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Congratulate Jokes

41 congratulate jokes and hilarious congratulate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about congratulate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Congratulate Short Jokes

Short congratulate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The congratulate humour may include short congratulations jokes also.

  1. Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate! The Voyager probe, flying away from earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.
  2. As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season... I would LOVE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.
  3. Congratulations to me! I just made my last mortgage payment! I still owe like $262,000, but I'm just not going pay them any more.
  4. If you don't know the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist... congratulations, you're doing great!
  5. Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.
  6. Trump Advisor: "You should't have called Putin to congratulate him on winning a sham election...." Trump: "Why not? He called to congratulate me!"
  7. An Italian woman is pregnant. You congratulate her. She says "Grazie". What do you say to her after that? Prego.
  8. Job interview Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap in your resume?
    Candidate: I was in Yale.
    Interviewer: Congratulations! You are hired.
    Candidate: Thank you. I really need this Yob.
  9. Congratulations to Ukraine to winning the Eurovision Song Contest. Can't wait for Russia to host it next year.
  10. Trump called Putin to congratulate him on winning the election. Putin said, 'Thanks, but why have you waited for over a year?

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Congratulate One Liners

Which congratulate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with congratulate? I can suggest the ones about congrats and celebrate.

  1. Congratulations West Ham The only club named after two things that ISIS hate.
  2. Demi Lovato announced they are non-binary today Congratulations Themi Lovato!
  3. I'd like to congratulate Whitney Houston... ...on being 24 hours sober!
  4. Congratulations 2020 graduating class Reigning senior skip day champions!
  5. Congratulations to Amy Winehouse For being sober one year.
  6. I would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse on almost 4 years of sobriety.
  7. Congratulations to Amy Winehouse... ...on six months of sobriety.
  8. Congratulations. You're 18. On a list of 20 people that I want to kill.
  9. Do you want to join the "P" club? Congratulations, ur-ine!
  10. The average person loses their virginity at 17. Congratulations you are above average.
  11. How do you congratulate a Jewish bodybuilder? Muscle Tov!
  12. Congratulations, you made it through 6 month of 2020! 3 more to go!
  13. How do you congratulate a slice of bread on his wedding day? Toast him
  14. Congratulations USA We have officially gone black and gone back.
  15. My friend is buying a pregnancy test kit for his girlfriend Congratulations either way

Congratulate joke, My friend is buying a pregnancy test kit for his girlfriend

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about congratulate can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of congratulate puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical & Quirky Congratulate Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about congratulate you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean greet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make congratulate prank.

My friend said, "Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?" I replied, "The same way the v**... Mary got Jesus." He laughed, "A miracle?!"


I said, "No. s**... that I can't tell anyone about."

Satan arrives to welcome a new d**... soul to h**....

"Congratulations!", he says, "You wasted your entire pitiful life!"
"Well," the man replies, "at least I'm not a adult living in my father's basement."

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they'll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

Russian prime minister Medvedev comes to Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor stuff. Remember when that Polish plane crashed with their president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!!"

Success is like being pregnant

Everyone congratulates you, but no one asks you how many times you got f**ked to get there.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an ethiopian all sit in the hospital lobby as their wives are giving birth.

After a while the doctor comes out, invites them into the nursery where 3 babies lie in cribs and says: "Congratulation! You all just became fathers! But there is one problem. Due to a nurse's error the babies got mixed up and we don't really know which one who's."
The Englishman suddenly grabs the darkest baby and sprints towards the door.
The doctor shouts: "Sir! What are you doing!!!?"
The Englishman as he's getting farther: "I'm not raising no b**... Frenchman!"

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?
Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.
Interviewer: and what about the rest?
Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

A woman awakens from a coma, no longer pregnant.

"Congratulations! You delivered a boy and a girl!" The nurse said.
"That's great! Who named them?" She asked.
"Your husband did. He named the boy Jason."
"I like that. What about the girl?"
"Jadaughter."

My girlfriend is mad because I keep getting free drinks around town by saying I'm engaged

She said "Why is it that every time you say your engaged people congratulate you and buy you a drink, but when I say it they charge me double?"
I told her that when she says it they expect to see a ring but when I say it they expect to see an empty wallet

Denise and WHAT?!

A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth. When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news.
"Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children."
"What did he name them?" she worriedly asked, "he isn't very bright!"
"Your daughter is Denise," replied the doctor.
Slightly relieved she says, "That's not so bad! And the boy?"
"Danephew."

Found this one in my 2014 meme stash

A police officer pulled over a car on a deserted highway and told the driver, "Congratulations! You're the first person here today who was wearing a seat belt and now you're entitled to a prize of 1000$. What are you gonna do with your money?"
"Well", replied the man, "I think I'm gonna get a driver's license."
"Oh, Ignore him.", his wife said, "He always speaks nonsense when he's drunk."
"I KNEW IT!", his father bellowed from the backseat, "I KNEW WE WON'T GET FAR IN A STOLEN CAR."
Then came the voice from the trunk, "Are we over the border yet?"

An excited kid rushes home to tell his dad the good news.

He tells his dad he got a part in the school play. The dad congratulates the son and asks what part he got. Son says I'm playing the part of a man who's been married to the same woman for 25 years. Dad says nice son, just keep at it, maybe next time you'll get a speaking part.

Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

"Why"? Putin asks
" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, - I woke you up at 4AM in the morning, but I thought it was only evening, - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday, - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor, remember when that Polish plane crashed with the president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet !!"

Be careful what you wish for

One for cake day:
Tom finds an old, tarnished lamp. He gets excited, and polishes it vigorously.
A genie appears and say "Congratulations, you get three wishes! What is your first wish?"
Tom says, "I want to be Rich!".
The genie says, "No problem, done. What is your next wish, Rich?"

Congratulate joke, Be careful what you wish for

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these congratulate jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.