Congratulate Jokes

Following is our collection of candidates puns and victory one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Congratulate jokes for adults, dirty year jokes and clean brexit dad gags for kids.

The Best Congratulate Puns

My girlfriend is mad because I keep getting free drinks around town by saying I'm engaged

She said "Why is it that every time you say your engaged people congratulate you and buy you a drink, but when I say it they charge me double?"

I told her that when she says it they expect to see a ring but when I say it they expect to see an empty wallet

Trump Advisor: "You should't have called Putin to congratulate him on winning a sham election...."

Trump: "Why not? He called to congratulate me!"

Trump called Putin to congratulate him on winning the election.

Putin said, 'Thanks, but why have you waited for over a year?

I'd like to congratulate Whitney Houston...

...on being 24 hours sober!

I would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse

on almost 4 years of sobriety.


How do you congratulate a Jewish bodybuilder?

Muscle Tov!

How do you congratulate a slice of bread on his wedding day?

Toast him

I'd like to be the first

to congratulate Amy Winehouse on her 4 years of sobriety.

My brother proposed to his girlfriend while on holiday. I called to congratulate them...

...but they were engaged.

People always congratulate me when i tell them i beat cancer...

I mean just because I named my kid cancer doesn't mean I need to be congratulated...

I'd like to congratulate the inventor of the wobbly table

He must be successful with them being in every restaurant and cafe


How do you congratulate a fighter after winning a match?

Good jab.

Do You Know A Good Place to Get Scrod?

A traveller who is a huge fan of seafood arrives in Boston for the first time. He leaves the airport and hails a cab. After he gets in, he excitedly says to the cabbie, "Hey, I'm new in town. Can you tell me a good place to go to get scrod?" The cabbie replies [in a thick Boston accent], "Pal, I've got to congratulate you. I've heard that question a lot over the years, but that's the first time I've ever heard it in the pluperfect subjunctive."

How do Intel workers celebrate and congratulate each other?

They give each other i5's.

I've managed to spend 50 days without drugs and alcohol!!

No need to congratulate me, because it's not 50 days in a row.

New life

- Well, I can congratulate you! A new life has arisen in you !!!
- Doctor ... but I'm a man!
- Yes? Well, actually, the worms somehow do not care.

I've just spent 30 days sober!!!

No need to congratulate me, since it's not in a row.

I, for one, would like to congratulate Teresa May on her handling of Brexit. She took on a job we all said no sane human could pull off, and showed us that no insane human could pull it off either.

There is an abundance of cuckoo jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 18 funniest jokes and congratulate puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any madoff witze you can hear about congratulate.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes