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Confused Woman Jokes

109 confused woman jokes and hilarious confused woman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about confused woman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Confused Woman Jokes

Short confused woman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The confused woman humour may include short confused jokes also.

  1. It says here on your resume that you were a m-misogynist? "Yes, I used to give massages."
    "OHH! I was confused because--"
    "Because you're a woman?"
  2. Woman are so confusing nowadays. I thought opening the door would be the nice thing to do for a lady, but she just screamed and flew out the plane.
  3. what did the white woman say to the other white woman who confused jay-z for lil wayne? thats ludacris
  4. What's the difference between an expression of confusion and an underground German woman? One's a furrowed brow and the other is a burrowed Frau.
  5. A woman is having a conversation with a man at her office. Woman: What is your idea of a perfect date?
    Man: MM/DD/YYYY, other formats can be really confusing.
  6. I hate restaurants that have quirky and confusing ways of displaying men and woman bathroom signs. I mean, what am I?!? Am I a kitchen or an exit?
  7. I dated a dyslexic woman for a while, and it was very confusing. Every time we went back to my place, she started cooking my sock.
  8. Did you hear about the woman who confused her Vaseline with her putty? All her windows fell out.
  9. A woman on Tinder asked me what my ideal date would be. I said dd/mm/yyyy because other formats are confusing.
  10. A woman purchased a new incense burner. However, she got very confused since it wasn't working. It made no d**... scents.

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about confused woman can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of confused woman puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Confused Woman One Liners

Which confused woman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with confused woman? I can suggest the ones about bewildered and angry woman.

  1. If you want to confuse a woman, give her chocolate shoes. Milton Jones
  2. I like my woman like I like my Starbucks. Overpriced, and confused as to what my name is.
  3. Confused? Sometimes I like to dress up as a woman, and then pretend that I am a man.
  4. How many dead babies does it take to confuse a blond woman? to get to the other side....

Confused Woman Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about confused woman you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean confusing mind jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make confused woman prank.

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife handed the card over and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife handed the card over and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman.


The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied,
"I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off."
The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told.
While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground.
As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor.
The hair dresser was very confused.
She picked up the head phones and listened.
This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out..."!

A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.
After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s breast.
Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ?
The man hesitated for a second looking confused.
Man: But I thought we were in the same class.

A hubby is having a short conversation with his wife.


See dear, if you got home early from work one day and you found me pounding on another woman, this would be called an awkward situation!
So its the same honey, if you came home early from work and found me in bed with another man?
No darling, you are now confused and mixing the awkward situation with proper beating!

"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?"
"Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!"
The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife.
So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild s**... in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!"
The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."

On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question.


One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize.
"To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer."
The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question.
"Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!"
The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'"
"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."

Panda and a p**...

A panda spent the night in bed with a p**.... The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the p**... yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up p**....'
The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous s**... activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the p**... and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves'

11 Minutes

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover's spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. Uh, yes, officer?
The cop says: What are you doing?
The young man says: Well Officer, I'm reading a magazine.
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: And her, what is she doing?
The young man shrugs: Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater.
Now, the cop is totally confused.. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane… and nothing obscene is happening!
The cop asks: What's your age, young man?
The young man says I'm 22, sir.
The cop asks: And her…what's her age?
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.

A woman dies and goes to the gates of heaven.

When she gets there, she is perplexed and confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.
She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.
Finally, she seems to recognize someone who appears to be in charge. She runs over and asks the man, "what is going on here?"
The strange man replies, "everyone here is doing their best to better their souls." Confused at the cryptic answer and curious about the strange man's traditional Mongolian garb, the woman asks him to elaborate.
The Buddhist Monk replies, "my dear, having cake is the best way to gain Karma."

What's in a name?

