Confusion Jokes

Following is our collection of ambiguity puns and chaos one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Confusion jokes for adults, dirty embarrassment jokes and clean ethnic confusion dad gags for kids.

The Best Confusion Puns

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...

There would be mass confusion.

Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.

The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.

The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"

Imagine if the rest of the world changed from Kilograms to Pounds overnight

There would be a mass confusion

Americans can't switch from pounds to kilograms overnight.

That would cause mass confusion.


Why won't the U.S. switch to the metric system?

There would be mass confusion

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

Elevator confusion

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator together and it stops to let a man on. The man is wearing a business suit and has obvious dandruff flakes on both shoulders. He says hello and gets out on the next floor. The women continues to ride in awkward silence when the brunette speaks up. She says, "Someone needs to give that guy some head and shoulders."
The blonde looks confused and replies. "How do you give a guy shoulders?"

Happy Father's Day

or, mass confusion, if you live in Harlem.

So I told Hitler about 9/11

I told him about the carnage and the aftermath, and how the state of America was changed forever, but he was confused.

So, I told him about the backstory, and how Bin Laden began to plan this in the 90s, but he was still confused.

Then, I told him about the numerous connections and the conspirators who trained to fly the planes.

I saw the look on his face.

"What's the confusion?"

Hitler: "But why no eleven?"

What would happen if the United States were to switch from Pounds to Kilograms over night?

*A Mass Confusion*


A panda walks into a bar

sits down and asks the bartender for food. after eating, gets up, takes out a gun and kills the bartender. as he is leaving, a shocked onlooker asks him "why did you do that?" and he answers "Hey. I'm a Panda. It's what I do."
in confusion, they look it up in an encyclopedia.

Panda. Mammal. Eats shoots and leaves.

What's the difference between an expression of confusion and an underground German woman?

One's a furrowed brow and the other is a burrowed Frau.

A grasshopper goes in a bar..

A grasshopper goes in a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you!

The grasshopper looks up with confusion and replies, Why would you have a drink named Frank?

A highway patrolman pulls over an elderly woman for speeding.

"Ma'am," he tells her, "I clocked you doing 72 MPH. The speed limit on this road is 55."

"But, Officer, the sign back there said it was 75!"

"No, Ma'am, that wasn't a speed limit sign, that was the route sign. You're on State Highway 75. I'm sorry for your confusion, but I still have to write you a ticket."

"Oh, that's okay, Sonny; I understand. I'm just glad I didn't run across you back there on Route 135."

I don't understand why there's confusion arround the civil rights movement.

It's a black and white issue.

The most annoying part about having my wife and daughter wearing a burka, is the confusion.

Last night, I accidentally slept with my wife.

I've got a good joke to use on your friends (works better face to face)

You: I've got a knock knock joke, but you have to start.

Friend: Knock knock.

You: Who's there?

*confusion and bewilderment ensues*

It's funny to see how long it takes them to work out what happened.

A bus full of Catholics and a coach load of Jews all arrive at the same church

There was mass confusion.


I encountered a young cashier while checking out.

My total was $4.07 to so I handed him a $5 bill and 7 pennies. Confused, he said, "This is too much, just give me the $5 bill." I tried explaining to him that I didn't want change back. This situation still had him bewildered as if he doesn't understand the basics regarding math and money.

I was equally as baffled at his confusion to which I said, "This situation makes no cents to me."

Confusion at McDonalds

When I got ready to pay for my breakfast, the cashier said "Strip down, facing me". I did just that. When the shrieking had died down, I found out she was referring to my debit card.

Trump is leaving a rally and heading to his limo

When suddenly a would be assassin jumps from the shadows and takes aim. A secret service agent, brand new on the job, shouts Micky Mouse! This startles the assassin and he is captured in the confusion. Later the agents supervisor takes him aside, congratulates him and says but what in the hell made you shout 'Micky Mouse?!' Visibly embarrassed the Agent replies I got nervous, I meant to shout 'Donald, Duck'

My friend and I were arguing

And I was really getting tired of the argument.

So I wrote my name on a page in my notebook and wrote his beside mine.

I then showed it to him. With confusion clearly written on his face he asks:
"Why did you write my name beside yours. How does that relate to our argument"

And then I replied: "we don't have to argue anymore since we're already on the same page".

A Chinese man is making love to his wife...

The man is going for it missionary style, he slides up her body, kisses her softly and whispers in her ear, "Baby, I wanna 69!". Immediately, her face turns from pleasure to confusion and anger, she replies, "You want Salt and Pepper Chicken NOW?"

BUSH AND BILL Jokes

Q: Why was there so much confusion with the Secret Service after George W. Bush took over the White House?

A: Because President Bill Clinton's code name was also "Mr. Bush."

I accidentally tried to milk a bull.

It was udder confusion.

Well, this is awkward...

A priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. They both look left and right and to their surprise see nothing but Mexicans. After this moment of confusion, the Rabbi turns to the priest and says "You know what? I think we're in the wrong joke...."

