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Congress Jokes

109 congress jokes and hilarious congress puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about congress that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you ready to laugh out loud? This article shares some of the best Congress jokes to help you crack up. From Congress Chamcha to Congress Pappu, jokes about the Congress Party and Congressmen/Senators will leave you feeling overwhelmingly joyous. Read on to get started!

Best Short Congress Jokes

Short congress jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The congress humour may include short parliament jokes also.

  1. Why will the congress never impeach Trump? Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
  2. What should we do with people who rely on government handouts, but refuse to work? Kick them out of Congress
  3. Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate... They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.
  4. If we want Congress to agree we should just replace the people with horses Sure the neighs would carry every vote. But hay, at least the housing market would be stable.
    I'll show myself out
  5. What do American police have in common with American Congress? They only serve and protect corporate interests.
  6. Republicans in Congress have proposed a bill to ban the sale of shredded cheese in supermarkets across the country They want to Make America Grate Again.
  7. People say congress is in a stalemate, but that isn't true In order for a stalemate you need black pieces
  8. I learned the other day that a group of baboons is called a Congress I found it extremely insulting to the hard work and productivity of baboons.
  9. Instead of Traveling to Oz, the Tin Man, the Lion, and The scarecrow should run for Congress As they lack a heart, mind, and courage
  10. Ever wondered why there's no Congressional Basketball game? Because Congress can't pass anything.

Quick Jump To


Congress joke, Ever wondered why there's no Congressional Basketball game?


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about congress can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of congress puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Congress One Liners

Which congress one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with congress? I can suggest the ones about senate and capitol.

  1. If the opposite of pro is con... Then that means the opposite of congress is progress.
  2. Roses are red Congress is red
    The Senate is red
    The White House is red
    welp
  3. What do you call a 300 year old joke? Congress
    PS: One day till cake day :D 11m 30d
  4. I wish our Congress was made up of vending machines So they would accept change
  5. If con is the opposite of pro then isn't congress the opposite of progress?
  6. What do you call a debate club that only meets once a year? The United States Congress.
  7. I love the US Congress. It's the best Congress that money can buy.
  8. Some protestors are breaking into congress I hear it is a capitol offense
  9. If pro and con are opposites Then the opposite of progress is Congress.
  10. Six U.S congress men die and go to heaven.
  11. If Con is the Opposite of Pro... Does that make Congress the opposite of Progress?
  12. What does Congress do when they lose a game of CSGO? They blame the Russians.
  13. Congress passes bill.
  14. The opposite of a pro is a con. The opposite of progress is Congress.
  15. Why can't Horses work in Congress? Because they only ever vote, NEEEEIIIIGGGGHHH

Member Congress Jokes

Here is a list of funny member congress jokes and even better member congress puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Suppose you are an idiot and suppose you are a Member of Congress ? But... I repeat myself
  • What is the difference between a prison guard and a member of Congress One interacts with felons, half of which are probably innocent of crimes, and the other works on Capitol Hill.
  • A train carrying 12 members of congress derailed and hit a truck today It was too crooked
  • Where do the members of congress go to workout? The house of reps
  • One of my three brothers is an influential member of the congress. Guess you can call him my 'significant brother'.
  • What's a super hero Trumpcare members of Congress currently love? Deadpool.
  • Members of Congress are like farts. We hate all of them except our own.
  • Amazon's f**... recognition matched 28 members of Congress to criminal mugshots Now they just have to fine tune it a bit to pick up the other five hundred and seven.
  • A man calls up Paul Ryan and asks to be a member of Congress. Paul Ryan: Are you r**...?
    Man: You have to be r**... to be in Congress?

Library Congress Jokes

Here is a list of funny library congress jokes and even better library congress puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do congress and an old library book have in common? Bent over pages
  • Chuck Norris one checked the Library of Congress for typos during his lunch hour.
  • Chuck Norris can check out books from the Library of Congress.

Congress Party Jokes

Here is a list of funny congress party jokes and even better congress party puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Congress takes a lot of days off this time of year.. But it makes sense; I have 3 days off this week because I'm having a crazy party, Congress needs 6 days off because they have 2!
Congress joke, Congress takes a lot of days off this time of year..

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Congress Jokes

What funny jokes about congress you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean council jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make congress prank.

There is a one difference between death and taxes...

...at least death doesn't get worse every time congress meets.

Medical School Entrance Exam...

When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.

One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."


Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.

My Favorite Stalin Joke

Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes. "Who sneezed?" Silence. "First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot, and he asks again, "Who sneezed, Comrades?" No answer. "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot too. "Well, who sneezed?" At last a sobbing cry resounds in the Congress Hall, "It was me! Me!" Stalin says,
"Bless you, Comrade!"

Entrance Exam

A recent entrance exam for Medical School included several questions that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."
Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors.
The rest ended up in Congress.

What color are your p**..., babe?

Boy: What color are your p**..., babe?
Girl: Why do you keep asking me s**... questions, don't you ever think about anything else?
Boy: Ok, do you think the republicans should support the congress with their decision to raise the debt ceiling ?
Girl:You know i am wearing your favourite purple lace p**.....You want a pic?

A priest and a rabbi walk into congress

Te priest turns to his friend and says "is this some kind of joke?"

Other jokes like, "If pro is the opposite of con, does that mean that congress is the opposite of progress?"

Just looking for some jokes similar to this one, playing on opposites and such.

Interruption of the speech of Comrade Stalin

Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes.
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.)
"First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Applause.)
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Long, loud applause.)
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.) ...
A dejected voice in the back: "It was me" (Sobs.)
Stalin leans forward: "Bless you, comrade!"
Thanks to allrussias for glorious joke!

