The Best 59 Confucius Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Confucius jokes. There are some confucius philosopher jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these confucius cocky puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Confucius Jokes and Puns

Confucius say man who run in front of car...

...get tired.

Confucius say man who run behind car...

...get exhausted.

Let's hear best "Confucius Say" jokes you got

My first Confucius Say joke was this:

>Confucius Says...Crowded Elevator Smell Different to Midget

Today while shaving in the shower I came up with this one

>Confucius Says...Man who shave nut sack with straight razor will not have a ball

Confucius joke, Let's hear best "Confucius Say" jokes you got

Confucius say...

Confucius say man with beard face rough time!

Confucius say.....

Confucius say man drunk in cemetery make grave mistakes


Confucius said, it's better...

to park meat in girl than meet girl in park

Confucius say, man who sits on top of toilet,

is high on pot

Confucius joke, Confucius say, man who sits on top of toilet,

Confucius say, man who fart in church.

Sit in own pew.

Let's hear some Confucius Jokes

I'll start

Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy.

Confucius say, piano falls down mineshaft...

Get tone of A Flat Miner.

confucius say when you take old hooker to all you can eat seafood

you walk away with a big bag of crabs

You can explore confucius tzu reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean confucius farts dad jokes. There are also confucius puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The Confucius saying:

Marriage like poker. You start with pair and end with full house.

Confucius say..

Man who stand on toilet bowl, high on pot.

Confucius say...

Man who go to bed with sex in mind, wake up with solution in hand.

I heard this pitiful joke when I was a teen.

Confucius say, woman who fly upside down have crack up.

Confucius say...

man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion.

Confucius joke, Confucius say...

Confucius say...

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

Confucius say.......

........woman who fly in plane upside down, crack up.

Confucius Say

Confucius say: Man who run behind bus get exhausted. Man who run in front of bus get tired.


Confucius Say

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.

Confucius say

Man is like spider, bound to have sticky hand after being on web.

Confucius say, many hand make for light work,

But one hand make for quick job.

Confucius doctor say

to have patient you must be patient

Confucius say...

Man who walks everyday barefoot will have a tough sole

Confucius say

7 days of honeymoon make one whole week.

Confucius says: Woman who sleeps with judge.....

receives honorable discharge

Confucius say, "Happy wife lead to soft hands...

Unhappy wife lead to softer hands."

Confucius say

Woman with big balloons has high rise accommodation.

Confucius said

Girl meets boy in park.
Boy parks meat in girl.

FYI: Saw this online in a picture of a graffiti

Confucius says

Man entering airport door sideways bound to Bangkok

On sex, Confucius say:

"Couple who have sex on side of hill, not level"

Confucius say...

...sex on beach is like American beer, very near water.

What would Confucius say about errors made in elevators?

He who makes a mistake in an elevator is wrong on many levels.

Confucius says....

Man who sleep with itchy bottom, wake up with sticky finger

I don't understand chinese philosophy.

It Confucius me.

Confucius once said, "the perfect wife does 71 jobs..."

Cooking, cleaning, and 69

Confucius say to quiet the herd

One must shut the flock up

Confucius say: Man who tie knot...

Soon looking for scissors.

What does Confucius clean himself with?

A Tao-el

Confucius say: "Women who do not wear underwear . . .

. . . never get their panties in a bunch."

Confucius on Friendship...

"It takes more than just a chainsaw to chop of both of your arms what you really need is.....a friend"-Confucious

Boy who fool with girl in wrong period

get caught red handed. *~Confucius*

Confucius say, Athletic finger...

Make broad jump.

Confucius say,

Man who pull out too fast, leaves rubber behind.

Confucius say: panties not best thing in world...

...but next to it.

Confucius say "Man who stand on toilet..."

Forgot his stool

Confucius say: Man who go through airport turnstile sideways

going to Bangkok.

Confucius say, man who have no helping hands

get defeat!

Confucius once said...

Man who loses key to girlfriends flat gets no new-key.

Confucius say, "Man with hand in right pocket feel cocky."

Confucius Says:

Woman who flies airplane upside down has nasty crack up.

Once Confucius said...

Panties are not the best thing on the earth, but next to it.

Confucius say: Man who jump off bridge in Paris

is in-Seine.

Ouch, that smarts

Confucius say, man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Confucius say, he who wear mask alone in car

also wear condom alone in bed.

Confucius once said...

"Buy a man an airplane ticket, and he flies for a day. Throw a man out of a flying plane, and he flies for the rest of his life."

Man asks Confucius: If a man washes his ass, is he gay?

Confucius say: A man who cleans his house clearly expects a visitor.

Confucius say...

...naked man running through revolving door at airport very likely going to Bangkok.

A summary of the world's religions

Catholicism: Shit happens.
Protestantism: Let this shit happen to someone else.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius says "Shit happens"
Rastafarianism: Let's roll up this shit and smoke it.

Please add your own.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the confucius feeders jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working confucius aristotle piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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