Congrats Jokes

Following is our collection of thankyou puns and bravo one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Congrats jokes for adults, dirty congratulation jokes and clean monroe dad gags for kids.

The Best Congrats Puns

A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks what is the occasion.

The man replies 'his first blowjob'

The bartender congrats him and offers to buy him another shot

The man says that is unnecessary, if ten shots doesn't get the taste out of his mouth, one more won't make a difference.

Smoking two cigarettes at once

A girl saw a guy smoking two cigarettes at once, she asked him why ? he replied that he smokes one for himself and one for his buddy in prison. Another day, the same girl saw that guy again smoking only one cigarette this time, she said : "Congrats! i'm verry happy for you and your friend ! he must have missed you", he replied that he still is in prison, she asked : "so why are you smoking only one cigarette ?", he replied : "i stopped smoking".

Congrats Mac Miller!

1 week sober!

Thanos goes to his urologist.

The urologist says, "Congrats Thanos, you now also have the kidney stone"

"Dad, I lost my virginity today!"

Dad: "Congrats son! Come, sit down and have a beer!"

Son: "I would sure love a beer, but I dont think I can sit down just yet."


7 shots

So a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 7 vodka shots
The bartender asks the man what's the special occasion the man says
" I just experienced my first blow job" .
And the bartender says "congrats how about a 8th shot on the house" and the man goes
" if 7 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will

Man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of JΓ€germeister

Man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of JΓ€germeister.

The bartender looks at him and says "Wow 6 shots of JΓ€ger! You must be celebrating something."

The man replies,"You bet I am! I am celebrating my first blow job."

"Hey congrats man!" says the Bartender "I'll get you a 7th shot on the house"

The man replies "No thank you. If 6 shots of JΓ€ger doesn't get rid of this taste nothing will."

My girlfriend broke the news that she's pregnant

I responded, "Congrats, now you have something to remember me by."

My buddy's first blow job

My buddy Matt walks into a bar goes up to the bartender and asks for 5 shots of whiskey.
Bartender looks wide eyed and says, "5 shots?! whats the occasion young fella?"
Matt says, "My first blow job"
Bartender replies, "First blow job eh? you know what? Ill give you a sixth shot, on the house. Congrats!"
Matt, disgusted, looks at the barkeep and says, "6?!?! Are you kidding? If 5 shots wont get the taste out of my mouth, I don't know what will!"

Congrats to Ohio State, you didn't have the worst performance of the evening...

...Mariah Carey's got your back.

Congrats to Gaston on his award!

The No-Belle Prize.


Putin and Medvedeev talking

- We need to change these time zones, they are giving me a big headache, says Putin
-Why? asks Medvedeev
-I'm calling Beijing to give my congrats for their national holiday and they tell me it's tomorrow. I call Warsaw to express my condolences for the airplane crash in Smolensk and they tell me the plane didn't take off yet!

Congrats to the Patriots on their 7th ring,

Super Bowls XXXVI (2001), XXXVIII (2003), XXXIX (2004), XLIX (2014), LI (2016), LIII (2018), Prostitution Ring (2019)!

People write Congrats.

Because spelling Congrajlashins is hard.

Congrats! You're on the new game show, Serbia or Suburbia!

Contestant #1, who drinks vodka immediately when they get off work, because their country is falling apart?

Got something to celebrate?

A guy enters a bar and orders 6 bacardi coke's. Bartender asks if he has something to celebrate. ''Yes!'' says the guy, ''I had oral sex for the first time!''
Bartender: ''Nice, congrats! The 7th is on the house then!''
The guy: ''No thanks, if the taste sticks after 6 drinks, it wil after 7 as well ...

Congrats to the National Gallery on receiving a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork.

Which is to say ... they're getting Monet for nothing and the Czechs for free.

Congrats to Whitney Houston

Four Years drug-free

So I won a grand prize at a local trivia game.

They went up to me and said, Congrats! You've won
a 1 British dollar Sandwich that compresses 1/4 gallons worth of 25c coins!

And I said, So a 1 pound quart quarter pounder quarter pounder?


If you're over 25, congrats!

You have outlived every cat and dog that was alive at the time of your birth.

A man walks into a bar

Orders 4 shots of tequila and drinks one after another. The bartender asks "Are you celebrating?"

"Something like that."

"What are you celebrating?"

"My first blow job."

"Hey, congrats! Let me buy you another."

"Naw, if 4 won't wash away the taste, nothing will."

A man walks into a bar...

And has the bartender line up 5 shots. The man takes all 5 shots in under a minute to the bartender's surprise.
"Wow, what's the occasion?" the bartender asks.
"First blow job," the man replies with a slight grin.
"Congrats! The next one's on me," the bartender offers
"No thanks. If 5 shots haven't gotten the taste out of my mouth, I doubt the 6th will"

Congrats Amy Winehouse

on being 5 years sober

My boss walked up to me and said "Congrats, you've been promoted to manager." "Cool, who do I manage now?" I asked.

"Yourself."

CONGRATS European Union...

On losing those pounds!!

This year, instead of Congrats! , we should be telling High School graduates...

Thank you for your service

Meanwhile, sorting posts by 'hot' almost looks like sorting them by 'top posts of all time'.

Congrats! I'm sure this means the jokes are getting better and better.

Congrats Whitney Houston

Almost seven years sober

Most people write congrats

because they dont know how to spell congrajulashions.

Why do people say "congrats"?

Because they can't spell "kongrajlashions".

Do you know how easy it is to commit identity theft?

Also, congrats on your new mortgage!

I finally lost my virginity

Congrats, bro, sit down and tell me about it.

Can't sit yet.

congrats Seahawks on winning the super bowl

from all of here in the 3rd world countries

Congrats on the wedding!

From here on out, it's just called Netflix and sleep.

Take this short survey to find out which Pokemon you are!

Congrats @@ you're a Snorlax.

Amazing delivery.

Nurse : Congrats, a new-born has arrived in your house.

Man : Amazing technolgy !!!! Wife is in the hospital but delivers in the house !!!!!

There is an abundance of thermometers jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 36 funniest jokes and congrats puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any hooray witze you can hear about congrats.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes