Conflict Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West...

...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...

Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."

I'm really conflicted about abortion.

I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice.

Where is the most conflict in a loaf of bread?

The middle yeast

A woman must walk 5 paces behind...

Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.

She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."

Imagine a world where nobody is starving

A world where everybody is happy. Everybody is friendly. A world with no conflict. No wars. No weapons.

Now imagine invading that world because they would never see it coming.

I'm very conflicted by eye tests.

I want to get the answers right.

....but I really want to win the glasses.

An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks

and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

The North/South Korea conflict reminded me of an old joke set in Israel

Two old Israeli men are having lunch together, talking about this and that, politics and their jobs, and the conversation leads to them talking about the state of Israel.

"I'm telling you, Moskowitz, there's an easy solution to all the problems Israel has."

"I'm sure if there was one, it would have been used by now, Finklestein."

"No, no, no. I say we invade the United States."

Mr. Moskowitz almost chokes on his drink. "Invade the- what possible good do you think that could do for us! We would be absolutely destroyed if we declared war on them!"

My. Finklestein's face lights up. "Ah-hah! That's all part of the plan! We would be in such a terrible state that the U.S. would have to give us aid in order to rebuild ourselves! Now, we have modern U.S. technology, and if our neighbors would never attack us while the U.S. is occupying us!"

Moskowitz thinks about this for a while. Is the plan so crazy it might actually work? "Phah," he says. "With our Jewish luck, we would *win* the war."

A German visits Poland.

A German visits Poland, and is stopped at the boarder by a Polish official.

The Polish Official asked "Occupation?"


The German replied "Yes," and thus began the bloodiest conflict in human history.

Im conflicted when it comes to abortion

On the one hand - I support it because it kills children on the other hand it gives women a choice.

I'm sick of these people milking the EA conflict for karma!

I hope it at least gives them a sense of pride and accomplishment.

I think that a lot of conflict in the wild west could of been avoided...

If the cowboy architects just made their towns big enough for everyone.

What is the ultimate Jewish conflict?

Pork chops at half price

Charles Dickens was at his publisher's office.

CD: "I'm going to be honest with you, Howard. It's almost complete and I have most of the elements of the story figured out. Great characters, a terrific setting, some good conflict and a theme. But something's missing, and I can't figure out what it is"

Howard: "The plot, Dickens?"

My mom: You know, I love you very much. I'll fight with anyone who messes with you.

Me: You must have a lot of internal conflict

Sister: *gasp*

Mom: ....

Note: mom teased teased us a lot when we were kids

What do you call a conflict between composers?

A de*bach*le.

An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

Donald Trump has a new plan for solving the conflict of interest of him owning his business empire and being President

He's going to put America into a blind trust.

Recently reconciled with my brother after a long conflict.

I apologised for slashing his tires, and he regretted breaking some of my home appliances.

But hey, it's all water under the fridge now.

Chinese soldiers attack a Soviet tractor.

^This ^joke ^originated ^during ^the ^1969 ^Sino-Soviet ^border ^conflict.

**Radio broadcaster:** *"Comrades! Yesterday, a platoon of the Chinese People's Liberation Army attacked an agricultural tractor without provocation."*

*"Fortunately, our tractor returned fire. It then managed to fly back to base for repairs."*

Loving beer and wanting abs is hard

So I had to cancel my gym membership due to conflict of interests

What's the difference between War and Marriage?

One is a destructive conflict, where men can lose their children, their home, and nearly everything they possess.



The other is War.

Did you hear the CEO of Twitter got in trouble for buying shares of rival companies?

I guess it was a conflict of Pinterest.

Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...

Land mines.

What did Charlie Brown say when he was in a work conflict?

Good grievance!

What did Russia say to Ukraine after the conflict was over?

Cry me a peninsula.

did u guys hear about the conflict in the middle east?

israeli interesting

What are the funniest conflict jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Conflict? Well, here are the best Conflict puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Conflict pick up lines to share with friends.

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