? There were more cons than prose
- What do you call a writing club in prison? Prose and Cons
- I have started teaching a poetry class at my local jail It's called prose and cons
- What do you call a smug criminal going down stairs? A Condescending Con Descending.
- I started a book club in prison It's called prose and cons.
- I started a literacy program for inmates. There's been some prose and cons.
- I've started running poetry nights at the local prison. It has its prose and cons
- What do you call a snarky villain walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending
- A smug prisoner went down a flight of stairs. He was a condescending con descending.
- I'm compiling a book of poems by felons. I'm going to call it "Prose and Cons".
- What do you call a rude convict going downstairs? A condescending con descending.
Pros And Cons Jokes
Here is a list of funny pros and cons jokes and even better pros and cons puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade. Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.
- I'm trying to decide if I should become an athlete or a criminal So I made a list of pros and cons.
- The average paid athlete weighs more than the average felon As you can see, the pros outweigh the cons.
- I am undecided on whether should I be an athlete or a criminal so I made a list of pros and cons.
- I have been weighing the pros and cons about reading poetry to prisoners. Pros: prose
Cons: cons - A Japanese prison invited a few sumo wrestlers for a match... The fattest prisoners were selected to compete and to everyone's surprise they won.
It's because the cons outweigh the pros. - There is a huge debate about letting NFL teams play against prison inmates as part of their rehabilitation program. Understandable, it has a big list of pros and cons.
- I made a list of all the prostitutes and criminals in my area It's my pros and cons list
- Winter- Pros: Chestnuts roasting. Cons: Deez nuts freezing.
- I've compiled a list of famous athletes who have spent time in prison. It's a pros and cons list.
Amusing Cons Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about cons you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean comp jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cons pranks.
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .
Why did the console player cross the road?
To render the buildings on the other side.
Why did the Queen join the Navy after making herself breakfast in bed?
Because she was impressed by Her Service.
As a volunteer, I taught a seminar on how to write persuasive speeches at my local prison.
I titled the course: "Prose and Cons".
A construction worker comes home from work.
He tells his wife, "Honey, I cut off my finger today."
She replies, "The whole finger!?"
He says, "No, the one right next to it."
Considerate.
*An old silly one...but a grin inducer nevertheless*
Mr. Fienstein called the FM radio station and said "I've found a wallet with $400, a credit card and an ID card belonging to Mr. Smith, No.13,Halls Rd, Jackson, TN."
To which the radio jockey says " Oh how honest. So you want his wallet returned back to him?"
Mr. Fieinstein says "No……. I just wanted you to play a sad song for him".
What did the constipated math teacher do?
Worked it out with a pencil.
The average person has s**... 90 times a year.
Man this going to be an epic new years eve!
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
Nobody knows.
Except me.
Two consonants and a vowel go into a bar
I'm writing a book about poets who have been jailed
It's called prose and cons
I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building...
Friendship.
I asked my friend about his time in prison.
"I have mixed feelings. On one hand I was surrounded by the worst society had to offer. I shared cells with thieves, murderers, and rapists. On the other hand the prison library was filled with the best collection of literature that I've ever seen. I don't know. It has its prose and cons."
Do you know why consuming ants is good for your health?
It's because they have anty-bodies!
Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum?
Too many frames.
Why did the console gamer cross the road?
Why did the console gamer cross the road? To render the buildings across the street.
Despite constantly dropping the ball...
gravity is pretty reliable
Pros and cons of guys:
Con: They're d**....
Pro: Their d**....
After much consideration, I do not believe Wolverine in the X-Men movies is real.
It's obviously just a huge act, man.
What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?
You'll never de-fetus.
My husband doesn't like my new job as a librarian in the prison.
He says it has more cons than prose
The Conservation of the Letter R
Everytime a Bostonian "pahks his cah in the yahd", a Texan warshes something
Why do console gamers use their in game names in real life?
They don't have anti-aliasing
Why did the console gamer cross the road
To render the other side
Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.
