Confusing Mind Jokes
25 confusing mind jokes and hilarious confusing mind puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about confusing mind that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Confusing Mind Short Jokes
Short confusing mind jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The confusing mind humour may include short confusion jokes also.
- Don't confuse your Google search with my computer scienc-- -- actually, never mind. It amounts to the same thing.
- I had one of those horrible moments this morning when I confused my wife's hair removal cream with the toothpaste. Mind you, my legs have never smelt so minty!
- My girlfriend asked me to stop playing mind games. I looked confused and asked, "Who are you again?"
- The setups were walking along, minding their own business, when suddenly they started, turned, and checked behind them, confused. There was no bar.
- I was going to have a head transplant yesterday then i changed my mind, Or was it my body I changed?
I'm so confused.
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Confusing Mind One Liners
Which confusing mind one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with confusing mind? I can suggest the ones about confused woman and confusing math.
- Jesus walks into a bar. Don't mind me. Just trying to confuse the auto-flair.
- My mind's made up, don't confuse me with facts.
- Confuses says Man who go to bed with s**... problem on mind wake up with solution on belly.
Confusing Mind Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about confusing mind you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bewildered jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make confusing mind pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a cop pulls over a guy for wearing his seatbelt..
tells the citizen that his captain gave him a 100 dollar bill to give to the 100th person he sees wearing their seat belt. The citizen looks a little confused, but of course, accepts the note, and proceeds to leave. The officer asks, " So, if you don't mind my asking, what are you going to spend the money on?" To a reply of, " yes, i do mind your asking, and frankly, i don't think its any of your business." The officer of course is stunned, but , as he goes to leave, the drivers objects. "If you must know, i'll probably spend it on getting my drivers license." The cop is taken aback, as the passenger says, " Oh don't listen to him, he's drunk." Shortly thereafter, a knocking comes from the trunk, and a muffled voice says, " are we over the border yet?"
edited for grammar n**....
I took a bird back to my house the other night
I took a bird back to my house the other night. Why are all of these photos turned the other way? she asked, confused.
They're pictures of my wife, I replied. They're just too painful to look at.
Oh, I'm sorry, she stammered, I didn't know. How did it happen, if you don't mind me asking?
Both of her parents were ugly, I replied.
Trying to fly a kite.
A husband in his backyard is trying to fly a kite.
He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband,
'You need a piece of tail.'
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'
My uncle once said "if you put your mind to it anything is possible!"
I was confused and asked him what he meant
"You see my date over there?"
"Yeah, the pretty one?"
Pretty women don't usually go for men like me, but if you put your mind to it, you can save up the money for borrowing them for a night.
Two mexicans are walking in a desert....
and are extremely thirsty and hungry, and are out of food and water. As they continue on their journey to reach their homeland, Carlos says to Juan in broken english, "I don't think we es going to make it, Juan." Juan replies, "We must keep trying Carlos, we es got no choice."
As Carlos and Juan approach a big hill of sand in the desert, Carlos immediately smells bacon. "Juan!!! You smell that? Smells like.... Bacon!!!!" Carlos replies reluctantly, "How could you just, smell bacon out here? Make no sense Juan." Juan replies, "Es a bacon tree! I can tell!" Carlos replies, "No Juan, es a mirage!! Es messing with your mind!"
Juan would not listen. "Ok Carlos, your choice." Juan proceeded to climb the hill, while Carlos waited down at the bottom for him, knowing that this was way to good to be true.
As Juan disappeared from Carlos's view, Carlos heard many gunshots. Terrified and confused, he didn't know what to do. Slowly, he saw Juan climb, with gunshot wounds, over the edge of the hill. "Carlos, don't go up there!!"
"Es no bacon tree." "Es a.... Es a hambush."
The bear and the rabbit
A rabbit is minding his own business when a random bear comes and treat ens to eat the rabbit. The bear chases the rabbit until they find a magic lamp and they decide to rub it together. The expected gene appears and let's them both have 3 wishes each. The bear goes first and says " I wish for all the other bears in the forest to be females" and it was done. The rabbit then wishes for a lifetime supply of carrots at his house and it is granted. The bear then says " I want all the other bears in the country to be female" and it is granted. The rabbit's second wish is for a rabbit sized motorcycle and it is granted. Now the bear very confused about why the rabbit is wishing for such small things says " And for my last wish, I want all the other bears in the world to be female!". The gene grants the wish. The rabbit then says with a smile on his face "I wish that bear was gay." then drives off in his motorcycle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three babies were in the w**... talking amongst themselves about their future
They get on the topic of what they want to be when they are born and grow up.