Wanna know what mass confusion is?

Three blind lesbians in a fish market

Why don't all religions that believe in Jesus unify?

There would be mass confusion

Jesus and his disciples at last dinner.

"Waiter!", Jesus called, "Can I get a receipt please?"

After some time, waiter finally comes to Jesus and puts a receipt in his palm.

Jesus is looking at receipt for 10 seconds straight with confusion and shock all over his face.

He turns to disciples and shouts "Didn't I tell y'all to order water instead of wine?!"

What happened when students for the deaf and blind went to the Catholic Church?

Mass confusion

Bus Stop Confusion

Two blondes wait at a bus stop.

A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"

The bus driver says, "No, I'm sorry."

The other blonde leans inside and asks, "How about me?"

A guy was driving down the road when he seen a stop sign..

He looked around and didn't see anyone so he slowed down a little bit but kept going. Then next thing he knew, he was being pulled over. So he pulls over, and the cop just drags him it the car and goes to beating him with his nightstick.. and in all the confusion the cop says "now do you want me to STOP, or just slow down a little bit and keep going?"

I was so close to buying my dream car, I just had one final question for the salesman

Cargo space? I asked

After a second of confusion, he replies: Car no do that. Car go road.

What's the pinnacle of confusion?

Two blind gay men, in a bathtub full of hotdogs.

One day a sailor gets on his boat named the SS Sperm whale

He notices several people looking at him wondering about the name of his boat. He decides to dispel their confusion and spreads his arms wide then says,

Hey guys! Whalecum!

Cemetery Plot for Christmas

One Christmas time, an elderly woman opens her present from her son-in-law and discovers a cemetery plot inside. Despite the confusion, she thanks him very much for the gift.

The following Christmas, she approaches her son-in-law and asks where her present is. He simply replies that he didn't get one for her.

"Why not?! You always get me a gift..."

"Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!!"

Imagine if churches switched priests

There would be mass confusion

A tow truck driver is pulling a lady out of the ditch....

He says to her "you are the second pregnant lady I've pulled out of the ditch today". With a bit of confusion she hastily replies "I am not pregnant". He pauses and calmly states "you are not out of the ditch yet".

Confusion reigns at the Olympics

A young journalist walked up to a track and field athlete who was warming up for his event to get an interview.

Not entirely sure of the athlete's discipline he asks, "Are you a polevaulter?"

The athlete replied, "Nein, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"

If the US switched from the standard measurement system to metric overnight,

there would be mass confusion.

What happens if America switches from pounds to kilograms overnight?

A mass confusion.

An Australian goes to a chess tournament

When he was about to lose his first game, his opponent looked up, smiled and said: *checkmate*.

The Australian replied back in confusion: *But mate.. I didn't order anything!*

To my confusion, my friend kept getting mad at me for making boy band references and was asking me to stop....

...but she seemed to only get more mad when I asked her to tell me why

A group of horses walks into a juice bar...

"What'll it be for ya?"

The first horse replies "wheat grass"

The barista says "that's not on the menu"

The second says "wheat grass, it's on the board"

The barista: of course you eat grass, you're horses. But I'm telling you we don't serve grass."

Sensing some confusion a third horse approaches. "Hey..." he says

I was talking to my friend

I was talking to my friend about my recent visit to my grandfather's ranch and was describing my experience there.

I told him that how I had helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse and was rewarded a horse ride for it.

My friend immediately looked at me in disgust and confusion.


Turns out punctuation is very very important for English grammar.

This math joke usually leaves people speechless

What did the mathematician say after she ate a huge meal at a feast?

√[(-1)/64]

----

^I ^over ^eight.

It leaves the speechless because they usually look at me with confusion. Its hard to make this joke work, verbally.

I've never had any confusion

I just don't get it.

Anyone want to weigh in?

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight, would it create mass confusion?

I heard PAX and Comic Con won't be merging after all...

They wanted to avoid so much.... con-fusion.

The Stranger

A true story.

I was waiting at a bus stop one afternoon when a guy approached me and offered me a ride. I thanked him, but politely refused his offer. Confused, he asked me why I didn't want to go with him. I told him, "Because you're a stranger." With more confusion on his face he replied, "No, I'm Indian!"

What would happen if the United States switched from imperial to metric units overnight?

There would be mass confusion.

If I had a Euro for every gender in Austria...

I'd have three euros and a whole lot of confusion over what they could buy.

If the US switched from pounds to kilograms...

It would cause mass confusion.

Man Looking For A Sick Girl.

A man enters a store on a bright and sunny day looking for a girl called Lorraine. He asks the store owner if she is in today.
"No, she called in sick." The owner replied.
"Oh." The man continues. "Than can i have her number?"
"I wouldn't do that." The owner quickly says.
"Why?" The man asks in confusion.

"Well,"The owner quickly replies. "I wanna know, have you ever seen Lorraine, Comin' down on a sunny day?"

There is an abundance of grim jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 55 funniest jokes and confusion puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any confuse witze you can hear about confusion.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes