Conflict Jokes

Following is our collection of scuffle puns and territory one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Conflict jokes for adults, dirty wwii jokes and clean strategies dad gags for kids.

The Best Conflict Puns

I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West...

...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...

Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."

I'm really conflicted about abortion.

I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice.

Where is the most conflict in a loaf of bread?

The middle yeast

A woman must walk 5 paces behind...

Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.

She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."


Imagine a world where nobody is starving

A world where everybody is happy. Everybody is friendly. A world with no conflict. No wars. No weapons.

Now imagine invading that world because they would never see it coming.

I'm very conflicted by eye tests.

I want to get the answers right.

....but I really want to win the glasses.

A German visits Poland.

A German visits Poland, and is stopped at the boarder by a Polish official.

The Polish Official asked "Occupation?"


The German replied "Yes," and thus began the bloodiest conflict in human history.

Im conflicted when it comes to abortion

On the one hand - I support it because it kills children on the other hand it gives women a choice.

I'm sick of these people milking the EA conflict for karma!

I hope it at least gives them a sense of pride and accomplishment.

I believe a lot of conflict in the west

Could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone


Star Wars is about the eternal conflict between two opposing forces. One headhunts children across the galaxy, puts them into a religious cult, indoctrinates them, even forbids them from having a relationship, then sends them off to die in the nearest war.

The other is the Sith.

The American Military will never win another conflict.

Our enemies can just ask us to quarantine and we'll immediately refuse to hide.

What is the ultimate Jewish conflict?

Pork chops at half price

Charles Dickens was at his publisher's office.

CD: "I'm going to be honest with you, Howard. It's almost complete and I have most of the elements of the story figured out. Great characters, a terrific setting, some good conflict and a theme. But something's missing, and I can't figure out what it is"

Howard: "The plot, Dickens?"

My mom: You know, I love you very much. I'll fight with anyone who messes with you.

Me: You must have a lot of internal conflict

Sister: *gasp*

Mom: ....

Note: mom teased teased us a lot when we were kids

What do you call a conflict between composers?

A de*bach*le.

Donald Trump has a new plan for solving the conflict of interest of him owning his business empire and being President

He's going to put America into a blind trust.

Recently reconciled with my brother after a long conflict.

I apologised for slashing his tires, and he regretted breaking some of my home appliances.

But hey, it's all water under the fridge now.


Loving beer and wanting abs is hard

So I had to cancel my gym membership due to conflict of interests

Chinese soldiers attack a Soviet tractor.

^This ^joke ^originated ^during ^the ^1969 ^Sino-Soviet ^border ^conflict.

**Radio broadcaster:** *"Comrades! Yesterday, a platoon of the Chinese People's Liberation Army attacked an agricultural tractor without provocation."*

*"Fortunately, our tractor returned fire. It then managed to fly back to base for repairs."*

What's the difference between War and Marriage?

One is a destructive conflict, where men can lose their children, their home, and nearly everything they possess.



The other is War.

Did you hear the CEO of Twitter got in trouble for buying shares of rival companies?

I guess it was a conflict of Pinterest.

Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...

Land mines.

What did Charlie Brown say when he was in a work conflict?

Good grievance!

What did Russia say to Ukraine after the conflict was over?

Cry me a peninsula.

did u guys hear about the conflict in the middle east?

israeli interesting

When a storm trooper wants to avoid conflict, he travels like electric current...

Down the path of least resistance.

My friend and I got in an argument, so we settled it with an arm wrestling match.

I guess you could call it an armed conflict.

Insurance should also cover...

A flight and visa for Canada.

The Presidency was an Act of God (AoG) , and many got hurt, and will get hurt from the conflict, and thus I require coverage.

I have the perfect solution for the Israel-Palestine conflict:

Christianity.

Why are sumo wrestlers so effective at conflict resolutions?

They're meaty asians.

There is an abundance of nations jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 32 funniest jokes and conflict puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any confrontation witze you can hear about conflict.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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