Connect Jokes

Following is our collection of disconnect puns and asterisk one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Connect jokes for adults, dirty update jokes and clean icloud dad gags for kids.

The Best Connect Puns

What's the best dating service in India?

Connect the dots.

(I'll see my self out.)

I never knew how technologically advanced Moses was...

But today I learned he had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

What connects The Sixth Sense and Titanic?

Icy dead people.

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

My IT friend tried to flirt with a waitress and failed miserably

I guess it wasn't the first time he couldn't connect to the server


I'm going to start a metal band that writes songs about how important it is to connect with people in your professional network...

...and call it LinkedIn Park.

I'll show myself out now.

Teddy Bears

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

Technically it was Moses.....

that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

What do you call an Indian dating service?

Connect the dots.

What's India's most popular dating service?

Connect the Dots.

Yesterday I wanted to connect a couple of watches together to build a belt to hold my pants

But I figured it would be a waist of time.


Today I found out that the electrician didn't connect the protective grounding system at my home.

I was shocked.

What game should you play if you're bored in a bus full of indians?

Connect the dots.

People dating are like Bluetooth devices

They're supposed to pair up and connect but it hardly ever works

Moses was centuries ahead of his time

He was the first to realise you need a tablet to connect to the cloud.

Donald Trump's advisers worry he could lose support from his base, so they suggested he change his hairstyle to better connect with white, rural voters...

...he's going to mullet over.

What do you call a phone that can't connect to Bluetooth on a kia?

A Nokia

Connected my iPod, named "The Titanic" to my computer.

"The Titanic is synching..."

What game do you play in a room full of Indians?

Connect the dots.


How many Edward Snowden's does it take to know what is going on in a Clinton administration?

**The server you are attempting to connect to has been unintentionally disabled, wiped, and burned. But not in a gross negligent manner. **

They say if you've seen one connected group of stores

You've seen a mall

I was having issues getting my phone audio to connect to my car stereo

So I changed the name of my device to "Titanic".

Now its syncing.

Why can't you connect 2 speakers at the same time to an apple device?

They work in pears.

How do Australians connect to the internet?

They use the LAN down under.

What's the connection between the Star Trek Enterprise and toilet paper?

They both travel around Uranus looking for Klingons.

How do trees connect to the Internet?

They log on.

[Racist Humor] What do you do in a crowd of Hindus?

Connect the Dots

I named my WIFI after my Ex Girlfriend.

I never really connect with it, it's very slow and also because I caught my neighbour using it.

looking for investors for my new specialty dating site

So I'm planning on taking advantage of the huge influx of specialty dating sites like farmers only or Christian mingle, etc... I'm starting a site exclusively for Indians. It's gonna be called, "Connect the dots."
(So who's in with me???)

I went to a sermon because they said they had free wifi.

But they didn't, I couldn't connect to the promised LAN.

Wife: I'm going to the store, do you want anything?

Husband: Babe, you know, I've been craving sense of meaning and purpose in life. I can really use some fulfillment and completeness to my soul. I want to connect to god and discover the spiritual side of me.

Wife: Can you be more specific? Black Label or Chivas?

Those cheap Beats headphones might be fakes! Here's how to tell.

Connect headphones to a decent audio source. Play any music. Listen closely to the music.

1. Note the nuances of the bass. Is it clean and well-defined?
2. Are the high frequencies nice and crisp?
3. Pay attention to the mid-range frequencies - are they balanced with the high and low frequencies?

If you answered YES to any of the above steps - sorry, you were ripped off!

I do not follow any order!

\+ Your cellphone battery is at 5%. Connect your charger.

\- Ok.

Why is a giraffe's neck so long?

To connect its head and body together.

After numerous occasions of my phone taking ages to connect to iCloud, i decided to change its name to Titanic...

it syncs way better now!

Recent mobile phone technology has linked up with micro chip brain implant technology so that when your phone rings it can immediately connect without making a ringing sound.

It just won the Nobel peace prize.

My wi-fe and my wi-fi

They're both 1 meg, very useful in the kitchen and never want to connect in the bedroom

Connecting to a wifi named 'Martin Router King' ...

... and suddenly I have a stream.

In Connecticut it is illegal...

To hang a man with a wooden leg. You have to use a rope just like everywhere else

You hear about the love struck super magnets?

Whenever they met face to face, they just couldn't seem to connect, however the moment one turned to walk away, they were nearly inseparable.

What do you call it when a Catholic can't connect to the internet?

A Roamin' Catholic.

What does a snowboard and a vacuum cleaner have in common?

You connect the dirtbag at 2 points.

(Told to me by a skier.)

Everyone knows the suicide hotlines in the Middle East

connect directly to terrorist recruiters.

How do you connect a bird to bluetooth?

You parrot.

Made a lot of friends on Valentines Day!

All of them girls! Strangely the phone numbers don't exist or connect to comcast.

New friends are fun!

I heard they made a movie about the Connect Four game.

I think it was called the human centipede.

Connecting to the Internet. (WARNING:Old, Outdated)

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?

Tech sup: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?

Customer: Yeah....

Tech sup: And what sort of computer are you using?

Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....

There is an abundance of settings jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 47 funniest jokes and connect puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any notification witze you can hear about connect.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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