The Best 67 Cons Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cons jokes. There are some cons felons jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cons cond puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cons Jokes and Puns

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .

Why did the console player cross the road?

To render the buildings on the other side.

Considerate.

*An old silly one...but a grin inducer nevertheless*

Mr. Fienstein called the FM radio station and said "I've found a wallet with $400, a credit card and an ID card belonging to Mr. Smith, No.13,Halls Rd, Jackson, TN."
To which the radio jockey says " Oh how honest. So you want his wallet returned back to him?"

Mr. Fieinstein says "No……. I just wanted you to play a sad song for him".

Cons joke, Considerate.

What did the constipated math teacher do?

Worked it out with a pencil.

What was the console gamer's New Years Resolution?

1280x720


Two consonants and a vowel go into a bar

I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building...

Friendship.

Cons joke, I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building...

I asked my friend about his time in prison.

"I have mixed feelings. On one hand I was surrounded by the worst society had to offer. I shared cells with thieves, murderers, and rapists. On the other hand the prison library was filled with the best collection of literature that I've ever seen. I don't know. It has its prose and cons."

Do you know why consuming ants is good for your health?

It's because they have anty-bodies!

Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum?

Too many frames.

Why did the console gamer cross the road?

Why did the console gamer cross the road? To render the buildings across the street.

You can explore cons pros reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cons inmates dad jokes. There are also cons puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why was the prison poetry slam cancelled?

There were more cons than prose

Despite constantly dropping the ball...

Gravity is pretty reliable

Pros and cons of guys:

Con: They're dicks.
Pro: Their dicks.

After much consideration, I do not believe Wolverine in the X-Men movies is real.

It's obviously just a huge act, man.

What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?

You'll never de-fetus.

Cons joke, What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?

My husband doesn't like my new job as a librarian in the prison.

He says it has more cons than prose

The Conservation of the Letter R

Everytime a Bostonian "pahks his cah in the yahd", a Texan warshes something

I just got a new job at a prison library.

It has its prose and cons.


Came up with this joke this morning in the shower.

I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons.

What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches?

On one hand, you have a watch...

But on the other hand, you have a watch.

Why did the console gamer cross the road

To render the other side

Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.

They ask God who did 911. God replies, "It was perpetrated by members of the Islamic terrorist group Al Qaeda."

One whispers to the other, "Dude, this goes way higher than I thought."

Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside?

Because 9/11 was an inside dog.

How do you console somebody with bad grammar skills?

There, their, they're.

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We may never know the truth.

Why did the console gamer die in the art gallary?

There was too many frames.

The pros and cons of being overly literal

PROS:

People who profit as a result of their occupation.

CONS:

People found guilty of a criminal offense.

Why did the console player faint at the museum?

Because there were so many frames!

Conspiracy theories are a lot like moon landings.

They're all fake

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven

The first thing he does is ask God, "Who really killed JFK?"

To which God replies, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald. He acted alone."

The conspiracy theorists thinks to him self for a moment then says, "This cover up of the truth goes even further than I thought!"

I've been contemplating the pros and cons of masturbation.

On the one hand, it feels good.
On the other, not so much.

My very conservative coworker told me about the first time he had sex...

[to view this body of this joke, please upgrade to the Tier II telecom package]

...and I'll never think of jesus the same way again.

I work in a prison, and when people ask me if I enjoy my job...

...I tell them that it has it's pros and cons.

I was once a very consistent man.

Once was enough.

A conservative gets into a car accident with a bus full of socialists.

"Are you guys alright?" asks the conservative.

"No, we're mostly left."

I'm starting a club that discusses the good and bad parts of poetry in prison.

It's called "Prose and Cons"

Two conspiracy theorists died...

...or did they?

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online

A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves

Looks like the boa cons tricked her

I'm trying to decide if I should become an athlete or a criminal

So I made a list of pros and cons.

My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves...

Looks like the boa cons tricked her...

A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear

Because he is unable to take a pooh

If you know nothing about constellations at least learn Ursa Minor

...that's the bear minimum.

I don't get why there are so many conspiracy theorists in the US.

5G must have fried their brains.

β€Œβ€ŒI likβ€Œβ€Œe mβ€Œβ€Œy womeβ€Œβ€Œn likβ€Œβ€Œe β€Œβ€ŒI likβ€Œβ€Œe mβ€Œβ€Œy mathematicaβ€Œβ€Œl constants.

Rounβ€Œβ€Œd anβ€Œβ€Œd irrational.

Conspiracy theorists are like, If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

It's a government surveillance drone.

Perks of being an adult: Nobody will stop me from eating an entire cake.

Cons of being an adult: Nobody stopped me from eating an entire cake..

I constantly tell dad jokes even though I have no kids...

...Guess that's what they call a faux pa.

A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.

His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.

After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.

After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.

Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?

The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!

Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?

A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew

It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot sandwich.

He turns to his crew and asks if anyone snuck in to eat the sandwich. One by one, they all shake their heads and deny any wrongdoing. He's at a loss until one of his guys points out that the company had hired an electrician to do a bit of wiring that morning.

"Of course!" the boss exclaims, "he's the subcontractor!"

Why is it a good idea to put more books in prison libraries?

Because the prose outweigh the cons.

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?

The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?

I am undecided on whether should I be an athlete or a criminal

so I made a list of pros and cons.

I've started running poetry nights at the local prison.

It has its prose and cons

Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

*And there's no way that's a coincidence!*

Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

You can't tell me that's a coincidence!

I once considered going vegetarian

But then I realized it would be a huge missed steak

What's considered trashy if you're poor, but classy if you're rich?

Manipulating the stock market

Constipation

Same shit different day

A constable receives notification about a theft from McGregor's farm near Nottingham. The dispatcher tells him that farmer McGregor reports the theft of 2033 pigs...

The constable starts writing the report, but decides to double-check the exact amount of the pigs. He calls McGregor and asks: "Mr McGregor, are you absolutely sure that there were 2033 pigs stolen?"


"Oh, yeth, conthtable, abtholutely!" McGregor answers.


The constable thanks him and continues to write the report: "Victim McGregor lost 2 sows and 33 pigs".

The Construction Joke

Sorry still working on it

Why are conservatives known as rednecks?

They don't use sunscreen because the bottle says to apply liberally.

The average paid athlete weighs more than the average felon

As you can see, the pros outweigh the cons.

I'd tell you my construction joke...

But I'm still working on it

After much consideration, I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I don't think I'm strong enough

So today I put in my too-weak notice

I started a literacy program for inmates.

There's been some prose and cons.

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?

edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cons khans jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cons lib piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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