Congrats Jokes
53 congrats jokes and hilarious congrats puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about congrats that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Congrats Short Jokes
Short congrats jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The congrats humour may include short congratulations jokes also.
- Thanos goes to his urologist. The urologist says, "Congrats Thanos, you now also have the kidney stone"
- "Dad, I lost my virginity today!" Dad: "Congrats son! Come, sit down and have a beer!"
Son: "I would sure love a beer, but I dont think I can sit down just yet." - My girlfriend broke the news that she's pregnant I responded, "Congrats, now you have something to remember me by."
- We hoped for a good clean World Cup Final. But instead we got a Messi one.
Congrats to argentina. - Congrats to Ohio State, you didn't have the worst performance of the evening... ...Mariah Carey's got your back.
- Congrats to the Patriots on their 7th ring, Super Bowls XXXVI (2001), XXXVIII (2003), XXXIX (2004), XLIX (2014), LI (2016), LIII (2018), Prostitution Ring (2019)!
- If you're over 25, congrats! You have outlived every cat and dog that was alive at the time of your birth.
- My boss walked up to me and said "Congrats, you've been promoted to manager." "Cool, who do I manage now?" I asked. "Yourself."
- This year, instead of Congrats! , we should be telling High School graduates... Thank you for your service
- Meanwhile, sorting posts by 'hot' almost looks like sorting them by 'top posts of all time'. Congrats! I'm sure this means the jokes are getting better and better.
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Congrats One Liners
Which congrats one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with congrats? I can suggest the ones about good luck and applause.
- Congrats Mac Miller! 1 week sober!
- Congrats! It's what people write when they can't spell properly Congrajulashons!
- Congrats to Gaston on his award! The No-Belle Prize.
- People write Congrats. Because spelling Congrajlashins is hard.
- Congrats to Whitney Houston Four Years drug-free
- Congrats Amy Winehouse on being 5 years sober
- Take this short survey to find out which Pokemon you are! Congrats @@ you're a Snorlax.
- Do you know how easy it is to commit identity theft? Also, congrats on your new mortgage!
- CONGRATS European Union... On losing those pounds!!
- Congrats Whitney Houston Almost seven years sober
- Most people write congrats because they dont know how to spell congrajulashions.
- Why do people say "congrats"? Because they can't spell "kongrajlashions".
- Congrats on the wedding! From here on out, it's just called Netflix and sleep.
- congrats Seahawks on winning the super bowl from all of here in the 3rd world countries
- Congrats to the Washington Capitals for capitalizing. That is all.
Cheeky Congrats Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about congrats you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean luck jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make congrats pranks.
A man walks into a bar...
And has the bartender line up 5 shots. The man takes all 5 shots in under a minute to the bartender's surprise.
"Wow, what's the occasion?" the bartender asks.
"First b**...," the man replies with a slight grin.
"Congrats! The next one's on me," the bartender offers
"No thanks. If 5 shots haven't gotten the taste out of my mouth, I doubt the 6th will"
7 shots
So a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 7 v**... shots
The bartender asks the man what's the special occasion the man says
" I just experienced my first b**..." .
And the bartender says "congrats how about a 8th shot on the house" and the man goes
" if 7 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will
My buddy's first b**...
My buddy Matt walks into a bar goes up to the bartender and asks for 5 shots of whiskey.
Bartender looks wide eyed and says, "5 shots?! whats the occasion young fella?"
Matt says, "My first b**..."
Bartender replies, "First b**... eh? you know what? Ill give you a sixth shot, on the house. Congrats!"
Matt, disgusted, looks at the barkeep and says, "6?!?! Are you kidding? If 5 shots wont get the taste out of my mouth, I don't know what will!"
I finally lost my virginity
Congrats, bro, sit down and tell me about it.
Can't sit yet.
Putin and Medvedeev talking
- We need to change these time zones, they are giving me a big headache, says Putin
-Why? asks Medvedeev
-I'm calling Beijing to give my congrats for their national holiday and they tell me it's tomorrow. I call Warsaw to express my condolences for the airplane c**... in Smolensk and they tell me the plane didn't take off yet!
Amazing delivery.
Nurse : Congrats, a new-born has arrived in your house.
Man : Amazing technolgy !!!! Wife is in the hospital but delivers in the house !!!!!
Smoking two cigarettes at once
A girl saw a guy smoking two cigarettes at once, she asked him why ? he replied that he smokes one for himself and one for his buddy in prison. Another day, the same girl saw that guy again smoking only one cigarette this time, she said : "Congrats! i'm verry happy for you and your friend ! he must have missed you", he replied that he still is in prison, she asked : "so why are you smoking only one cigarette ?", he replied : "i stopped smoking".
A man walks into a bar
Orders 4 shots of tequila and drinks one after another. The bartender asks "Are you celebrating?"
"Something like that."
"What are you celebrating?"
"My first b**...."
"Hey, congrats! Let me buy you another."
"Naw, if 4 won't wash away the taste, nothing will."
Congrats to the National Gallery on receiving a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork.
Which is to say ... they're getting Monet for nothing and the Czechs for free.
Man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of Jägermeister
Man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of Jägermeister.
The bartender looks at him and says "Wow 6 shots of Jäger! You must be celebrating something."
The man replies,"You bet I am! I am celebrating my first b**...."
"Hey congrats man!" says the Bartender "I'll get you a 7th shot on the house"
The man replies "No thank you. If 6 shots of Jäger doesn't get rid of this taste nothing will."
Congrats! You're on the new game show, Serbia or Suburbia!
Contestant #1, who drinks v**... immediately when they get off work, because their country is falling apart?
Got something to celebrate?
A guy enters a bar and orders 6 bacardi coke's. Bartender asks if he has something to celebrate. ''Yes!'' says the guy, ''I had o**... s**... for the first time!''
Bartender: ''Nice, congrats! The 7th is on the house then!''
The guy: ''No thanks, if the taste sticks after 6 drinks, it wil after 7 as well ...
So I won a grand prize at a local trivia game.
They went up to me and said, Congrats! You've won
a 1 British dollar Sandwich that compresses 1/4 gallons worth of 25c coins!
And I said, So a 1 pound quart quarter pounder quarter pounder?
A soldier rushes to his captain and says: "one enemy ship is approaching us"
Captain Replies David, Go Bring My Red Shirt
Soldier Gets Shirt For His Captain.
Enemy Ship Comes In, Heavy Rounds Of Fire Are Exchanged.
Finally The Captain Wins.
Soldier Asks: Congrats Sir, But Why The Red Shirt?
Captain Replies: If I Got Injured Then My Blood Shouldn't Be Seen As I Don't Want My Soldiers To Lose Hope
Suddenly The Soldier Replied: Sir, 20 Enemy Ships Are Coming
Captain Replied: David, Go And Bring My Yellow Trouser
When people rub your pregnant girl's stomach and say congrats
But nobody tickles your b**... and say well done