The first baby says: "when I get older, I want to be a molder of young minds! A teacher is what I'm aiming for."
The second baby says: "when I'm a adult, I want to heal and save people! I'll be a doctor."
The third baby thinks for a second and says: "I want to be a boxer".
The other two babies look at him in confusion and ask why.
"Because when I get out, I want to beat up the bald headed man who keeps spitting on me!"
Today my girlfriend learned about knock knock jokes.
She is from Indonesia and for whatever reason she said "nok nok" which is the equivalent of "oink oink" which i learned later.
Thinking she said "knock knock" i thought she wanted to make a joke and asked:
Me: who's there
She: pig
Me: pig who?
She: pikachu
That was the first thing that came to her mind when i said "pig who?" And she didn't even know that she just made a knock knock joke.
I had to explain her what it is since she was confused
A Blonde Checks Her Mail
A man was outside mowing his lawn, when the blonde next door came out and looked in her mailbox. She frowned and went back in.
After a few minutes the blonde came back out and looked in her mailbox again. She had the same reaction and then went in once more. The man was a little confused but he minded his own business.
A few minutes later the blonde returned once more, and now the man was curious. 'What are you doing?' he asked her, 'You've checked your mailbox three times now. Nothings going to change in a few minutes.'
The blonde replies, 'Yes, but my computer keeps saying "You've got mail !" '
I read this on a joke site a couple years ago. Thought it belonged here.
A few old ladies...
Three old ladies are driving down a highway somewhere out west. There is then this police officer waiting for any trouble he spots as traffic goes by. When the three ladies drive by, they are going phenomenally slow so the police officer turns on his lights and sirens and pulls their car over. As he gets to the window, he sees the two old ladies in the back are as white as a ghost as if something scared them.
"Ma'am," asks the officer,"mind telling me why you are driving under the speed limit?"
Confused, she says,"But the speed limit says 20."
The officer looks and sees the 27 and laughs. "Ma'am, that is the route number, not the speed limit." He then looks at the two ladies again and asks,"What's wrong with them?"
The old lady replied,"Oh, we just got off at route 120."
A newfie is doing 140km/h down the middle of the highway...
...when he is pulled over by the RCMP. The officer approaches the car, and asks him for his license and registration.
Officer: I clocked you at 140 driving down the centre of the road. Do you mind explaining what you were thinking?
Newfie: Aye, just followin' the directions on me license.
Officer: Excuse me?
Newfie: It says so right on top.
The officer, confused, takes a look at his license.
Officer: Nowhere does it say here that you can speed down the middle of the highway.
Newfie: Sure it does.
The newfie then pointed to the edge of the paper.
Newfie: See, right there. *Tear along the dotted line*
Pope John Paul II...
...was on a tour of the United States some years ago. During a stop in Atlanta, an admirer presented him with a beautiful handmade ring. But somehow, in the hectic confusion of the tour, the ring was misplaced.
"Don't worry, Your Holiness," said the pope's aide. "I'm sure it will turn up before we leave the States."
The tour was so busy that the lost ring slipped everyone's mind. The pope and his entourage were on the jet, preparing for the trip back to Vatican City. Just then a Beatles song came on the loudspeaker.
The aide stood up. "Hey, that reminds me," he said. "Where did John Paul's Georgian ring go?"
A bus driver sees old lady coming to talk to him...
and she has a handful of raisins.
-Would you mind to eat these raisins? I don´t like the taste of them,
The bus driver is confused but hungry and gladly accepts the offer. He starts again driving and after riding for 3 miles, the bus driver sees that the same old lady is there with a handful of raisins.
-You seemed to like the raisins. I have some more for you
The bus driver, still hungry, takes the raisins, thanks the old lady and continues driving. After 5 miles, he gets confused and starts to wonder what is going on, when the lady already third time comes to offer him the raisins.
-I have more of these raisins that you like. There you go
Now the bus driver just gets too curious and asks the lady why is she bringing him all the raisins?
-Oh you, I just wanted to be nice and offer you young worker something to eat. Besides, I only like to lick the chocolate on top of the raisins out, I otherwise hate raisins.
Cynical Meanings
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either."
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.