A woman sits down next to another mother on a park bench as their kids played together on a playground in Keswick, and they got to talking.
The woman was astonished that the other Mom had eleven children, all named Jayden.
Why did you call all your kids Jayden?" she asked her new friend.
"It's a great time-saver, I can just yell JAYDEN, time for bed", and they all will come running".
A perplexed look crossed the face of the first woman But don't you find it a little confusing? What if you only wanted to call one specific child, the second youngest, or the oldest? How do you get just their attention?
Simple… said the mother of eleven …then I just call them by their LAST names

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.

Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

So three men are stranded in the jungle...

A tribe of cannibals captures them. The chief says he will grant them one last thing before they are eaten. The first man asks for a woman to pleasure him. So the chief brings one of his daughters to pleasure the man. Then the tribe skins him, eats him, and uses his skin for a canoe. The second man asks for a drink to numb his mind before they eat him. So the chief brings him their strongest drink and he passes out drunk. Then the tribe skins him, eats him, and uses his skin to make a canoe. The third man asks for a fork before they eat him. The chief is confused but brings him a fork. The man starts stabbing himself all over and yells "YOURE NOT MAKING A CANOE OUT OF ME!"

Another Soviet Joke

In a small town outside Moscow a very proud primary school teacher began the Monday the same was she began every monday: by asking the students what they did to help their fellow comrads in the glorious Soviet Union. She turned to Illya Ivanovich.
"Illya Ivanovich, what did you do today to help the Collective?"
Illya thought a moment and replied, "Well, Katerina Maximovna, I helped an old woman cross the street."
"Wonderful," his teacher replied, "you truly helped your country. And you, Alexander Michaelovich, what did you do this weekend to help the Collective?"
"Well, you see Katerina Maximovna, I was helping Illya to help the old lady cross the street."
"OK. Good work. You certainly helped your nation and your fellow comrads." Katerina then looked at Dimitri Fyodorovich.
"And you, Dimitri Fyodorovich. What did you do this weekend to benefit the Collective?"
Dimitri thought for a moment, and then said, "Katerina Maximovna, you see, I was also helping Alexander and Illya to help the old woman across the street."
Katerina Maximovna paused a moment, and then with a confused look she said, "OK, Dimitri Fyodorovich, it is always good to help others. But I am confused. Why did it take three strong young boys to help one old babushka across the street?"
Dimitri thought for a moment and answered, "Well, you see, she didn't want to cross."

Drunken Epicness

A man comes home one night after being at the local bar. He is absolutely smashed as he collapses on his bed next to his wife and falls asleep.
The next morning he wakes up to breakfast in bed. Toast, Egg and Bacon, Juice and Coffee. He is very confused, so he asks his son as he passes his bedroom, who made him this breakfast.
"Mom did", he says.
"Why?", asks the man, "This is the first time in years she has made me breakfast in bed."
"When you got home and fell asleep", says the son, "you were still wearing your clothes, so Mom tried to undress you so you would sleep more comfortably. Then you started yelling "Get off me woman! I am married!""

Leroy

There was a man who goes to the bank and sees a woman with twelve children. He's astonished that this woman has so many children with her and so he approaches her and says, "Wow that sure is a lot of kids are they yours?"
The woman says "Yes all twelve are mine." The man shocked by this replies "What are there names." She says "Leroy, one e for the girls and two e's for the boys." At this the man is really surprised and asks "doesn't that get confusing?" She says "No it's great I just call for one and they all come. I say Leroy time for breakfast and there they all come down. I say Leroy time for school and they all come down and get on the bus."
The man considers this and asks "Yes but what if you want just one Leroy what do you do then?" She looks him dead in the eye and says "Oh that's easy I just call them by their last name."

So I was talking to a woman yesterday...

And told her a very interesting story that happened to me the other day. I told her about this very strange man I saw downtown. It went a little like this:
"So, a weird thing happened to me yesterday. I was out downtown where I saw this guy just standing there. He pulled something out of his pocket...and then dropped it. He then bent down and picked it up, only to drop it again. He kept on doing this....A few moments later, someone else came by, watched what this guy was doing, and then started copying the guy.
He, too pulled something out of his pocket, dropped it, and bent over and grabbed it, only to repeat. Within a few minutes, a fairly large crowd formed and watched what they were doing...and sure enough, the all kind of stood one behind another and started copying the first guy... It was the weirdest thing in the world!"
She responded with extreme confusion, "Wait...is that some sort of joke?"
"No" I said..."It's a pickup line ;)"

Two women are sitting on a park bench

Two women are sitting on a park bench. One says to the other, "Oh, no, tonight's date night".
Her friend says, "What's wrong with that? Date night sounds nice."
The lady replies, "No, it's awful. Every date night my husband brings me flowers."
Her friend is confused and asks, "What's wrong with flowers?"
The woman says, "Well, every time my husband brings home flowers, I have to...lie on my back and spread my legs."
Her friend cries, "Oh my goodness! Don't you own a vase?!"
(from Old Jews Telling Jokes)

The Jew at Confession

One day, a Jewish shoemaker walked in to a Catholic Confession and sat down. The priest asked, "Son, what sin has brought you here?" The Jewish man told the priest the story of how a beautiful nineteen year old woman had walked into his shoe shop. They struck up a conversation and ended up having s**... for hours. At the end of the Jewish man's story, the priest, curious, asked the man, "Wait, aren't you Jewish?" The man affirmed the priest's question with a brief yes. The priest, confused at this point, asks the Jew what he is doing confessing to a Catholic priest. The Jew responds quickly, "I'm not confessing! I'm telling everyone I see!"

Five old ladies in a car . . .

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

So a man and a woman are getting a divorce

So a man and a woman are getting a divorce, and during the divorce the man finds a genie lamp. He rubs it and surprise; a genie came out. She told the man:
"I will grant him three wishes, but under one condition: To make sure that you don't use any of the wishes to get back at your wife, whatever you get i'm going to give twice to your wife,". The man was confused but agreed.
"I wish for a car,"
"So i'm going to give your wife two cars,".
"I wish for a house,".
"So i'm going to give your wife two houses,".
"And I wish to be beaten half to death,".

So a woman goes to the doctor with a busted lip and a black eye...

...and the doctor says, "Oh my, what happened?"
To which the woman replies, "Well my husband always goes to the bar after work, he then proceeds to come home and beat me. I've tried everything to get him to stop but nothing works." The doc listens to her story and after a few minutes, he responds with "Hmmm, welp, I think I may be able to help you. From now on, the second your husband walks through that door I want you to drink some water but keep some of that water in your mouth and swoosh through your teeth until he goes to bed. Do that and I promise he'll never lay a hand on you, ever." The woman, although slightly confused, thanks the doc and leaves.
Later on that night the husband arrives reeking of alcohol. Taking the doctors advice, she guzzles some water and starts swooshing it between her teeth until he goes to bed. To her amazement, it works so she repeats the process for a few weeks. Completely baffled, she returns to the doctors office to quiz him on this "cure". He then says to the woman, "that's called keeping your mouth shut."

A woman walks into an ice cream shop

A woman walks into an ice cream shop.
She looks at the selection and says "umm... I'll have a pint of chocolate ice cream please."
The guy working there says "I'm sorry ma'am, but we are out of chocolate."
She nods and looks back at the flavors, "Ok...well in that case... I'll have a quart of chocolate, please."
The guy looks back at her a bit confused, "No, I'm sorry. It's not the quantity, we are completely out of chocolate right now."
The woman says, "Oh ok... well then I suppose I'll have a gallon of chocolate ice cream, please."
The guy is bewildered. He responds, "Lady, can you spell the 'straw' in strawberry?"
"Umm... Of course, S-T-R-A-W"
"Very good. Now can you spell the 'van' in vanilla?"
She responds, "Well, yes... V-A-N"
He smiles and says, "Perfect. But now can you spell the f**...' in chocolate?"
She furrows her brow, "But there is no f**...' in chocolate!"
He goes, "I know, lady that's what I've been trying to tell you!"

3 Nuns die in a car c**......

...and as they have all dedicated their lives to God, their souls are immediately sent up to heaven, where they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Sisters, I know you are all devout followers of Christ, but unfortunately we have protocol to follow up in here in heaven, and I must first ask each of you a simple question before I can let you enter."
The sisters are somewhat surprised, a little nervous, but agree to answer St. Peter's questions.
"Sister Anne," he says, "who was the first man on earth?"
Sister Anne says "Oh that's an easy one, Adam!"
-GONG- The gates of heaven open up, and Sister Anne walks through.
"Sister Mary: who was the first woman on earth?"
Relieved, Sister Mary exclaims "Eve!"
-GONG- The gates open again, and Sister Mary enters, leaving only Sister Theresa behind.
"Sister Theresa...what was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?"
Sister Theresa pauses, the smile disappearing from her face. She realizes she can't think of the answer, despite her best efforts. Scratching her head in confusion and panic, she admits, "That's a really hard one."
-GONG-

22 mph speed limit

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"
The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before you go, ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 136."

Indian chief

So there's this Indian reservation, and the food stamps are 3 days late. People are starting to get uppity about it. So the local chief has to leave and go talk to the government people about it. He doesn't know English very well, so he is scared. But he makes sure not to let other see fear on his face. He goes down to the office, gets in line, and an old woman yells to him from the side of the room "hey! What's your name?"
He answers "Red Eagle Circle Water."
The woman replies "You don't hear a name like that every day."
The chief is confused, and he says back "Yeah I do."

An elderly man and woman enter the bar and ask the bartender for their usual drinks.

The bartender serves them, speaking to the man, "Mr. Johnson, it's been awhile since we saw you last, how are you and your wife doing? We were worried about you, the last time you came in you didn't seem to recognize or remember anyone."
The elderly gentleman responds, "Well, you know how it is when you start getting up in years… but I've been seeing a fantastic memory therapist. She's taught me some mental exercises that have helped me to remember all the important things in life."
The bartender says, "That's great! What's the therapist's name?"
The elderly gentleman looks confused before snapping his fingers, "What's that flower? The red one with thorns on its stem?"
The bartender answers, "A rose?"
"Yes, that's it," the older man smiles before turning to his wife, "Rose, what's the name of that therapist I've been seeing?"

Three young boys are walking home from school one day...

when they decide to stop and check out the new neighbors who moved in on their block. They walk over to the tall fence surrounding the yard and the first boy looks through a hole. He finds himself staring at a beautiful, n**..., sunbathing woman. He wildly gestures for the second boy to look, and then the third boy. However, when the third boy looks through the hole, after a few seconds he screams, and runs down the street towards his house. The other two boys look at each other in bewilderment and go home very confused.
The next day, the boys stop by the house in hopes of seeing the same woman, and again find her sunbathing n**.... Yet again, once the third boy looks through the hole he screams and runs down the street. The other two boys are still extremely confused as they walk home.
The following day, they stop by the house again, and lo and behold, the woman is out sunbathing n**... again. When the third boy gets his turn and screams, the other two grab him and prevent him from running off.
The first boy says "Look! Every time you take a look at that lady, you scream and take off! What is wrong with you?!"
The third boy turns and replies "Well...my mom always told me that if I ever looked at a woman n**..., I would turn to stone...and I felt a part of me getting reeeallly hard...."

Little Adam wonders

Little Adam asks his mother..."hey mom, is god man or a woman?"
Mother replies: "God is both, man and woman"
A bit confused Adams wonders: "ok, but is God black or white?"
Mother replies: "God is both, black and white"
Adam responds: "what is God then... Michael Jackson?"

Atheist Kittens

So there's a guy named John and a woman named Pam. Pam walks up to John's box of kittens, Pam says "oh, what cute little kittens!" - John replies with "yes, they're christian kittens!
About one week later, Pam is with her husband Mark. Pam tells mark to go see the kittens. Mark says "oh, well they're just a bunch of cute little kittens!" John says "yes, they're atheist kittens!" Pam is confused and asks why they're now atheist kittens when they were previously christian kittens. John replies "Yea but now their eyes are open!".

A mailman knocks on the door to deliver a package on christmas eve

and a beautiful woman opens the door wearing lingere.
The woman pulls the mailman inside and begins kissing him and removing his clothes.
Confused but enjoying the situation the mailman lets the woman continue and have s**... with him.
Afterwards the mailman puts his clothes back on and the woman hands him a single dollar. Confused he asks "what's the dollar for?".
The woman says "well I asked my husband what we should get the mailman for christmas and he said 'screw him, give him a dollar'".

3 elderly women are sitting on a porch smoking

On pulls put a c**... and puts her ciggerettes in them, the other lady looks at had confused and ask "hey what is that?" The woman tells her it's a ciggirette holder and she can get one of her own at the local pharmacy.
The next day the lady walks on down to the pharmacy and ask where the condoms are. The man looks at her funny and ask her what size, the woman says "oh only one big enough to hold a camal"

Cemetery Plot for Christmas

One Christmas time, an elderly woman opens her present from her son-in-law and discovers a cemetery plot inside. Despite the confusion, she thanks him very much for the gift.
The following Christmas, she approaches her son-in-law and asks where her present is. He simply replies that he didn't get one for her.
"Why not?! You always get me a gift..."
"Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!!"

A woman goes to the doctor...

A woman goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have the strangest problem. I have silent farts. I f**... all the time, but they're silent and they don't smell. In fact, I must have f**... twenty times since I came into your office, and you didn't notice a thing. What should I do?"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and says, "Take one of these a day and come back in a week."
A week later, the woman returns, very confused. "Doctor, what did those pills *do*? I still have silent farts, but now they stink like crazy!"
"Good," says the doctor, "we've got your sinuses cleared up. Now let's work on your hearing."

Topical Jokes for 2/8

A company in Denver has created a dating app that connects fellow p**... smokers. The app is great because even if you don't like the person you meet, sparks are gonna fly.
In Florida, a woman who didn't know she was pregnant set a state record by giving birth to a 14 pound baby. The woman realized she was pregnant when the 14 pound baby started k**..., and cracked three of her ribs.
Researchers have developed a smartphone app that lets you test yourself for STDs. The app can be a bit confusing to use at first, especially if you've never seen the You've Got AIDS emoji.

The fancy dress party.

A man goes to a fancy dress party, carrying a woman on his back. He approaches the door of the party, when the doorman asks 'What have you come as!? You can't come in unless you're in fancy dress...'
The man, looking somewhat confused, replies to the doorman 'I'm dressed as a snail!' The man then points to the woman on his back and says 'That's Michelle!'

What to Wear

A man, called to an audit by the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. 'Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.'
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. 'Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.'
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. 'Let me tell you a story,' replied the rabbi. 'A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most s**... negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.'
The man protested: 'What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?' The rabbi responded: "'No matter what you wear, you are going to get s**..."

A woman wakes up one night

...to see that her husband isn't in bed for some reason. Curious, she gets up and walks out to the kitchen, where she sees him sobbing over the sink. "Honey, what's wrong?" She asks. Her husband turns to her and says,
"Do you remember that day twenty years ago when your father caught us in my car at that drive-in theater, and said that if I didn't marry you he'd put me in jail for twenty years?"
The wife, confused, says "Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?" to which the husband replies "I would have gotten out today."

LIAR

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"

What question would confuse a t**... who used to be a woman?

"Have you ever been abroad?"

An old woman was driving down the highway...

An old woman was driving down the highway at 35mph when a highway patrol officer pulled her over. He asked the woman if she knew why he pulled her over. She said "I have no clue, officer. I was obeying the speed limit..." The officer then replied with "Ma'am, you were traveling far too slow to be driving in the highway." The woman, with a confused look on her face then pointed to a sign up ahead and said, "But officer, that sign says the speed limit is 35! I had to have been obeying the speed limit!" The officer turned to see the sign that marked what highway they were on, highway 35. He then turned around, and looked at the women's friend, sitting in the back, eyes as big as silver dollars, he asked the woman in the back what was wrong. She replied quietly with "We just got off of highway 160."

A man walked into McDonald's and saw a black woman with 8 children running all around her.

"Mike, stop that!" she shouted at one.
"Mike, stop bothering your brother," she yelled at another.
"Mike, how many times do I have to tell you not to pick your nose," she chided yet another.
"I'm sorry ma'am," the man said, "but... are all your boys named Mike?"
"Yes sir," she replied.
"Isn't that confusing?" he asked.
"No, they all have different last names."

A woman was 9 months pregnant...

...and she didn't wanna go to the hospital no matter what. One day she is walking up the stairs inside her home when her water breaks, she then lays down Right there and gives birth with the assistance of her husband. Once the baby is born the mother is holding her baby and says to her husband "I don't think this is yours..." He looks at her confused and asks "what do you mean?", she looks him in the eyes and says "because it's a step-child"

Woman posts on dating website...

... what's she's looking for perfect husband who wouldn't run away from her, wouldn't beat her, and would be amazing in bed.
Week later, she hears someone's ringing the door, and as she opens it, she sees young man in wheelchair, but he has no arms or legs.
Confused, woman asks *"What are you looking for?"*
He responds *"I'm that perfect husband you're looking for. As you see I've no legs, so I won't be able to run away, and I don't have hands either, so I won't be able to beat you!"*
Slightly interested she asks him *"What about s**...? Are you good?"*
 
*"How do you think I rang the bell?"*

I haven't had s**... since 1956!

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman, the general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to s**... and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"
Shout out to u/mister_damage

A confused doctor asked an outraged woman why she refused to take her vitamins. She replied....

"Because this medicine you gave me is f**... and nails!"

The dad, husband and pastor of a woman arrive outside a hospital delivery room

The nurse stated that the hospital policy only allowed one person to be in the delivery room with the woman. Unfortunately, all 3 became confused when the woman giving birth screamed, "FATHER I NEED YOU".

A woman placed a personal ad in the local newspaper.

The ad read; "I want a man who will never beat me, who will never leave me and he has to be great in bed."
A few days later when she was doing her laundry, someone knocked at the door. She opened the door and saw a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs; "I am the man of your dreams!" He said. The woman looked at him confused and asked; "what do you mean?" "I will never beat you," he said, " because I have no arms. I will never leave you, because I have no legs." The woman kept staring at the man and asked; "And are you any good in bed?" "How do you think I knocked the door?!"

An old man faintly hears "super s**..." one evening in his nursing home room.

There was an old man in his nursing home room playing checkers with his roommate. In the distance he hears one of the old lady residents yell.
"super s**...!"
His eye brows raise a bit and he looks at his roomie confused. He hears it again, but it is louder this time.
"super s**...!"
He then realizes that his roommates hearing aids are turned down. He says,
"George, turn up your hearing aids!"
At this George turns up his hearing aids. Just then the old woman jumps in the door way, lifts up her night gown exposing herself, and yells.
"super s**...!"
George looks at his roommate and says,
"I reckon I'll have the soup."

Blonde got tired of hearing "dumb blonde" jokes.

A blonde woman decided that she was sick and tired of white men assuming she was s**... and easy because of her hair. She decided to buy a Muslim head covering and convert instead. After some diligent Googling, she set out to the mall to buy a Niqaab.
The next day she decided to sport it at the local Mosque because she couldn't figure out where all the Muslim men went to meet women. After an unsuccessful and quite confusing experience at morning prayers, she stopped a woman on the way out of the Mosque and asked if the men didn't talk to her because they could tell she was blond.
"No, but that's a real nice ski mask!"

A woman asked a General in the army when he last made love to a woman.

The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to s**... and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"

A younger woman receives a dozen red roses. . .

A much older woman and a much younger woman are sitting on the front porch when all of a sudden the younger woman looked up and saw her husband coming towards her with a dozen red roses. Disgusted, she said to her friend, "Well it looks like I'll be up all night long with my legs up in the air." Confused, the elderly woman ask, "What's a matter? Ain't you got a vase?"

A man goes up to a hot girl

A man goes up to a hot girl in the supermarket and says, I've lost my wife somewhere. Can you talk to me for a few minutes? The woman is confused and asks, Why talk to me?
The guy says, Because every time I talk to a hot woman my wife appears out of nowhere.

A man goes to Japan for a business trip and decides to spice things up.

The night before the meeting, he goes out and meets a friendly Japanese woman who he takes back to the hotel. They get to action and all night the woman repeatedly yells, Chigau! Chigau!
The next day the man goes to the meeting and it follows up with Golf with the Japanese employees. As the man lines up his shot on a Par 3, he swings and gets a hole in one! His Japanese peers celebrate and the man, out of instinct, excitedly yells Chigau!
The company's Japanese translator, confused, asks the man, What do you mean 'Wrong Hole'?

An elderly woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for contraceptives

The pharmacist is confused and asks why she would need them.
She replies "they help me sleep at night."
The pharmacist asks "how so?"
"When I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning I sleep better at night."

A man and a woman are flirting in a bar

The woman asks the man what he does for a job to which he replies "I'm a vampire hunter"
"There are no vampires around here through" she says looking at him confused. He takes a long drink and says "you're welcome"

Military Time joke

Retired General meets a younger woman at a party and after getting a little flirty, the woman asks him the last time he made love to a woman. The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, surprised, said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to s**... and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"

3 pregnant women in a lobby

Three pregnant women in a lobby are knitting. The first one stops and takes a pill. "It's iron" she says "I want my baby to have strong muscles"
They continue knitting except for woman number 3 who is looking confusedly at her knitting.
The second woman stops to take a pill. "It's calcium. I want my baby to have strong bones."
They continue knitting except for the third woman who starts taking fistfuls of pills. The first two women stop and wait for her explanation.
"Oh it's just thalidomide...I don't know how to knit sleeves"

A highway patrolman pulls over an elderly woman for speeding.

"Ma'am," he tells her, "I clocked you doing 72 MPH. The speed limit on this road is 55."
"But, Officer, the sign back there said it was 75!"
"No, Ma'am, that wasn't a speed limit sign, that was the route sign. You're on State Highway 75. I'm sorry for your confusion, but I still have to write you a ticket."
"Oh, that's okay, Sonny; I understand. I'm just glad I didn't run across you back there on Route 135."

A woman goes to the grocery store

A woman goes to the grocery store. It's a regular Saturday afternoon. At the end of the shopping she is going to the cashier. She puts following items on the conveyor belt: pepper, cucumber, salami, ham, cheese and Oreos. The cashier does his job and scanns the items and then asks: "madam, are you single?". The woman is confused and asks: "yes, how do you know?". The cashier replies: "because you are ugly af."

A 40 year old couple are hiking in the woods

... They eventually stumble upon Santa Claus. "I will grant you one wish each!" Santa told them. "I want a new car!" The man said, "I want a new TV!" the woman said. Santa Claus, with a smile on his face ".. But on one condition". "and what's that?" the man said, already confused with the encounter. "you'll allow me to have good time with your wife". The couple was shocked and appealed, but eventually they agreed on the condition. Santa and the woman walked into the woods leaving the man behind waiting. After a while, both of them came back. "How old are you?" Santa asked the man, "forty three" the man answered. Santa Claus replied "And you still believe in Santa?"

The woman's husband is crying in the corner

The woman goes up to her husband and asks what is wrong
The husband replies crying: I'm upset because the world is flat
The woman confused tells him that the world isn't flat
The husband tells her: you are my world

A beautiful black woman was filling her car with gas...

I noticed that she wasn't paying much attention; she was looking at her phone as she removed the pump from her car and accidentally spilled gasoline on herself.
As she got into her car she pulled out a cigarette and lit it, but the gasoline on her arm set on fire. Luckily, there was a cop a couple pumps away, so she ran out of her car and ran at him, waving her burning arm at him for help.
The cop was completely caught off guard and, in his confusion, he shot her.

I wasn't that surprised though... it was her fault for running at him with a firearm.

An old woman goes to a clinic

She runs some tests, then somehow the results are mistakenly mixed and she ends up with another woman's test results.
She takes it to the professionals and they confusedly tell her that the results show that she's pregnant.
She gets shocked by the news, freezes for a moment and then says
Sweet lord, you can't even trust a cucumber nowadays

A drunk man runs into a woman with the ugliest kid in the world

The drunk man said: Ma'am, you daughter is incredibly ugly
The woman replies: I know sir, but she is beautiful in the inside
The drunk man confused: Then why haven't you peeled her?

3 man in heaven

3 man are in a house in heaven. There is one rule, if you step on a pink cloud something bad will happen to you.
They are all hungry and one person decides to get some pizza. He comes back with a ugly woman. The other look at eachother confused and asked what happened. The man with the ugly woman says that he stepped on a pink cloud.
The second man decides to get some food, but also comes with a ugly woman and says that he stepped on a pink cloud.
Than the third man goes and tries to get some food. But this time he comes back with the most beatiful woman. The other two are very confused and ask what happened. The beatiful lady says that she stepped on a pink cloud.

A cowboy walks into a bar

In the bar, he sees a woman he's never met before, so he goes over to talk to her.
"Who are you?". The woman tells him "I'm a lesbian", and the cowboy, confused, asks her what that means. "You see, I love women. I'm always thinking about women, and I want to sleep with women all the time."
So the cowboy, interested by the woman's explanation, stays quietly thinking about what he heard. A tourist walks into the bar and sees the cowboy, and he excitedly asks "Hey man are you a real cowboy?".
The cowboy replies "That's what I thought all my life, son... but I think I'm a lesbian."

A cannibal gets a job at a cinema.

After finishing training, the manager decides that the cannibal is ready to start selling concessions, and tells him that if he has any questions, dont be afraid to ask him. All seems to be going well, but then a man and a woman walk in and ask for some popcorn and soda. The cannibal is confused by their request, but the manager didnt say anything, so he finished the transaction and sent them on their way. Afterwards, he asks the manager: "Hey, you know that guy that just walked in"
"Yeah, what about him"
"Well are we allowed to let him in there?"
"Why wouldnt we?"
"Well it says on the door youre not supposed to bring your own food"

A fat woman was standing on the weighing scale while holding her stomach in.

Um, I don't think that's going to help said the husband.
To which the wife replies in a confused manner,
Sure it does. How else I could see the numbers?

A woman is reading a book in bed when her husband enters with a sheep under his arm

The husband holds the sheep up to the woman and exclaims: "This is the pig I'm cheating on you with."
The woman, confused by the notion, replies: "But... that's a sheep."
To which the husband shakes his head and says: "I wasn't talking to you."

A woman calls 9-1-1...

A woman calls 9-1-1 and starts crying hysterically. After the operator calms her down, he asks what's wrong. The woman responds that her husband and his friends are in her basement, giggling at something on the television.
Confused, the operator informs her that what they're doing, while it may be annoying, isn't a crime.
The woman, angry, responds, "What the heck is manslaughter, then?!"

Buttox surgery

A woman goes into work and receives a bunch of compliments regarding her appearance. Another woman asks what her secret was and the first woman said she had buttox surgery. Confused the second woman asks "Do you mean botox?" The first said "No, buttox. I sat down really fast and hard then all the fat in my a**... went to my face."

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these confused woman jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.