The Best 28 Congressman Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Congressman jokes. There are some congressman republican jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these congressman congress puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Congressman Jokes and Puns

During this difficult morning for Congressman O'Rourke and everyone involved with his campaign, I wanted to give some words of encouragement

Beto luck next time

Penalty for Lying


Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman is up to 20 years in jail,

...but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is two more years in office.

A mugger

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

Congressman joke, A mugger

Smith & Wesson Joke

A customer came in to where I work told me this one. Thought I'd share:

Have you heard Smith & Wesson is making a pair of revolvers to commemorate the government shutdown? They will be called The Congressman and The Senator respectively. They don't actually do anything and you can't fire them.

A woman hears a knock a her door...

She answers and a man is standing on her front porch.

"Hello" he says, "I'm your new neighbor. I'm obligated to inform you that I am a registered sex offender."

"This is totally unacceptable," she proclaims, "I'm calling my congressman!" And she slams the door.

A few seconds later there is another knock at the door. She opens the door and the same man is standing there.

"Hello, I'm your congressman."


Mugger walks up behind a man in a suit and puts a gun to his back...

The mugger says, "Give me all your money."

The man in the suit says, "You can't do this to me! I'm a United States Congressman!"

The mugger replies, "Then give me all *my* money!"

A congressional aide asks an Alabama congressman how he wants to proceed with the abortion bill

the congressman responds ,"Shhh... I said I would pay it!"

Congressman joke, A congressional aide asks an Alabama congressman how he wants to proceed with the abortion bill

So I decided to become a congressman.

I give a call to the Senate.
: you guys need any congressmen?
: Are you retarted?
: No, but I'm willing to learn.

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of...

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs

"give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this, I am a United States congressman!"

In that case," replied the mugger,


"give me my money."

I shook hands with my Congressman yesterday...

I didn't mean to, I was just reaching for my wallet.

Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and put a gun to his head. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this — I'm a US Congressman!"

"Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!"

You can explore congressman nomination reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean congressman trump dad jokes. There are also congressman puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Thief and a congressman

A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, Give me your money. The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman! The thief said, In that case, give me my money!

Mugged in D.C

A mugger stops a well-dressed man with a gun to his ribs and says "Give me your money"

The man replies back "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!"

"Oh! In that case," says the robber, "Give me MY money!"

A congressman was walking down the street

A congressman was walking down the street when suddenly a thief jumps in front of him. The thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, Give me your money. The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman! The thief said, In that case, give me my money!

So I heard the remaining Democrat congressman are organizing a soccer league.

They will still feel like they are trying to be like the Europeans. Plus no hands means the interns will feel safe.

What do call a bad lawyer?

Congressman

Congressman joke, What do call a bad lawyer?

Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!

Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!

How long does a Congressman serve?

Depends on his sentence.

"Don't dwell on the past,don't dream about the future", is one of the most beautiful thoughts, was it Buddha?

Naw, it's just Congressman Roy Moore's Republican campaign slogan.


I sure hope Roy Moore wins today

Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.

Ruger has a new gun coming out.

The Congressman. It doesn't work & you can't fire it.

So I proposed a new bill to my congressman that would deport 1,000,000 Mexicans and 1 chicken

When he asked about the chicken I said "See no one cares about the Mexicans"

A robber held a man in a suit at gunpoint

"Give me your money," demands the robber
The affluent man replies, "You can't do this! I'm a US Congressman!"
The robber shouts, "In that case, give me **MY** money!"

Either way half of the members are stupid. The speaker doesn't see it.

At congress

**congressman**: Mr speaker, half of the people in this house are supporting corruption and are stupid.

**speaker**: Honorable member, please withdraw that statement.

**congressman**: I withdraw that statement. Half of members in this house are not stupid.

**speaker: T**hank you. Let's continue. ...

How is a congressman and a dog similar?

When you ask them to speak they will, but it doesn't mean anything.

A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: Give me your money. The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!

The thief replies: Oh, sorry. Give me MY money.

The mugger

One night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"Give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this- I'm a US Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"

A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, Give me your money. The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said: You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman!

The thief said, In that case, give me my money!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the congressman libertarian jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working congressman congressmen piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes