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Confucius Jokes

84 confucius jokes and hilarious confucius puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about confucius that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article explores some of the best Confucius Jokes and quotes, celebrating the Chinese philosopher's birthday. You'll find examples from Michael Scott, Canna Confucius, and more. We also explore how Confucianism compares with the philosophies of Buddha and the ancient Chinese general and poet, Sun Tzu (also known as Sunzi or Sun Wu). So, jump in and have a laugh!

Best Short Confucius Jokes

Short confucius jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The confucius humour may include short skydiver jokes also.

  1. Let's hear some Confucius Jokes I'll start
    Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy.
  2. Confucius Say Confucius say: Man who run behind bus get exhausted. Man who run in front of bus get tired.
  3. Confucius once said... "Buy a man an airplane ticket, and he flies for a day. Throw a man out of a flying plane, and he flies for the rest of his life."
  4. What would Confucius say about errors made in elevators? He who makes a mistake in an elevator is wrong on many levels.
  5. Muhammed, Confucius, and Buddha walk into a bar The bartender spots them and says "aw, Christ!"
    Muhammed says, "nah, it's Saturday, Jesus don't drink on the Sabbath."
  6. Confucius say: Man who hurts another gets charged with battery. Man who kills another gets charged with electricity.
  7. I heard this pitiful joke when I was a teen. Confucius say, woman who fly upside down have crack up.
  8. Confucius say, Man who pull out too fast, leaves rubber behind.
  9. Confucius say... Man who walks everyday barefoot will have a tough sole
  10. Confucius say: Man who jump off bridge in Paris is in-Seine.

Quick Jump To


Confucius joke, Confucius say: Man who jump off bridge in Paris


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about confucius can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of confucius puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Confucius One Liners

Which confucius one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with confucius? I can suggest the ones about philosopher and confucius sayings.

  1. Confucius say man who run in front of car... ...get tired.
  2. Confucius say: Man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
  3. Confucius say..... Confucius say man drunk in cemetery make grave mistakes
  4. Confucius said, it's better... to park meat in girl than meet girl in park
  5. Confucius say, piano falls down mineshaft... Get tone of A Flat Miner.
  6. Confucius says... it takes many nails to build a crib but one screw to fill it.
  7. Confucius say to quiet the herd One must shut the flock up
  8. Confucius say man who run behind car... ...get exhausted.
  9. Confucius says: Woman who sleeps with judge..... receives honorable discharge
  10. Confucius say... Confucius say man with beard face rough time!
  11. Confucius say, many hand make for light work, But one hand make for quick job.
  12. I don't understand chinese philosophy. It Confucius me.
  13. Confucius say, man who have no helping hands get defeat!
  14. Confucius say... man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion.
  15. Confucius say "Man who stand on toilet..." Forgot his stool

Confucius Sayings Jokes

Here is a list of funny confucius sayings jokes and even better confucius sayings puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The Confucius saying: Marriage like poker. You start with pair and end with full house.
  • Ouch, that smarts Confucius say, man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
  • Confucius say 7 days of honeymoon make one whole week.
  • Confucius say: Man who tie knot... Soon looking for scissors.
  • Confucius say....... ........woman who fly in plane upside down, crack up.
  • Confucius say, Athletic finger... Make broad jump.
  • Confucius says Man entering airport door sideways bound to Bangkok
  • Confucius say, "Happy wife lead to soft hands... Unhappy wife lead to softer hands."
  • Confucius say Man is like spider, bound to have sticky hand after being on web.
  • Confucius says.... Man who sleep with itchy bottom, wake up with sticky finger

Confucius Say Jokes

Here is a list of funny confucius say jokes and even better confucius say puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Confucius say He who don't like Pumpernickel is Black Toast Intolerant.
  • Confucius say Woman with big balloons has high rise accommodation.
  • Confucius doctor say to have patient you must be patient
  • Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words.
  • Confucius Say Man who argues with wife beats only meat
  • Confucius says: Man who sits on sharp tack... better off.
  • Confucius Say.... Confucius Say ... Man entering a turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
  • Confucius say... He who laugh last thinks slowest.
    He who laughs first, *has dirtiest mind.*
  • Confucius say priest who preach atop mountain often take moral high ground.
  • Confucius say... French girl high maintenance. Chinese girl Lo Mein-tenance.

Confucius Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny confucius day jokes and even better confucius day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Confucius say... Man with hole in pocket feel c**... all day.
Confucius joke, Confucius say...

Ridiculous Confucius Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about confucius you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean confucius say jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make confucius prank.

Let's hear best "Confucius Say" jokes you got

My first Confucius Say joke was this:
>Confucius Says...Crowded Elevator Smell Different to Midget
Today while shaving in the shower I came up with this one
>Confucius Says...Man who shave n**... with straight razor will not have a ball

Confucius say, man who sits on top of toilet,

is high on p**...

Confucius say, man who f**... in church.

Sit in own pew.

confucius say when you take old h**... to all you can eat seafood

you walk away with a big bag of c**...

Confucius say..

Man who stand on toilet bowl, high on p**....

Confucius say...

Man who go to bed with s**... in mind, wake up with solution in hand.

Confucius Say

It is only when a mosquito lands on your t**... that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.

Confucius say...

...s**... on beach is like American beer, very near water.

Confucius once said, "the perfect wife does 71 jobs..."

Cooking, cleaning, and 69

What does Confucius clean himself with?

A Tao-el

Confucius say: "Women who do not wear underwear . . .

. . . never get their p**... in a bunch."

Confucius say, he who wear mask alone in car

also wear c**... alone in bed.

Man asks Confucius: If a man washes his a**..., is he gay?

Confucius say: A man who cleans his house clearly expects a visitor.

Confucius say...

...n**... man running through revolving door at airport very likely going to Bangkok.

A summary of the world's religions

Catholicism: s**... happens.
Protestantism: Let this s**... happen to someone else.
Judaism: Why does this s**... always happen to us?
Hinduism: This s**... has happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius says "s**... happens"
Rastafarianism: Let's roll up this s**... and smoke it.

Please add your own.

Confucius say: Man who f**... in church...

Confucius say:
Man who f**... in church, sit in his own pew.

Confucius say: There is no half-empty beer bottle...

...only half-full p**... bottle

Confucius joke, Confucius say: There is no half-empty <a href="/beer-jokes.html" title="Beer jokes">beer bottle</a>.

jokes about confucius

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these confucius jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.