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Congressman Jokes

31 congressman jokes and hilarious congressman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about congressman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Congressman Jokes

Short congressman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The congressman humour may include short member congress jokes also.

  1. Wheel chair bound congressman Madison Cawthorn lost his primary tonight. Now it's not just his doctors telling him that he can no longer run.
  2. I shook hands with my Congressman yesterday... I didn't mean to, I was just reaching for my wallet.
  3. I sure hope Roy Moore wins today Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.
  4. What's the difference between Kevin McCarthy and Amazon Alexa? One's a speaker that runs the house and the other is a congressman…
  5. How is a congressman and a dog similar? When you ask them to speak they will, but it doesn't mean anything.
  6. So I proposed a new bill to my congressman that would deport 1,000,000 Mexicans and 1 chicken When he asked about the chicken I said "See no one cares about the Mexicans"
  7. A congressional aide asks an Alabama congressman how he wants to proceed with the abortion bill the congressman responds ,"Shhh... I said I would pay it!"
  8. During this difficult morning for Congressman O'Rourke and everyone involved with his campaign, I wanted to give some words of encouragement Beto luck next time
  9. "Don't dwell on the past,don't dream about the future", is one of the most beautiful thoughts, was it Buddha? Naw, it's just Congressman Roy Moore's Republican campaign slogan.
  10. So I heard the remaining Democrat congressman are organizing a soccer league. They will still feel like they are trying to be like the Europeans. Plus no hands means the interns will feel safe.

Quick Jump To


Congressman joke, So I heard the remaining Democrat congressman are organizing a soccer league.


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about congressman can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of congressman puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Congressman One Liners

Which congressman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with congressman? I can suggest the ones about congressional and politician.

  1. How long does a Congressman serve? Depends on his sentence.
  2. Ruger has a new gun coming out. The Congressman. It doesn't work & you can't fire it.
  3. You can't spell 'congressman' without 'con man'
  4. What's a Republican Congressman's favorite movie? Kill Bill
  5. What do call a bad lawyer? Congressman
  6. What's a homophobic congressman's favorite place to swim? In da Nile

Congressman joke, What's a homophobic congressman's favorite place to swim?

Giggle-Inducing Congressman Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about congressman you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean senator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make congressman prank.

A mugger

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

A thief stuck a p**... in a man's ribs and said, Give me your money. The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said: You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman!

The thief said, In that case, give me my money!

Smith & Wesson Joke

A customer came in to where I work told me this one. Thought I'd share:
Have you heard Smith & Wesson is making a pair of revolvers to commemorate the government shutdown? They will be called The Congressman and The Senator respectively. They don't actually do anything and you can't fire them.

Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!

Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!

A woman hears a knock a her door...

She answers and a man is standing on her front porch.
"Hello" he says, "I'm your new neighbor. I'm obligated to inform you that I am a registered s**... offender."
"This is totally unacceptable," she proclaims, "I'm calling my congressman!" And she slams the door.
A few seconds later there is another knock at the door. She opens the door and the same man is standing there.
"Hello, I'm your congressman."

Mugged in D.C

A mugger stops a well-dressed man with a gun to his ribs and says "Give me your money"
The man replies back "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!"
"Oh! In that case," says the robber, "Give me MY money!"

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of...

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs
"give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this, I am a United States congressman!"
In that case," replied the mugger,


"give me my money."

Thief and a congressman

A thief stuck a p**... in a man's ribs and said, Give me your money. The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman! The thief said, In that case, give me my money!

Penalty for Lying


Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman is up to 20 years in jail,
...but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is two more years in office.

The mugger

One night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this- I'm a US Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"

Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and put a gun to his head. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this — I'm a US Congressman!"

"Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!"

A local congressman was sitting in his office when the phone rang.

He picked it up, said little, smiled widely, said "Thank you," and hung up the phone.
He picked the phone back up to call his mother. "Mom, it's me,"he said. "I won the election!"
"Honestly?" she said in response to the news.
"Does it really matter how I did it?" he replied.

A congressman was walking down the street

A congressman was walking down the street when suddenly a thief jumps in front of him. The thief stuck a p**... in a man's ribs and said, Give me your money. The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman! The thief said, In that case, give me my money!

A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: Give me your money. The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!

The thief replies: Oh, sorry. Give me MY money.

Mugger walks up behind a man in a suit and puts a gun to his back...

The mugger says, "Give me all your money."
The man in the suit says, "You can't do this to me! I'm a United States Congressman!"
The mugger replies, "Then give me all *my* money!"

Either way half of the members are s**.... The speaker doesn't see it.

At congress
**congressman**: Mr speaker, half of the people in this house are supporting corruption and are s**....
**speaker**: Honorable member, please withdraw that statement.
**congressman**: I withdraw that statement. Half of members in this house are not s**....
**speaker: T**hank you. Let's continue. ...

Congressman joke, Either way half of the members are s**.... The speaker doesn't see it.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these congressman jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.