Cong Jokes

Following is our collection of vietnamese puns and prehistoric one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cong jokes for adults, dirty density jokes and clean tran dad gags for kids.

The Best Cong Puns

Why will the congress never impeach Trump?

Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate!

The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.

Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.

Congratulations West Ham

The only club named after two things that ISIS hate.

How many Congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?

Better buy a flashlight


Congrats Mac Miller!

1 week sober!

I went as a congressional bill for Halloween....

I stayed in the House and didn't do anything.

Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate...

They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.

Congratulations to Ukraine to winning the Eurovision Song Contest.

Can't wait for Russia to host it next year.

I wish our Congress was made up of vending machines

So they would accept change

Congratulations to the obvious winner of last night's debate...

The voyager space probe hurtling away from our solar system at over 35k mph!


Congratulations to Alabama for making same sex marriage legal

Now the men can finally marry their brothers

I'd like to congratulate Whitney Houston...

...on being 24 hours sober!

Congratulations 2020 graduating class

Reigning senior skip day champions!

How many congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

Doesn't really matter, they forgot to pass the electricity bill again.

Congratulations to Amy Winehouse

For being sober one year.

Why do Congressmen make terrible cashiers?

They're all too afraid of change.

Congratulations America. 51 years ago you landed on the moon!!!

Now you can't even go to Canada.

Congratulations to Tom Brady, the first player to be undefeated over 5+ Super Bowls.

He's won all 5/7.


Why will Congress never impeach Trump?

Republicans insist on carrying a baby to full term, even if it was a drastic accident.

How is a congressman and a dog similar?

When you ask them to speak they will, but it doesn't mean anything.

I would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse

on almost 4 years of sobriety.

Congratulations to Amy Winehouse...

...on six months of sobriety.

Congrats to Ohio State, you didn't have the worst performance of the evening...

...Mariah Carey's got your back.

Congratulations to my wife!

who reached a new culinary milestone today by setting off the neighbors' smoke alarm!

What does Congress do when they lose a game of CSGO?

They blame the Russians.

Congrats to Gaston on his award!

The No-Belle Prize.

A congressman was walking down the street

A congressman was walking down the street when suddenly a thief jumps in front of him. The thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, Give me your money. The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman! The thief said, In that case, give me my money!

Congratulations. You're 18.

On a list of 20 people that I want to kill.

Six U.S congress men die and go to heaven.

Congrats to the Patriots on their 7th ring,

Super Bowls XXXVI (2001), XXXVIII (2003), XXXIX (2004), XLIX (2014), LI (2016), LIII (2018), Prostitution Ring (2019)!

Congratulations on winning most secretive person in the office

I can't tell you what this means to me

Congress passes bill.

Congratulations to Justin Trudeau on the results of the Canadian Election

He always did want to be a minority.

Congratulations, you made it through 6 month of 2020!

3 more to go!

Congress announced today they would be removing all crime lab budgets from the state of Alabama

Because crimes can't be solved there since everyone has the same DNA and there are no dental records.

Congressmen don't have sex

They just mass debate.

How do you congratulate a Jewish bodybuilder?

Muscle Tov!

In congested traffic, it's best to stay on the right side of the road.

It'd be a real tragedy if you were on the wrong side.

How do you congratulate a slice of bread on his wedding day?

Toast him

Congratulations USA

We have officially gone black and gone back.

- Congratulations, my boy! - Says the uncle to the nephew who is getting married the next day.

- I'm sure a couple of years from now, you will remind of this day as the happiest day of your life!
- But I'm only getting married tomorrow - responds the nephew.
- Yeah - explains uncle - That is exactly what I meant!

Congratulations, your ears hang as low as an Amish person's.

But can you tie a Mennonite?

Congrats! You're on the new game show, Serbia or Suburbia!

Contestant #1, who drinks vodka immediately when they get off work, because their country is falling apart?

Congress is shutting the government down

But have they tried turning it back on?

Congrats to Whitney Houston

Four Years drug-free

I'd like to be the first

to congratulate Amy Winehouse on her 4 years of sobriety.

Congratulations to Snooki who gave birth today to a baby boy...

5 NJ High School rings, 2 condoms, and 12 press on nails.

On a faraway island lived a solitary genius

On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.

His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the end he had to give up..

It simply proved too hard to draw Cong Clu's Ions from the experiments.

Congrats to the National Gallery on receiving a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork.

Which is to say ... they're getting Monet for nothing and the Czechs for free.

Why do Congo gamers refuse to play with Belgians?

They're afraid of getting owned

Congratulations to the class of 2020

You are the first class that will have a 100% participation in the annual senior skip day championship.

If you're over 25, congrats!

You have outlived every cat and dog that was alive at the time of your birth.

Calories are just like the Viet Cong

Even if you burn them, they come back

Congratulations Tony Romo.

For finally making it to the Super Bowl.

I'd like to congratulate the inventor of the wobbly table

He must be successful with them being in every restaurant and cafe

How many congressmen does it take to run a government?

This post is government funded, please check back after the shutdown has ended and funding has resumed.

What do you get when you cross a female driver with the Viet Cong?

100,000 senseless deaths

Congrats Amy Winehouse

on being 5 years sober

How do you congratulate a fighter after winning a match?

Good jab.

A congressional aide asks an Alabama congressman how he wants to proceed with the abortion bill

the congressman responds ,"Shhh... I said I would pay it!"

Congratulations on your accomplishments!

Whitney Houston, on being year sober!

Congratulations to John Cena

for his job hosting the Oscars last night. Really on his way to the A list now

What do congress and an old library book have in common?

Bent over pages

Congratulations! You successfully delivered that bell with no chips or chunks of it breaking off. Please see us to receive your...

No Bell Piece Prize

Why do Congolese wear only new clothes?

There are no second hands.

Congratulations to Prince Harry on losing his virginity

circa AD 2000. It's never too late to celebrate!

There is an abundance of clu jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 67 funniest jokes and cong puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any nam witze you can hear about cong.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes