Connection Jokes

Following is our collection of unprecedented puns and icloud one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Connection jokes for adults, dirty communication jokes and clean scamming dad gags for kids.

The Best Connection Puns

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Customer,

Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.

-Sincerely, your ISP.

Met a girl in the park...

Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet.



These taser guns are well worth the money.

An American, Frenchman, Israeli, Spaniard, and a German are on a video call. Their boss logs in and starts the meeting by askng "How's my connection, can everybody see me alright?" They answer:

"yes", "oui", "ken", "si", "ja"

Most Confusing Password

I was in a couple's home trying to fix their Internet connection. 
The husband called out to his wife 
in the other room for the computer password. Start with a capital S, then 123, she shouted back.

We tried S123 several times, but 
it didn't work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, I really don't know what's so difficult about typing Start123.

On the plane

A businessman travels on the plane, first class. He tries to start a conversation with beautiful stewardess:

-What's your name?

-Angela Benz, sir.

-That is a beautiful name! Is there any connection with Mercedes Benz?

-Yes, sir. A very close one.

-How close?

-Same price.


Hi, I would like to hear a TCP joke.

Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?

Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke.

OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke.

OK, I'll hear a TCP joke.

Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?

Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke.

OK, I'm about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline.

OK, I'm ready to hear the TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have a setting and will end with a punchline.

I'm sorry, your connection has timed out... ...Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?

My friend told me that for minimal lag i should use an analogue connection instead of Bluetooth for my speaker system....

Sound advice.

A ship is sinking in the middle of Atlantic...

A ship is going down in the middle of Atlantic. There's no hope, the captain is desperate, and suddenly someone tells him that among the passengers, there's a rabbi who can perform miracles.

The rabbi is immediately brought to the captain, and he implores him:

-- Rabbi, what can be done?!

-- Do you still have the internet connection?

-- Yes!

-- Sell the ship!

I've always had a deep connection with mirrors

I see a lot of myself in them

What sort of Internet connection can you get in a barn?

Stable WiFi.

I'm in a serious relationship with my WIFI

You could say we have a strong connection.


A robot tried to start a conversation with an attractive waitress

But he wasn't so successful in doing so. The error message read:


`Error: failed to establish connection with server. `

What do you call a Chinese man with a bad internet connection?

Hi Ping

What do you call a modem in a safe?

A secure connection.

My friend said he found a website that represents my sex life.

I tried to look for it and an error came up saying, "404-Not found".

Strange, I must have a bad connection.

Why do churches ban Wifi Networks?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible connection that actually works.

Today while FaceTiming , my crush stared at me for an hour so I stared back at him .

Turns out his internet connection was very slow and asked me if I had the same problem too .

Why didn't the fisherman care about his wireless internet connection?

Because either-net works when he's catfishing.

Every date I've ever had has been like my WiFi signal.

No Connection.


My grandma and I were face timing with a bad connection

So she says, "hold on, let me open the door to let some WiFi's in."


True stories can be jokes too..

Hey girl is there wifi here?

Cuz i feel a connection

What's the connection between the Star Trek Enterprise and toilet paper?

They both travel around Uranus looking for Klingons.

I think my cat is using me for my money

I mean the sex is great, but I just don't feel an emotional connection.

What's in a name?

Boy asks a girl: Is your name WiFi?
Girl: No, why?
Boy: Because I am feeling a connection.

My internet connection on my farm was be terrible until I moved the router in the horse barn.

Now I have stable WiFi.

My internet connection and my diet are missing one thing in common...

Fiber

The tightrope walker fell off the rope when his phone lost the internet connection.

He couldn't get back online.

*sorry*

So on the morning of 9/11 then Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf rang up Bush

Musharraf - "Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to assure that we had nothing in connection with that..

Bush - "What buildings? What people?"

Musharraf - "Oh, what time is it in America now?"

Bush - "It's eight in the morning."

Musharraf - "Oops... Will call back in an hour."

Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

I had to fire my receptionist today.

There was just no connection.

I have an unpredictable connection with my tap.

It's a hot and cold relationship.

My internet connection is just like my Ex-Girlfriend

Unstable

I don't think the relationship with my phone is working out

We have no connection outside the house

What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?

A wyrmhole.

Why did the unicorn cross the road?

To make the rainbow connection!

Why was the mushroom invited to the party?

He had a connection to a guy who could get cheap beer when buying in bulk, and he had connections to a family member of the host.

Oh and he was a fungi.

Why you cannot think of landing a job or business without internet?

No connection

My ex-girlfriends all did me dirty like the first 25% of a Netflix loading screen.

I was repeatedly tricked into thinking there was a connection

My internet connection.

United inflight movie suggestions?

So far I've got:

The Chinese Connection
Necessary Roughness

The common connection between Hillary Clinton and Acid

Trying to fall asleep on acid is like Hillary's presidential career. No matter how much you force it, its never going to happen.

What do you call a man without a network connection?

Nolan

Dr Eggman plays Counterstrike, and checks his connection...

"Low ping as usual, I see."

Which Hollywood director always gets problems with his internet connection?

Christopher NoLAN

After the initial energy surrounding lithium's arrest...

Charges were dropped, due to lack of connection.

The first time I had sex I cried

I don't know whether it was the physical contact, emotional connection, or pepper spray but any way I teared up.

I blame the telephone company for my absent father.

Me and him never had a good connection.

What's the difference between my ex girlfriend and Ebola?

Ebola needs a connection to spread.

I just downloaded the entire Deadwood series off a satellite DSL connection.

...I'm officially a space pirate.

What are the symptoms of a compulsive lisr?

I would check but I don't have internet connection...

I asked my friend if he had a connection with his newborn son yet. He said no.

The WiFi on babies is terrible.

The Interview

Interviewer : we need people with lots of patience.
Applicant : Sir, I use internet explorer, with a 2g connection.

There is an abundance of void jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 52 funniest jokes and connection puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any signal witze you can hear about connection.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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