There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy...

Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846.
JFK was elected into Congress in 1946.

Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
JFK was elected President in 1960.

Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy.
Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.

A week before he died, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before he died, Kennedy was in Marilyn Monroe.

---
Credit goes to the play: The Complete History of America: Abridged

Many ravens are called a congress...

Owls are a parliament, eagles are a convocation and crows are a m**....
Does this mean that a group of vultures are a corporation?

In order to promote progress I think the next session of congress should be sent to the moon.

I just feel that they would make a greater impact.

When you add the same thing to both sides of an equation, it remains true.

Therefore, since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', then 'progress' is the opposite of 'Congress'.

Useless People

One useless person is useless.
Two useless people are a law firm.
Hundreds of useless people are Congress.

Innuendo

My girlfriend couldn't go to the annual innuendo congress, so I had to fill her slot.

What bill is the Congress's favorite?

Of course the $ bill!

ISIS takes Congress hostage

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."
"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state.

D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state. If congress passes it we only need 2 more states to get to 53 which is a prime number. Then we will truly be one nation, indivisible.

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal m**... should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

Did you know Trump nominated a deaf guy to the Presidential cabinet?

Congress confirmed him without a hearing.

I found a place where 98% of the material is recycled.

Congress.

Did you guys hear? Congress disbanded the CIA

Because they realized that the American people don't want intelligence to be a part of government

Snoop Dogg should have given the official response to Trump's Presidential Address to Congress...

He has probably participated in more Joint Sessions than just about anyone.

I can't wait for an AI to reach 10% of the capabilities of the average human.

Then we can replace all of Congress with a single AI.

Yesterday, both houses of Congress met to debate legalizing m**....

It was a joint session.

If pro is the opposite of con....

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
Congress.
Joe Swanson - Family Guy

So we all know con is the opposite of pro, right? Well, if pro and con are opposites, then what's the opposite of progress?

Congress.

A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.

The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."

If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical m**... for arthritis treatment...

there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.

Congress is shutting the government down

But have they tried turning it back on?

I hate when a generation refuses to work and still expect to receive government checks

Those baby boomers in Congress sure are entitled snowflakes
I know the shutdown is done, but I think this joke is funny and I made it up myself.

Whats the dofference between congress and a vending machine

One accepts change but doesn't give dollars, one accepts dollars but doesn't give change

Why will Congress never impeach Trump?

Republicans insist on carrying a baby to full term, even if it was a drastic accident.

*Zuckerberg sits in front of congress*

"Mr Zuckerberg, we have several very serious questions and we demand answers"
"I have printed out all of your Internet histories"
"This meeting is over...

So if a place to view birds is an Aviary, and a place to view fish is a aquarium, where do you view pigs?

Congress

If I had a dollar for every corrupt politician...

I could probably buy one of them out in Congress.

Congress announced today they would be removing all crime lab budgets from the state of Alabama

Because crimes can't be solved there since everyone has the same DNA and there are no dental records.

A robber corners a well-dressed man in an alleyway...

Take out your wallet and give me all your money! The robber says, holding a gun to the man's chest.
You can't do this! says the well-dressed man. I'm a senator in the U.S. Congress!
The robber doesn't lower his gun and replies:
Well in that case, take out your wallet and give me all MY money!

If cons are opposite of pros... that means congress is the opposite of progress, and...

Constitution is the opposite of prostitution?

Either way half of the members are s**.... The speaker doesn't see it.

At congress
**congressman**: Mr speaker, half of the people in this house are supporting corruption and are s**....
**speaker**: Honorable member, please withdraw that statement.
**congressman**: I withdraw that statement. Half of members in this house are not s**....
**speaker: T**hank you. Let's continue. ...

What do you call a Soviet congress?

c**... con

What's the difference between Kindergarteners and Congress?

Kindergarteners grow up.

We can all agree the opposite of pro is con, right?

In that case, the opposite of progress is...
Congress

Daddy, can we go see the clowns again?

For the last time, Billy, we are not visiting congress again.

Allegedly John Adams

In my many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress

So we hated congress a few days ago for not giving us $2000 but today we love then after the riot yesterday...

...so abusive relationships do work

TIL you need an Act of Congress to move some pieces of furniture in the White House.

Approving new Cabinet positions is such a drag.

Long term pain

During a congress about health care, the speaker asks:
"which food causes extreme suffering, even after years of being eaten?"
After a long silence an elderly raises his hand and replies "A WEDDING CAKE"

Library of Congress bomber…

Yesterday's attempted bomber said there are 4 more bombs planted in DC. After botching b**... Congress by showing up at the Library of Congress, the FBI has ordered the immediate evacuation of :
-the Richmond Mall's Supreme Food Court
-The Hexagon Building on Connecticut Ave
-International House of Pancakes
-literally anyone with a white house.

My brother told me this one...

If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then the opposite of PROgress is CONgress.

I went to a Halloween party

I decided to dress as a clown. On my way to the party, a man in a suit stopped me. He said he was glad he finally found me. I had to explain that he must have me confused for somebody else, but he told me I was dressed like him. I explained that I was just wearing a costume, but he laughed it off as a joke. He then drags me into his car, and now I'm suddenly a member of Congress.

President Biden has called for full legalization of m**...

Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session.

Starbucks created a new specialty drink to honor all the candidates running for Congress.

It's called the Fullacrappacino

Who has the worst heart health in Congress?

George Santos. Every time he opens his mouth they have to defib him.

Congress joke, I love the US Congress.

jokes about congress

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these congress jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.