Conflicted Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

I'm really conflicted about abortion.

I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice.

I don't like Haikus; But I like ironic twists

I am conflicted

A scientist dies and goes to the Golden Gates.

A scientist dies and goes to the Golden Gates of Heaven, where St. Peter is waiting for him. The poor scientist has never believed but was a good man, so St. Peter is conflicted. He eventually decides to send the man to Hell. He is initially very frightened because, well, it's hell, but he eventually gets used to the place and makes the most of it. Using his scientific knowledge, in 25 years Hell is equipped with escalators, TVs, and even air conditioners.

Satan calls God with the news: "Hey, God, it's going great down here! We got a scientist and he's got us air conditioning!"

God is outraged. "WHAT?", he thunders, "There must be some mistake. Send him to Heaven immediately!"

"Never," says Satan, "we like him and we're keeping him!"

"Send him up here or I'll sue!"

"Yeah, right." Satan chuckles. "And just where are YOU going to find a lawyer?"


I'm very conflicted by eye tests.

I want to get the answers right.

....but I really want to win the glasses.

A man with a stutter goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor to consult regarding his stutter.

**Man:** "D-d-d-doctor, have the re-re-re-results come back yet about the source of my st-st-st-stutter?"

**Doctor:** "Yes, after extensive examination, I have determined that the reason for your stutter is because of your enormous penis. We will have to perform surgery and replace it with a regular sized one."

Conflicted, the man ultimately agrees as his terrible stutter has hindered him since childhood. He undergoes surgery and had his penis replaced. Thankful, he goes back to his home and returns to his life.

After a few days, the man returns to the doctor troubled.

**Man:** "Doctor! I would like to have my old penis back again. My stutter is gone but I can no longer satisfy my wife in bed like I used to. Please perform surgery on me again."

**Doctor:** "N-n-n-no takebacks!"

A doctor felt extremely conflicted after sleeping with his patient. One side of his head told him, "Relax. You're not the first doc to sleep with his patient and you'll not be the last."

The other side said, "You bastard. You should be knowing that you're a veterinary doctor."

Im conflicted when it comes to abortion

On the one hand - I support it because it kills children on the other hand it gives women a choice.

I walked into a public restroom

and saw a guy staring into a filthy toilet with a quarter at the bottom. He stood there looking conflicted for a minute, then pulled a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and threw it into the toilet. Then he reached into the muck and pulled out the twenty dollar bill and the quarter.

I asked him, "Why on earth would you throw twenty dollars into a filthy toilet?"

He replied, "Well, there's no way I was going to stick my hand in there for a lousy quarter!"

Muslims killing gays everywhere....

...rednecks are fucking conflicted now.

A zebra and his stripes

One day a zebra was conflicted on whether he was actually black or white. So he goes up to his friend and asks, "am I black or white?". His friend replys, "only God knows the true answer". So the zebra sets off to ask God. After much discussion God tells him, "you are what you are". Disappointed, the zebra travels back to his friend. As he approaches his friend eagerly says, "what did he say??". The zebra says, "all he said was you are what you are". His friend replies, "Oh you're white then".

"how do you figure?" the zebra says.

His friend replies, "well if you were black you'd be you is what you is".

I've always felt conflicted about masturbation

I mean, on one hand it feels good...

In pretty conflicted about masturbation

On one hand it feels good
On the other hand.....

I've considered opening a mixed emotion martial arts center...

But I'm conflicted.

What are the funniest conflicted jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Conflicted? Well, here are the best Conflicted puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Conflicted pick up lines to share with friends.


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