They ask God who did 911. God replies, "It was perpetrated by members of the Islamic t**... group Al Qaeda."
One whispers to the other, "Dude, this goes way higher than I thought."
Sometimes I look out over the new construction in my city, old ground being dug up to make room for the new, and I think to myself:
I really should have buried the bodies somewhere else.
Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside?
Because 9/11 was an inside dog.
I run a rehabilitation program where we get prison inmates to write poetry to help them cope with their emotions.
I call it:
Prose and Cons
How do you console somebody with bad grammar skills?
There, their, they're.
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
We may never know the truth.
Why did the console gamer die in the art gallary?
There was too many frames.
Why did the console player faint at the museum?
Because there were so many frames!
Conspiracy theories are a lot like moon landings.
They're all fake
A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven
The first thing he does is ask God, "Who really killed JFK?"
To which God replies, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald. He acted alone."
The conspiracy theorists thinks to him self for a moment then says, "This cover up of the truth goes even further than I thought!"
I've been contemplating the pros and cons of m**....
On the one hand, it feels good.
On the other, not so much.
Should there be more books in prison?
I think the cons outweigh the prose.
My very conservative coworker told me about the first time he had s**......
[to view this body of this joke, please upgrade to the Tier II telecom package]
...and I'll never think of jesus the same way again.
28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court
They're awaiting their sentence
I always considered myself a Canadian American in spirit
I apologize when I enter an empty room in case the NSA is listening.
I was once a very consistent man.
Once was enough.
A conservative gets into a car accident with a bus full of socialists.
"Are you guys alright?" asks the conservative.
"No, we're mostly left."
Why were the console wars started?
Because neither side could find a clear resolution
Constipated math teacher
Did you hear about the constipated math teacher?
She got so frustrated, she sat down and worked it out with a pencil!
I'm starting a club that discusses the good and bad parts of poetry in prison.
It's called "Prose and Cons"
Did you hear about the sumo match happening at the prison tomorrow?
They're going to bring in professional sumo wrestlers and pit them against the fattest inmates but honestly I don't even know if the pros outweigh the cons.
Two conspiracy theorists died...
...or did they?
A new conspiracy theory states Priness Diana was actually on the radio shortly after the supposed accident that killed her.
And the windshield, and the dashboard...
^^^I ^^^feel ^^^dirty
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves
Looks like the boa cons tricked her
My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves...
Looks like the boa cons tricked her...
I was trying to console the wife of a serial killer who committed s**....
I said, Hey, at least he died doing what he loved.
A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear
Because he is unable to take a pooh
I have never considered any of my coworkers as dating material
...until the boss said "We are a family".
What does a constipated mathematician do?
He works it out with a pencil.
If you know nothing about constellations at least learn Ursa Minor
...that's the bear minimum.
I don't get why there are so many conspiracy theorists in the US.
5G must have fried their brains.
3 conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
Now that can't be a coincidence, can it?
I like my women like I like my mathematical constants.
Round and irrational.
Conspiracy theorists are like, If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...
It's a government surveillance drone.
I constantly tell dad jokes even though I have no kids...
...Guess that's what they call a faux pa.
My conservative grandmother used to be a big Trump supporter, but this year her mail-in ballot was cast for Joe Biden.
No way would she have done that if she were still alive.
A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.
His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.
After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.
After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.
Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?
The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!
Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?
A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew
It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot sandwich.
He turns to his crew and asks if anyone snuck in to eat the sandwich. One by one, they all shake their heads and deny any wrongdoing. He's at a loss until one of his guys points out that the company had hired an electrician to do a bit of wiring that morning.
"Of course!" the boss exclaims, "he's the subcontractor!"
Why is it a good idea to put more books in prison libraries?
Because the prose outweigh the cons.
"You're still constipated, aren't you Watson?"
"No s**..., Sherlock."
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
*And there's no way that's a coincidence!*
Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
You can't tell me that's a coincidence!
I once considered going vegetarian
But then I realized it would be a huge missed steak
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Do your own research.
